Nathriel
Member Since: 01/05/14 Membership status: Member
Average Review Rating Given: starstarstarhalf-star


Reviews by Nathriel
They have existed since the dawn of time, moving silently through the ages hiding their presence among us ever fearful of those who would destroy them for the Witch Hunters have existed as long as there have been Witches. The ancient battle between the Hunters and the Hunted is not without its collateral damage, which will force one man and one Witch to examine who they really are.

Part 1 of the "Of the Malleus Maleficarum" saga
Rated: Explicit 18 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Completed Story Reads: 21174 Words: 64828 Chapters: 6 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Adult (27-62 yrs), Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Girlfriend
Locale: Family Household
Motivation for Change: Accident
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Everyday Living, Romance, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Age Regression, Slow/Gradual Change
Series: None
Published: 08/19/12
Updated: 08/19/12
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 01/31/14 Title: Chapter 1: Section 1 of "Of The Hunters and Hunted"

That was one really enjoyable story to read and very well written. I especially noted that you are quite good at giving everything the detail it requires but never going overboard with it.

The story itself really drew me in and I was quite sad to see that although this says it's the first part in this series, I don't see any sequels around and since this story was last updated in 2012, I suspect you're not really into writing one. Even so, I hope you do at one point, because this setting you created is just crying for more!

Whatever the case, I know I am most likely going to greatly enjoy reading your other stories.

Mission commander Michael Owen is on the verge death after a failed mission in space to save the planet earth. Saved by what he thinks to be an angel, this friend from another world offers Michael the opportunity to save his planet my endowing him with great power but at a great personal cost.
Rated: Adult 33 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 90778 Words: 215790 Chapters: 23 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Alien, Fantasy Character
Featured Items: Bikinis
Locale: Space or Foreign Planet
Motivation for Change: Willing or Voluntary
Personality: Fights Change, Made Smarter
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Type: Comic
Story Theme: Fan Fiction, Historical Time Period
Type of Change: Age Regression, Body Swap, Fast/Instant Change, Mechanical Device
Series: Angel Season One, Angel Season Two
Published: 12/03/12
Updated: 07/21/13
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 02/10/14 Title: Chapter 23: Angel S:1 E:16.5 Season One Finale “The Hero and the Terror Part II”

When I first saw the description for this story I was rather sceptical, thinking it would be some generic super hero story. Boy was I wrong.

There are some brilliant stories here on TG Story Time, but this one became my favorite really quickly.

It's amazing how much detail you were able to put in this story without confusing people without much knowledge on certain subjects. And the amount of emotion the story radiates is astounding.

Now I am probably not going to waste much time in starting with Season Two. Great work and keep it going!

A dying 19-year-old adult man is given the chance for a new life by being changed into a 'creature', an immortal being with strange and incredible abilities, powers, and also weaknesses. She's ALMOST human, with some animal tendencies. Will she adjust? Will she cope?
Rated: Deviant 31 Reviews starstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 132382 Words: 170640 Chapters: 30 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstar
Date: 01/16/14 Title: Chapter 22: Chapter 22

I'm trying to keep enjoying the story, but I am afraid I am going to have to draw a line here.

As others have said, the first 8 or so chapters were fantastic. I was drawn in completely, reading them all in one session (and I am not a very fast reader). After that however, I kind of got annoyed by how the brothers and mom were acting. Even with the influence of her scent or whatever, it seemed over the top. I was hoping the Antidote would solve something, but apparently, they're treating her as their pet, their toy, as an object more and more. I was hoping Roger would finally snap stop his brother and mom, but apparently he changed as well. The way they changed just doesn't seem natural.

The actions of Ralph/Jasmine herself seem pretty reasonable, all in all. Aside from the fact that I would have expected her to freak out quite a bit at certain moments. For example after that drug-like fruit had worn out. Remembering what they'd done to her and how she had acted would have freaked her out quite a bit, I would think, even with her being a "creature" now.

I am not really adverse to things like Jasmine having the body or a 9 year old or the stuff that's done to her in general. I am totally fine with those things. The thing that makes me stop wanting to read further is the fact that characters don't act like I expect a human being to act. It doesn't seem natural, so as much as I want to continue to enjoy it, I can't.

The writing itself is fantastic, though. That's one of the things that drew me in. I hope you would eventually want to start writing a different story, because the your writing style in general is really enjoyable.

Aislin learns that all choices come with consequences
Rated: Adult 42 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 129644 Words: 65594 Chapters: 19 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Personality: From Submissive to Dominant
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Mythical Setting, Romance
Series: None
Published: 01/29/13
Updated: 08/28/13
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 02/14/14 Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 19

This is really an intriguing story. Easily reminds me of a few big epic fantasy series I've read. Most of all it reminds me of the Riftwar Cycle series by Raymond E. Feist. And that's by no means a bad thing.

Your writing style is rather enjoyable, The pace you write in each passage is well done. The pace of the entire story though, feels as if it's gone a bit too fast. It feels as if time is skipped several time with me really wanting to have had more information on what went on during that time.
Then again, that might just be me being a bit spoiled by the overdescriptive epic fantasy books I am reading.

I hope to see more of this, because the world you have created is really interesting and has a lot of potential.

Pleased to meet you! Hope you guess my sex!
Rated: Adult 36 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 42090 Words: 91391 Chapters: 9 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Cheerleader, Daughter
Locale: Family Household, High School, Hospital or Clinic
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Slow/Gradual Change
Series: None
Published: 06/14/13
Updated: 06/15/14
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 01/28/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Selling the Tickets

I just finished reading all the way to chapter 6 and I am really enjoying the story.
Of course I notice the grammer mistakes you're making, but many have already mentioned those and honestly, I quite clearly see your improvement in that department. So don't worry and just try to keep that up. The main grammatical mistake that bugs me now and then is that some sentences aren't formed correctly. The words by themselves are correct but not in the way they make up the sentence. Once again though, that's just a matter of practice.

Aside from that I sometimes rather miss some extra description of what's happening. A good example of that is the girl locker scene in chapter 3 where Britany forced Angie to show her body to all the girls. Most of that scene is written as just the dialogue. I got really confused who was saying what and what was going on in that scene. A bit of a discrption of who is saying what at some points and what is actually going on to assist with the dialogue would help greatly.

Really looking forward to the next chapter. And damn you for ending chapter 6 with such a cliffhanger!

Author's Response: Yeah... after I re-read all of my story, I clearly saw the huge only diologe

If you were a successful 50 year old man who suddenly found himself inside the body of a young girl with no logical explanation for it and no foreseeable way to reverse it, would you be able to cope and survive? Harry is about to find out whether or not he can.
Rated: Explicit 185 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Completed Story Reads: 324202 Words: 303450 Chapters: 69 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Adult (27-62 yrs)
Turned Into: Teenager
Featured Items: Bikinis, High Heels, Lingerie
Locale: Vacation Destination
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Personality: Fights Change, Loses Identity
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Bisexual
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Series: None
Published: 07/08/13
Updated: 02/09/14
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 01/14/14 Title: Chapter 59: Chapter 59 Talia Takes the Plunge

Just finished reading this whole story and I'm loving it. Great work!
The only thing that I wonder about is why Amanda didn't ask a little more about Tim then she has. Specificaly where Tim was before waking up as Talia and what he was doing at the time.
Mostly, because that has the prospect of a clue on their little situation.

Other then that, I've the fact that I kept reading this long after I decided to stop for the day should be an indication of how much I liked it. Looking forward to whatever comes next!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Nathriel. This story has turned into such a behemoth that I have to admire anyone who is able to slog all the way through it. There are a few more chapters to come, so I think part of your questions will be answered. I write 3 chapters ahead of what I post, and I'm constantly amused by reviewers anticipating what, in some cases, has already happened, just not been posted.

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 01/15/14 Title: Chapter 60: Chapter 60 An Old Friend

Oh wow, I didn't expect that to happen. Nice work! Let's see if Roger can finally be for Amanda that LarryD and Harley couldn't be.

Author's Response: She certainly wants him to be.

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 01/19/14 Title: Chapter 61: Chapter 61 A Dream Day

Sounds like Amanda's had the best fuck of her live. Considering her past, that's saying something. Lovely chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you.

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 02/08/14 Title: Chapter 68: Chapter 68 Harry Speaks

The past few chapters were wonderful, but I started to fear things were heading to a conclusion to this whole story. Thanks for this delicious twist!
Wonderful chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you, sweetie. One more chapter to go.

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 02/09/14 Title: Chapter 69: Chapter 69 Final Interlude

Such a pity to see my suspicions were actually correct about you wrapping up the story. Nonetheless it's been one hell of a wonderful ride and this was quite a nice way to finish it up.

There are still a bunch of questions in my head about the whole twofer thing. I hope someone decides to write a story based in this universe you've created. I'd try my own hand at it, but I don't really have the time to spare for that and even if I had, I am not confident in my capabilities.
If that changes in the future, I'll let you know for sure.

All in all, this was a really enjoyable story to read and kept me wanting for more all the time. Looking forward to what you might write in the future.

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm currently working on a sequel to my story The Resort. I'd be glad to discuss anything about Coping with anyone. Just send me an email, and I'll try to answer any questions you have or explain why things happened as they did.

My life was perfect. I had a beautiful girlfriend, friends, a great life. Then that day decided to rear it's ugly face.
Rated: Deviant 54 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Completed Story Reads: 196707 Words: 85605 Chapters: 33 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Cheerleader, Girlfriend
Featured Items: Bikinis, Corsets, High Heels, Lingerie
Locale: Family Household, High School
Body Modification: Ears Pierced
Motivation for Change: Accident
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Warnings: Incest, Non-Consentual Sex
Series: None
Published: 09/21/13
Updated: 10/19/15
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 02/07/14 Title: Chapter 17: Developments in my life

This is one twisted world you've created and frankly, I enjoyed the hell out of it. Looking forward to what you write next!

Author's Response: Sorry for the delay in the response, but thank you!

The realms are aligning as the places of power come together in an unprecedented fashion. In all the realms, of all the gods, demons, deities, and lesser folk. An impossible chance encounter pulls together our cast of hapless heroes and a incompetent summoner. Together they'll build a bridge to another plane if they don't manage to kill themselves in the process.
Rated: Explicit 11 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 18665 Words: 35987 Chapters: 10 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Story Theme: Comedy, Coming of Age, Mythical Setting
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Slow/Gradual Change, Stuck
Warnings: Bodily Functions, Death, Intense Violence, Non-Consentual Sex
Series: None
Published: 03/17/14
Updated: 09/24/15
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 04/17/14 Title: Chapter 6: Obstacle Five.

You have a rather enjoyable writing style and I really like how things are taking shape. My only issue is one that you'd probably expect. It's not clear at all how these different stories have any connection with each-other at all.
The only thing I can think of at the moment is that they are dreams of Corin, but if that's the case it seems a bit odd to me that those dreams would be described with so much detail.

Other then that, I am looking forward to the rest of it all.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review and I'm happy you're enjoying it so far. Yes, I know it all seems really random as of yet. It's a problem I'm trying to overcome with how I set the story up. Hopefully the chapters and characters are enjoyable enough to keep you interested in how they all relate to each other. Explanations are coming, I promise, lol! :) <3

Near death, 92 year old Wyn gets a reprieve as cute little twofer Dakota.
Rated: Explicit 82 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 42789 Words: 77428 Chapters: 27 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult
Locale: Vacation Destination
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Bisexual
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Series: None
Published: 05/12/14
Updated: 08/03/14
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 05/12/14 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Very happy to see this spinoff start off now. Looks really interesting so far. Looking forward to the rest!

Author's Response: Thank you. I think Dakota is one of my favorite characters I've ever worked with.

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed
Date: 05/19/14 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Oh, wonderful chapter again! And damn you for that cliffhanger! I want to know how that conversation continues! Oh well... I'll just have to have some patience...

Author's Response: Thanks. But just to warn you, I find I rather like leaving cliffhangers at the end of chapters. lol

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed
Date: 05/22/14 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

I like Dee is a bit more active and how you're (or rather, Dakota is) describing more about how she feels about all that in more detail then Amanda did. Oh, and don't worry about putting cliffhangers in. I love them just as much as I hate them and they certainly keep me wanting to read the next chapter.

Author's Response: I think p*** without thoughtful background is boring. I try to put myself in the characters' places and imagine what would be going through their minds.

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed
Date: 06/24/14 Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14

I love how Dakota is by now quite confident and knowlegable but keeps getting baffled by Evelyn. This is going great. I just wish the chapters were longer... oh well... at least I´ll keep looking forward to the next one!

Author's Response: Soon, grasshopper. Another chapter soon.

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed
Date: 06/12/14 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Ah, poor Dakota. She finally gets things settled with Harry and then this happens. And poor Curt. he must be devastated.

Good work so far. The story is coming along nicely!

Author's Response: Thanks. Some surprises still to come.

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed
Date: 06/27/14 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15

The feelings I have at seeing the results written out like this are hard to describe. Quite delicious. Like Talia though, I'm longing for some answers as well.
Loving smiles, Evelyn.

Author's Response: Your pleasure in this makes my day. I do promise SOME answers soon.

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed
Date: 07/04/14 Title: Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Hmm... looks like you two really had an intense party there, while leaving me out if it. *pouts*
Oh well... I'm sure I should be capable of finding someone myself for some playing around in a somewhat different but still intense way!
Loving smiles, Evelyn.

Author's Response: Jealous. lol

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed
Date: 08/03/14 Title: Chapter 27: Chapter 27

I can hardly imagine what it must be like to go through all that. I feel for you, poor Dakota and I hope you'll get good old Harry back as himself in due time. Good thing you kept me a secret from them and thank god I can still see you from time to time. I am not sure what I'd do if I'd lose both of you.
Loving smiles, Evelyn.

----

Not a bad way to close this story off for now. It's been a really fun ride. I do hope to see more of this setting in due time, but it might be best indeed to wait a bit until you have some more inspiration so it won't be too repetitive.
If not another story in this setting, then maybe a totally new story, because whatever story you end up writing, you have a very lovely way of doing so and I'd love to read more of that.

Author's Response: You are always so kind. I have two stories in the last stages, and one more I'm beginning to sketch out.

Billy Smith was a late in life surprise to his parents. There was something oddly different about him, but nobody was able to define what it was. One day when he was playing video games with his new female friend there was a malfunction in the VR gear...
Rated: Adult 28 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 44619 Words: 46392 Chapters: 9 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 06/01/14 Title: Chapter 5: Just Playing

The more I read of this, the better it gets. Count me intrigued. Very intrigued. Looking forward to more if it!

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm having a better time writing this than I thought I would. The original story I started 20 years ago has been altered and incorporated throughout this story.

A story about a less than popular teenage boy who is thrust into a world of magic, mayhem and fantasy creatures. He gets transformed into an elf and dropped into this new world with nothing but his two friends and a new gender to explore. With enough support I am hoping to turn this into a long story, a minimum of 100,000 words perhaps even going up to and beyond 300,000 words! TG TF
Rated: Explicit 16 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 27316 Words: 12873 Chapters: 7 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult, Fantasy Character
Featured Items: Boots, Corsets, Lingerie, Petticoat, Lace, Ruffles, Crinoline, Undies
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Story Theme: Historical Time Period, Mythical Setting, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Warnings: Bondage/S&M, Intense Violence, Non-Consentual Sex
Series: None
Published: 05/30/14
Updated: 06/11/14
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 06/01/14 Title: Chapter 3: Exploring

I am getting pretty intrigued into where you might go with this.
The first chapter was clearly a teaser and didn't tell us all that much yet, but that's fine. The second chapter suddenly went into full back-story mode, providing us with descriptions of the main character and his friends and family. I personal am not a big fan of doing it this way. I prefer if such information is more subtly written into the story in a way that makes sense with everything else that's going on, often explaining things when they are needed.

This chapter however, was a lot better and is what makes me want to read more of this. There are a couple of points that bug me a bit, though.

As Lanz said, it seems a bit odd to take names from LOTR. They learned pretty quickly that they are clearly elves and that things are not all that normal. I know they would be a bit confused about it all, especially at the start, but I don't think they would be stupid enough to pick names of prominent people in the LOTR universe when they very well might be stuck in that universe.

Another thing that bugs me is the magic. "Magic" in the LOTR universe is not how most would consider it to be in a fantasy world. Most of what the Elves are capable of is not really magic as it is their innate ability of their race. Most of that ranges from things like forms of telepathy, capable of healing with their touch in some way and resting their mind while awake and moving as an alternative to sleep. Of course, some elves are more capable in some things then others. Elrond, for example, is known to be the "master of healing".
Elves are not really capable of more defined "magic" as lighting a fire, as you describe here. There are certain individuals that would be capable of that. Gandalf is a prime example, but he, like the other wizards (or Istar) is a Maiar, who is capable of supermatural abilities that normal Elves, humans, etc are not capable off.

Please don't feel too discouraged by this, though. Just see this as a bit of rambling by someone that is a bit too into the LOTR lore. I just felt the need to point it out to you and I'll leave it to you to decide if you want to do anything with it.

If it's the case that you want to discuss the LOTR lore in more detail with me, I'd be up to that.

Author's Response: With them being huge, mmorpg players I thought magic would be a cool aspect to add, to make battles far more interesting and giving them an interesting advantage in fights, it is similar to the abilities of the five wizards, but I would say it is far closer to the magic used by the elves in Eragon, Arwen has a meaning in Elvish and is not just a random name, so a royal elf from another province may have that name. Tauriel is not royalty and the woodland elves are rather secluded and thus I would not expect that to be a problem. Email me at Elvishwarrior@outlook.com if you have any suggestions for future chapters please email, as well as any thing you think I could change in the current ones. The magic I think will be a conglomeration of MMORPGs and that used in the inheritance cycle. However if you think this is a horrible idea let me know.

She looked out the window, escape in her mind. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Too dangerous. Everything told her to stay put. But she was tired of it all. She wanted to escape, she wanted to finally break the cuffs that bind her on a life with no end, with no freedom. Tired, she finally realised what was wrong, and she lead the escape of an immense revolution.
Rated: Kid-Friendly 7 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 11242 Words: 16165 Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 03/17/15 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

This seems really interesting and I wonder why there's only one other review so far. I was a little put off with the princess bit. Especially the escape seemed a bit... forced and over the top.
Obviously when telling a story in a fantasy setting like this the reader will have to stretch their suspension of disbelief a little bit further and as a big fan of them, I've done that a lot. But in most of those cases, certain boundaries become clear and I didn't really feel that with the escape.
Where does a demon come from in this universe and how does he suddenly switch his loyalty so quickly and firmly? And I would imagine that the objective of the strange powerful mage from far away that produced the voice is going to become clear sometime in the future, but right now it just seems like he's only out to have fun and that feels somewhat jarring.
The knight was a bit confusing as well. At first I thought he was just an animated set of armor. Then I thought he was some kind of undead clad in armor (cause she fell into a crypt and the knight seemed to speak about his rest being disturbed), but now it seems he's actually alive and in a similar situation as the princess concerning the whole time thing. But that still makes me wonder what the heck he was doing down in that crypt in the first place.

Now I would imagine that some of these things would probably addressed later on, but at the moment I just feel like pointing them out, because as it stands right now, not knowing those things make it hard for me to keep it within my suspension of disbelief.

On the other hand, the stuff with Mard is really great and I'm looking forward to what future chapters will bring him. There's not much that really bugs me on that side of the story.

At least this chapter brought these two sides of the story together, so I'm looking forward to how this is going to play out.

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to leave such a constructive review! Explanations about the demons and mysterious voice will come later, but there is meant to be a bit of mystery in the first chapters. As for the knight, his actions will also be explained fairly soon. Hopefully we don't lose your interest before that!

Human flesh is their only sustenance. Don't go looking for them, or it will be your flesh.
Rated: Adult 39 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Completed Story Reads: 47994 Words: 106299 Chapters: 20 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Girlfriend, Object, Teenager
Featured Items: School Uniform
Locale: High School
Motivation for Change: Curse, Forced
Personality: Loses Identity, Made Smarter
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Mythical Setting, Witchcraft
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence, Torture
Series: Castaways
Published: 10/25/14
Updated: 11/27/14
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/07/14 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11: The harder they fall

Although I do quite like your other two stories, this one is by far the best one of yours so far. The more I read, the more I love it.

The only big issue I have with it is that it feels somewhat rushed at times. It feels like you're reaching certain points in the plot too quickly, missing the change to further develop things around it. I had hoped to see her spend at least some time before each big "upgrade", but instead we get very little in the way of that.

Still really enjoyable to read though. I just fear it's going to reach an end way too soon...

Author's Response: I've already gotten through 70,000 words. I think the problem with it ending 'too' soon is a lesser problem. I actually have been throwing a lot of this stuff at you guys so fast is due to trying to make it difficult to gauge Sarah's power (I want you guys to be unsure where I am going to cut off Sarah's power, and it will happen). Why there are so many Castaways about will be revealed soon enough if chapter 11 didn't explain the whole slumbering thing already. But rest assured, do not worry about it ending so suddenly, I have a lot of plans for Sarah and I do not plan to pull the rug out from underneath anyone just yet.

Gather round, as players from all over the world embark on an accidental quest of discovery and peril! Join Sadie, Hikaro, Sam, Keith, Azorath, and Don through an adventure that will change them forever.
Rated: Adult 40 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 16988 Words: 54514 Chapters: 13 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 10/27/14 Title: Chapter 1: Players - Act 1

This seems really interesting. Obviously it reminds me of Sword Art Online (on which my opinion is somewhat split), but also Log Horizon and .Hack, although I did not finish watching that last one.

More to the point, I am really liking this so far. Some of the issues have already been spoken of, that being the differences between how each author writes. I have written a story in collaboration one time in the past with one other person and before we started we agreed on a sort of style we would write in and if it would be present or past tense and if it would be first or third person. That sort of agreement beforehand usually prevents some of the issues. Not all of course.

Even so, you did quite well so far, all things considering. One thing I have a big issue with though, is Azorath. I like to Roleplay myself and although you might not have intended this to be put forth in a negative manner, a lot of times when roleplay is put forth in a story, they're put forth as someone who sees the game as their "real" world and wanting to forsake our actual real world. They're put forth as wanting to escape from their own lives into the game and then getting lost in that.

Sure, I suspect there might be some roleplayers who are like that, but that really is just a select few. The majority are nothing like that in the slightest. Sure, a lot of us (me included) see it as a form of escape, but only temporarily.

In Azorath's case, I can see how her character might be more interesting to the story this way, but to me, it feels very forced and fake, because in all my time roleplaying, I have never met someone in such a mindset. At least not this extreme. For This seems really interesting. Obviously it reminds me of Sword Art Online (on which my opinion is somewhat split), but also Log Horizon and .Hack, although I did not finish watching that last one.

More to the point, I am really liking this so far. Some of the issues have already been spoken of, that being the differences between how each author writes. I have written a story in collaboration one time in the past with one other person and before we started we agreed on a sort of style we would write in and if it would be present or past tense and if it would be first or third person. That sort of agreement beforehand usually prevents some of the issues. Not all of course.

Even so, you did quite well so far, all things considering. One thing I have a big issue with though, is Azorath. I like to Roleplay myself and although you might not have intended this to be put forth in a negative manner, a lot of times when roleplay is put forth in a story, they're put forth as someone who sees the game as their "real" world and wanting to forsake our actual real world. They're put forth as wanting to escape from their own lives into the game and then getting lost in that.

Sure, I suspect there might be some roleplayers who are like that, but that really is just a select few. The majority are nothing like that in the slightest. Sure, a lot of us (me included) see it as a form of escape, but only temporarily.

In Azorath's case, I can see how her character might be more interesting to the story this way, but to me, it feels very forced and fake, because in all my time roleplaying, I have never met someone in such a mindset. At least not this extreme. For Azorath to be like she is, I suspect she'd have some seriously big metal issues to begin with.

It might be I'm being a bit too critical on that part, though. So take it as you will.
Oh, and maybe it could be an idea to put forth who writes which characters? Maybe that could be added in the story notes? Just an idea.

All in all, you got my interest and I'm looking forward to what else you three have to offer.

Author's Response: Since Azorath is one of my characters, I'll respond to this one. No, most roleplayers aren't like Azorath. Her personality in-game mainly stems from her home life, which isn't better after the change, I'll have you know. Azorath is also heavily inspired by the character Nylocke from the web series TOME: Terrain of Magical Expertise, who is also a heavy roleplayer that takes his character way too seriously. ~ Hikaro

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed
Date: 10/28/14 Title: Chapter 3: Quest - Act 1

Great chapter. As A_Kent said, the different parts seem to flow together a bit better, so good job on that.

Concerning Azorath, I watched the first episode of TOME and I see the similarities between the two characters. Nylocke as a character bothers me for the same reason, but maybe that´s just me overreacting a bit on the matter. I can see why people would like such a character though.
Maybe when/if we see more of Azorath's home situation, my opinion of him will change. In the meantime, I'll just let the matter rest and enjoy the story.

There's one thing that somewhat bothered me in this chapter. How come they jumped to the conclusion of an rogue AI right away? To me, it would seem more logical to think a human was behind it. Maybe someone else hacking into the game or one of the headmasters having some fun of his own. It just seems a bit weird to me for them to jump straight to it being a rogue AI.

Oh and a small technicality, an AI in of itself would not be a problem. All the NPC's and all that are driven by AI after all. What you're talking about here is an AI that has become self-conscious and out of control. But that's just me being picky, I think.

I'm having a lot of fun reading this, though! Keep it up!

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed
Date: 11/03/14 Title: Chapter 6: Real Life Begins - Act 2

Great chapter. It's quite nice to see each of their real life situations.

I do feel a bit more sympathetic towards Azorath now, although I'd very much like to know more about his situation. The reason it was a bit difficult before to feel sympathetic towards him, probably for A_Kent as well, was because we knew next to nothing about what was going on with him in real life and why is the way he is. Now we know a little about that, so it becomes easier to see the reasoning. So good job on that front!

I feel a lot more sympathetic towards Jet, though. Maybe because I can relate to her a bit more then any of the others. Hopefully she can keep her feet on solid ground.

I do notice that Azorath's dialogue seems to change a bit from bit to bit. Not that that is all that surprising, since I can imagine it to be quite difficult for the other 2 authors to emulate his unique way of speaking perfectly. It's still just a minor thing, though and not really much of a hindrance.

Author's Response: By the way, Azorath's home life was planned from the very beginning, as were most of the characters. ~ Hikaro

Dakota and Amanda are twofers, women who were men in some sort of alternate universe. They and Henshaw, who had been their watcher for the government agency monitoring them, are now on the run. Evil forces have taken over the agency and now want all of them dead. For those who have read Dakota, you will find all the familiar characters plus a few new ones.
Rated: Explicit 57 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 14320 Words: 63688 Chapters: 29 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Series: None
Published: 07/14/15
Updated: 11/08/15
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 07/21/15 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

I'm very pleased to see the next part in this series. I'm very interested in seeing more of the exploits of Amanda and Dakota. And of course I'm very happy to see Evelyn still being prevelent and getting her own Point of View part.
Looking forward to the forthcoming chapters!

Author's Response: Many more to come.

Reviewer: Nathriel Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 11/08/15 Title: Chapter 29: Chapter 29

Oh wow, it certainly has been a long journey. 125 chapters in total. You've managed to bring it to a pretty satisfying conclusion, although I admit I'm going to miss them all. I might not have commented as often this time around, but I definitely have read it all. Now I'm just curious to see what might come from you in the future!

Author's Response: I'm so in love with Dakota, and to a lesser extent Amanda, that leaving them is actually traumatic for me. But I've reached the point where anything else I write about them would just be straining, and not really up to par. I'll begin posting my next one soon.

My true story of taking the preliminary steps towards becoming a woman
Rated: Adult 4 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 1758 Words: 2130 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Gender Change
Characters: None
Series: None
Published: 11/04/15
Updated: 11/04/15
Reviewer: Nathriel Signed
Date: 11/06/15 Title: Chapter 1: Bravery

From experience (as I've posted a similar thing here), I know it's already quite a relieve to just write it all out like you've just done here. It's another to finally share it online like this. And then it's a massive relieve when you've finally told someone close to you. The moment just before I told my own parents was the most nervous moment of my live, but such a relieve when I did.
One thing I want to stress is that in no way are you alone with anything you might feel. Personally I had a lot of doubts as well that made me feel that even among transgender I was unique in that respect. But one of the things I've learned is that no matter what you're dealing with, it's almost certain there's other people out there dealing with the same things.
I congratulate you on finally being able to tell your parents. I won't presume to know your situation, but what has personally helped me immensely is the fact after I told my parents and was accepted by them, I knew I had a safe place at home. After that you can just do things at your own pace. I didn't tell our immediate family and friends either until a couple of months later.
Anyway, i wish you the best of luck going forward. If you ever want to talk to someone dealing with similar things, feel free to contact me. I know it helped me when I could freely talk with other people who were transgender.

Author's Response: Thank you, I'll certainly keep your name in mind if I ever need to talk. The problem with my pace is that it will probably end up being too slow...

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