Clarity
Member Since: 10/20/16 Membership status: Member
Average Review Rating Given: starstarstarstarstar


Reviews by Clarity
A teenage boy is wrongfully convicted of murder, and undergoes an unusual treatment. When freedom comes, it's in the form of sex, drugs, and rock and roll.
Rated: Adult 16 Reviews starstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 55568 Words: 133473 Chapters: 26 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Locale: Prison, Road Trip
Motivation for Change: As Justice for a Crime, In Hiding
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Historical Time Period, Medical Experiment, Romance
Type of Change: Hormonal, Slow/Gradual Change
Warnings: Intense Violence, Non-Consentual Sex
Series: None
Published: 10/06/13
Updated: 10/06/13
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 07/25/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I've been meaning to review this story for a while. Although I know that you might not read this review, I'd like you to know that this is a wonderful story, and that your characters feel very real. They make realistic decisions, and they generally aren't arbitrarily evil nor wholly virtuous. They're people.

This was one of the first stories that I read on this site, and I still think about it from time to time, pondering how I could make my own stories more like yours. I will say that the ending does feel rushed, and I believe that this comes from the fact that the ending summary introduces a bit too many new plot points (murder and whatnot) that should have been developed earlier or excluded entirely. Still, though, this is one of the best stories on TGS, and the title alone makes me grin.

Thank you for posting this story, and I hope you have a lovely day.

This is a story about Daniel, a guy with a unique talent and an even more unique problem: A great singing voice and the looks of his gorgeous sister, how he and his family deal with his having breasts, and how he deals with getting turned on by his would-be girlfriend. Also, how he ends up as the female lead singer for a high-school pop band as well as a radio DJ. Never a dull moment with Batch Fourteen, Dan & his gang.
Rated: Adult 19 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 28897 Words: 130691 Chapters: 12 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Locale: High School
Motivation for Change: Accident
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Hormonal
Series: The DannyVerse
Published: 06/26/16
Updated: 06/26/16
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/06/17 Title: Chapter 1: Part 1 (installment 1)

This is a lovely story! I really enjoyed reading about Danny's adventures, and I think about this story every time I hear a DJ on the radio. I know that it's difficult to dive back into a story after letting it dry for a long period of time, but don't let that discourage you. You're one of the most eloquent authors on this site, and if I logged in and saw that there was a new chapter of this story, I would definitely squeal.

Love ya!

What happens when a fairy tries cursing a man who is already bearing a greater curse? Jackson is about to find out as a camping trip with his friends goes horribly wrong after an encounter with a dark fairy.
Rated: Deviant 101 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 94348 Words: 73152 Chapters: 26 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character
Locale: Vacation Destination
Motivation for Change: Curse
Personality: Cultural/Nationality Change, Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Captive, Mythical Setting, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Series: None
Published: 09/17/16
Updated: 01/29/18
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10/27/16 Title: Chapter 1: The Camping trip

I love this story! You're a great writer.

Author's Response: Aww shucks. Thank you

A young man is taken into a mirror to see what his life may become, another wakes up in a desolate place after trying to impress a girl, vampires are real and a forest grants a young man his one and only wish! The play button awaits on this collection of excellent TG fiction, brought to you as only a TG Mixed Tape can! And when that's over, check out the Mixed Tape round table interview, brought to you as only a few of the contributors to this Tape can! Also includes a story by Trismegistus Shandy.
Rated: Adult 4 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 12241 Words: 32516 Chapters: 15 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 06/02/17 Title: Chapter 10: Spirited Away

Full disclosure, this is the first time I've ever read a Mix-tape before. I'm still not entirely sure what they are or why they exist. Even so, I wanted to read some of your work, so I went ahead and ventured into this wild Mixtape world. I'll start with some of my surface-level observations, and then dive into specifics. I will be needlessly nit-picky, because that's what I've chosen to do. I will preface all of this by saying that you definitely are one of the strongest writers on this site, based on this short story.

General Observations:

--The positive--
- The first thing that struck me about this story: bold use of the 2nd person POV. It's something that I would certainly never attempt (too far outside of my comfort zone). Isn't it funny how so many songs are written in 2nd person, yet so few pieces of literature?
- You have great command of language and strong mystery-construction skills.
- Excellent paragraph rhythm. You alternate sentence length creatively, which maintains interest and makes for a unique writing style.
- Good pace (albeit a tad slow at parts).
- The foreshadowing at the beginning was well-executed and the details subtle enough to maintain readers' attention.
- Strong ending
- My favorite paragraph in this story: "Only now you are in this situation do you feel that the sounds of torture would be a welcome release. The darkness blocks your vision. The silence penetrates to your core. At least with torture there would be screams and with screams you must have other people, most likely your abductor and fellow victims. The silence however is much crueller. It reminds you of how alone you are. How isolated you are from the rest of the world. The silence hammers into you how futile it would be to try calling out for help." Great rhythm in this paragraph, along with vivid descriptions. ('however' should have commas around it, though. Any time you have an introductory word in the middle of a sentence, it must be distinguished)

--The Mixed--
- I'll start with something that kind've bothered me. The tense seems to vary between past and present. That sent me for a bit of a loop, and I don't know if that was done on purpose. If yes, then I guess that's a bit avant-garde for my tastes. Changing tenses is generally reserved for specific circumstances. Here's an example of a mid-paragraph tense change in your story: "The alley is dark and quiet, the lack of activity giving it an ominous, spooky vibe. Despite entering close behind Janet, she was nowhere to be seen."
- The story starts off like a summary. That's okay, but it's a bit jarring to start with vivid, slow pace and then drop into summary mode.
- I would have liked to see more character descriptions for Janet. Why is she beautiful? Perhaps we could get some physically descriptive hints that would serve as foreshadowing? That being said, your MC character descriptions are wonderful, after the transformation.
- Some redundancies, both in word usage and in descriptions.

Now, into the specifics. These are the lines that I think could be re-worked. I only found 7 of them, which is a amazingly low considering how closely I combed through this story:

1. "Your legs collapsed, sending you sprawling across the squalid cobblestone alley path. The pain was too much to stand. Unable to organise your thoughts, never mind control your legs." Too much bear? Talking about pain, legs, and then standing makes all of this confusing with some avoidable ambiguity. Also, the last sentence could be reworded.
2. "Having seen only the insides to your own room" Could be reworded. The interior of your own room? The inside of?
3. "A small wooden door stands ajar, allowing you inside." Might have been a bit more powerful to say 'beckoning' here, or something to that affect (but that's just my personal opinion)
4. "All the rooms on this floor appear to either offices or barracks." appear to be*
5. "You couldn’t use the gear that were several sizes too large, but you should at least be capable of lifting and moving them around with a little difficulty." 'Gear' is a collective noun and therefore singular. 'were' should be 'was'. Also, half of this sentence is in the past-tense.
6. "...you make out a small carving in the handle. Unfortunately, the dagger has aged too much to make out any clear details." 'make out' redundancy. This is a fairly minor, though.
7. "At first you thought just the design of the doors were odd." 'Design' is the subject of this sentence and a collective noun and therefore singular, so 'were' should be 'was'

I'll finish by saying that the ending was incredible, and now I want to read the rest :D You've built an enchanting word with visceral descriptions, and you've generated fantastic suspense.
You're a great writer!

Author's Response: Thanks for the vote of confidence and the comprehensive analysis. I am now working on fixing some of the issues you have brought forward to further improve my writing. May take me some time but I still plan to follow up with a part2 and hope for more readers of the mixtapes to leave some reviews of their own to everyone's benefit, readers and writers alike :)

An evil man found a dark omen
Rated: Adult 14 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 18635 Words: 13605 Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: None
Turned Into: Clothing, Doll, Mannequin, Object, Robot
Motivation for Change: Undercover, Willing or Voluntary
Personality: Good to Bad
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Type: Includes Images
Story Theme: Captive, Comedy, Mind/Body Posession, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Identity Theft
Warnings: Death
Series: None
Published: 11/06/16
Updated: 03/11/17
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 01/05/17 Title: Chapter 1: J R

You have a really interesting writing style. I like how playful this story is! Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously :)

Author's Response: Thank you! XD Sum it up better than I can ever do. That's it! I'm all fired up now, time for another chapter!

My best buds and I make an annual trip to our favorite winter cabin, except we have a unique twist on our epic week. Of course, the twist never happened to me until I drew the short straw this year...
Rated: Explicit 167 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 281923 Words: 119627 Chapters: 34 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult, Daughter
Locale: Family Household, Office, Vacation Destination
Motivation for Change: Lost a Bet, Willing or Voluntary
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Everyday Living, Romance
Series: None
Published: 11/28/16
Updated: 09/29/18
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 12/10/16 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Drawing To Keep Your Straw

Fantastic story so far. A lot of really nice touches of detail :)

Logan a former Navy SEAL left the teams to pursue work as a civilian contractor. Hired to protect the rich Molly Falk, things become complicated after an attempt on her life. Enter the Medallion of Zulo and a proposition. Logan and Molly are swept up in events beyond their control and use an artifact to escape. Finding themselves in a new world Molly and Logan discover a land called Nevrast. With Morgoth attempting to destroy the remaining Elves in that land, war has come to Nevrast can Molly and Logan survive and return to earth?
Rated: Adult 15 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 33783 Words: 88221 Chapters: 16 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Female to Male, Adult (27-62 yrs), Male to Female, Adult (27-62 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult, Fantasy Character
Locale: Space or Foreign Planet
Motivation for Change: Accident, For a Job, Undercover
Personality: Fights Change, Is Unaware of Changes
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men, Becomes Only Attracted to Women
Story Theme: Fan Fiction, Mythical Setting
Type of Change: Body Swap, Stuck
Warnings: Intense Violence
Series: None
Published: 01/09/17
Updated: 01/21/17
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 01/22/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Excellent work overall. World-building isn't easy, and you did a good job at lending some life to the Elvish fantasy realm (although it was somewhat tethered to LOTR). The beginning of the story featured nuanced character details, and I enjoyed the action-packed finish. One very small note regarding the Elvish world: many of the story's locations received great, comprehensive descriptions. Namely, the Cave and the tree city. Others could have used a touch more descriptive detail, the final battle site especially.

I've only read three of your stories, and (so far) I do agree with 930310's analysis that your stories have similar themes. However, your writing is strong enough to make it work.

Author's Response: Clarity, I'm happy that you enjoyed this story. I plan to bring more of my stuff here, (I really like this site) so please keep on reading. I suppose everyone can fall into the trap of writing things with similar themes. I try to avoid that because I have diverse tastes. Thank you for reading and a double thank you for the thoughtful comments. Cheers Zapper

A 19 year old history student dies in a car accident, but ends up being revived in the body of the princess of a kingdom in a world of magic.
As he, now she, slowly adapts to her new lifestyle, she realizes how powerful her 21st century knowledge can be in a medieval world.
Rated: Adult 16 Reviews starstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 7327 Words: 4083 Chapters: 2 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Teenager
Featured Items: Corsets, Petticoat, Lace, Ruffles, Crinoline
Motivation for Change: Accident
Story Theme: Historical Time Period, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Age Regression, Stuck
Warnings: Death
Series: None
Published: 03/02/17
Updated: 03/04/17
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 03/14/17 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Adapt or Perish

I agree with all of the other reviews on this story. I'm giving it five stars because it's a great premise and an interesting scenario that you've built, but I do believe that there are elements that could be improved. Your willingness to listen to feedback and rework chapters makes me think that you have the potential to be an amazing author and write a great story (or stories, hopefully). In fact, the only reason that I'm writing such a lengthy review is because I have hope that you will read it.

I'll preface this part of my review by saying that I'm not an expert by any means, nor do I claim the ability to write a better story. I've been writing stories for less than a year, and I've struggled with (and continue to struggle with) some of the same faults seen in this story. Below, I'll suggest some of the tactics that I've found helpful to deal with these faults.

As mentioned in many other reviews, the story's pace needs to be slowed down considerably. That said, fast pace is often a symptom of other factors. In this case, I believe it's due to two factors: the dialogue and setting.

The dialogue in this story is almost purely explication, serving the utilitarian purpose of advancing the story with little subtlety. When it comes to such explication, I'm a firm believer in the idea of 'less is more.' Simply put, real people don't speak in long-winded sentences which explain every aspect of their situation with maximum facts and minimum emotion. Explication through dialogue isn't taboo, but it should be used carefully and sparingly, perhaps weaving character backstory or personality into their words. For example, in the mage's description of The Carlonian Kingdom, he could have added his own personal opinion of the major families, to add some depth and perspective to his description. His facial expression could betray that he's hiding something when describing the lay of the land, etc. Currently, the mage seems like he exists solely to recite the details of the main character's situation like a robot. Robots aren't fun to read about, unless you're talking about Bender or Wall-E!

I liked how you added Rose's surprise and suspicion when she discovered our main character's memory struggles (and that entire backstory/sub-plot is a great addition), but I think that the dialogue between these two could have revealed more about Rose's initial disdain for the princess before she admitted it freely.

There is one rule of thumb that seems to work well when it comes to writing powerful dialogue: Every conversation (and ideally, every line) should reveal something about a character. Whether they're a gruff and rude man with a heart of gold or a disgruntled, yet loyal, handmaiden who wishes that she were anywhere else in the world, every word of their dialogue should be theirs, and should introduce them into their world. Don't be afraid to have sections of dialogue where more text is dedicated to facial expressions and internal whims than the words themselves, as long as it gives more power to a certain character.

Also, I'll add that a line like "Could you please tell me what situation the kingdom is in right now? Economically, politically as well as socially?" coming from the mouth of a person who has just woken up in a drastically different body and a distant world only reveals one trait about that person: they are clearly a robot. Don't shy away from granting your characters life, especially the main character. After all, we're stuck with the main character for the entire story, unless you pull a Game of Thrones on us.

The second area where this story can improve drastically is in its use of setting. Setting is critical for every story, as it helps readers feel as if they are present in the story world, giving it life. When it comes to describing a world as mystical and distant as the Carlonian Kingdom's, setting becomes one of the most important elements of the story. Ideally, every location that the main character visits should be described in some memorable way. You did a decent job of this in the first chapter when describing the mage's old chapel-like room, although the descriptions seemed to dry up after that. What's the climate like? Is it sunny? Does sunlight stream through open windows? Do we hear thunder rolling in the background?

The castle itself has few descriptions, and readers won't really have any hints on its appearance. Does the family have a crest that flies in every hallway? Are there animal heads from glorious hunts mounted on the walls? Perhaps its doors could be large and charcoal-black, with golden handles that seemed to be sized for a giant. Maybe the king's throne room has skulls hanging from the ceiling like chandeliers and his chair looks to be the color of bleached bones. etc, etc, you get the idea. Based on your initial physical description of the king (which was very well done), I know you're more than capable of writing great descriptions.

Considering how long the main character is stuck in her room in a foreign world, it should be described in depth. By 'in depth', I don't mean that every item in the room should be listed, but maybe its walls are a certain kind of stone that seems to carry faint green hues. Maybe the main character notices a chamber pot in the corner of the room and the realization of her situation slowly dawns upon her. Maybe there's a torch that flickers through the room, and she spends a few minutes watching it rise and fall until it burns out. Maybe the floor is remarkably cold because of the stone composition, or the bed is uncommonly fluffy because it's made of the finest goose-down. Maybe the down feathers pop out of the bed and bother her in her sleep. They're little details, but they add up and lend more life to the story.

The best method I've found for generating setting detail sounds utterly silly until you try it. First, turn off your computer. Put away your phone. Lay down on your bed and close your eyes. Imagine that you are living in one of your character's world, but not just that...imagine that you are the character, the newly minted Lady Catherine. Imagine that you are sitting in your new bedroom, having a conversation with Rose. What's around you? Your feet aren't hanging in the air, are they? No, your toes are nestling themselves into a fluffy rug that had once been a great brown bear. Perhaps you ask Rose how long the bear rug has been there, and she lets you know that it's been sitting next to your bed since your father came back from a hunt where he got too drunk to stand. Maybe Rose pauses soberly, remembering how you had thrown a hissy fit because you'd wanted the rug, and threatened Rose with physical violence if your father didn't let you keep the rug, defying all logic. Of course, Rose wouldn't say those exact words, but the general idea would shine through. In that way, this trick is useful for both building a strong setting and creating dialogue. Once again, I know it seems dumb and silly, but it's also cathartic and exciting to just close your eyes and surrender yourself to a story.

To recap, my advice is twofold:
1. Try to avoid dialogue that doesn't reveal something about a character
2. Isolate yourself, close your eyes, and experience the perspective of your main character

I took the time to write this lengthy review because I believe that you can write an amazing story. Keep up the good work and keep writing. I hope you find some piece of this review to be helpful. :)

On his way home from another dreary day at school, Taylor soon finds himself sucked into a new and magical new world. And of course...Taylor may find something new about himself....
Rated: Adult 117 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 84119 Words: 69938 Chapters: 22 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Fantasy Character, Girlfriend
Featured Items: Bikinis, School Uniform, Undies
Locale: Family Household, Space or Foreign Planet
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Personality: Cultural/Nationality Change
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Everyday Living, Mythical Setting
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Series: None
Published: 03/16/17
Updated: 05/15/19
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 03/19/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I'm loving this story! Your writing is very eloquent and you've done a great job of making strong characters with believable dialogue (especially Lily's). Dialogue is hands-down your strongest writing skill, from what I've seen, and you've done a solid job of portraying character emotions while using 3rd person. However, I agree with Azaira that there could be more descriptions of what it feels like to become a fox (how fur feels, snout details, etc).

Zootopia is one of my favorite movies of all time, so I knew I'd like this story when I first read the description. Looking forward to more, and keep up the great work :)

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you! And I understand about adding more details about being a fox, and shall be working on it. I love Zootopia too!

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 05/10/17 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12

Yay! I love your story sooo much. Between the paw-holding and all of the tail-wagging, this story is beyond cute.

You're a wonderful writer, and every new chapter brings a smile to my muzzle. Hearts and hearts and hearts.

Author's Response: *Blush* Oh, thank you very much! Among all the other things I was shooting for, cute was also one that I'm proud of too! This review has brought a smile to my muzzle too! Hugs and hugs and hugs back atcha!

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 07/25/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Yay! It's more of the fox story! Yay!

Porcupine friends! Yay!

Author's Response: Yay! It's a Clarity! Yay! :3

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 12/24/17 Title: Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Yay! More fur blushing!

Author's Response: Yay! A Clawity sighting! And yush, more blushes!

An aspiring Thaumaturgist finally gets the chance to make his long time dream come true! After a few...mishaps...he is still well on his...her...way to making it come true!
Rated: Adult 87 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 55114 Words: 49403 Chapters: 15 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Girlfriend
Featured Items: Bikinis, High Heels, Lingerie
Locale: Labratory
Motivation for Change: Accident
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Mythical Setting, Romance, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Warnings: Bodily Functions, Intense Violence
Series: None
Published: 03/20/17
Updated: 08/30/19
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 07/17/17 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Shadow! You do an incredible job of using 3rd person to build intrigue, granted that we can only partially see inside of the characters' minds. To me, that signals that you have a deep understanding for the 3rd person perspective. Awesome!

Also, you did a great job world-building in this chapter. I'm curious to see how the Aztorian backstory plays into the overall plot.

Hugs!

Author's Response: Thank you Clarity! *Blush* Admittedly, the world-building is really fun! No spoilers! ;) *Hugs Back*

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/06/17 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9

What an elegant chapter! I loved the juxtaposition of Daso's defense system explanation and then cutting to the giant attack. It definitely gave this chapter a 'well produced television show' vibe. On top of that, the ending was very beautiful. You did a great job of designing 2 new characters while being economical with wordcount. The dialogue was also awesome and believable...I love it!

Author's Response: ...WOW!!! *Blush* Thank you very much! I truly enjoyed writing this chapter and getting lost in the world!

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 02/21/18 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Soooooooooooariaaaaa! Yay!

Author's Response: I knoooooow! *Hugs*

It's not a good idea to use magic to prank someone, especially when the cosmos seeks balance.
Rated: Adult 3 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 3764 Words: 1818 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Female to Male, Young Adult (20-26 yrs), Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Twin
Locale: Family Household
Motivation for Change: Tricked
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Comedy
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Series: Cosmic Balance
Published: 04/01/17
Updated: 04/02/17
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 04/06/17 Title: Chapter 1: Cosmic Balance: April Fools

Very short and sweet!

A scuba diver dies of a heart attack while enjoying his sport, and inhabits the body of a young woman who just committed suicide.
Rated: Adult 15 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 16374 Words: 12145 Chapters: 6 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult, Daughter, Girlfriend
Locale: College, Family Household, Vacation Destination
Motivation for Change: Accident, Unknown, Willing or Voluntary
Warnings: Death
Series: None
Published: 04/02/17
Updated: 04/19/17
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 04/07/17 Title: Chapter 1: This Life is the Death of Me.

I like this story. It's sweet with an even, fast pace. I was a little confused about the woman teleporting to the scuba diving and reality warping, and I think that could've been worded more clearly. That being said, I'm excited to see where this goes. Great work!

Author's Response: Good feedback! I thought it was pretty clear, but I see that maybe not so much. When I do a re-write, I'll pay more attention to the details in that scene.

A late-night stroll seems to be the perfect time to encounter strange events. After getting pulled into an encounter with slavers, Alex is forced to find his own way back home, however difficult that may be.
Rated: Explicit 194 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 117823 Words: 228394 Chapters: 38 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Mythical Setting
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence
Series: None
Published: 05/05/17
Updated: 11/27/19
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 05/11/17 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7: Runner On Rails

Dew the Dew!™ This story is great, but it is even better when enjoyed with a Mountain Dew™ Code Red™.

I have one humble suggestion for the author Misarnia: Dew should be harvested from the Dew mines located in an elevated region...perhaps on the slopes of Mountain Dew™??

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Wow, Clarity. You've written a very valuable review," and you are correct. This review is tremendously valuable. It is, perhaps, even more 'bang for your buck' than a value pack of Mountain Dew™ Live Wire™ (Now 60% Bigger)!

Author's Response: Oh, god damn it. Now, look what you've started!

A jaded high school student gets his hands on a potentially magic, more than slightly busted, phone dial. Enjoy the ensuing chaos as he learns to better understand his new toy, and the consequences the existence of said toy brings to his city.
Rated: Adult 7 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 21327 Words: 9974 Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult, Fantasy Character
Featured Items: Masks
Locale: Family Household, High School
Motivation for Change: Accident, For a Job
Story Theme: Comedy, Distant Future, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Age Regression, Artificial Age Progression, Cultural, Fast/Instant Change, Mechanical Device
Series: None
Published: 05/09/17
Updated: 07/18/17
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 06/26/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I like this story! Your narration style is very quirky, and I'm curious to see where all of this goes.

Author's Response: Than you!!!! (I really enjoy your writing, so I kinda feel like an anime girl who's been noticed by her senpai).

Mackinzie Coyle ("Mac") is a fairly ordinary 17-year-old whose father just passed away. Because his mom has to travel Europe to manage the transition of her husband's extensive business empire to her control, Mac has been sent to Mystic, Conn. to live with his Aunt for the summer. All pretty prosaic.

Except that his Aunt Meg has an anything-but-prosaic bit of family history to teach to her nephew.
Rated: Adult 81 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 104343 Words: 99805 Chapters: 36 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Teenager
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Everyday Living, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Series: None
Published: 06/08/17
Updated: 12/25/17
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 07/29/17 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 1 "First Impressions"

This story is great! I love the relationship that you've constructed between Mac and her mother, and I can't wait to see what happens on that front. Also, all of your character names are super cute!

The only part of this story that confuses me is the nitty-gritty detail of Mac's ability, especially concerning the scene with Mac and the Boo. Maybe I'm just slow, but wouldn't Boo stop believing that Mac bought her lie as soon as she left the room and began thinking about other topics?Based on Mac's phrasing and reaction, it seemed like Mac's orders will continue to effect Boo into the future. Wouldn't this mean that Mac would continue to experience the inverse of her order to Boo, and thus buy into the idea that Luke is a bad person? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding the details of Mac's ability, but that struck me as a bit of a plothole.

Author's Response: "... it seemed like Mac's order will continue to effect Boo into the future." Correct. Mac can make his power last beyond 'just thinking about it.' Boo will continue to believe she's fooled Mac until Mac tells her otherwise. And yes, because the effect is continuing, Mac will believe the opposite for the same duration - he will continue to believe that Boo is a bad person and that she didn't fool him. But since that's what he already believed and since there's no 'opposite of the opposite' with respect to his power's operation, in this specific circumstance his power didn't work to produce anything he didn't already think. And please note; the command was *not* directed to *the substance of Boo's lie* - whether or not *Luke* was a bad person - it was directed to *whether or not *Boo* had fooled him (Mac.)* Subtle distinction. So I completely understand your question and why you'd ask it.

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 08/01/17 Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 19 "Expedition"

Yay!

A girl wakes up and discovers she remembers nothing of her past life, not even her name. All she can figure is she came from a place where evil knows no bounds.
Rated: Adult 88 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 36157 Words: 93735 Chapters: 17 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Girlfriend, Teenager
Locale: College, Family Household, High School, Hospital or Clinic, Labratory
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Personality: Loses Identity
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Horror, Medical Experiment
Type of Change: Mechanical Device
Series: Forgotten
Published: 06/26/17
Updated: 08/17/19
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 06/27/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Oh dear! This was a really exciting start! There are a few grammatical errors here and there, but stylistically, this story is a 10x improvement over some of your earlier stuff. Awesome job!

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 03/17/18 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Aw, I just want to hug Claire. Thanks for sharing such a fun story, Paradox!

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 04/05/18 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Ooo she's a unicorn! It'll be interesting to see how these events add to Bug's personality.

Jackson wasn't the happiest, underachieving and always at odds with his twin brother, until he becomes afflicted with a disease and discovers that sometimes the grass is greener.
Rated: Adult 56 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 68477 Words: 42417 Chapters: 16 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Locale: Family Household, High School
Motivation for Change: Accident
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Warnings: Non-Consentual Sex
Series: None
Published: 07/27/17
Updated: 11/27/17
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 07/31/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

This story is really cute! I love the relationship dynamics that you've constructed, and your dialogue writing really brings the characters to life.

I have three somewhat minor points of feedback:

1. Your character descriptions are pretty good, but the setting and such could use more descriptions. For instance: When Alice went out for supper, we didn't get much description for the location, which makes it a bit harder to visualize. That's just one example. The same goes for all of the other locations in the story. Give them some love! (Also, putting more attention into place descriptors would take care of the 'pace' criticism that some have given. Pace is really more of a symptom of other factors)

2. While your spelling, word-choice, and grammar are solid, your punctuation could be improved. Specifically, comma usage (or lack thereof). Generally speaking, you want to put commas wherever there'd be a big pause if you read the sentence out-loud. Also, your punctuation around dialogue sequences could be better. Luckily, these are very solvable problems! There are some really helpful punctuation guides out there!

3. Tense! Is your story in past or present tense? I know it's primarily in past tense, but you find yourself wandering into present tense quite often. This is another easily fixable issue, just by combing through during the editing process. I understanding that some of the inner monologue is present tense, and that's fine. Just be consistent: if it's not inner monologue, it should be past tense.

(Tiny 4th note: use more paragraph double-line breaks! It helps make the story more visually pleasing)

All that said, I'm really liking your story! I can't wait to see Alice bounce back and seize the day. Keep up the great work!

Alex trudges along through life, just wanting to keep his head down and focus on his school work. But one day, that all changes...with a wish.
Rated: Adult 93 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 82972 Words: 40557 Chapters: 12 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Fantasy Character, Girlfriend
Featured Items: Bikinis, High Heels, School Uniform, Undies
Locale: Family Household, High School
Motivation for Change: Curse, Revenge
Personality: Cultural/Nationality Change, Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Genie/Wishes
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Series: None
Published: 08/24/17
Updated: 04/24/19
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 01/04/18 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Whiskerflames! Cute Cute Cute

Author's Response: Hehehehe, I thought that you might like that, Clawity!

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 08/25/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Really cute story, Shadow! You're a wonderful writer and I always love reading your stories. I liked the way you closed out this chapter, and I can't wait for more. I hope that she doesn't stay a cat forever, though!

Author's Response: Awww, thank you! More is indeed coming! No spoilers for you either though! JK ;)

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 01/28/18 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Aw nu. I hope she doesn't hate the vet, like most kitties.

Author's Response: Hehehehehe, silly Clawity! *Hugs*

Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/13/18 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9

Oh no! Looks like Alex isn't having a very purrfect day. So cute, though! The parents are just lovely.

Author's Response: She's definitely had better days. Thank you! And they are good people!

Justine and Maureen Cunningham were inseparable twins. When their mother surprised them with an adopted brother, the girls take the initiative to make him fit in.
Rated: Kid-Friendly 12 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 15754 Words: 29292 Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Male to Female, Child (0-12 yrs)
Turned Into: Child, Daughter, Twin
Featured Items: Pantyhose, Petticoat, Lace, Ruffles, Crinoline, Undies
Locale: Family Household
Motivation for Change: Forced
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Age Regression
Series: None
Published: 09/19/17
Updated: 08/08/19
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/19/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Welcome to Your New Home

Super cute story, and really well written! I usually don't care for this particular slice of the genre, but you did a great job of building believable characters. I especially liked Justine's depth.

Jamie and Bobby stay up all night and watch the sun rise, when suddenly --
Rated: Adult 25 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 24922 Words: 42156 Chapters: 12 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Motivation for Change: Accident
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Everyday Living, Fan Fiction
Type of Change: Artificial Age Progression, Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Warnings: Intense Violence
Series: Twisted
Published: 12/29/17
Updated: 01/10/18
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 01/07/18 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I read this one on FM and I really enjoyed it. The concept is novel, the characterization is strong, and the bittersweet ending made me tear up. I wish it could have been a cheerier story, or that there could have been a more happy resolution to the night-prowling tendency, but I understand that not all stories can light and jolly.

I love the Twist universe, and you treated it well. Great job, shandles!

A young high school student discovers a relic from the 17th Century. Suddenly he is thrown into an adventure where he is forced to risk all to save his life and the lives of the people he loves.
Rated: Explicit 10 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 42604 Words: 69256 Chapters: 28 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Girlfriend, Maid, Mother
Motivation for Change: Accident
Series: None
Published: 05/13/18
Updated: 05/24/18
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 05/13/18 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Thank you so much for posting this story again! Your work has brought a lot of happiness to people, myself included. *Hugs*

Author's Response: Thank you. You are very kind. The story is dedicated in part to you.

Reposting in case anyone would like to read this again. A young surfer gets more than he bargains for when his world is turned upside down.
Rated: Adult 12 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Completed Story Reads: 65377 Words: 62420 Chapters: 26 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Model
Featured Items: Bikinis, Long Nails, School Uniform
Motivation for Change: Accident
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Series: None
Published: 01/06/19
Updated: 01/07/19
Reviewer: Clarity Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 01/08/19 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Drink the water

I love this story! I first read it ages ago and I still think about it from time to time, it's just so well-done! *Hugs*

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :-)

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