StephAD
Sup all! If you're wondering what sort of writer I am, anal might be a good adjective. I'm very particular about what I post, so it takes me a long time to write and edit my work. I can usually manage an update a month on something I'm writing as I go. On things that I've written and completed before uploading (my most reliable method of writing), my update schedule is once a week. I update on Wednesdays, and try to have things up by 12PM EST, though that doesn't always work.

My current writing slate is as follows:
Magical (in-the-works)
BNW Crew Project
Other Things That Catch My Attention

*For possible traffic from SB, yes I am RagingCitrusTree. Idk. I feel like that's important somehow.
Member Since: 01/19/14 Membership status: Member
Average Review Rating Given: starstar


Reviews by StephAD
Colin needs to find a place to stash his guilty secrets before moving in with his fiancee. He picks a very unique facility. ****New chapter added 4/7/2012
Rated: Adult 6 Reviews starstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 11295 Words: 12224 Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: None
Turned Into: Adult
Motivation for Change: Tricked
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Age Regression, Slow/Gradual Change
Series: None
Published: 07/10/11
Updated: 04/07/12
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 06/04/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I'm not quite sure where the story is going yet a I'm only in the second chapter, but it looks really interesting. Hedge fantasy always interests me and I'm definitely going to keep reading.

There was one thing Charlie never understood about himself, which were his secret fantasies of dressing up as a girl. With a seemingly one off cross-dressing session involving his sister’s school uniform, Charlie unwillingly sets himself down a rocky road towards self-discovery whilst also dealing with the trials of teenage life in a broken home and an unaccepting society.
Rated: Adult 46 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 155418 Words: 122970 Chapters: 16 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 06/05/14 Title: Chapter 1: Episode 1 - The School Uniform

I've only read the first chapter, and while it seems like a really great story, it's not really my speed. I would recommend to future readers that you try it because it really is a good story.

Author's Response: Very well. Everyone has different tastes but thanks for giving it a go anyway along with the recommendation! :)

A man starts noticing things, but can't quite understand how they're coming to be.
Rated: Adult 17 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 186931 Words: 5120 Chapters: 14 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Male to Female, Adult (27-62 yrs)
Turned Into: Secretary, Wife
Locale: Family Household, Office
Body Modification: Ears Pierced, Sexual Reassignment Surgery
Motivation for Change: Forced, Male Domination
Personality: Is Unaware of Changes
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Type of Change: Hypnosis, Mind Control, Slow/Gradual Change
Series: Girly Stuff
Published: 01/13/12
Updated: 01/14/12
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 1: The Purse

Wait...Is he a womanizer? He's forgetting the girls he screwed...hmmm...could this be a righteous vengeance story?

Author's Response: He's a big womanizer.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 2: The Panties

Well at least he's finally noticing stuff. Nice word usage, but nobody actually uses gals anymore (except my grandma for some odd reason, and she usually uses the term girl friends).

Author's Response: I've heard plenty of women use the term "gals". My ex-girlfriend used it.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 3: The Bra

Woah eighty pairs! Laundry day must be crazy! And he's referring to himself as a woman now...interesting....

Author's Response: Well, Laundry day is probably more often that it should be with 80 pairs of underwear.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 4: The Lipstick

Dude. Our protagonist has some serious short-term memory loss issues. Can't even remember putting on lipstick...what's the world coming to....

Author's Response: He's just more than a little confused at the moment.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 5: The Nail Polish

A clear coat on top of your color helps to avoid needing touch-ups. Just fyi, protagonist-whose-name-I-don't-know.

Author's Response: (S)He probably knows that.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 6: The Perfume

You have some tense issues here. The last line disagrees with the rest of the story. Also, I've been perfume shopping in Victoria's Secret. Most of them smell like alcohol with synthetic aromatics. The ones that actually smell like something are the expensive ones. Also, am I the only one wondering who/what is causing this change?

Author's Response: Clearly (s)he has some money to spend.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 7: The Earrings

Damn. Hoops are heavy. Gold ones are especially heavy. Strong ears on that one. And why is (s)he matching panties to polish??? Too much work...

Author's Response: Some people just like to do that. Girl I dated in high school matched EVERYTHING. Not even joking.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 8: The Nylons and the Garter Belt

As a matter of fact, wearing tight weave nylons does not require leg shaving. I can attest. As for no socks...I hope his/her feet don't sweat....

Author's Response: Good to know.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 9: The Heels

Wait. What the heck is going on now??? When is this brainwashing happening, and dang, FOUR INCHES, her booty better be amazing to wear four inches for that. Three inches is hard enough, jeeze!

Author's Response: Some women can handle six inches.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 10: The Blouse

Hmmm...this resocialization is taking interesting turns.... I'll have to ask my sociology professor about it....

Author's Response: Some people just make connections, prior to or after big changes.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 11: The Skirt

I SHALL KEEP GOING SIR AZORATH! Wait. Wrong story....

Dat booty tho...messin' up the papers...f'shame....

Author's Response: Yep. Got a good booty.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 12: The Dress and the Ring

Wait wut...I'm confused now. Creepyness abounds here....

Author's Response: What's confusing?

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 13: The Surgery and the Truth

AHHH MAGICAL MOVIES AHA!

Author's Response: Not magic, subliminal messages.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 14: The Epilogue

Huh. How about that. The brainwashed slave married her brainwasher...surprising....

Author's Response: A match made... Some... Where...

A young brother is kidnapped and this gives his older brother a chance to save him
Rated: Deviant 1 Reviews starstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 3928 Words: 3169 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Male to Female, Child (0-12 yrs)
Turned Into: Sissy, Slave
Featured Items: Petticoat, Lace, Ruffles, Crinoline
Locale: Family Household, Strip Club
Motivation for Change: Forced, Male Domination
Story Theme: Captive, Humiliation
Series: None
Published: 07/20/13
Updated: 07/20/13
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 08/04/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I liked the story concept. However, it felt somewhat rushed. I feel like there could have been more to it, and I would have liked to see a little more character development. Overall, it is a solid story, if a little deficient in a few areas, thus the four stars.

It's date night for Josh and his long-time girlfriend Louise. An evening spent people watching in their usual bar has an unexpected side-effect.
Rated: Kid-Friendly 4 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Completed Story Reads: 5314 Words: 2048 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Adult (27-62 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult
Featured Items: Boots
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Everyday Living, Romance
Series: None
Published: 12/16/13
Updated: 12/16/13
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 06/05/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

This story is really well written. I hope there's more to come :)

Author's Response: Very kind of you, thank you. This is pretty much a one shot but never say never. :)

In which a villainess sets out on a quest to seduce a hero, a hero must come to terms with the secret identity (s)he'd rather deny, and a mad scientist just tries to get some mad science done without getting distracted by the antics of her magical minion.
Rated: Explicit 344 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 571151 Words: 69415 Chapters: 43 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 06/04/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

This story's plot builds really well and the writing is excellent. I can't wait to finish the rest of the series.

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! =D

Jaux Ballad has always wanted to enter the realm of magic, but could not do so by regular means. In his desperation to become a magician he finds himself with more power, and more trouble, than he could ever have imagined.
Rated: Adult 353 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 310315 Words: 97327 Chapters: 48 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character, Teenager
Featured Items: Corsets, Petticoat, Lace, Ruffles, Crinoline
Locale: Camp, College, Family Household
Motivation for Change: Accident, Curse
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Bisexual
Story Theme: Historical Time Period, Mythical Setting, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence
Series: Vanasia Universe
Published: 02/22/14
Updated: 09/17/15
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 06/04/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: The Demon Root

Awesome plot. I love the characters and writing style. A+

As a normal boy, I would always dream of going to Paragon and meeting a hero. But, maybe my chances weren't so bad after all.
Rated: Adult 27 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 24797 Words: 19515 Chapters: 10 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Series: Paragon Verse
Published: 03/05/14
Updated: 07/23/15
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 07/31/14 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Hey I just wanted to say I really like what you're doing with the story and can't wait to see more. Hope you come out with a new update soon :)

Author's Response: I've been working on it, hopefully you don't have to wait too long! Glad to hear you've been enjoying it!

When a 16-year-old boy stumbles across a TG fiction site, a magical mirror is going to make thins pretty for him...
Rated: Kid-Friendly 6 Reviews starstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 4003 Words: 1203 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Teenager
Featured Items: Lingerie
Locale: Family Household, High School
Motivation for Change: Forced, Unknown, Willing or Voluntary
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Beauty/Fashion, Everyday Living
Type of Change: Changed by Clothing, Fast/Instant Change
Series: None
Published: 04/18/14
Updated: 04/18/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstar
Date: 04/21/15 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I like the idea. It's actually really original and fresh (something you don't see too often here), and I really hope you decide to write more on this. It has a lot of potential, and the craft isn't half bad. There are a few bits here and there with some awkward word choices or typos, but overall they're minor.

Really though, the idea is new! I can't begin to tell you how excited I am over a new idea on the site. It feels reminiscent of Footwear of Faelin, but is different enough that it stands out on its own. I really like it. However, there isn't any conflict in the story. It reads as very wish-fulfillment with no driving force behind the plot. As is, this is okay, but if you decide to expand the story (something I would like to see), you will need some sort of plot motivation.

Best of luck on anything else you do :)

Aaron finds a rock in his back yard. Hilarity ensues.
Rated: Deviant 42 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 87958 Words: 14634 Chapters: 7 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Female to Male, Teen (13-19 yrs), Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Cheerleader, Sissy
Featured Items: Bikinis
Locale: Family Household, High School
Warnings: Non-Consentual Sex
Series: The Curse Universe
Published: 05/13/14
Updated: 06/09/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 1: There Was A Young Boy Who Found a Rock

Hey Hikaro, Not quite sure about the last couple paragraphs. I might rethink them.

Billy Smith was a late in life surprise to his parents. There was something oddly different about him, but nobody was able to define what it was. One day when he was playing video games with his new female friend there was a malfunction in the VR gear...
Rated: Adult 28 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 43240 Words: 46392 Chapters: 9 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 06/04/14 Title: Chapter 1: The Beginning

I really like this story and I can't wait to see what else happens. Most of the time I read fantasy or sci-fi stories but this one has captured my interest. I'll definitely read more. I like the realistic characters and from what I can tell so far, the plot looks solid.

Author's Response: Most of my stories are more realistic, but I have a few SF and Fantasy based in my slush pile.

East City was enjoying a normal day, until several people awoke to find strange humanoid creatures telling them that they were "chosen"...
Rated: Adult 146 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 74438 Words: 181322 Chapters: 44 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 12/28/14 Title: Chapter 37: Issue #35: The Big Fight, Part Two

Yay! Smoke! I had fun coming up with him, even if he hasn't actually done a whole lot back in SR....

In other news, I liked it. Poor Tim, no costume..

Author's Response: What would even be his costume?

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10/18/14 Title: Chapter 28: Issue #27: Genesis

Wow. Great chapter. Hurt like hell though. Was not expecting that at all.

Author's Response: Which part, exactly?

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 05/22/15 Title: Chapter 1: Issue #1: Secret Origins, Part One

Hikaro,

In the interests of fairness and good times for all, I will be CinemaSinning BNW. I will be leaving ratings every other chapter, because I don't want to mess with the rating on the story (or screw up my carefully cultivated average rating score).

That being said, this is a joke review. Do not take it seriously.


Let's get going:

'And so, one day, I woke up to find myself smack dab in the middle of a comic book.' comma splice and the phrase 'smack dab' (who even says that??) We're off to a good start. (+2)

'waking to find something that obviously wasn't human' Okay, fair enough, but: It looked human, sounded human, but very clearly wasn't human. The creature was a young woman, looking to be about twenty-six or twenty-seven.' Sooo...how isn't it human again? I swear this is a trope.... (+1)

'she said, her voice almost like music' and 'her voice resonated throughout my bedroom.' Bass drum voice. Very sexy. (+1)

'A pink and green mist began to fill my room.' Horrible color combo. C'mon people, really? (+1)

'I was suckin' that mist in something fierce.' Blaze It sin! Also, odd apostrophe usage. Does anybody shorten 'sucking'? Also, also, what on earth is this phrasing? I feel like I've hopped into the DeLorean.... (+2)

'She dropped the lamp she was holding and fainted.' Fragile Feminine Sensibilities sin. I'll bet she swooned with her hand on her forehead too. Also, why on earth is she carrying a lamp? Just for it to break when she drops it? Because it didn't. Not-Having-The-Lamp-Break sin. (+2)

'"Charlie?" he said, though I heard nothing. It was almost like he was mouthing the word.' Stress-Induced Deafness sin! (+1)

'I fainted, too.' Our protagonist is a lemming! (I'll refer back to Charlie's mother.) Also, comma splice. (+2)

'I awoke a couple hours later' how do you know this? I don't know to the hour how long I've slept. This is why we have the 'I Didn't Realize How Late It Was' trope. Perfect Internal Clock sin! (+1)

'The cobwebs and my concern for my mom made me numb to the differences in my body, for the time being.' If you're numb, how-do-you-know-your-body-is-different? Obvious foreshadowing sin! (+1)

'I scratched at my throat, because my voice sounded different.' Because, when my voice sounds different, I scratch at it. Yes. This. Doing Something Dumb For The Purposes Of Plot sin! (+1)

'"Looks like a spider went overboard!"' Needless exclamation point sin. Do people just go around yelling at the tops of their voices all the time? (+1)

'"Sit down, Charlie, you've got something to take in."' Besides the obvious foreshadowing, the spider webs, and your mother who was apparently raised in the 50s? And a comma splice! Sin, sin, sin, sin! (+4)

'I stood back up and rubbed at my ass ' Rump rub! I would take a sin off, but... 'not even considering the embarrassment of rubbing my own ass in front of my father' Embarrassing Moment sin! (+0)

'"What's going on?" I asked again.' Yer' a Wizard Harry...no. You have an inflated badonkadonk and you're asking what's going on? The Genre Blindness is crippling. Sin! (+1)

'"There's no easy way to tell you this, Charlie."' WEEEOOO!!! WEEEOOO!!! IMPORTANT MESSAGE INCOMING! Sin. (+1)

'"And why do you keep saying my name after almost every sentence? I think I figured out my name was 'Charlie' when I was two."' I just noticed this, but if our character was a boy before the story started (and we do), why are we using the feminine spelling??? Sin, sin, sin! (+3)

'I looked downward and saw that my shirt was pushed out by the breasts that were now underneath it. I fainted again.' Perfectly logical reaction...*sigh*...Fragile Feminine Sensibilities sin...again.... (+2)

'I hadn't had any food the whole morning (actually, it had become afternoon by the time I'd awoken from the second fainting), so I figured it would be a good idea to chow down then.' How Do I Words? This sentence is so weird.... Sin. (+1)

'I stumbled a few times, thanks to my new way of moving, but I got the hang of it after a few minutes.' I promise that boobs will not upset your sense of balance that much. Boobs Make Me Top-Heavy sin! (+1)

'The bouncing boobs was still weird, though.' How Do I Words? Plus a Comma Splice! (yes, I'm capitalizing it now) (+2)

'and looked at myself in the mirror that hung on the backside of the door.' Why hello there, Mr. Exposition, how are you? Oh you're good? That's nice. Sin! (+1)

'How do girls deal with wearing guy clothes all the time?' Belts and elastic waistbands. (+1)

'I crawled out my window and rushed down the fire escape.' Spider Man reference! (+1)

'I felt something.' Ah! It's the Curse of the Mysterious Something! Also, NANANANANANANANANANANA SPIDER SENSE! (+2)

'"Hey, chickie,"' ... '"Never seen you 'round here before." He grabbed me by the chin and pulled me closer to him. "You real pretty."' And now we're back in the Seventies. Do they have afros? I hope they do. (+2)

'"Get offa me!"' And so it continues.... (+1)

'He hit the wall of the closest building and groaned in pain, as if I'd broken something in him.' His dignity. I think you messed up his afro. (+1)

'I felt that weird sensation again and, somehow, did a cartwheel out of the way.' Spahderr Sense, Needless Acrobatics sin, and...wait for it...Comma Splice! This one gets five for sheer audacity. (+5)

'"Get that bitch!" the leader spat at his thugs.' Cliched Villain Line sin! (+1)

'They ran at me, and those weird sensations guided my movements. I jumped clear over their heads, then knelt down and did a leg sweep, knocking those two on their asses. As one of them fell, his knife went skyward, and I grabbed it just before it landed in the other thug's right eye. Those two got up really quick, the one grabbed his knife, and then they bolted. Behind me, the leader reached out to grab me, but I rolled out of the way just a second before he reached me.' Badass Fight Scene! (-3)

'"Bitch!"' Again with the needless insults! Sin, sin, sin! (+3)

'"Hey, you came up on me! Probably wanted to rape me, or something!"' First chapter rape reference! Sin. (+1)

'He ran at me with his own knife, but just ducked to the side and clotheslined him, knocking him flat on his back.' This sentence makes a lot more sense if you add an 'I' between 'but', and 'just'. Sin. (+1)

'I grabbed his knife and, with strength I didn't know I had, broke the blade off of it and tossed the two pieces into the nearest dumpster.' Without cutting her hands too! (+1)

'"Holy crap, I'm Spider-Man!"' This line...I shake my head.... (+1)

'Something landed to my left.' Ah! The Curse is back! (+1)

'"Nah, you're not Spider-Man, on account of he's a dude. You were pretty good at makin' them piss their pants, though."' Again with the unnecessary shortening of words! (+1)

'made me want to facepalm right after I did it.' Facepalm. No. We don't use that term. Sin. (+1)

'"Whoa!' Needless exclamation. Sin. (+1)

'Now, granted, I'm from Luther, and people think I'm ghetto all the time, but the way I see it, aren't you supposed to tell me your name before you scream at me for mine?"' Wow, did you breathe at all, or did you just blurt it all out? Also, hello there Mr. Exposition. And remind me why he's just giving out personal information? Sin, sin, sin. (+3)

'Again, I wanted to facepalm.' Why are we still using this word??? Sin! Sin! Sin! Sin! Sin! (+5)

'I folded my arms under my breasts.' Heh. Boobies. (+1)

'"Short for Charlotte, I bet, right? I've got a cousin named Charlotte. That's actually where she's from, too. North Carolina."' Oh. My. God. We. Don't. Care. Sin, sin, sin. (+3)

'She didn't change him, and when he saw me with a dick, he stormed out.' Finally! Some realistic (ish) dialogue! I would take sins off for this, but the phrasing is so weird. (+0)

'Francine - or Frank, as he chose his new male name to be - and I talked for awhile. He came from a not-exactly-poor/not-exactly-rich family that had lived in Luther for generations. I described what I'd looked like before to him and he told me he'd seen me at school a few times, thought I was 'cute for a white boy'. He laughed at my surprised reaction. He wasn't one to draw race into any situation and knew I was the same. He told me what he'd looked like when he was female, and I vaguely remembered seeing a pretty black girl like that, but we'd had few classes together.' Mister Exposition, I missed you! Repeat after me, kids: "Show don't tell! Show don't tell! Show don't tell!" Sin, sin, sin, sin, sin, sin, sin, sin, sin! (+9)

'"I don't read comic books, I just watch 'em on TV."' Okay, if you're going to shorten 'them' to ''em', you can't have a space in between ''em' and the preceding word. It looks dumb. Sin. (+1)

'"Firm handshake you've got there," Dad said.' Oh my god this fucking line. Could we be more cliched? Sin. (+1)

'Dad looked at me with a critical, but loving, eye. I looked away in embarrassment. Thanks, Frank. "It wasn't like that... Well, I mean, it was. I did beat the crap out of them, but... well..."' There are a couple things wrong here. First: why is her dad not ripping her a new one? Sin, sin, sin. Second: why is she talking like an idiot? Sin. (+4)

'Despite my best efforts, I giggled. "Sorry, I forgot to tell you that my dad's a cop. Wait, what are you doing here if you got called in on your day off?"' I see a trope incoming.... Giggling is a sin. Read the book. (+1)

'Dad sighed. "Okay, I guess." Just before turning around and leading us to the car, he asked, "I'm gonna regret this, aren't I?"

I smiled. "You'll never know until we get to the precinct."' FINALLY! Dialogue I like! (-10)

'Dad raised an eyebrow, then lowered it. "Oh, yeah, Charlie told me you'd been a girl." He looked over at me. "Speaking of my lovely young daughter, are you gonna keep going by 'Charlie'?"

"It's a girl's name," I said, defending my name.' Especially spelled like that. (+1)

'I pulled a chair up beside Dad and told him the whole story.' Yay! You didn't have Frank recount the whole thing in mind-numbing detail! (-1)

'down the stairs, back into his laboratory.' Oh boy! This is gonna have mad scientists! (+1)

'Everything is going according to plan.' Not since you said that. Sin, sin, sin! (+3)

'He smiled, a thin, hope-stealing smile' I swear I've read this somewhere else...oh wait! I have! Everywhere! Overused Imagery sin! (+1)

'31 people with above human abilities.' Alright, in the above paragraph, you wrote out every number, but here you use numerals. Inconsistency sin! (+1)

'Once he found them, he would eliminate them, just as he had for centuries.' EXPOSITION! Also, you used the word 'eliminate'. That's racist. (+5)

Sin Tally: 78
Verdict: Hanged With Exposition

Author's Response: Only 78? You can do better.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 01/01/15 Title: Chapter 37: Issue #35: The Big Fight, Part Two

You remember Icon? That would be Tim's costume.

Author's Response: I don't know... I didn't want him wearing a cape.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 01/08/15 Title: Chapter 39: Issue #37: The Big Fight, Part Four

Wow. Harmony really sucks at one-liners and insults. She should go to The Joker's school of laughs....

On second thought, that's a really bad idea....

Author's Response: She's already nuts, what the f*** more do you want?!

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 01/15/15 Title: Chapter 40: Issue #38: The Big Fight, Part Five

Dear Editor,


Hmmm...developments....

In order of noticing:
You should have left Smoke and Knight's exchange in English (people will actually get what was said, and why it's important)(or throw translations later).
Nice Halo reference with Tim's energy swords.
I'm glad to see that Angel's sight isn't completely wonky.
I wonder what Maria's gonna do to the Benefactor, and how it will change her.
I don't recognize who took out Monic and Colin's robots, at first I thought it was Smoke, but then I realized that he's not in the fight anymore. I'm missing something.
Oh no! Spider-girl killed someone!
CSM gtfo. I know who you are, and I don't like you >->

I think that's it. Can't wait til next week.


Sincerely,
StephAD

Author's Response: Hey, thanks a lot, Steph! I didn't translate it because... well... about five minutes after I copied and pasted it out of Google Translate, I COMPLETELY forgot what it was, aside from the gist of it. The Halo reference was completely unintentional. I mean, seriously, unintentional. Oh, you'll see on both the Angel and Maria fronts next week. The mysterious person who helped Monica and Colin is going to remain mysterious until they're formerly introduced in Volume Two. Yeah, Charlie killed a woman. She was PISSED. Next week's the biggest chapter of this final arc, so you better be excited!

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 01/15/15 Title: Chapter 1: Issue #1: Secret Origins, Part One

Well even putting the gist of the translations, post-final chapter in the end notes or something would help immensely. It would also further explain why Knight was so flabberghasted after Smoke showed up to get Conjurer.

Author's Response: Indeed. But maybe it's a plot point that they're not translated yet.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 01/22/15 Title: Chapter 41: Issue #39: The Big Fight, Part Six

*glares*

Author's Response: *smiles*

I am now tured into a sissy by my other sisters an we are also triplets
Rated: Adult 8 Reviews starhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 13088 Words: 4998 Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Male to Female, Child (0-12 yrs)
Turned Into: Girlfriend, Teenager
Featured Items: Bikinis, Breast Forms, Undies
Locale: Family Household
Body Modification: Breast Implants
Motivation for Change: Forced
Personality: Is Unaware of Changes
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Type: Comic
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Hormonal
Warnings: Bodily Functions
Series: None
Published: 06/03/14
Updated: 06/27/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstar
Date: 06/04/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

To the author. There is a lot of really dense text here which makes it quite difficult to read. Additionally, there is poor grammar here which makes it more difficult to read. Perhaps using *angle bracket open*br*angle bracket close* (the line break tag in HTML) would make it flow much better. I have found that the text editor on TGStorytime doesn't register the enter bar as a valid keystroke and so it won't show up in the text. Other than that, the story looks interesting, and aside from the grammar errors, it looks good.

Zach almost gets himself killed walking down the streets. A sudden gain in power and a sudden loss of an artifact and his life is turned inside out.
Rated: Adult 8 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 5875 Words: 5880 Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Featured Items: Latex or Rubber Clothing, Lingerie, School Uniform, Undies, Work Uniform
Locale: Girl's School
Motivation for Change: Accident
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Changed by Clothing, Fast/Instant Change, Mechanical Device, Stuck
Warnings: Bodily Functions, Politically Incorrect, Torture
Series: None
Published: 06/04/14
Updated: 06/09/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 06/05/14 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 Waking Up

I like the story. I think that the story concept would make a great anime. (Not just because it is set in Japan, but also the story itself.) I'm looking forward to more :)

What could be more exciting than being dressed as a pretty girl by a beautiful woman, especially when she's hungry for what's under your satin dress and petticoats. I was hooked from the moment she slipped me into panties until the moment she tore them off in passion. Rated "TV" for Torrid but Virtuous.
Rated: Adult 4 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 9288 Words: 8345 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 08/20/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Hey, I just wanted to suggest that you change the rating to explicit, as this story goes a little beyond adult.

The Kings Sword is a gift from the gods, coming to the world when evil, treachery and suffering control the land. It is wielded by those with the strength and purity to return peace to the land. Sarah a peasant girl is its newest wielder. There is a problem though, it's the Kings Sword, not the Queens Sword.
Rated: Kid-Friendly 3 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 9381 Words: 18010 Chapters: 11 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Female to Male, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Locale: Camp, Road Trip
Motivation for Change: For a Job, In Hiding, Undercover, Willing or Voluntary
Personality: From Submissive to Dominant
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Historical Time Period, Mythical Setting, Romance, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Body Suit, Changed by Clothing
Series: None
Published: 08/02/14
Updated: 08/19/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 08/11/14 Title: Chapter 9: What to Do?

I think that the name is fine, it easily identifies how Sara is being viewed. Additionally, it prevents confusion of the names, as both names are very distinctive names in the setting so far. Often in real life, people have and go by many different names, I myself have at least six different nicknames, along with my given first and middle names, along with my chosen name, an additional two names. That brings the number of names I have responded to up to 11 (including my last name). I don't have any issues keeping them straight, and neither did anyone else.

I really like how this story is going so far. It is well written and I find myself frantically checking for updates. I hope to see more of it, and more like it in the future. Keep it coming :)

Author's Response: Many thanks for your thoughts. I was getting worried no one was reading this more than once. As I'm getting used to writing both her names, I'm coming to agree with you. I'll give it some more thought but will probably keep it as is... I'll be updating this fairly often. I'm actually amazed at how much I've written already, but this story is taking my mind off of my sore back much better than any of my other stories. So for that strange reason, the first part should be done by the end of the month, I'm aiming for 40K words. Then I'll get started on the next half. This is going to be a LONG series. Thanks again.

After Don Juan, libertine and womaniser (and murderer) has been dragged down to Hell for his crimes, his manservant, Leporello, sits in a tavern telling stories about him for the price of a beer. But now Leporello's had a dream that's shown him the Don's punishment in Hell, and he's afraid....
Rated: Adult 1 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 1761 Words: 1327 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Adult (27-62 yrs)
Turned Into: Maid
Body Modification: Sexual Reassignment Surgery
Motivation for Change: As Justice for a Crime, Revenge
Personality: From Dominant to Submissive
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Historical Time Period
Type of Change: Stuck
Warnings: Bondage/S&M
Series: None
Published: 08/16/14
Updated: 08/16/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 08/17/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

It's a good one-off and doesn't take too long to read. It gives some great ides for longer stories, and I liked the concept.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm glad you liked the story.

During a visit to his grandparents house with his brother, Anthony went somewhere he shouldn't. Now the fae folk have taken him as their prize, changing him to suit their needs and their pleasure. Does he have the willpower, the strength, the courage to find himself again and escape?
Rated: Adult 111 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 116644 Words: 55211 Chapters: 41 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 08/17/14 Title: Chapter 2: A Most Wondrous Gift

I like the story. Unlike many TG stories I've read, the transformation seamlessly fits into the plot, and I don't feel like it it was shoehorned in to make the story about a TG character. I like where it's going, and I want to see more.

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I try to have a reason for everything in my stories with varying amounts of success, so it's awesome hearing stuff like this. Cheers

the 17 years old boy jeremy coincidentally purchases the "second skin" of the norse god loki thinking it is just a normal coat. How will he react when he realises what he got himself into.
Rated: Kid-Friendly 3 Reviews Story Incomplete Reads: 9527 Words: 579 Chapters: 2 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Motivation for Change: Accident
Story Theme: Mythical Setting
Type of Change: Body Suit
Series: None
Published: 08/17/14
Updated: 08/17/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 08/18/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 A coat for sale.

I like the story concept, the work is a little bit sloppy, but the characters and setting seem to be pretty well fleshed out. You've probably heard this somewhere before, but having someone run over things with a quick grammar, usage, and spell check would improve the story immensely.

You may also benefit from some fact checking. Instead of saying a Norse country, which is fairly imprecise and outdated, take one of the Nordic countries (Denmark, Finland, Greenland, Iceland, Norway and Sweden), all northern European countries which have exact locations and an established historical record, and make Henrick's ancestors be from there. It would lend credibility and help the suspension of disbelief.

Other than those items, some items mentioned by other reviewers, and a few small nitpicky things which are personal opinions that can vary from reader to reader, I like where it's going, and hope to see more.

I am called Josh and I have been kidnapped all I see is people coming and going
Rated: Kid-Friendly 2 Reviews Story Incomplete Reads: 1630 Words: 222 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Girlfriend
Featured Items: Bikinis
Body Modification: Extreme Surgical Alteration
Motivation for Change: Forced
Personality: Loses Identity
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Bisexual
Story Theme: Medical Experiment
Type of Change: Body Swap
Warnings: Bodily Functions, Death
Series: None
Published: 08/19/14
Updated: 08/19/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 08/20/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I would begin with a spell check, and have someone proofread your grammar. You have paragraphs with only one period, and no other punctuation. Additionally, you are having issues deciding on whether you are writing in the present or past tense.

The majority of the story is fairly incomprehensible due to poor sentence structure, and of the sentences that you do have, there isn't enough there. You have roughly 225 words, which is about two conventional paragraphs. I would suggest aiming for at least 500 words.

Unfortunately, I don't have any compliments as to the story, mostly because I have no idea what is happening. I would heavily edit the story so as to make it comprehensible, then repost so that you can get better feedback.

I'm not leaving a rating because I don't know enough about the story to rate it, and because I hate to give bad ratings for silly things like poor writing mechanics. It may very well be a great story, but I have no way of knowing because I can't understand it.

Mark Raynor is nearing the end of his career as an airship gunner. But when his ship receives a mission to look for an ancient device, and actually find it, his outlook on life changes completly
Rated: Explicit 53 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 42275 Words: 27560 Chapters: 13 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult, Fantasy Character
Featured Items: Boots
Locale: Labratory
Motivation for Change: Accident
Personality: From Submissive to Dominant, Made Smarter
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Historical Time Period
Type of Change: Age Regression, Fast/Instant Change
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence, Non-Consentual Sex
Series: None
Published: 08/22/14
Updated: 02/03/15
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/02/14 Title: Chapter 9: Fight

I really really really like this! I can't wait for the rest! It's super good!

Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed it. Next chapter should come up either late monday or early tuesday, depending on when the following chapter is ready.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 11/04/14 Title: Chapter 10: What Doesn't Kill You...

I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again. I hate rape. I hate the idea of it. I hate the facts of it. And I hate it as a plot device. People use it to instantly villainize their characters, and I hate it so much. That being said, you wrote it well, and you wrote it respectfully (from a meta standpoint), so I'm not giving it the low rating that I almost always give rape scenes (and because I don't want to drag the overall rating down on such a good story).

Author's Response: I appreciate not giving a poor review for content that you did not like. Like I said in the end notes, I am never writing another scene like that again. Breaking a strong character, even if I know she recovers in the long run, was the hardest thing I had ever done. I'm treating this subject matter with as much respect as possible.

East City isn't the only place that the Chosen have arrived. In the nearby city of Pine Ridge, Sasha Jackson is Chosen to rise. But is she ready for the challenges that await her?
Special thanks to Hikaro for permission to use his setting.
Rated: Adult 112 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 22692 Words: 103925 Chapters: 53 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Female to Male, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Jock
Featured Items: Long Nails
Locale: College, Hospital or Clinic
Body Modification: Weight Gain
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Women
Story Theme: Captive, Coming of Age, Horror
Type of Change: Primarily Female to Male
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence
Series: Brave New World
Published: 08/26/14
Updated: 11/04/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10/24/14 Title: Chapter 43: Alone

Oh wow. Those soldiers seem very...scary. I hope that Sasha gets to fight them later on.

Author's Response: I hope that the new chapter has proven that they are scary. Thanks for commenting.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10/24/14 Title: Chapter 44: Coup

If it's not too much of a spoiler, can I ask what country? It seems like it's a European country, but I wouldn't want to guess wrong.

Author's Response: An African country around the Congo. I haven't named it because I suck with names and it's not going to stay there.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10/27/14 Title: Chapter 46: Beginning of the End

I'm actually not that upset with Joanna's tactics, they're effective, and seem not to be affecting the general populace significantly. Her soldiers also seem to be very disciplined, which is a good thing when dealing with a change in power. I'm only upset with the dictatorial nature of her rule, as things could get very bad for her citizens, and she wouldn't have to do a thing about it. She's also conscripting from the subjugated, which has been an accepted tactic for hundreds of thousands of years, so as unsavory the tactic is, it is effective, and has stood the test of time.

However, Hitler was a dictator, and for much of the German populace, things were looking up during WW2, with only a few groups being persecuted. After Hitler's fall, and the subsequent end of WW2, things got very bleak for the Germans. I wonder if something similar will happen after Joanna's fall from power (although, Joanna is only killing the people who oppose her rule, so the repercussions may not be quite as bad)...

Author's Response: Yep, she's not pointlessly cruel, or an idiot. This is what you get with a History degree and an interest in politics. Absolutely useless in the real world but so many interesting things to mine.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10/31/14 Title: Chapter 49: How I Got These Scars

Oh. Thought is delightfully insane. I am enjoying this. I love it when the protagonists get their Crowning Moment of Awesome.

Author's Response: Honestly I hadn't even thought of going in this direction with Thought until the previous chapter, when I wanted to show just how far she'd slipped into despair and confronted Dani, then it seemed to just click. I'm glad others found it as enjoyable as I did. It's also nice to have the good guys getting the drop on the bad guys for a change.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/01/14 Title: Chapter 50: Escape

It looks really good, There are a few typos though:

"Shoving his hand shoulder deep into the soft, pliable plastic, he felt a metal cable."

"The woman was using her own mind against her, turning it into a dark maze of enormous chairs and nearly pitch black aisle...."

"The struggle didn’t last long as a fish slammed into his head...."


I think those are all of them, otherwise, it looks awesome. I really like it.

Author's Response: Thanks I got called away before I could do my final editing job. Will fix them up soon. Glad the chapter worked nicely.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/03/14 Title: Chapter 51: Desperation

*Speechless*

Author's Response: Told you it could go go either way.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/04/14 Title: Chapter 52: You Can Stop Now

Good ending.

Author's Response: I've had that ending written in a very rough form since just after Chapter 21. Hardest bloody thing I've ever written.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/04/14 Title: Chapter 53: There's Always Hope

Funnily enough, I almost had a character who could bring back the dead....

Author's Response: Remember my threat. Also there is no body, no head, and the nanites are pretty much all dead. No Bloody Wolverine here.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/04/14 Title: Chapter 1: Reborn

"Almost" was the key word in that sentence.

Author's Response: Don't make me hurt you.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 12/15/14 Title: Chapter 1: Reborn

Hey Kent, remember how I said I almost had a character who could bring back the dead? You might want to recheck what Moros is capable of.... Old Friends is giving me lots of fun characters to play with....

Author's Response: Remember my threat.

More and more people have been Chosen with each passing month. The latest addition to the super powered crew is Bryan Hobden from Glassview City, who suddenly finds himself facing challenges he never thought he would ever have to face in his life.
Rated: Adult 34 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 25362 Words: 68613 Chapters: 16 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 01/15/15 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Chosen

Hey,
Just wondering how you're doing. You've kinda dropped off the radar, so we're all a bit worried about you. Hope you're okay, I sent an email, but you haven't responded, and this is really the only other way I might reach you. Hope to see you back soon :)
-Steph, and the rest of the BNW crew

A growing collection of very short stories. Each one a single chapter and under 500 words in a variety of styles.
Rated: Adult 7 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 4417 Words: 716 Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Adult (27-62 yrs)
Turned Into: Mother
Locale: Hospital or Clinic
Body Modification: Sexual Reassignment Surgery
Motivation for Change: Willing or Voluntary
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Comedy, Pregnancy
Series: None
Published: 10/19/14
Updated: 11/20/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 10/22/14 Title: Chapter 2: Coke and Drop Bears

Hmmm...this seems vaguely familiar...

Author's Response: After the ten minutes of work I put into writing it, it should seem familiar. :-P

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 3: Where's Mommy!

Woah Kent. I was starting to have faith in you, then you had to go and do another creepy story. Shameshame. But honestly, aside from going nine words over, it's just not my cup of tea.

Author's Response: I came up with the idea and wrote it in 8 minutes. You try doing that. Also according to my program it's 250 words. So :-P Next time challenge me to write something happy.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 3: Where's Mommy!

Okay then, write a full realistic crossdressing story consisting of at least four chapters, and no more than 15K words. Avoid all of the following like the plague: death; horror; psychological trauma; or severe bodily harm. And do it before November 24. The gauntlet has been thrown.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 4: Our Reward

Lol. I like it Kent. Still a few over, but that's not really important. Wait. Damn. I forgot one important thing on the challenge, the most important thing: It must have a happy ending.

Author's Response: MS Word said it was spot on. Anyways glad you like it. About the challenge, it's accepted. But it's going to be set in a fantasy world. Realistic tg however.

Gather round, as players from all over the world embark on an accidental quest of discovery and peril! Join Sadie, Hikaro, Sam, Keith, Azorath, and Don through an adventure that will change them forever.
Rated: Adult 40 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 16227 Words: 54514 Chapters: 13 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10/26/14 Title: Chapter 1: Players - Act 1

It's looking pretty cool so far. It reminds me of Sword Art Online (one of my favorite stories/anime).

There are a few things that would help with the flow.
1.) Looking over the grammar and spelling would help .
2.) Breaking the repetitive paragraphs into more varied paragraph lengths. It helps keep it from becoming monotonous.
3.) Going through, and making the writing style more uniform would make the story seem more cohesive. If the style varies between stories in a series, it's fine. However, when the writing varies within one chapter, it contributes to a break in suspension of disbelief (i.e. interrupts the flow).

Author's Response: Well, each "------" signifies a change in author, and it's rather hard to change the writing style of an entire bit of what an author wrote without offending them. ACDC Metal Fan is Mexican, so that explains a bit of the grammar. We tried to go over his stuff and edit it to make it flow better, but it only make sense that we missed a few things. Writing styles between us three varies greatly, to be honest. I usually like to do dialogue. I really don't know why. Hikaro likes descriptions of the characters a lot from what I can tell. And ACDC seems to like to write fighting sequences and such. We'll have to adjust accordingly, but I appreciate the five star review even with its errors, and I'm sure ACDC and Hikaro do too. Anyways, we're already writing chapter three right now, so wish us luck. - Sel

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/06/14 Title: Chapter 9: At Least Somebody's Having Fun - Act 2

Super good. I'll be waiting for the next update. No big errors, kudos to the editor (hey A_Kent), and your guys' writing is getting better. No issues here :)

Author's Response: Selena and I also double as editors y'know! ~ Hikaro

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/06/14 Title: Chapter 8: Problems - Act 2

I would like to point out that you freaked Mr. A_Kent out. I'm proud of you Hikaro. Striking a blow for creepy. I will forever look up (or down) to your example as the culmination of screwed up stuff, and would like to mention that I in no way espouse, advocate, or approve of the rape in this chapter.

On a more serious note, I absolutely hate rape as a plot device (and just in general), but you did it as well as can be expected for a topic like this. It is for this reason, that I'm not leaving a rating. I don't like rape, and when I leave a review on a chapter with rape in it, they tend to be low. I left a rating on the most recent chapter though :)

Author's Response: I don't advocate r***, and I don't even like to use it as a plot device, but Azorath needed a reason to be the way he is, and it's much more powerful if it's happening to that character. Had I introduced Brian's mother, had it happening to her, it still would have been r***, but to a third party, and just not as strong. ~ Hikaro

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/06/14 Title: Chapter 7: Come Together, Fall Apart - Act 2

Wow. I'm liking Brian/Brittany/Azorath as a character more and more as the series goes on. Kudos to you Hikaro, and to the other writers, I haven't forgotten you, and I'll go through again later and leave reviews for more characters/authors.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/06/14 Title: Chapter 1: Players - Act 1

Heh heh heh, but you all also write, and I'll give enough love to you guys as the story wears on. A_Kent doesn't get much recognition for the hard work that he does on your writing.

Jack is a struggling writer. One day a woman appears at his doorstep saying she can give him inspiration for the story of a lifetime!
Rated: Adult 5 Reviews starstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 10464 Words: 1118 Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Girlfriend
Featured Items: Bikinis, Petticoat, Lace, Ruffles, Crinoline
Locale: Office
Body Modification: Ears Pierced
Motivation for Change: For a Job, Tricked, Willing or Voluntary
Personality: Loses Identity
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Drug-Induced, Fast/Instant Change
Series: None
Published: 10/27/14
Updated: 07/30/18
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 10/28/14 Title: Chapter 1: Gear 1 - The Silver Tick

Not bad, you would benefit from taking more time to describe the world. Other than that, you just have a couple grammatical and spelling mistakes.I would like to see more.

Author's Response: When I wrought it I thought there was more in it then I put in, I wright all my story's on a 3ds you see so it can make it hard sometimes, but thanks for the feed back. :)

On the opposite coast from East City, West City has a new Chosen. Alan Butler finds out how hard the Chosen have it the hard way...
Rated: Adult 8 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 6541 Words: 14367 Chapters: 16 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 10/28/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Hageshi Hyo

What language is "Hageshī Hyō?"

I assume that it's Alan's Chosen name, but I can't find the meaning in English.

Author's Response: It's Japanese. It means Fierce Hail or Fierce Hailstorm. I wanted to base his/her character off of Tōshirō Hitsugaya from Bleach, power wise.

Months ago, Ricki was changed from a boy into a girl, gaining the power to control the wind in the process. Since then she has seen her family murdered, nearly died, and killed to defend herself. Now on her own, with no plan except to escape her inner demons she has a chance to find peace.
This is part of the Brave New World Universe with direct tie ins to Tech Adventures.
Rated: Adult 25 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 7050 Words: 37183 Chapters: 14 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Personality: Bad to Good
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Coming of Age
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Series: Brave New World
Published: 11/05/14
Updated: 01/03/15
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/06/14 Title: Chapter 1: The Morrig

I'm pumped for this story, I have it on good authority that there won't be much gore ;) and less gore = fewer characters I like dying. I like the Morrig, I can't wait to see more about these characters :)

Author's Response: I will try my best. I won't promise a no deaths story, but it won't be done in drawn out, excruciating, psychotically gleeful detail.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/09/14 Title: Chapter 3: The Guardians

Ahhh I want to comment on stuff, but I have to wait until the next chapter to see how it goes down. Good job Kent, keep it up!

Author's Response: Why do you have to wait?

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/19/14 Title: Chapter 5: Shopping Spree

Well Kent, I'm not entirely sure about your so called "change of heart." I'll have to watch things for a little more to cure my scepticism. Good chapter, don't update for a couple days, you're stealing all my readers.

Author's Response: No one trusts me. :-( About the readers, it's not my updates that steals them, it's my good looks, charm and incredible endurance. I can't help it that I'm awesome.

A collection of short stories
Rated: Explicit 1 Reviews starstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 5284 Words: 1561 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstar
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 1: Slap on the Wrist from HR

It's written well enough, but I'm not sure that I like the premise behind it. Regardless, it's good.

Its a nice piece sorry for leaving for like a year almost Lol and sorry about the typical sex crazed tranny part
Rated: Explicit 4 Reviews starstarhalf-star Completed Story Reads: 1227 Words: 1556 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Gender Change
Characters: None
Turned Into: Adult
Featured Items: Bikinis, Sex Toys, Undies
Series: None
Published: 11/20/14
Updated: 11/20/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstar
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I feel like this was written quickly, and not proofread. If you throw it into google docs, it'll find most of your spelling issues. As for grammar issues, it's mostly missing commas. I think it could benefit from an expansion of the descriptions.

Your writing is straying close to purple prose territory, and there are too many adjectives chilling next to each other. Let them breathe. One or two descriptive words for a noun, and that's all you need. Additionally, you should make it abundantly clear that this story is for mature audiences. The title, as it stands now, makes it look like a transition story.

I would respectfully recommend that you avoid the 'sex-crazed-tranny' trope like the plague, as it is incredibly offensive to literally everyone with a sense of decency.

I'm leaving a two because, despite these flaws, the craft is somewhat okay.

Stories of no longer than 1000 words.
Rated: Adult 12 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 5506 Words: 2657 Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 11/20/14 Title: Chapter 2: The Red Stain

And dammit Hikaro, it's better for it. SPAWN THE GENDER NON-CONFORMING REVOLUTION!

Steph challenged me to write a story longer than 1000 words with one scene, due to my trouble writing longer things. So, here it is.
Rated: Kid-Friendly 3 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 1068 Words: 1035 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Series: None
Published: 11/20/14
Updated: 11/21/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/21/14 Title: Chapter 1: True Happiness

Yay! A happy story! I mean, I already read it and junk, but it's still good.. I would actually love to see a sequel for it if the mood ever strikes your fancy. You rocked the Challenge, and ended up with a pretty awesome story for it. Kudos to you, I wrote a lame poem for my Challenge, lol. I think I'll do the Challenge that I gave you, too. It's a good one, and I have some similar issues as you.

Craig likes to wear the occasional pair of silk panties to bed. But a chance encounter at a Chinese gay bar his friend dragged him to, is about to push him further than he thought possible.
Rated: Explicit 8 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 8396 Words: 4323 Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Crossdressing and TV
Characters: None
Turned Into: Girlfriend
Featured Items: High Heels, Lingerie, Pantyhose
Locale: College, High School, Strip Club
Motivation for Change: Willing or Voluntary
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Series: None
Published: 11/21/14
Updated: 11/26/14
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/22/14 Title: Chapter 2: Not a Date!

It's fine Kent. I like it, and I'm glad you're working hard at it.

Author's Response: Never do this to me again! Realistic I can do. Happy endings are preferable. Skipping over horrific things is nice sometimes. ALL combined into one, UGH!!!!

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 01/08/15 Title: Chapter 3: Sleeping With Alex

So how about those next two chapters ;P

It's fine that you missed the challenge, but I kinda want to finish the story lol.

Author's Response: I will have the finished story up sometime in the next two weeks. I spent the last month thinking about this one and have it almost ready.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 01/31/15 Title: Chapter 1: What Are We Doing Here?

Sweet! I'm looking forward to it :)

A collection of short stories, varied in nature.
Rated: Adult 23 Reviews starstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 61598 Words: 9284 Chapters: 35 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Not Applicable
Warnings: Death, Politically Incorrect
Series: None
Published: 11/27/14
Updated: 05/30/17
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/17/15 Title: Chapter 18: Presidential Nominee

Oh cool, I like it! Nice short, Person!

Author's Response: Thank you! Honestly, I'm surprised to receive a review on this story. I just figured everyone would read the name, see politics, and stop go back to looking for things that better suit their tastes...

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/17/15 Title: Chapter 1: Scuba Mishaps

Incidentally, have you considered submitting to the mixed tape? For October, you can submit up to 1000 words. If you do, you'll have access to the doc and will be able to see the sneak peek of my new universe early. I mean...no pressure or anything. (Please do it, I want to see what you come up with)

Author's Response: I already do have access to the doc, actually. I just don't look at it. I might submit again one of these days, but who knows? I just write here whatever inspiration strikes whenever (unless it gets too long). I'll certainly consider writing for it again, though!

A Brave New World spin-off based in Cape Town, South Africa and a challenge set by Hikaro.
Rated: Adult 19 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 9734 Words: 48187 Chapters: 13 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Locale: Hospital or Clinic, Labratory
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Personality: From Submissive to Dominant
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Series: Brave New World
Published: 12/02/14
Updated: 06/12/15
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 01/22/15 Title: Chapter 3: Panic attacks and PTSD: part 3

Ah, Abaddon Industries. Yes. I'm glad their products have finally shown up in a BNW story. I hope sweat won't be an issue, because CMP is kinda bad about keeping sweat in. She should probably wear some sort of moisture-wicking material under it, because otherwise she's gonna stink and the armor is gonna chafe (like heck!).

Author's Response: I imagine that's an issue Damon will end up fixing with his tech saviness. We'll have to see

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 01/30/15 Title: Chapter 4: Intermission: Singrinium and Plasma

I find myself liking Plasma. She's the perfect villain, and really shows what Rejected are capable of. That being said, she seems to be getting a bit ahead of herself with the whole "entirety of South Africa is mine" shtick. Start small, a town. Maybe a county here and there. Don't just hop straight up the food chain. I feel like she and Melody would have been good friends.

Author's Response: Plasma and small? Pah, if anything be glad she didn't say 'World'.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 01/30/15 Title: Chapter 1: Panic attacks and PTSD part 1

I think that there would be a few people who would take offense to that...Tim maybe. Or the world. Ya know, it's not a big fan of being conquered.

Author's Response: Bet she'd call him Steven. I think everyone's opinion takes a back seat when it comes to Plasma.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 06/03/15 Title: Chapter 11: Intermission 2: The Calm Before the Storm

Oh Misa. This suit is awesome.

Author's Response: Need to see it in action now.

A new world of magic and strange creatures, where slavery is accepted and racism is the norm. One man will become something completely different and change the world itself.
Rated: Explicit 139 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 107802 Words: 196456 Chapters: 37 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character, Wife
Locale: Camp
Motivation for Change: For a Job, Forced
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Historical Time Period, Mythical Setting
Type of Change: Racial
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence, Non-Consentual Sex, Torture
Series: None
Published: 12/27/14
Updated: 03/22/17
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 04/19/15 Title: Chapter 24: Chapter 23: Negotiations with the Lord of Light

Dear Misa,

I will not rate, because I'm mean like that, and also because you already know what I think of it. However, I have to inform you that your cringe game is sub-par. You must learn from a master...assuming I ever get that far in any of my stories....

Either way, nice chapter, and I still feel that the Rihanna song is a better song than Bad Touch. I will be expecting the cringe to be better next time. I WANT TO FEEL THE AWKWARD.

Yours Truly,
-Steph

Author's Response: Translating from chatzy here, you are mean. My cringe game has only just started, just wait... JUST WAIT!

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 04/22/15 Title: Chapter 25: Chapter 24: Droplets of Information

Dear Misa,

Not a whole lot to say. As far as chapters go, this one was sorta slow and felt more like filler than the filler chapter. I'm disappointed in the cringe, and will be expecting lots of it to make up for the lack in this chapter.

Also, when Irasha and Esran do the do, I will expect proper condom usage. No less will be expected. You have been warned. (I will leave a rating this time though)

Sincerely,
Steph

Author's Response: Filler chapter! How dare you *harrumph* you know that I don't like fillers, you just wanted the cringe! You want all the cringe and then sexual innuendo. There will be a suitable amount of cringe, however, I made this chapter for information.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 05/19/15 Title: Chapter 29: Chapter 27.5: A Monster is Born

Dear Misa,

Did you have fun with the flashback? It's well-written, but I'm not entirely sure where it fits into the story. Perhaps next chapter will clear that up. It's good to get a reminder of who Favus was, and I'll be looking forward to the next chunk to contrast with Irasha now. However, I can't help but feel that the flashback served to delay the story. Not sure why, but these're my thoughts.

Steph

Author's Response: Mostly to explain who Favus was. There's no real description about Favus with the exception of the start. The plan wasn't to have it delay, but rather because I don't think there's any better place to put the flashback as her past was referenced in the previous chapter. Besides, if I didn't write the flashback chapter, there would be no chapter at all as I was planning to write Dealer anyway.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 05/28/15 Title: Chapter 30: Chapter 28: Girls' Night Out

Dear Misa,

There were a few typos. Nothing major, but a quick proofread should catch most of them.

I liked the chapter, although I was slightly dismayed to see that the flashback last chapter wasn't mentioned at all. I hope that it will be discussed, because otherwise I have a feeling that it'll be forgotten by most readers.

I'm calling BS on the dragon heart stuff. Yes, they magically traded hearts, but body mass is what determines tolerances, not the strength of your heart. Otherwise really good runners would get drunk much slower than more-out-of-shape people (and they don't).

All in all, a good chapter. I've been finding the characterization a little lacking at times, and people are starting to run together in my mind, but it's nothing that a little more effort in the editing phase won't fix.

-Steph

Author's Response:

I'll fix a few things.

Mentioning the flashback wasn't really a thing I did in the last flashback, though I did have a short introduction. I might just go back after I work on Shifting Tides and add an introduction.

Yeah, I know you call BS on the dragon heart stuff. But I also felt that if she ever got a chance to taste alcohol and understand the effect it has on memory the reasonable expectation would be she would become an alcoholic. At least, that's the equally realistic expectation.

Otherwise. Yeah. It was a tiny bit rushed, but I'm kinda happy about how it is coming out. The characters running together is just the effect of the absolutely massive cast I have. They should separate should I kill a few off or make them do some important thing in combat. It depends.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 06/27/15 Title: Chapter 31: Chapter 29: My White Knight

THERE WAS NO CONDOM! MISA I TOLD YOU TO USE A CONDOM! I EVEN EXPLAINED HOW TO MAKE ONE! AHHHHHH!!!

Btw, nice chapter. Four stars for improper condom usage.

Author's Response: Come on, I specified magic! Magic!

A world of heroes was almost destroyed by the actions of an insane genius. Now with chaos stalking the land brought on by confused, scared and evil people from across the multiverse, the heroes of the world have to train those new comers willing to work with them. Pressed beyond their limits these new heroes will have to learn quickly if they want to help others or simply themselves as they try to create new lives.
Rated: Adult 2 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 2300 Words: 8965 Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Female to Male, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character
Featured Items: Masks
Motivation for Change: Accident, Unknown, Willing or Voluntary
Personality: From Submissive to Dominant
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Coming of Age
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Series: None
Published: 01/31/15
Updated: 02/09/15
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 01/31/15 Title: Chapter 1: Fire Dancer

Looking good Kent. I like Fire Dancer. And I've found myself growing more and more fond of the superhero genre. This looks like a good one. I'll be waiting for the next update.

Author's Response: Thanks. Like I said this will be posted once a week, and I already have the first ten chapters done. So there won't be much waiting. And if you've read my other stories, you'll see some of those characters brought to life here. Try to guess who is who.

Newspaper and magazine articles related to the state of the Brave New World universe one year after the end of Brave New World Volume One
Rated: Adult 9 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 2933 Words: 3560 Chapters: 7 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: None
Series: Brave New World
Published: 03/28/15
Updated: 05/20/15
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 04/04/15 Title: Chapter 2: A World Without Guardian

Ugggghhhh I miss Keith...why do you have to rip my heart up....

Author's Response: Reasons.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 04/22/15 Title: Chapter 1: The East City Crisis, One Year Ago Today

Hey Blue Bird, since this seems like the only place we can reliably contact you, could you ask Orange_Laces to check her email please? I've sent her an email, but it would be nice to know that she received it. And if she doesn't want to check, could you tell her that we're all worried about her and thinking of her?

Hikaro, I'll delete this after I'm sure Blue Bird has seen it.

Poor Logan, not only does he get dumped (hard) by Ashely (his girlfriend of 6 months) on his birthday but something else happens that he'll never forget.
Rated: Adult 50 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 140482 Words: 20678 Chapters: 21 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character, Slave
Motivation for Change: Curse, Forced, Revenge, Tricked
Personality: Bad to Good, From Submissive to Dominant, Good to Bad
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Bisexual
Story Theme: Captive, Horror, Mythical Setting, Romance
Type of Change: Stuck
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence, Torture
Series: The TGR Series
Published: 03/30/15
Updated: 01/30/17
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstar
Date: 06/04/15 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: The Break Up

So I've been hearing about you here and there for a bit now, and decided to check out your story. Here're are my first thoughts.

The first thing that I noticed was the dialogue. It reads as very stilted and forced. It doesn't sound like what real people would say at all. It's almost like a play; too dramatic and overblown. Additionally, you can't go more than a paragraph without seeing an exclamation point. People aren't running around yelling all the time. Don't make your characters do this. The vast majority of the time, a period will suffice.

Granted, dialogue is freaking hard, but I think that you could do better than this. You obviously put time and effort and energy into writing this, so I would like to see you put that same effort into learning how to do dialogue well.

The second thing that I noticed was your usage of the '&' sign. I'm sorry, but you just can't do that. It's just as easy to write out the word 'and,' and it comes off as much more professional and polished. If you only went and fixed this one thing, the story would have a much better presentation. Overall a minor point, but very jarring nonetheless.

Thirdly, the flow and pacing. In nearly 800 words, you have gone from breakup to dead mother to crying in a graveyard to enigmatic figure. It moves waaay too quickly. Let things breathe. I can and have spent thousands of words on a few minutes in story-time. This chapter spans over four hours in less than a thousand words. The breakup is an incredibly important part of the story. You should spend more than seven short paragraphs on it.

Now, characterization. I have no idea who any of the characters are. They're just plot devices saying and doing things with no clear reasoning. Your main character goes from a breakup to suicidal ideation. This...doesn't track. Most people don't react that extremely and if your character is one of the few who does, he better have a pretty darned good reason for doing so. As it stands, there isn't really enough to justify it. And yes, I realize the mother was killed, but I'm assuming that happened years ago. He would be over it by now.

I imagine you've heard this before, but it bears repeating: show don't tell. I don't want to be told that

"He was in shock and very much upset as his girlfriend of 6 months decided to end their relationship on one of the worst days, his birthday."

I want to know what the shock and upset feels like. I want to know why his girlfriend decided to break up on that particular day. I don't want to hear that he's upset or in shock. I want you to show it. It's the difference between this:

Arnold stared at the pie.

And this:

Arnold stared at the pie, his gaze boring into it. Oh how good it would feel in his stomach! He barely resisted the urge to gobble it up right then and there.

You tell me which you prefer. I like the second much more.

Description. I have no image in my mind for any of the locations. There's nothing that firmly nails down the scene for me, and that's bad. For all I know, the breakup could have happened in an alien spaceship while David was being probed by some seriously messed up aliens. I imagine that it didn't, but you never show us that.

We don't know if they were out on a date. We don't know if they were right about to do the do in a love suite when David said something dumb. We just don't know.

You need to spend time setting the scene for us. The only description of any of the characters or scenes is when David's staring in the sky, and of the enigmatic figure. I want to know what everybody and everything looks like. It's important to me.

And finally, proofreading. You really need to go through and fix the grammar in the story. There are too many mistakes for me to point out for you, but if I'm recalling correctly, there are free programs online that will do a cursory proofread for you. It won't catch the more subtle mistakes, but it will find the major ones.

Author's Response: Whoa, impressive review.... Just know I haven't been doing this for very long, I'm limited to what I can do, and a bunch of other stuff... I'll be sure to fix/change it whenever I can get a chance to do it. Also note that I did all of this on a phone and that it can be problematic to correct/fix anything on here.

My twin sister convinced me to tryout for our high school's cheer leading squad. Unfortunately, things don't go the way I planned.
Rated: Adult 10 Reviews starstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 76530 Words: 1221 Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Categories: Sissy Story
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Cheerleader, Daughter, Girlfriend, Sissy, Twin
Featured Items: Bikinis, Chastity Belt, School Uniform
Locale: Family Household, High School
Body Modification: Ears Pierced
Motivation for Change: Accident, Willing or Voluntary
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Type: Includes Images
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Changed by Clothing, Hormonal
Series: None
Published: 04/14/15
Updated: 03/15/16
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstar
Date: 05/18/15 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Okay. This rubs me the wrong way for a few reasons, but first I want to say that your premise isn't bad. It's contrived, but on the site, contrived is a dime a dozen, and I can't fault you on that.

My first issue has to do with the spacing of paragraphs. You need a blank line between each paragraph. You can do that with two line break html tags < br >< br > (remove the spaces), or by just pressing the return button twice. As it stands, it's hard to read.

My second issue is with the characterization. It seems a little weird for the Main Character (MC) to just go along with this no problem. You would think that he would protest a little more to being dressed up like a girl and taken to try out for the cheer team. So unless this is deliberate on your part, I would suggest you rework it a little.

My third issue has to do with how your MC knows how to cheer. If he's never been on a cheer team before, then how on earth does he know enough to be one of the best kids in the squad? You might consider rewriting it so that he has done gymnastics/tumbling/been on a cheer team previously. It would also greatly help with your second issue, possibly making it a non-issue.

My fourth issue has to do with the usage of the image on the third chapter. I assume that you did not receive permission from the copyright holder to use it in this story? If not, then you are liable for plagiarism, and should remove it post-haste. If you did receive permission, then why did you pick an image with a watermark, and not post that you recieved permission? It makes the story look bad. Either way, you should remove the picture because it doesn't do anything for the story, and looks like you are compensating for not writing much.

My final issue has to do with chapter length. Each of these chapters is tiny. You could really expand upon them, and strive for at least 500 words per chapter at a minimum, or post them more frequently. Despite the issues I have previously addressed, this isn't a bad little story, and posting 2 or 3 hundred words per bi-monthly update is frustrating for readers.

Also, you never want a review that's longer than the chapter it's reviewing (trust me, I've gotten them and they knocked me down a peg or two). Long reviews are bad. You want short reviews with encouragement and a few things that the reader liked or didn't like. About 100 words at most. This one is about five hundred (I've gotten 2000 word reviews before, and they're terrifying).

All of this being said, I don't dislike the story. It's not too bad, but readability, plot holes, and the length turns me off of it. Fix these things, and you might have a nice little story.

Ladies Gentlemen and Genderless Masses Ran is atypical because he identifies as a gender, Male. But when it's time to get a physical sex things aren't as simple as check the right box
Rated: Kid-Friendly 3 Reviews Story Incomplete Reads: 2421 Words: 1556 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Not Applicable
Turned Into: Daughter, Girlfriend
Locale: High School, Hospital or Clinic, Office, Road Trip
Body Modification: Castrated/Neutered
Motivation for Change: Forced, Tricked, Willing or Voluntary
Personality: Fights Change, Loses Identity, Made Smarter
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Distant Future, Pregnancy
Type of Change: Drug-Induced, Hypnosis, Stuck
Series: None
Published: 04/22/15
Updated: 04/22/15
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 04/22/15 Title: Chapter 1: I Ran to My Future

Interesting premise. I think the idea of a genderless prepubescent population is really fresh. I like that some kids already have gender identities despite neither male nor female socialization, and just go with the sex that matches their identity, while others pick their sex logically. What pronouns, if any, do the neuters use? I think one small issue that I have is that their gender isn't being changed, but their body, and therefore their sex. I think that gender identity is something intrinsic to your own mind, and therefore changing the body wouldn't do anything to it (even if they implant memories and knowledge).

Now, I do have some issues with the formatting and craft. The story is somewhat hard to read, just because the text is densely packed. I would recommend leaving a blank line in between paragraphs. Additionally, there are some issues with smooth transitions and word flow, but those are harder to correct, so it's mostly experience. There are a few grammatical errors, but nothing major, so I wouldn't worry too much about them.

All in all, a very interesting premise, with a few basically craft issues. I'll be watching this, because you've got me hooked, and now I'm interested. I won't leave a rating yet, simply because I don't know enough about the story to feel comfortable with a rating. However, I think that if you keep up with this and get more on top of proofreading, I'll rate it fairly high.

Author's Response: Thank you Steph. I'll address each part in turn. 1) I honestly was having trouble figuring out the pronouns the neuters use, so I avoided it and stuck to characters who have a gender identity. Since it isn't really uses in story I flip flop betw I settled on the standard default to he/she based on context approach and incorporating a different languages neutral pronouns. 2) I'm sorry, I thought I conveyed that most of these people don't identify as a gender and typically gain gender identities during the sex assignment process. 3) I used ingenderning and gender here because while they're given a specific sex the processes is just as much about giving them a gender identity. That's a reason I chose Hypnotize as one of the types of change in the search function. I will correct that in places where needed. 4) The lack of spaces is because I forgot forgot about the formatting differences, I will correct that as soon as I post this reply. 5) I will work on the transitioning and word flow. 6) I always miss a few grammar mistakes. I live in the worlds of my storys so long it sometimes becomes hard to convey to others, but you helped me see thinks my delivery can be improved on and I will be improving chapter 1 before continuing onto part 2. I now realize some things that need to be clarified. Thank you.

Adam and Steve were just helping out their sisters, unfortunately they came upon a witch, and now Adam's been cursed...
Rated: Adult 135 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 376891 Words: 39803 Chapters: 17 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Featured Items: High Heels, Undies
Locale: Family Household, High School
Motivation for Change: Curse, Forced
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Type of Change: Slow/Gradual Change
Series: The Curse Universe
Published: 05/25/15
Updated: 08/30/15
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Alrighty, first impressions: I like Adam. His character is one of the most realistic you've written so far, and I'm officially giving you kudos. You're improving as a writer. Good job.

Steve's an ass. But in a good way. He's believable and nicely written.

The sorceress is...whatever. She reads as a mechanism. She's not her own character so much as the little stick of dynamite that starts the plot. Which is fine if she's not showing up again later, but by the way it's written, I'm gonna assume she shows up later. (Y'know. Cuz she has a house.) I hope that her character gets fleshed out more, and her reasons for 'cursing' Adam become apparent. Because her current reasons are patently unrealistic.

It flows nicely, and has a good rhythm. I'm especially fond of how you've used dialogue so much that though the chapter is probably around 1-1.5K words, it feels like more. I have issues with dialogue, and so seeing it done well is nice.

That's all. Next chapter.

Author's Response: About the sorceress, her reasons are a twist later on, so everything about her now is intentional.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 08/02/15 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13

Hikaro. I have not read half of this story, but I am disappointed in you.

You spelled Stephanie's name wrong. There should be a "y" in there somewhere.

I expect better next time.

Author's Response: You're just spelling it f***** up.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Okay. Overall well written. However, I have a few issues.

The stretch of dialogue that leads section three reads as enigmatic to be enigmatic. It's not mysterious, it's just repetitive, like when little kids do that thing where:

"I'm not touching youuu!"

Yeah. That. It feels like you stretched it out because you wanted to make it extra mysterious, but what ended up happening is that it got annoying.

Minor nitpick: your tenses were inconsistent throughout. I didn't notice it on first read, but on second read, they started sticking out, and it was...weird. I would suggest that you work on more consistent word tense usage.

Other than that, the chapter reads as enigmatic and somewhat surreal. I like it. It's a good counterbalance to the previous chapter where all sorts of everything was happening, and the action was proceeding fairly quickly. It's a good breather for whatever comes next.

Author's Response: It's a DREAM, the scene was intended as "enigmatic to be enigmatic". It's not supposed to be mysterious, it's just supposed to be a clue. And some of the tenses might be inconsistent if they're Adam's thoughts rather than simply his descriptions of the events occurring. It's a trick I do to get into the character's head as they're telling the story, rather than just getting into their thoughts during the story being told, if that makes sense.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Nice chapter. Good Steve/Adam banter. I like it, and it's nice to see your good dialogue again (note to self: reread this later to study dialogue).

Section two has a nice symmetry to section three in last chapter, but they're too similar. They're both creepy dream sequences with Adam freaking out about turning into a girl. Like...yes, I realize he's gonna have more than one creepy dream sequence about it, but you don't need another scene for it if it's so similar to the other one.

Other than that, I like that Adam's considering the many possibilities of how this can go. It's good to see a genre-savvy, or at least somewhat genre-aware character planning ahead. Especially in a TG story. You don't see that very much.

On to Chapter 4.

Author's Response: Adam was invented to be genre savvy, otherwise what would the point be? And, with the similar dream sequences, originally they were ALL going to be similar. I decided against that after writing this chapter.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

I would like the leading dream sequence if this wasn't the third one in a row. That being said, it's a nice little sequence. It's a good way to show Adam's concerns about losing Steve as a friend without going into a huge long monologue and slowing down the pace of the story. Nicely done.

The largest issue I have with it is that the previous dream sequence was a mix of this one and the first one, and so it's now completely redundant. I would recommend cutting it, just because it's extra words that don't need to be there.

I like Melanie. She's a good big sister, and really chill about all of this....

Worryingly chill. I would have liked to see some emotion out of her here. She's taking this in stride waaay too easily, and people don't generally take gender weirdness quite this easily (crossdressing ex-boyfriend aside).

The whole 'girl talk' talk was a nice touch. I liked the accuracy of all the information. Go Hikaro!

Good chapter, if a little unpolished.

(Steve/Adam Banter +1!)

Author's Response: The dream sequences are gonna get to be a peeve, aren't they?

Melanie's nonchalant-ness unsubtly telegraphs a plot twist later. On the one hand, however, it only telegraphs it in retrospect.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Aha! Turning moment. Well done!

Aaand we're back into the dream sequences...< sigh >.... Yes Adam's worried about losing Steve. But stop hitting us over the head with it. Yeah we get it. But it's getting annoying. Please refrain from further dreams until you have something new to show us.

The parents...have the same issues as Melanie. Ie, they're too chill about all of this. It's weird how chill they are.

And the trying on clothes scene. Not much to say. It's about what every other trying on clothes and makeup scene is. Similar structure as any Learning New Thing scene, so not much to critique or praise overall.


Adam is...somewhat okay with this....

Uhm...just because I've bitched about ~Magical Acceptance~ so much on the Chatzy, I figure that this isn't that. Which leads me to believe that the sorceress's curse wasn't a curse at all, and that Adam was, if not a trans girl, not 100% a dude. However, Adam seemed to be fairly okay in his male body, so the question remains as to whether or not Amanda will be very feminine or...not. Is Amanda going to dress like a girly girl or a dyke? (I get to use the D-word because I'm a girl who likes girls. A lot.)

Overall, a very good chapter. One of the better ones so far.

Chapter six.

(No Steve/Adam Banter...sadface....)

Author's Response: I knew the dreams were gonna turn into a peeve. As far as the parents are concerned, they're putting on a "we can handle this" face for Adam's sake, since they're worried about Adam turning into a basket case. Also, while they're going to miss their son every day of the week, they'll NEVER take it out on their soon-to-be daughter, because they consider that unthinkable.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Okay, so this chapter reads as a continuation of the previous chapter. A good continuation. A needed continuation. A continuation that builds upon the previous chapter and ramps stuff up. However, it's a continuation, so there's not much for me to talk about. Similar stuff happens here as what happens in the previous chapter.

That being said, AMANDA/STEVE FIGHT OMG YES! I like how you handled it, and how you're juggling the character arcs very well. Steve feels like a real person, and it's really quite nice. I like that even though he's somewhat antagonistic to Amanda, he's still her friend and still cares about her. The way their dynamic is changing over the course of the story is also something that I like. It's really very well done. However...I wish we could see some of Steve's reactions to possibly losing his best friend. It might lend more weight to his...pushyness.

Really great chapter. I think that at the end of this I might fave it. It's a really good story, and really, really well done.

Author's Response: If I were handling multiple character POVs in this story, you'd see exactly what Steve's going through. Maybe, someday, as a one-chapter side story. MAYBE.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7

Okay...I can forgive the dream this time. But only because it was a shiptease. That's the only reason. Really.

Boobs do not feel much different in the shower than a flat chest unless you have large ones. Fyi.

Aaand Amanda's a girly-girl. Darn. I was hoping for the less-girly Amanda....

Oh. There's the sorceress. Coooool...totally didn't see her coming up again. If we refer back to my first review, I hope she gets some development, because otherwise she's just a plot device.

On to the next one.

Author's Response: Well, Amanda's b**** are not huge, but she's also taking a shower with b**** for the first time in her life, it'd feel weird to her anyway with that being the case. Also, she's not THAT girly. She's sorta halfway between standard girly and girly-girl.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8

~Trans Angst~ Wheee!!!

Also...I'm not sure I'm cool with the challenge business...it seems...odd. Like...just odd.

Also: totally called it. Amanda's been trans the whole time. Thank you, Hikaro. Thank you much.

Good chapter. Not much to say, because I'm tired. Stars say I like.

Author's Response: Amanda's probably my most realistically trans character ever. Also, spoiler alert: the challenges are complete and total b*******.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9

I feel like section two is the only super important section here, so I'm just gonna comment on it because I'm lazy and don't have much to say about the other three.

And my comment is this: Steve's turning into an obnoxious person. When somebody says to stop doing something you stop. Period. End of sentence. Fullstop.

Also: Melanie's dumb. The reason girls don't talk about periods around boys is because boys don't ask about them. There's not a huge conspiracy to deprive dudes of the sacred information of the female reproductive system. I promise.

Next chapter.

Author's Response: Melanie's just that way. I happen to like writing derfy older sisters a lot.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Hm...this chapter is good. Slow. Very slow, without much to comment on that hasn't already been commented on earlier. But good. Also, is this Mysterious Skype Person the Person Melanie's been talking to about Amy? Is this Person the Person that has been hearing all of her sadness over losing her little brother? Do I get to meet this Person? I hope I do.

Chapter the eleventh.

Author's Response: Perhaps.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11

*IncoherentScreamOfRage* Don't-use-the-word-facepalm!

Other than that...*Squee!* Amy's more okay with it! (Which takes a lot longer than this in real life, but I think an exception can be made for the needs of the story.)

Also, was Steve's curse the curse of becoming a better person? Because he's less asshole-y than he's been the entire story. Their dynamic has changed, but it's...better? I miss the Adam/Steve banter. That was fun. This is more serious. Not necessarily in a bad way, just less fun. More grown up, I guess.

Good chapter. Not one of the best, but fitting with the overall quality of the work so far. The character progression is going very nicely. I like.

Chaaapter Twelve!

Author's Response: His challenge/curse was to be less selfish, so, yeah, kinda to be a better person.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12

Section 1: No comments.

Section 2: Dean's a dick. And not in a good way that's somewhat endearing. He's just a dick.

Section 3: Two points. It's interesting to see how Amy reacts to being called the t-word as compared to a trans girl who transitioned conventionally. It doesn't have the same sting that it would otherwise have. And point the second - Steve has been changing. Dean's just resisting his changes. Amy I love you, but you're oblivious as heck.

Section 4. ~Mind Fuckery~ I like how interacting with her classmates is making Amy question everything that's going on, and question her life and all. It's good to see a more introspective character out of you (not to say I didn't already notice she's introspective, just that here it's particularly obvious).

Section 5. I REMEMBER THIS CONVERSATIONNN. And I see that Amy is holding up your viewpoints. I also think it's interesting that nobody brought up my viewpoints. InTereSTing...VerY INterESTinG....

Good chapter. Systematic silencing of the girl's opinion aside ;)

Author's Response: Yeah, Dean wasn't meant to be redeemable, but more on that later.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13

Bomb Drop *speechless*

next chapter.

(I don't actually have much analysis here because it's still just Steve/Amy's dynamic changing, and Amy getting more and more used to being a girl. Good chapter.)

Author's Response: That was more to say than you implied.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14

Alright Hikaro I'm pissed. What. The. Fuck. We. Have. Talked. About. Magical. Acceptance. Before. I'm seriously upset. If the Magical Acceptance is not explained in the next chapter or two I'm dropping the story and you aren't getting a review for 17.

And because I'm so pissed, you aren't getting any other commentary on this chapter. If this issue is sufficiently resolved later, feel free to ask me questions in the Chatzy.

Author's Response: Okay, so the chapter that reveals why the sorceress did what she did is where I get this?

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15

My issue is not resolved.

Other than that, the chapter's fine.

Author's Response: We're gonna have a talk about this later.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/10/15 Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16

And no review of chapter 17 for you.

Author's Response: You're one chapter off of having a full house and you fold like this? Stephany, Stephany, Stephany... I thought you were better than that.

It has been a year since the destruction of East City, and the Chosen are now considered a menace to American society. Here in Donnerville, Kansas, one teenager will be thrust into the world of super heroes, with interesting results.
Rated: Adult 4 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 2081 Words: 7457 Chapters: 2 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 06/02/15 Title: Chapter 1: Issue #1: Public Origins, Part One

Dear Editor,

I like Surge. I like Surge a lot. I want Surge to go crazy. I want Surge to take over the town. I want Surge to take over the world. But for real, I really like her portrayal. I think I've found my favorite character out of V2. The only issue I see is that there might possibly be an issue with people thinking that all Rejected have multiple personalities, when that's just not true....

All in all, v good. Looking forward to the next one.

-Steph

Author's Response: Ooh... I'm gonna enjoy how you feel about a lot of the other new characters.

Maiden's Peak, New Zealand. Not the worst place to live, but not a great place if you happen to be Chosen...
Rated: Adult 9 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 2321 Words: 7443 Chapters: 2 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 07/31/15 Title: Chapter 1: Issue #1: Pulled Back In, Part One

I like how you're talking about the Safe Zone but not naming names. This makes me happy.

Author's Response: I HAVE NO NAMES TO NAME!

After a mix up at the airport you leave with the wrong luggage, or was it the right luggage all along?
Rated: Adult 12 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 27789 Words: 2728 Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Adult (27-62 yrs)
Turned Into: Stewardess
Featured Items: Bikinis, Lingerie, Undies
Motivation for Change: Willing or Voluntary
Personality: Is Unaware of Changes
Type of Change: Changed by Clothing, Slow/Gradual Change
Series: None
Published: 08/02/15
Updated: 08/05/15
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 08/02/15 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - The mistake

I would like to leave a rating because nobody has done so yet, but as nothing much has happened yet, I feel that it wouldn't be quite fair. As far as your writing abilities go, your mechanics seem okay. Your verb tenses flip flop a bit, and I caught a couple typos, but otherwise it's not bad. You've got decent flow and paragraph structuring, and you seem to know how to keep the story moving and easy to read.

On of my main issues with the story (and they really aren't big issues) is that your sentence structure can be kinda weird. For example:

"It was a trip like any other, and on the flight home I was quite tired as it was the red eye flight out of the airport."

The elements of this sentence could be restructured to flow better:

"It was a fairly boring plane ride, and since I had caught the red-eye flight I was quite tired."

All I did was restructure the sentence and shrink it. I cut out "out of the airport" because it was self-evident (planes always leave airports), and because it cluttered up the sentence with extra words at the end. I also shifted the order of the elements (red-eye flight, and tiredness) so as to follow a cause-effect pattern, which is much easier to read. As written, the effect (tired) comes before the cause (red-eye flight). By changing the wording of the first half of the sentence, I gave more information. Instead of just telling the reader that there was a trip (road? boat? plane? train? bike? hike?), I informed them that it was a plane ride. I shrunk the sentence to make it easier to read. Being concise (say what you want to say in as few words as possible) is very helpful when trying to keep the flow of a story moving smoothly.

Now, you don't have to analyze every sentence, but it helps to keep in mind cause and effect order (cause always comes before effect), redundant information (can I cut it?), and conciseness (how can I say this in as few words as possible?). You need to be careful with that last point though, because a paragraph of short sentences quickly gains a jerky, staccato feel. It, sounds, like, this, in, your, head, and, that's, not, any, fun, to, read. Be sure to have long and mid-length sentences with your short sentences to keep the reader interested, but don't lengthen sentences just to have long sentences. Take the following paragraph:

I start short. It's an easy introduction. The paragraph draws the reader in. Here, I add in commas. Once I get to the middle of the paragraph, I'm writing longer sentences. As I approach the end they can get more complicated and lyrical. You start to hear music in the words as the pace gradually builds. It rises to a crescendo with a long, complicated sentence with lots of different parts; a sweet symphony of words. Then it ends.

By starting with short sentences it's easier for the reader to get into it. As you get into the story, the reader builds momentum and you can use longer sentences without them wondering when a period will come. Vary the length of each sentence so it doesn't feel repetitive or endless.

My other main issue is that you tend to rush through things that could benefit from a deeper description. That second paragraph? You have like five different things going on there. A good rule of thumb for paragraphs is to make a new one every time the subject changes, the point of view changes, or the speaker changes. You start with the airport. Describe that. Make me see it in my mind's eye. After you've finished with that, do the same thing with the next action/point/location/description/snide musing/whatever. You don't have to write an essay describing the airport: we've all been in one. You do need to show your character in the airport though. A few sentences should do fine, and make the scene feel much realer (totally a word).

That's all. I hope my random musings help, and (assuming I remember) I'll check your next update to see where the story's going.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review. I will admit I am not the best author by far. So your advice is much appreciated and I will do my best to try and put it to good use. Joanne

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstar
Date: 08/04/15 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 - The Swimsuit

Okay. I said I would check out the next chapter, and I have. I'm not quite sure I'm interested in where this story is going. However, my reservations aside, this isn't a bad little story. I hope you keep up with it and have fun writing it. Good luck.

The year is 1967. The Vietnam War is in full swing, but a new threat is rising from the Soviet Union, and a team must be brought together to combat it...
Rated: Adult 3 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 2122 Words: 7194 Chapters: 2 Table of Contents
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 08/05/15 Title: Chapter 1: Issue #1: Gather 'Round

Okay. To begin with, this is actually really compelling. It pulls me in and I didn't notice any typos as I was reading. It's overall very well crafted. Switching from reading this to writing SR is odd because my writing style is much more personal and introspective than this. It was definitely a bit of a jump. Not a bad jump though.

First Chosen: I take it that Brendan is/was straight before being Chosen, because they're awfully excited about their body. Overall, I don't have much to say on them because there's not much to go off of. They seem to be taking it in stride though. I would hope that it would take a *bit* more time to be cool with it.

Chosen two: Cynthia knows what's up. Not much to say for similar reasons as before.

Chosen three: Matt's gay. I like this a lot. I also like that he needed time to blend as being raised male. It seems like he's still with his boyfriend (husband?), which is nice to see. I hope we get to see some of that interaction later. Also, I hope he still retains some effeminate qualities, because all of the FtM Chosen so far seem to have been fairly masculine. I'm excited to see this character's development. Possibly more than any other Chosen so far.

Chosen four: Nice last name. Linda doesn't like her first name...interesting. I like this so far. This also reminded me that in the original BNW most of the MtF Chosen were tomboyish, and after seeing the contrast between Linda and Cynthia I'm pleased to say that you aren't doing that here.

Chosen five: Badass. That's all I can say about Austin. And the fact that he seems to care deeply about his leviathan makes him more badass. I want to see some cool fight scenes out of this guy.

Taylor Strong: I like his last line. Not saying anything more.

Author's Response: Brendan: Yes, the former Brenda was straight, and he's extremely excited about what he sees in the mirror. Unlike the original BNW, most of the characters here are keeping their preferences (in other words, if they were into dudes before, they still are now).

Cynthia: She's young, but she's up-to-date. She's also been Chosen for about a year now, so she's had the most time to settle in.

Matt: He's TOTALLY gay. Like I said, most of them are keeping their preferences, and he and William are still "together", in that 1960s sense of hiding their relationship. Interestingly, hes probably the most masculine outwardly of the three FtM Chosen in the story, but he still has his moments in private.

Linda: She's totally a man in a woman's body here. 100%.

Austin: If you want badass fight scenes, you'll GET badass fight scenes. Austin was created for this purpose. And he'll kick plenty of a** all over Soviet Russia.

Taylor: Why are you bringing him up? There's nothing special about him.

Dan, a new Rejected who has a connection with a dying World with its own intelligent alien race. It can't be so hard to save two planets. Right?
Rated: Explicit 34 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 9601 Words: 53754 Chapters: 9 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Female to Male, Young Adult (20-26 yrs), Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Alien
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Bisexual
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence
Series: Brave New World
Published: 08/08/15
Updated: 02/28/16
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 08/08/15 Title: Chapter 1: Arc 1: Yggdrasil, Part One

Wow Misa. I think that was the most confusing response to a review I have ever seen. I'm sorry on his behalf, Person42. What actually happened is that Misa made the character, and we all got reeeally into it. It spiralled madly out of control, and my head exploded in a fangirlish squee of joy. However, we've all agreed that the reason for my head exploding was perfectly justified, and so Misa's...ehem...very exciting story will keep its additions. Misa was perfectly justified in calling me a drooling mess. I am inordinately excited for this story.

And as for, "then Hikaro found out there was a link and that an idea he scrapped would actually be possible with the existence of Yggdrasil." That's literally all we can say on that. It is crazy important for Volume Three, so we can't give any spoilers.

Hope that cleared stuff up.

Author's Response: I like being vague, vague keeps people guessing. (That and I love seeing people squirm, muhahaha). I'm an a******.

Magic, the mysterious energy. Many studied it, but nobody understands. In a magical society, a man has mysterious dreams. Could they mean something more than they appear?
Rated: Explicit 76 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Completed Story Reads: 54940 Words: 48990 Chapters: 32 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Warnings: Death
Series: None
Published: 08/27/15
Updated: 05/07/16
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 09/21/15 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I like it! It's an interesting world. I'm left wondering as to when/how the ~Gender Stuff~ is gonna happen, and whether it will be slow or fast. One minor nitpick: The accents. They are annoying. When doing accents, don't screw with the spellings of the words. Only change the word choice, and arrangement thereof. It's much easier to read that way, and less likely to offend somebody if they have the accent in question.

The idea for the names is interesting. I take it the story is set in a communistic culture, simply because a capitalistic culture values individual achievement over societal conformity (and therefore would use individual names). I might be wrong, but that's the impression I get.

Author's Response: I haven't really gotten into government, but communistic would work pretty well. The government would be considered very weak and reliant on the rich or charitable really. As for the accents, I obviously don't mean to offend but I know that some people (like me) simply can't read an accent unless it's spelled and read differently than the others. I know that later in the story the accents will die down a bit as *redacted* Glad the names interests you! I'm only worried about one thing, getting to a chapter and not fact-checking myself from earlier chapters and making a stupid consistency error because I forgot that I made X the rank before Master for School Y and called it Z or some such. Hope that made sense.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/22/15 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Color me intrigued, you have a follower. I'm enjoying where this is going. Hope to see more soon :)

A dragon, a knight, a curious boy and a thief. Four individuals, two quests, one adventure.
Rated: Adult 19 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 30512 Words: 105792 Chapters: 22 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Motivation for Change: In Hiding, Willing or Voluntary
Story Theme: Mythical Setting
Series: None
Published: 09/21/15
Updated: 08/08/19
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 09/21/15 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter One - The Dragon

Hikaro, I hate to point it out to you, but everything is italicised. Everything. Serious review to follow.

Author's Response: Fixed.

Paragon City, the capital for superheroes and villains, remains full of surprises. Some can bring changes, and some can be apocalyptic, especially as old mysteries resurface. Follow the League one more time as old friends return and the end of everything looms.
Rated: Explicit 41 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 22324 Words: 95316 Chapters: 42 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Featured Items: Latex or Rubber Clothing, Masks, Undies, Work Uniform
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Series: Paragon Verse, The Dallevan Trilogy
Published: 10/26/15
Updated: 04/29/16
Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 12/16/15 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

AND SO IT BEGINS! BUM BUM BUM! THE MASSIVE REVIEW-DOUBLING EXTRAVAGANZA BEGINS RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, ENBIES AND AGENDERS GRAB YOUR SEATS, BECAUSE THIS ROLLER COASTER RIDE IS AWAY!

Alright, on my first read-through of this chapter, I got the feeling that W/M was supposed to be somebody mysterious and unknowable, but now on my second read-through, I've changed my mind. I think that W/M is somebody that we know and are familiar with. The initials are a clue, and we should figure it out fairly easily. Not that we will. Readers are notorious for being unintelligent when you want them to, and extremely intelligent when you don't want them to. It's Murphy's Law at work.

In other news, I hate Devon already. He seems like a prick.

See ya next chapter.

Author's Response: Not quite a prick, but Devon is still an a** by his own right. Also, W/M is meant to be as much of a mystery over the next few chapters as a Sudoku puzzle; the answer will indeed be simple for anyone who does solve it.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 12/16/15 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 1

ZOMBIIIIIES!!!

As I've already read most of this story, I'm trying to remember my original thoughts on the chapter. And as far as I can recall, they consist of:

1. You tried too hard on the rap alliteration.

2. The name of Ohm Wire's hacker friend seems really familiar.

3. Your villains have weird names.

Author's Response: 1) I wasn't even trying at alliteration. At all. ...Awesome. 2) Yes. Yes it should. When someone breaks down the meaning of each part, it should become quite obvious who it is. 3) Odd sounding, yes, but the Vanquishiri trio's names are rooted in languages tied to the regions of their respective, original pantheons.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed
Date: 12/16/15 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 2

Unfortunately I'm not very good at funny, otherwise I would write a pile of funny reviews for you to find. That being said, I feel like the gender weirdness in Paragon has become somewhat of a running joke. A good one. But one that's just used over and over and over and over and- OW!

*rubs head*

Sorry.

Also: did it really take me this long to notice that the mayor's a bit of a prick?

Author's Response: It's so much of a running joke hat I even poked fun at it during a prequel that takes place 5-6 years earlier. That said, I do at least try to move on away from the "gender weirdness," at this point. And, yes, it's taking a while to even ~show~ that the mayor is a prick.

Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 06/12/16 Title: Chapter 42: Afterword

Heya. Just finished reading. I'm glad you finally got the chapters out XD

If you're looking for more superhero worlds to write in, I would suggest Worm. Not a whole lot of TG action, but a lot of fun nonetheless. It's very grimdark and long and stuff so be warned.

Again, congrats on getting this finished. It's been a ride. Good luck on your next project =)

Author's Response: I have enough superhero projects, seriously. lol... But thanks. Once I've broken past a certain point in one story I'm working on, and written a few more chapters, I'll start posting the biggest tgs project I'm working on at the moment.

A short story for the weekend crowds. A man reads something that changes him progressively.
Rated: Explicit 6 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 4647 Words: 1718 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Motivation for Change: Tricked, Unknown
Personality: Fights Change, Is Unaware of Changes
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Series: None
Published: 11/13/15
Updated: 11/13/15
Reviewer: StephAD Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/13/15 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Heh. Are you saying this is gonna happen to me if I don't comment? I'm not quite sure how to feel about that, Desert. Either way, nice story. I may or may not have giggled....

TG Storytime uses the eFiction engine and Vanilla discussions. Design by J6P.