Archer
Member Since: 03/04/12 Membership status: Member
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Reviews by Archer
In a fantasy world, a mystical plague spreads across the land: killing all before it. Only an order of healers are able to stop its spread Yet there are other forces at work: forces intent of using the Plauge's properties fo their own designs.
Rated: Adult 7 Reviews starstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 9626 Words: 17540 Chapters: 6 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character
Motivation for Change: Unknown, Willing or Voluntary
Personality: Loses Identity
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Mythical Setting, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Stuck
Series: None
Published: 02/17/13
Updated: 03/23/13
Reviewer: Archer Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 05/18/14 Title: Chapter 6: Episode 6

Has this story been abandoned? A shame, I rather enjoyed it.

Cat girls appear and start spreading like a virus.
Rated: Adult 27 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Completed Story Reads: 50090 Words: 40199 Chapters: 14 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Adult (27-62 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult, Daughter, Slave
Motivation for Change: Forced
Personality: Fights Change, Loses Identity
Series: Neko
Published: 01/04/14
Updated: 08/15/15
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 01/06/14 Title: Chapter 1: Prelude

I originally saw this on DeviantArt. Will you be posting the rest and, more importantly, will you be continuing it?

Author's Response: ya i will be posting it both here and Deviant

Reviewer: Archer Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 02/13/14 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 6

Just a head's up, but you want to use "piqued", not "peaked". "Piqued" comes from French, and means "to stimulate". Thus, "piqued my interest" means "stimulated my interest".

Nelson and his best friend Jason are stars of the football team; they have it all. Popularity, rich families, hot girlfriends... but all of that changes when they lose the biggest game of their life, and get a cursed laid upon them. Do they break the curse and turn back into boys before it's too late? Or do they fail to cure themselves, and stay girls forever? Read on and find out!
Rated: Adult 12 Reviews starstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 85392 Words: 7495 Chapters: 12 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Cheerleader, Daughter
Locale: Family Household, High School
Motivation for Change: Curse
Personality: Bad to Good, Fights Change, From Dominant to Submissive, Is Unaware of Changes, Loses Identity
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Attracted Only to Men
Story Type: Comic
Type of Change: Slow/Gradual Change
Series: None
Published: 01/06/14
Updated: 01/06/14
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 01/08/14 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

What happened to your formatting? You had the paragraph structure down fine in the previous chapters, and then suddenly new lines of dialog are not being given new paragraphs.

Author's Response: I just fixed the formatting!:) It should be better now!

Jaux Ballad has always wanted to enter the realm of magic, but could not do so by regular means. In his desperation to become a magician he finds himself with more power, and more trouble, than he could ever have imagined.
Rated: Adult 354 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 327631 Words: 97327 Chapters: 48 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character, Teenager
Featured Items: Corsets, Petticoat, Lace, Ruffles, Crinoline
Locale: Camp, College, Family Household
Motivation for Change: Accident, Curse
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual
Story Theme: Historical Time Period, Mythical Setting, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence
Series: Vanasia Universe
Published: 02/22/14
Updated: 09/17/15
Reviewer: Archer Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 03/05/14 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12: Metal Puppets

Enjoying the story, but I don't think it warrants a an "Explicit" rating. It's "Adult" at best.

Author's Response: True, no sex yet unless you count the shower scene. I figured I'd keep it explicit in case I forget when there is a sex scene or two.

Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 03/17/14 Title: Chapter 22: Chapter 22: First Fights

A couple things that bug me in this series (which I am otherwise enjoying). First, when learning about stuff in the universe, the tense suddenly changes to present, which is jarring and feels really out of place. Second, I find it odd how nobody has noticed that Sahuara isn't listed in admissions or paid tuition dues. Surely someone would have figured it out by now.

Author's Response: Glad you are enjoying the series! To answer the first problem. Yes, I'm sorry that might have been breaking the immersion at times. This is the first story of my Vanasia Universe, so I've gotten a bit caught up in developing the setting while my characters interact. =+=+= Now, the second problem is mostly from the setting. The Lyceum doesn't function like a college from our world. There are no entry tuitions in the Marlifa Lyceum, but I could never explain that in the story since no character expected things like tuitions to exist. The Lyceum funds itself with the shops in the first floor, a percentage of the payment from jobs that their more advanced students can take, research and development from their research departments, and by exporting magical objects to cities and high class merchants. Suhara never had to worry about details like this, so I had to mostly sneak in implications when I got the chance. There are no application for admissions, anyone could take the test to get into the Lyceum. I tried to imply this in the second chapter by mentioning that Jaux never took the admissions for the sole reason of not knowing the right magics. After passing the test, Suhara Ballad was officially enrolled. You could think of the entry system as more of a public school with less paperwork, and the school life to be like a college in nature.

Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 03/17/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: The Demon Root

That's interesting. I have doubts the shops would make enough that fees off their sales would fund the Lyceum, so I'm guessing most money comes in from commission costs from job payments. It would make the most sense if people contracted the Lyceum, which then would pick members to complete the job. after the job, the Lyceum would give a portion of the money it received in payment to the students/professors that were assigned to the job (rather than the other way around). Since room and board (at least room) appears to be provided, it would make sense from a business perspective for the school to keep most of the money it got from commissions.
What about the student Sahuara knocked out in the first chapter to get in? Wouldn't hey have raised some sort of alert when he woke up and found himself in nothing but his skivvies? At the very least it would be entertaining if Sahuara ran into him again.

Author's Response: As Jaux had mentioned, magic is expensive to invest into. That being said, you are mostly right about the jobs. People contract the Lyceum's services. They don't pick out the specific students for the jobs (unless it is important or very time sensitive), but a student has to be a certain rank or have certain skills to be able to take a job. The faculty member who supervises the student then observes how the student does in the job. The more that the student accomplishes, the bigger their payment. If a student completes the job effectively and efficiently all by their own power, then they get a majority of the job's payment. The Lyceum always gets a guaranteed 40%, the teacher always gets a guaranteed 10%, and the student can get up to 50%. If a supervisor has to get involved in order for a job to be completed, the part of the payment that the student doesn't get is split between the teacher and the Lyceum. =+=+= Now, as for the knocked out student: Yes, the Lyceum is indeed on the hunt for Jaux, but naturally it is difficult for them to find him. Despite their powerful magics, they can't locate anyone outside the Lyceum that matches Jaux's physique. He also didn't appear to sneak into the Lyceum, since no male student in the school looked like Jaux, or had any of the possessions stolen from the stripped student. Will they meet again? Who knows, I won't spoil ;D

Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 04/19/14 Title: Chapter 37: Chapter 37: Brand History

Nice, it is not often you see the word "penultimate" used correctly... or at all.

Author's Response: Yep, the 'ultimate' half throws people off sometimes. It seemed fitting. I love that word, but it is too specific to commonly use.

Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 06/22/14 Title: Chapter 43: Chapter 43: Danger

No updates in quite a while. This story hasn't been abandoned, has it?

Author's Response: No, I've just been a bit tied up. It will continue soon.

During a visit to his grandparents house with his brother, Anthony went somewhere he shouldn't. Now the fae folk have taken him as their prize, changing him to suit their needs and their pleasure. Does he have the willpower, the strength, the courage to find himself again and escape?
Rated: Adult 111 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 122023 Words: 55211 Chapters: 41 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 11/01/14 Title: Chapter 30: Happy Birthday

Gotta ask, are you a fan/player of White Wolf's Changeling: The Lost?

Author's Response: Yes I am. Have most of the books and gm'd a game last year. And believe me it's VERY hard to keep this story from stealing too many of there ideas.

Mark Raynor is nearing the end of his career as an airship gunner. But when his ship receives a mission to look for an ancient device, and actually find it, his outlook on life changes completly
Rated: Explicit 53 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 43635 Words: 27560 Chapters: 13 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult, Fantasy Character
Featured Items: Boots
Locale: Labratory
Motivation for Change: Accident
Personality: From Submissive to Dominant, Made Smarter
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Attracted Only to Men
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Historical Time Period
Type of Change: Age Regression, Fast/Instant Change
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence, Non-Consentual Sex
Series: None
Published: 08/22/14
Updated: 02/03/15
Reviewer: Archer Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 08/27/14 Title: Chapter 1: A Gunner's Job

Oh, steampunk. Not a genre often seen here. I hope you continue.

Author's Response: It's not a genre often seen at all, but it's one I enjoy. Next chapter is half done, I just need to iron out some of the dialogue, and it should be up in the next few days

Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 09/05/14 Title: Chapter 3: Storm Front

You could probably change the rating to Adult or even lower; there's been nothing that really warrants such a harsh rating.

Author's Response: The explicit rating is for later. Right now, it could be Adult, but it is going to earn an explicit rating in a few chapters

Reviewer: Archer Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 09/15/14 Title: Chapter 4: The Facility

The captain's change in demenor is quite odd indeed. For all they are mocked, many regulations are in place for very good reasons, and in this case the one stating there should always be someone on the ship is a very good one; when Murphey strikes, it's always good to not have had all your eggs in one basket.

Incidentally, this is a little aspect of the movie ALIEN I really like; if the crew had followed quarantine regulation, they'd have mostly survived.

On a more technical critique, numbers 0-10 should be written out, and "allot" isn't a word; what you want is "a lot". It's two words, in the same way you would write "a car" or "a man".

Author's Response: Efren's development was difficult, seeing how I could only allude to his motivations. Basically he knows that his crew doesn't like him, and he respects Commander Larne. When he sees her encourage Mark to think and ask questions, it makes him decide to try and give the crew a little more leeway. When this bit of leeway both saves their lives and locates the facility, he decides that it's a good idea. So he goes a bit overboard on the leeway, ignoring common sense. He was not necessarily thinking the consequences of letting everyone come through. Numbers I probably should be writing out, and in my particular part of the world, allot is a word, so I think that might be a regional thing.

Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 09/25/14 Title: Chapter 5: Awakening

Man, that's depressing. Kinda called it, though...

Author's Response: That you did.

When a dormant curse reawakens on his 18th birthday, a high school senior finds that moonlit nights have become infinitely more terrifying...and annoying.
Rated: Adult 75 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 197148 Words: 134250 Chapters: 31 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Female to Male, Teen (13-19 yrs), Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Locale: High School
Motivation for Change: Curse, Revenge
Personality: Fights Change
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Everyday Living, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Series: None
Published: 10/07/14
Updated: 06/21/19
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 01/06/15 Title: Chapter 1: Happy Birthday!

To elaborate on the already-cited tenses issue, the problem is that you're misusing the modal verbs--could, would, should--instead of the proper simple past tense.

Using the wording "would [verb]" suggests the action is something that has been repeated. "John would eat mushrooms" suggests that eating mushrooms is something John does more than once. When telling a story, unless every event has happened multiple times, you want to stick with the simple past tense. In the previous example, changing it to "John ate mushrooms" implies a singular event, appropriate for a story.

Author's Response: Ah, I get'cha! I've really been trying to work on cutting back on those kind of errors after being made aware of them, so hopefully it shows, and makes this less of an obnoxious read for y'allz. I definitely appreciate the help, though! =)

Patrick was an ordinary teenager, then he fell into another dimension along with his sisters cat. Now he's far from home, not exactly human, and definitely not male. Worst of all she is surrounded by people she's not sure she can trust, in a situation she can barely comprehend.
She has a long way to go if she's ever to find safety, and the path is dark and dangerous.
This is the first part of a trilogy.
I added in a new chapter, Answers and Questions, it was necessary for the second part.
Rated: Adult 57 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 41675 Words: 57295 Chapters: 19 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Alien, Fantasy Character
Featured Items: Long Nails
Locale: Hospital or Clinic, Labratory
Motivation for Change: Accident
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual
Story Theme: Coming of Age
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Series: Far From Home
Published: 10/29/14
Updated: 12/13/14
Reviewer: Archer Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 01/07/15 Title: Chapter 1: Strange Paths

Very enjoyable story, though I noticed you make rather regular mistakes regarding the apostrophe. On quite a few occasions you place an apostrophe in a plural word (e.g. "the tree's in the woods" rather than "the trees in the woods"). You also regularly use the wrong form of its/it's.
Remember, its is the possessive form of "it", e.g. "That dog is mean. Its owner must not take good care of it."
it's is the contraction form of "it is", e.g. "Don't jump from here, it's a long way down."
The form its' would only be applicable in the odd case where "it" is plural and also possessive.

Author's Response: Yeah, I have trouble with grammar, and since this is a second draft, not the final one, I'm willing to let more slide. But thank you I will keep a better eye on it in the future. Many thanks for the review.

Pat has escaped from the government safe house where she and her friends had been living. But her friends are captives, and she only has the vaguest notion where they might be. Her only companion is a young girl who is rapidly getting weaker. Now this former boy turned cat girl, must head across a country where everyone is an enemy, hoping for a miracle to free her friends and finding a place of safety.
This is the second in the series Far From Home
Rated: Adult 22 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 6367 Words: 9687 Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Alien, Fantasy Character
Locale: Road Trip
Motivation for Change: Accident
Personality: Good to Bad, Loses Identity
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual
Story Theme: Coming of Age
Type of Change: Stuck
Series: Far From Home
Published: 12/13/14
Updated: 01/01/15
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 04/03/15 Title: Chapter 1: Bugs

I'd like to throw my voice out there in support of seeing this continued.

A new world of magic and strange creatures, where slavery is accepted and racism is the norm. One man will become something completely different and change the world itself.
Rated: Explicit 139 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 111483 Words: 196456 Chapters: 37 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character, Wife
Locale: Camp
Motivation for Change: For a Job, Forced
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Attracted Only to Men
Story Theme: Historical Time Period, Mythical Setting
Type of Change: Racial
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence, Non-Consentual Sex, Torture
Series: None
Published: 12/27/14
Updated: 03/22/17
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 04/20/15 Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18: Tearing down the walls

A thought about the marriage: royal marriages were meant to cement alliances and, most importantly, to produce an heir. Unless humans and beastlings are in fact the same species, no children can come of this marriage, making it weak and ensuring there will be some kind of conflict at the end of the two monarchs' lives. The current best alternative would be that the crown transfer to one of Esran's nephews.

Author's Response:

There's one problem with that, there's already a half Beastling, half-Human child, Astin, Eva's son. Humans and Beastling are extremely similar in many ways, there are just some aspects which Letre and Ishavael chose to give their races. In spite of Letre's anger at Ishavael for messing with Favus, they are still the two closest gods that I have made in the world. Essentially they are twins, thereby they made races like that. There are troubles when it comes to impregnation, but it does happen.

Also even at the beginning Favus recognizes that only 'half and quarter Beastlings are capable of entering a city without being enslaved'. The other races do fall under your observation, Beastlings and Humans do not, a while ago I came across an article talking about how Neanderthals could breed with us. Same concept in every way.

A mystery, a man named The Dealer, who takes the dead and places them in new worlds. Their names... Aces. People who will go on to change history, or fail trying. This is Shore's story, a Dragon Knight and The Dealer's newest Ace.
Rated: Explicit 255 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 101656 Words: 208366 Chapters: 31 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character
Motivation for Change: Unknown, Willing or Voluntary
Personality: Made Smarter
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Attracted Only to Men
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence
Series: None
Published: 02/14/15
Updated: 02/17/16
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 04/03/15 Title: Chapter 8: Two of spades: The Golden King

When you say "errors", what kind do you mean? If it's stuff like grammar and punctuation, having an editor can really help.

Author's Response: Yeah, it was grammar and puncuation. I had an editor a while back, but I simply write too fast and work on too many projects for them to keep active. If there is anyone interested, that would be good, but as far as I can tell and what I've been told, people can follow well enough.

Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 04/07/15 Title: Chapter 1: Ace of clubs: Rigging the deck

True, it's easy enough to follow, but they do become distracting. I'd offer to help, but I'm still in classes. Maybe over the summer.

I am growing more concerned with Shore's character. It seems she lacks—in addition to remorse—morals, regret, empathy and sympathy as well (i.e. being a dick). I hope this isn't a permanent trend.

Author's Response: It's not permanent, it's specific to her getting used to Dragon Blood, she's the youngest dragon you've met, and the only other young dragon is Asthenia who was tortured and had it drilled into him. No-one will choose to do the same to Shore, but she will become a bit more respectful, it will be required for when she comes to own the city. She obviously will still be arrogant, but she will start to regret, empathize and sympathize with others. It just requires... A little reminder.

Reviewer: Archer Signed starstarstar
Date: 07/15/15 Title: Chapter 10: Three of Diamonds: Full Set

Why are they traveling during the day in the desert? If the heat is a genuine concern, they should travel during the night.

Author's Response: Read it again and rethink your rating... Because if you're concerned about something that you don't believe is in, in spite of it being written in multiple times, you can talk about spelling errors and punctuation, that's fine, or perhaps point out that you don't really like the story; but dude, I wrote it in the chapter.

I walk over to the woman on the ground and pull her up, “We might need to have a talk with our little friend here. Though I’m still not sure we can take the slaves back to the city, some might die on the journey.”

“That’s a chance, we are willing to take, eh Dragon Knight,” A heavy set Greenstalker says. He scratches his bark skin with a clawed hand and his green hair falls to the side as he tilts his head at the massive expanse outside. “We won’t manage well here anyway without the proper supplies, plus many of us aren’t meant for the desert, sooner we get out, the better.”


That is all a conversation between a slave and Shore talking about how she thinks it isn't a good idea to travel during the day. Soon afterwards shore thinks;

I can’t help but shake my head at that. The better course of action would be to travel during the night, but, of course, most would prefer to return to civilization as soon as possible. I am not here to deny their hopes though I think their choices are unwise.

I went through a lot to write down a good portion to explain why they were travelling through the day; and also, another helpful bit of advise; traveling at night during a desert isn't always good either. Deserts are as cold during the night as it is hot during the day, it's usually below zero.

It's all there, read it again.

Ezekiel Richardson is the school chameleon. He's popular because of the fact he can blend with any social crowd and has friends everywhere. He wakes up one morning to something completely new to him. Everything is now bigger than him and he has some new equipment to work with. Can he figure out how to change back, or will she find the one thing she wants? What is she wants more than anything? Let's find out. This is "Bigger on the Outside."
Rated: Explicit 6 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 14085 Words: 4996 Chapters: 2 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Archer Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 10/30/16 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 Sprites, Truths, and Flowers

Shame this story was abandoned.

Alex purchases a video game and the resulting journey will change his life forever.
Rated: Explicit 17 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 36861 Words: 7584 Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter
Featured Items: Maid Uniform
Motivation for Change: Accident, Tricked
Personality: From Dominant to Submissive
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual
Story Theme: Captive, Mythical Setting, Pregnancy
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Warnings: Bondage/S&M, Non-Consentual Sex
Series: None
Published: 03/30/15
Updated: 05/02/16
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 04/03/15 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 1

Good story starting off, but those warnings have me worried about where it'll be heading...

Author's Response: There will be some dark chapters, but there will be light as well.

Cassius is a man shrouded in mystery. Yet, despite this he holds a high ranking position in a city ravaged by chaos and beasts, and in order to avoid execution from the queen he takes matters into his own hands.
Rated: Explicit 8 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 8522 Words: 7506 Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Adult (27-62 yrs), Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character
Body Modification: Permanent Hair/Skin/Nail Change
Motivation for Change: Accident, Curse
Personality: Fights Change, From Dominant to Submissive
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual
Story Theme: Mythical Setting, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence, Torture
Series: None
Published: 06/21/15
Updated: 07/04/15
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 06/24/15 Title: Chapter 1: Introduction

I definitely get the vibes of Bloodborn from this story. I'm not sure you really need the Explicit tag, though; it's bloody, but I've read more violent stories that did fine under the Adult rating.

Author's Response: Yeah... I do see where you're coming from when it comes to the explicit rating, but that's just a sign of what is to come! :)

A night shift worker finds that he isn't quite himself anymore.
Rated: Adult 3 Reviews starstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 9663 Words: 2413 Chapters: 2 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult
Featured Items: Long Nails, Undies, Work Uniform
Body Modification: Ears Pierced, Permanent Hair/Skin/Nail Change, Weight Gain
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Slow/Gradual Change
Series: None
Published: 07/09/15
Updated: 07/14/15
Reviewer: Archer Signed starstarstar
Date: 07/15/15 Title: Chapter 2: The First Night

Interesting story so far, but the protagonist in the last chapter he talks about running the station "every evening" yet these events happen on the first night.

Also, we don't get any kind of physical description of him (or even his name) until a ways in the story.

Finally, I would suggest some kind of punctuation, like angled brackets, around the text messages to help differenciate them from the narrative text.

This is about a teenage boy that goes through a traumatic gender change, and how he and all of his friends and family deals with it.
Rated: Explicit 4 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 20278 Words: 13352 Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Girlfriend, Teenager
Featured Items: Bikinis
Locale: Family Household, High School, Hospital or Clinic
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Personality: Fights Change, Loses Identity
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Attracted Only to Men
Story Theme: Everyday Living, Romance, Sports
Type of Change: Slow/Gradual Change, Stuck
Warnings: Bodily Functions
Series: None
Published: 07/10/15
Updated: 07/11/15
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 07/15/15 Title: Chapter 2: It's A Girl!

Why does every paragraph start with a period and space?

The mall, a mysterious man named Marty, a magical pendant, and three chances at a new life. What will 17 year old Ben do as his life is flipped upside down in the adventure of a lifetime to finally get the chance to live his life as a woman?
Rated: Explicit 48 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 102711 Words: 37506 Chapters: 14 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult, Clothing, Fantasy Character, Secretary, Teenager
Featured Items: High Heels, Lingerie, Sex Toys, Work Uniform
Locale: Office
Motivation for Change: Curse, Tricked
Personality: Good to Bad
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual
Story Theme: Mind/Body Posession
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Slow/Gradual Change
Warnings: Non-Consentual Sex
Series: None
Published: 08/08/15
Updated: 02/13/16
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 09/01/15 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 6: Marty the Doctor?

When did Kathy become Becky?

You've also got your "your" and "you're" mixed up.

Author's Response: Hi, just wanted to thank you so much for letting me know about my little mistakes, I try to triple read each chapter before I post it to make sure everything is fine, glad to see someone is nice enough to point out any mistakes. I have fixed them now, and if you find anything wrong in the future please let me know! Elphabathropp42

In the far reaches of space, a mysterious alien race captures a crew of human smugglers. One man is chosen to be the subject of a dramatic transformation, a process they call Uplifting, but will he embrace their gift or run from it?
Rated: Explicit 86 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 146144 Words: 46150 Chapters: 23 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 09/08/15 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4 - Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me

A Rocky Horror Picture Show reference?

Author's Response: I'd answer, but perhaps I'll just make you shiver with antici-

Some people, when faced with personal problems, just resign themselves to it. Others view it as a challenge, and strive to better themselves.

Still others summon an irritable millennia-old demon to solve their problems for them, and completely screw it up.
Rated: Adult 5 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 6014 Words: 5796 Chapters: 2 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Girlfriend
Locale: High School
Motivation for Change: Curse, Tricked
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual, Does Not Change
Story Theme: Comedy
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Series: None
Published: 11/17/15
Updated: 11/24/15
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 11/18/15 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Yochlal Just Wants to Sleep

Hmm, I think the only real problem is that a lot of the dialog between the three friends gets hard to follow (like when they're in the car) because it's just dialog without any narrative assistance, like adding [blank] said. Otherwise quite well done.

Before Mike's sister dies of cancer she gives him a magic pendant. The pendant and its magic can save Emily, but at a cost to Mike. Can Mike embrace the changes that it brings to alter Emily's fate?
Rated: Adult 15 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 18892 Words: 7545 Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Cheerleader, Daughter, Teenager
Featured Items: Bikinis, High Heels, Lingerie, Long Nails, Undies
Locale: Family Household, High School
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Attracted Only to Men
Type of Change: Slow/Gradual Change
Series: None
Published: 12/17/15
Updated: 01/10/16
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 02/04/16 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Emily

You're doibling up on punctuation. With dialog, don't put punctuation immediately after the closing quotation mark. If the sentence continues, only periods immediately before the closing quotation are changed to commas; no other punctuation is added or changed. For instance, you have
" But mom she's not coming home.", Mike said.
Should be
"But mom, she's not coming home," Mike said.

You've also got an extra space at the start of some dialog, like in the above example.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the helpful criticism. The specific example you have provided will go a long way to writing a better story. As a side note, I've enrolled in an online writing course to better hone the technical aspects of my writing. Any other comments or suggestions are always welcome.

Poor Daniel. Woke up to find his world turned sideways as his manhood is stripped from him without a trace or any sign of how it happened. Will he be able to find the source of his new X chromosome and revert it or live life as a newfound woman?
Rated: Adult 52 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 87480 Words: 38805 Chapters: 18 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Locale: High School
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Series: None
Published: 03/02/16
Updated: 02/16/17
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 03/23/16 Title: Chapter 6: Over the Hump

Google cache!

Carl's all about freedom in a world that isn't. In the near future, communications are constantly monitored, except in The Construct, accessible via VR technology to anybody savvy enough to know about it. This place is an essential part of Carl, until one day, new and rather unusual safety measures are implemented and will change his life fundamentally.
Rated: Deviant 8 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 31388 Words: 26329 Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 04/11/16 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Illusion

Why is this story in second person? I'm not Carl, and have no influence over his actions or feelings, so the use of second person is quite out of place and feels really odd.

Author's Response: Sorry that you didn't like it. The idea was to give the option to more easily imagine taking the role of the main character, since I think quite a few people would enjoy a scenario where these things happen to themselves (at least theoretically). Sad to hear you don't, but thank you for your feedback!

A loyal warrior of the kingdom of Elyzea find himself in a very dire situation. What will happen to him ? What will happen to the kingdom ? Can he save it ?
Find out by following the tale of this loyal servant across Elyzea and beyond.
Rated: Explicit 3 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 4960 Words: 4837 Chapters: 2 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Slave, Wife
Locale: Space or Foreign Planet
Body Modification: Permanent Hair/Skin/Nail Change
Motivation for Change: Curse, Forced
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Captive, Mythical Setting, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Slow/Gradual Change, Stuck
Warnings: Bondage/S&M, Death, Intense Violence
Series: None
Published: 08/04/16
Updated: 04/29/17
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 04/30/17 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 : Moving

Dialog isn't opened with a hyphen, it should be opened with another quotation mark. So,
- No. Like I said I want more info, Keep your ears opened.”
should be
“No. Like I said I want more info, Keep your ears opened.”

English does not use hyphens for dialog markers.

There should also be no space between the preceeding letter and a question mark. Thus, instead of
garrison ?
it should be
garrison?

Author's Response: Thanks for the tip. I will change that.

What happens when a fairy tries cursing a man who is already bearing a greater curse? Jackson is about to find out as a camping trip with his friends goes horribly wrong after an encounter with a dark fairy.
Rated: Deviant 101 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 96283 Words: 73152 Chapters: 26 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character
Locale: Vacation Destination
Motivation for Change: Curse
Personality: Cultural/Nationality Change, Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Captive, Mythical Setting, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Series: None
Published: 09/17/16
Updated: 01/29/18
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 09/27/16 Title: Chapter 4: The Light of the Moon

During the fight, at several points it seems like Prim and Winda's names got mixed up. It was particularly obvious when Prim was tired from using too much wind magic. Migt want to read over that section again.

Author's Response: sorry. It was something I noticed while editing but forgot to fix :s

Cal is just a second rate nerd at his local school when he discovers a seemingly magical device that produces bracelets that change the wearer, though not always how they are expecting.
Rated: Adult 12 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 28291 Words: 5801 Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Female to Male, Teen (13-19 yrs), Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Locale: Family Household, High School
Motivation for Change: Accident, Willing or Voluntary
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Body Swap, Changed by Clothing, Fast/Instant Change
Series: None
Published: 05/30/17
Updated: 06/11/17
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 06/06/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Can't you use HTML tags to italicize?

Author's Response: Probably, but it's more trouble than it's worth.

Travis had spent the night drinking with his friends. When he woke up, the whole night was a blur, he was trapped in a foreign body, and he (or she) was trapped in the past. Now he has to blend in as a woman while trying to find out how this had happened to her.
Rated: Adult 41 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 78671 Words: 35234 Chapters: 16 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character
Featured Items: Corsets, Petticoat, Lace, Ruffles, Crinoline, Work Uniform
Motivation for Change: Accident, In Hiding, Unknown
Personality: Cultural/Nationality Change, Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Attracted Only to Men
Story Theme: Historical Time Period
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Warnings: Death
Series: None
Published: 06/03/17
Updated: 06/21/19
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 03/31/18 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Quick note, after the first couple of paragraphs, all following paragraphs are centered rather than on the left.

Author's Response: omg, I'm dumb. Thanks for the heads-up! :)

When Danny is about to face the Dragon of Kung Lun for the powers of the Iron Fist, he is not ready to face a female dragon. What effects will the fusing of Danny's soul and the dragon of Kung Lun have on his body and his mind.
Rated: Adult 9 Reviews starhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 3653 Words: 385 Chapters: 2 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 07/19/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

What author considers a single paragraph a chapter? Instead of asking people to be patient, why not simply hold off on posting until there's something for the reader to actually sink their teeth into?

Author's Response: sorry i will take that into consideration. i was trying to save the action scene for the next chapter.

Two young men's lives are forever change after encounter a witch, who desires them as her own.
Rated: Explicit 7 Reviews starstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 6058 Words: 5147 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Body Modification: Extreme Breast Enlargement
Story Theme: Witchcraft
Warnings: Politically Incorrect
Series: None
Published: 08/13/17
Updated: 08/13/17
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 08/17/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I would suggest reading up on dialog rules. In particular, you have multiple speakers in the same paragraph with dialog; this should be avoided. Every time a different person has dialog, that dialog should be in a new paragraph to help thr reader understand who is talking. You should especially avoid having dialog running into each other; two pieces of dialog should never be separated by only a space.

Make sure you watch your tenses as well. The story starts in past tense and then switches to present tense at paragraph 7. Generally, past tense is preferred for stories because it's how we naturally tell stories. Tension can be attained in past tense by using past continuous tense, so there's little need to a story to use present tense, though this is hardly a rule.

When a person is being addressed in dialog, the name used needs to be separated by commas. Even if the name is "babe" or "big fat ugly freak", whatever name or title being used must follow this rule. Incidentally, this is the rule that is displayed when you see "Let's eat grandpa!" vs "Let's eat, grandpa!"
Grammatically, the comma keeps the person being addressed from becoming the object of the sentence.

Starting in paragraph 13, closing punctuation starts disappearing or getting placed outside quotation marks.

I would strongly suggest getting a proofreader. There's quite a few small mistakes that they would be able to catch, like missing words and bizarre word order. If you can't find a proofer, try leaving a finished chapter alone for a few days, then come back to it and read it to yourself. You'd be surprised at what you can catch that way.

A journalist at an x-rated magazine uses a 3D-printer at the job to make a sex-doll for his private use. But there are people angry with the magazine for what it has inspired, a curse is cast at all the staff and it strikes him too...
This story as a comic: https://www.deviantart.com/ab-norway/art/Plastic-to-Flesh-Front-Cover-826714124
Rated: Explicit 1 Reviews Completed Story Reads: 8944 Words: 9897 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 08/22/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Please, do not use block quotes or guillemets. The former is for more academic works (use regular quotation mark dialog instead), and the latter almost never get used in English writing, hence their absence on English keyboards.

Author's Response: Corrected!

Ash is a quiet boy, more interested in books than people. Then an alien accident wrecks his gender lobe. So it goes.
Ash, now Aisling, tries a new school, and a new beginning, and gets pulled into the beautiful and hardcore world of technical theater.
Rated: Explicit 170 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 151406 Words: 116200 Chapters: 51 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Female to Male, Teen (13-19 yrs), Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Teenager
Featured Items: Bikinis, Boots, Corsets, High Heels, Lingerie, Pantyhose, Sex Toys, Undies
Locale: High School, Hospital or Clinic
Motivation for Change: Accident
Personality: Fights Change, Good to Bad
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual
Story Theme: Beauty/Fashion, Coming of Age
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Warnings: Bodily Functions
Series: None
Published: 11/22/17
Updated: 06/07/19
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 12/20/17 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9: Crew

So, this has been bugging me for a while; what's with the random asterisks?

Author's Response: Ah. The asterisks The long answer is: I'm compiling this in Scrivener as a multi-markdown .html in order to get it to put the italics in automatically. It's encoding in UTC-8 because ANSI can't handle the special characters I'm using for the scene brakes. Under UTC-8 Scivener has been popping the asterisks in when occasionally instead of a switch to italics. The short answer is: I don't know why I didn't know it was still doing it until you said anything. I bring the text into notepad to add line breaks, but I turn off word wrap to do that. I haven't been seeing the asterisks in the center of the line of text. I'll fix this chapter later on tonight.

Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 12/21/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Death

You might want to check your previous chapters as well, doing a quick search for (*), since they all have at least two out-of-place asterisks.

Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 02/06/18 Title: Chapter 1: Death Will Have To Wait

What's up with the formatting? Looks like it's creating a paragraph every 4 or 5 lines, even if that means breaking up a sentence.

Author's Response: Currently trying to work that out. I messed something up somewhere, but don't worry David D. Baxter is on the case!

Set in a Stellar future.

Earth is gone and humanity has moved light years away. Two races of humanity exist and branch off into their own factions to war over who gets the last decision.

We follow a teen who undergoes a vital change in this strange tale of war, peace, and revival.
Rated: Explicit 11 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 20513 Words: 63190 Chapters: 12 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 05/14/18 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6 "Who I am."

Ok, Sid can't talk, but is Sid also illiterate? If not, why has *nobody* thought to offer a len and paper? Or a keyboard?

Author's Response: Chapter 7, one of the guys gives Sid something to write with... Sorta, but he gives it a shot. XD You brought up a very good point that I have been neglecting. I need to slide in this story how dependent on the Messi-hai everyone has become. Pen, paper, or the archaic do exist, but are not widely used anymore. Like how the calculator is more widely used than the abacus... Actually, I guess cellphones are replacing calculators. XD Monitors, those holographic projections that appear, are powered by Messi-hai and are popularly reliant by everyone to provide nearly everything. I mean it, just about Everything. o_o Am I making sense or rambling? >.>

Roland Freeman, normal black teenager, becomes the missing daughter of two characters from a 90s animated show. Changed into a cartoon cat, he'll find life a lot more weird...and dangerous. As well as how and why these events occurred.
Rated: Adult 3 Reviews starstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 6717 Words: 18001 Chapters: 7 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Fantasy Character, Teenager
Featured Items: Bikinis, School Uniform
Locale: Family Household, High School, Space or Foreign Planet
Motivation for Change: Curse, Forced, Unknown
Personality: Cultural/Nationality Change
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Attracted Only to Men
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Everyday Living, Fan Fiction, Mind/Body Posession, Mythical Setting
Type of Change: Body Swap, Stuck
Series: None
Published: 06/10/18
Updated: 12/05/19
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 10/25/18 Title: Chapter 3: Cruel Reality

Past tense or present tense; choose one and stick with it.
Also, it seems you forgot to end the italics after the flashback.

Author's Response: Fixed it immediately. Sorry about that, I have to manually put in the story since I have the right txt file format this site requires.

Dan watched Kristie Rose every day, she was his world, his goddess. So when he wakes up as her he needs to figure out where she went and how much he actually knows about her.
Rated: Adult 16 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Completed Story Reads: 24296 Words: 17949 Chapters: 6 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Teenager
Locale: Family Household, High School
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Story Theme: Mind/Body Posession
Type of Change: Body Swap
Series: None
Published: 09/19/18
Updated: 10/10/18
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 09/27/18 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I don't suppose you've ever read Boku wa Mari no Naka (Inside Mari)? The basic premise really reminds me of that manga.

Author's Response: I actually have read Boku wa Mari no Naka. its been a while though. I promise I wasn't thinking of it when I wrote this even though I see many of the parallels. It won't have the same ending though.

Tormented for years by his mother and sister, Victor's life is upended as his sister turns him into a witch to help cast a spell to banish a darkling hunting her friend. Overwhelmed with new powers, and bonded as the avatar to a Vanir goddess, Victoria will try to deal with a growing threat from darkness beyond, while dealing with an estranged family and their coven.
Rated: Explicit 46 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 30019 Words: 34962 Chapters: 7 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Fantasy Character, Girlfriend
Locale: Family Household, Girl's School, High School
Motivation for Change: Forced
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Series: None
Published: 10/31/18
Updated: 09/20/19
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 09/24/19 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7

I really hope this means your picking up the story again. I'd like to read more.

On a small grammatical note, when there is a dialog tag after the closing quotation mark, the period just before the closing quotation mark becomes a comma. Note that this only applies to periods; exclamation points and question marks are unchanged.

"To Be or Not to Be, That is the Existential Question" If given the power of a comic book superhero, is that person obligated to play the part for the greater good?
Rated: Adult 4 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 7318 Words: 12195 Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Locale: High School
Body Modification: Ears Pierced
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual
Story Theme: Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Warnings: Death
Series: None
Published: 11/07/18
Updated: 11/28/18
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 11/09/18 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To Be

Do not switch between tenses. Pick either past or present and stay with it.
Also, "MS" looks like someone's initials. The proper abbreviation would be "Ms.", but it is better to use "Miss" instead when writing.

Author's Response: I'm not sure what you mean by switching tenses. The story of what I have written so far only encompasses, including Chapter 2, less than a week in time. So that has me confused. And I agree with you on Ms vs MS. But the grammar checker web site I use, corrected Ms to MS every time, so I adapted to it. From the dictionary, Ms, a title of respect prefixed to a woman's name or position: unlike Miss or Mrs., it does not depend upon or indicate her marital status.

Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 11/16/18 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: To Be

https://www.grammarly.com/blog/verb-tenses/
For instance, in chapter 1 you have
>The next I knew, the old school nurse was on her knees beside me, then I was out again. Another awareness was the sensation of being wheeled in a quick but calm manor. I heard a door shut, a big one with a good seal on it. I groggily tried to ask what was going on, "Whhaaatt... "<

However, the very next paragraph is
>As my eyes open, a friendly face of a male EMT, he smelled like apples, shows in my sight line, saying, "It's ok son, everything will be alright." Trying to engender confidence and well being.<

The first paragraph is past tense ("knew" instead of "know", "heard" instead of "hear", etc). The second paragraph is all in present simple tense ("open" instead of "opened", "shows" instead of "showed"). Strangely, the third clause switches back to past tense ("smelled" rather than "smells"), which adds further incongruity.

Thrown into another world as an infant, Tyler is summoned back on his sixteenth birthday. Faced with a world she doesn't know, the Princess struggles with a world on a brink of war, and reconnects with a mother she never knew. Epic Fantasy.
Rated: Explicit 42 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 12491 Words: 17435 Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Fantasy Character
Motivation for Change: Forced
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Mythical Setting
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence
Series: None
Published: 01/06/19
Updated: 01/21/19
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 01/21/19 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 2

Well, that escalated bloody quickly. National crisis by chapter three. That's casus belli right there.

A young man on the precipice of adulthood discovers the mistakes of his parents have opened up a brand new impossible world.
Rated: Explicit 147 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 168177 Words: 30582 Chapters: 29 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Bride
Locale: Family Household
Motivation for Change: Curse, Forced
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Romance, Witchcraft
Series: None
Published: 02/12/19
Updated: 05/30/19
Reviewer: Archer Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 02/26/19 Title: Chapter 1: Not Without His Bride

The only suggestion I have at this point is to avoid using dialog that is just ellipses. It's a crutch for video games that can't properly express nonverbal cues and dialog, like old JRPPPGs. But you're a writer; you aren't limited to a handful of facial animations or body movements and positions. You can craft descriptions of activities or insights into a person's thoughts. There is no need to have people speak like Squall Lionheart.

Author's Response: that's a really wonderful suggestion because i KNOW i use that as precisely what you say, a crutch. some of the time i use it when a character gets cut off, but i'll do a better job of indicating that with a -- instead of an ellipses. that being said, now i really want to write some final fantasy fanfic. thank you, Archer. xo, charlotte

Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 02/27/19 Title: Chapter 1: Not Without His Bride

I was more talking about the section where Eric is being talked to by his mom, and Eric's fialog consisted of just "..." a few times. A little earlier, you have "Oh... no" which also dorsn't work, since that reaction of "crap, I'm being caught masterbating" woulf be quick and visceral. There wouldn't (or would unlikely) be a long pause within.
Using the en-dash to show being cut off is also good form, though.
Ellipses are fine, but limited to two general uses. When used in the middle of dialog, they represent an extended pause; I like to use two to three beats as a rule of thumb. Longer than that and the dialog should end to describe the nonverbal cues that would be dominating at that point. The second use is at the end of a sentence to show that the speaker is trailing off, particularly if the speaker leaves words hanging. This can also be paired with other punctuation, e.g.
"You going to finish that, or can I...?"
The question mark is used to indicate the rising tone that usually accompanies a question.

I commend the use of en-dash, but don't give up on ellipses, just be more conscious of where and how you use them.

Author's Response: a writer is only as good as his editor and it's help such as this that will make me a better one! i definitely used "..." when what i really meant was 'Eric was speechless' or 'Eric's mouth dropped open and no words came out', that sort of thing. i'll be more strategic and consistent moving forward. Thank you so much! xo, charlotte

Finding himself kicked out of his foster parents’ home on the night of the Emergence, John Doe Smith doubted even his luck could get any worse.

Now irrevocably changed by the Emergence into what many see as a monster, the newly dubbed Wraith must now deal with the consequences of her new powers in an unfriendly world.
Rated: Adult 96 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 48696 Words: 71972 Chapters: 25 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Fantasy Character
Locale: Family Household, Prison
Motivation for Change: Accident, Unknown, Willing or Voluntary
Story Theme: Captive, Everyday Living, Mythical Setting, Romance
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence, Torture
Series: Kammi-verse
Published: 03/15/19
Updated: 06/21/20
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 03/21/19 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4: Mirror

Just want to point out that the term "torch" for a flashlight is only used in Commonwealth contries, not the US. I've also not heard it used in Canada.

Author's Response: i'll have to remember that! thanks! yeah we are both from commonwealth countries as you say and sometimes it is hard to keep track of all the idiosyncrasies of American English. I do promise I will never use the phrase "budgie smuggler" in this story :P

Cyrus Sutton, an ex-engineer at a luxury car firm in England is struck by the Emergence shortly after being fired from his job.
Changed into a Cyborg with Psionic powers, emotionally unstable, jobless, and with a growing distrust of the authorities. Under the alias Eunos. Cy is set to wreak havoc on the town and governmental systems hellbent to bring her under their control.
This is set in the same Universe as QuietValerie's Kammi Kettu and as such works under the same ideals and laws as her and all the other authors works, I hope you enjoy it!
Rated: Explicit 38 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 15783 Words: 50498 Chapters: 19 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character
Featured Items: Masks, Pantyhose
Motivation for Change: Accident, Unknown
Personality: Good to Bad, Made Smarter
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual
Story Theme: Costume or Halloween, Romance
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Mechanical Device
Series: Kammi-verse
Published: 05/12/19
Updated: 09/14/19
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 06/14/19 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Burning Up the Night

Your tenses are inconsistent. Pick either past or present tense and stick with it. If you don't have an editor, try reading your material out loud to yourself. It's surprising the amount of stuff you can catch that way

Synopsis: 21 year-old medical imaging tech Verne Vera was determined to beat his NVC before the neurovascular disease beat him. When Verne learned about an expensive anti-aging treatment called Juvechrome that just might do the trick, he knew it was his only shot at a cure. But Juvechrome was absurdly expensive - Verne couldn't afford the stuff, so he stole it. Surely, stealing an experimental drug from a shadowy tech corporation and administering it to himself couldn't lead to unforeseen consequences! Alas, I think you can probably guess what those consequences were. A story of vampires, witchcraft, and unexpected transformations.
Rated: Adult 15 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 31413 Words: 73858 Chapters: 14 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Girlfriend
Featured Items: Lingerie, Work Uniform
Locale: Hospital or Clinic
Body Modification: Permanent Hair/Skin/Nail Change
Motivation for Change: Accident
Sexual Orientation: Changes to be Bisexual
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Everyday Living, Horror, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Drug-Induced, Stuck
Warnings: Intense Violence
Series: None
Published: 05/25/20
Updated: 07/25/20
Reviewer: Archer Signed
Date: 06/16/20 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter Seven: Morale Check

Awww, D&D references rather than V:tM references? Or would that have been a bit too on the nose? :D

Author's Response: To be honest, I'm a lot more familiar with D&D than I am V:tM. Plus, I think D&D was, by far, the biggest game in town during the "Satanic Panic" in the 1980s.

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