Marina Twelve
Contributor to Sapphire's place, Crystal's story site in fiction mania in early 2000s I had quite a following and good reviews, for my generally g-rated stories involving TG and TV---and my TG Sci fi "Space opera series "The last Frontier."---Which I have been developing into a screen play that has received some attention. Re-inspired, after a long hiatus, I have revised and completed unfinished work and am looking to post once more. My Stories are usually G rated, without explicit sex or homosexuality (no bias, just don't "bend that way"). My protags are usually reluctant "victims" who do not like the change but must learn to live with it anyway, and often succeed. and if they DO (most of the time) "get back" , they will have learned from the experience.
Member Since: 12/07/17 Membership status: Member
Average Review Rating Given: starstarstarstarhalf-star


Reviews by Marina Twelve
Take one ambitious woman, stricken with a terrible disease… stir into the mix her son, manipulated all his life, conditioned to always obey his mother… add coerced cross-dressing, stick the whole mess in the Cuisinart and hit liquify. Conflict is inevitable. Here’s what could happen.
Rated: Kid-Friendly 2 Reviews starstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 4515 Words: 3711 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Mother
Featured Items: Corsets
Locale: Family Household
Motivation for Change: Forced
Story Theme: Beauty/Fashion
Type of Change: Mind Control, Stuck
Series: None
Published: 01/29/14
Updated: 01/29/14
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 12/23/17 Title: Chapter 1: A mother pushes her son too far...

It was a good story, fairly well written and an interesting idea. it should have been a little longer though.----Perhaps on the beginning end of it.

An intergalactic gun runner, on a six month mission, makes a serious mistake. A gritty sci-fi noir, with space debauchery, bisexual escapades, and weird alien sex.
Rated: Explicit 141 Reviews starstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 174298 Words: 111268 Chapters: 46 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult
Featured Items: Bikinis, Boots, Corsets, High Heels, Lingerie, Long Nails, Pantyhose, Petticoat, Lace, Ruffles, Crinoline, Sex Toys, Undies, Work Uniform
Locale: Space or Foreign Planet
Motivation for Change: Accident, Female Domination
Personality: From Dominant to Submissive, Made Smarter
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Bisexual
Story Type: Includes Images
Story Theme: Comedy, Distant Future, Romance
Type of Change: Fast/Instant Change, Stuck
Warnings: Bondage/S&M, Death, Non-Consentual Sex
Series: None
Published: 07/20/16
Updated: 05/27/17
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 12/23/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Birth

I am impressed, even the Science, so far is believable. I will soon get around to reading the rest. I like to illustrate my stuff too. Might I suggest getting an account on SECOND LIFE and designing your characters there. And use snip tool to save the images you want---They can further be modified with GIMP---That's how I did a lot of MY images, especially the Book one of my LAST FRONTIER. a lot faster than drawing them out by hand.

Ben is a weak, cowardly boy who has spent his life avoiding bullies until one day the most popular jerk in school, Jordan takes a liking to him. But Jordan is hiding a secret and what Ben thinks is bulling is actually training for a more kinkier plan as Jordan tries to bring out the sissy in Ben...
Rated: Explicit 109 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 200560 Words: 79737 Chapters: 26 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Sissy
Motivation for Change: Forced, Male Domination
Personality: Fights Change, Loses Identity
Story Theme: Humiliation
Series: None
Published: 11/16/16
Updated: 10/22/17
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 12/16/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Put it on...

A good start and well written And you leave a bit of a "cliff hanger" to make the readers want to move on to the next page

Author's Response: Thanks glad you enjoyed the story. xx

Dana doesn't always consider the consequences of his actions. His big mistake changes his life drastically.
Rated: Explicit 62 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 134560 Words: 22771 Chapters: 19 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Featured Items: Bikinis, Gaff, High Heels, School Uniform, Undies
Locale: Family Household, High School
Body Modification: Ears Pierced
Motivation for Change: In Hiding
Personality: Loses Identity
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Bisexual
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Changed by Clothing, Hormonal
Series: None
Published: 12/26/16
Updated: 03/10/17
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 12/29/17 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5 Wardrobe Malfunction

I have started this story, Chapt5 so far---Not bad. You need to read MY story "THE WITNESS"---a similar situation----and you might get some ideas----It's got illustrations too.

Author's Response: "laughing* Just began reading it the other day.

Could it be true that the universe is actually malleable? That all of reality can be broken down to 1's and 0's?
Surely not; Andrew studied binary, but it seems like someone somewhere knows it better than him.
Rated: Explicit 63 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 73277 Words: 54178 Chapters: 19 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 12/15/17 Title: Chapter 1: Surely Not an Average Day

The writing, so far, is quite good. You have got it!---HOWEVER the "present tense" setting seems more like a "stunt" to me.---Quick, go back and change it to first person, past tense, before you get too far. It's short right now, and it would be no big task. I know you can do a good job---it WILL read much better. Also triple the length of the entry, so you HOOK the reader, it's not long enough now to give us an idea at to what it is about.

Author's Response: Was kinda on the fence about the length of the first chapter cause I know a lot of people read for the change and I didn't want to keep the waiting for no reason - but I do see your point on that. Present tense is in some ways a stunt but mostly actually vital to the nature of the story - telling it in past tense means the narrator and by proxy, the reader can know things I don't want them to. We're upon the final climax of the story, so changing it changes almost the whole story anyway. Thanks for your input and review - appreciate someone taking the time to writing caring words in the form of feedback like that.

A late-night stroll seems to be the perfect time to encounter strange events. After getting pulled into an encounter with slavers, Alex is forced to find his own way back home, however difficult that may be.
Rated: Explicit 194 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 120371 Words: 228394 Chapters: 38 Table of Contents
Categories: Magical Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Fantasy Character
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Mythical Setting
Warnings: Death, Intense Violence
Series: None
Published: 05/05/17
Updated: 11/27/19
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 12/26/17 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8: Kanto City

Whooo--eeee. Its a Long story, but a great read---I am about to start chapter nine. Where did hours go? I need to teak a break. Its like exploring a new world. Sort of reminds me of my own " the Last Frontier" books. A guy in a different body having to learn about himself as much as his new world.

Author's Response: Damn, a new reader. I'm glad you're liking it. This entire series along with my more recent stories have been a major shock to my understanding of writing. I'm incredibly experienced with millions of words under my belt, but the understanding of people and how they work, how they think, how different they are and that they continue to do something while they aren't actually there is a difficult step to make. In Dew Drop, it's a step I finally made and it makes for believable and sympathetic characters. I hope you continue to read and enjoy, there's still a hell of a lot to go.

Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 12/27/17 Title: Chapter 31: Chapter 31: Mane Concerns

Sort of reminds me of a Jack Chalker book who was known for his TG and TF-----You need to wrap this story up at 200,000 words--and sell it as a BOOK on Amazon or Create space (print on demand). Then start ANOTHER book on this same series and characters. You cant sell it if it gets too long to make a book. If you are gonna do the work, might as well make it profitable, or potentially so. Save more for the next book. You only have to do a bit of formatting, you got a great story and characters. Those are my own plans for my LAST Frontier series, I now have enough for a trilogy book and will start another continuing Trilogy and start new adventures.

Author's Response: Thank you. And I suppose that will inevitably be my plans, but if I suddenly stop writing, which sometimes I am prone to do, then I won't be properly ready for any sort of series. Regardless, the intention would be to keep all of this together, then to reformat it when I decide that I want to publish it. I know where I can, as I have defining arcs that I've split the book into, we are currently on arc... 4. Arc 1 - Balder Village, Arc 2 - Kanto City, Arc 3 - The Prince's Task, Arc 4 - Salamia Plains. But now considering you've been loving this so much and I've taken a quick look at your own books, I think I at least owe you a look at your Last Frontier books ;). I'll leave you a review when I've read them, but thanks for your own reviews.

Was it the twilight zone of another world dimension conflicting with us, or simply a curse. A boy changes his life because of strange things that happen around him..
Rated: Kid-Friendly 2 Reviews starstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 3835 Words: 3595 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Male to Female, Child (0-12 yrs)
Turned Into: Baby, Daughter, Sissy
Featured Items: Bikinis, Diapers, Pantyhose, Petticoat, Lace, Ruffles, Crinoline
Locale: Family Household
Body Modification: Ears Pierced
Motivation for Change: Curse, Unknown
Personality: Loses Identity
Series: None
Published: 06/15/17
Updated: 06/15/17
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstar
Date: 12/15/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I sort of "get" the story, so you DO have the "imagination" to be a writer.. The next thing you need to do to improve your writing is put Dialogue in your text. Not just saying what was said or what the character was told, but actual conversation---NOT, for example "the Boy asked me for an autograph", but The boy stopped me outside of church "Can I have your autograph?" he asked.-----Get a novel off the shelf, and look how they set up and punctuate such dialogue and copy it.---Your stories will be a LOT better.

Kim Possible's Father Dr James Possible is researching a new formula for genetic DNA he can now change men into women and the same way back but there is lot evil people out there in America and the Amazon jungle in the race known as Amazon women his daughter Kim Possible work for Global Justice Network with her friend Ron Stoppable what happen if Kim Possible became evil like her enemy Drakken and Shego
Rated: Explicit 4 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Completed Story Reads: 25890 Words: 109880 Chapters: 27 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed
Date: 12/07/17 Title: Chapter 1: Arrival in the Amazon villages

I am able to follow your story, but IMHO, it is not so much the Grammar but style formatting. You are writing it as if it is a Stage play or Movie script----Perhaps your style is compatible with those. Look up and read about Screenplays and follow THAT format. Then you will not need those elaborate descriptions and many other literary elements, that your readers are MISSING in your writing--and complaining about "Grammar"-------READ BOOKS on SCREENPLAYS and follow those formats---Make your stories screenplays and invent your OWN Characters (don't use other people's Copyrighted work) You can't sell it. Why put work in a project you cant sell or make money from? You don't HAVE to sell it, but why not make a REAL Salable work to begin with---The reward is greater

When Jo's plane crashed, he and his friends find they have to do different things to survive. One of those things however changes Jo's life forever
Rated: Adult 13 Reviews starstarstarstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 43810 Words: 32705 Chapters: 11 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Featured Items: Bikinis, Boots, Lingerie, Long Nails
Motivation for Change: Willing or Voluntary
Personality: Loses Identity
Type of Change: Changed by Clothing, Slow/Gradual Change
Series: None
Published: 09/03/17
Updated: 09/12/17
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstar
Date: 12/15/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Looks pretty good so far. The writing, while not great, is good. Work on your vocabulary some more. My only real criticism is that it is too short of an entry. It should be about THREE times as long---enough to get a feel of what kid of a story it is going to be---Yes, a few adventures, with wind and waves, etc., and then, perhaps waking on a strange island and seeing this strangely dressed girl, etc. Its not long enough to tell if I am going to like the story or not---you need to HOOK the reader before you break it off.

The crew of a fearsome dreadnought get more than they bargained for when their fleet is sent beyond the reaches of our solar system to investigate a colony gone quiet.
Rated: Adult 14 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 29854 Words: 15401 Chapters: 9 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Adult (27-62 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult, Alien
Locale: Space or Foreign Planet
Motivation for Change: Accident, Unknown
Personality: Fights Change
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Distant Future, Mind/Body Posession
Type of Change: Mind Control, Slow/Gradual Change
Warnings: Bodily Functions, Death, Intense Violence
Series: Solar Chronicles
Published: 09/10/17
Updated: 09/19/19
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 12/30/17 Title: Chapter 4: The Mystery Fleet

WOW! Really great stuff. I can't think of any way to improve it. Hurry up with the next chapter. You might also want to check out my Own "The Last Frontier" series--3 completed books. Different (although realistic) Science Focusing on a small band of heroes seeking vengeance against a vast space cartel. And the once male Protagonist's psychological struggle to come to terms with her change or lose her sanity.

Justine and Maureen Cunningham were inseparable twins. When their mother surprised them with an adopted brother, the girls take the initiative to make him fit in.
Rated: Kid-Friendly 12 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 16473 Words: 29292 Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Male to Female, Child (0-12 yrs)
Turned Into: Child, Daughter, Twin
Featured Items: Pantyhose, Petticoat, Lace, Ruffles, Crinoline, Undies
Locale: Family Household
Motivation for Change: Forced
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Age Regression
Series: None
Published: 09/19/17
Updated: 08/08/19
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstar
Date: 12/15/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Welcome to Your New Home

Not bad, although you need some more dialogue in the beginning half---Perhaps the mother talking to the adoption agency about Alan---and fill in the background information from there---include HER thoughts, etc. Not just have a summary narrative---It should read like the second half, ---Different subject matter, of course.

Our hero's nightmare begins when his mom unexpectedly enters into his room so early in the morning and informs him that she wants him to get all dressed up in girl's clothes and impersonate as her daughter in front of her new boss Mrs mehta and her family to whom she has invited for dinner in the evening.An argument starts almost immediately.
Rated: Kid-Friendly 2 Reviews starstarhalf-star Story Incomplete Reads: 2279 Words: 786 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter
Locale: Family Household
Motivation for Change: Forced
Series: None
Published: 09/30/17
Updated: 09/30/17
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 12/23/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Looks like a fun story so far--I want to read more. While your English is not perfect it is quite good enough and you are a good writer.

It is hard to have any sympathy for this boy.... to think he has a future... even to like him! Is there any hope?
Rated: Adult 6 Reviews starstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 28648 Words: 12785 Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Categories: Sissy Story
Characters: Male to Female, Child (0-12 yrs)
Turned Into: Baby, Daughter, Sissy
Featured Items: Diapers, Petticoat, Lace, Ruffles, Crinoline
Locale: Family Household, Girl's School
Motivation for Change: Female Domination, Forced
Personality: Bad to Good, Fights Change
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Everyday Living, Humiliation
Type of Change: Age Regression, Hormonal
Series: None
Published: 11/26/17
Updated: 05/31/18
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstar
Date: 12/16/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Bad Boy

The story itself is good, but reads more like a summary of events. It should be driven by dialogue and actions----Get a hold of a novel you like and copy the format and punctuation of people speaking---Try that. You should have good results because you can tell and communicate the story already. The dialogue will help you become a REAL Writer.

Mark is a handsome student and athlete. But one day, years ago, he did something terrible, and now, Isa and Red are coming for him.
Rated: Explicit 2 Reviews starstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 14104 Words: 5756 Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 12/16/17 Title: Chapter 1: Mark, Isabella, Red

This reads very well, also I am Hooked by the story and want to read more. My only criticism is you should upload longer segments.

A mysterious experiment has placed the world in chaos with people randomly disappearing or slowly turning into something or someone else along with slowly losing who they are. This phenomenon has come to be known as The Flux. This story is about one of the last bastions that have guard themselves from the Flux and maybe in time find some sort of solution.
Rated: Explicit 3 Reviews starstarstarstar Story Incomplete Reads: 2377 Words: 1198 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter, Girlfriend, Teenager, Twin
Featured Items: Bikinis, Corsets, High Heels, Lingerie, Long Nails, Pantyhose, School Uniform
Locale: High School, Labratory
Body Modification: Lips Plumped, Permanent Hair/Skin/Nail Change
Motivation for Change: Unknown
Personality: Loses Identity
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Women
Story Theme: Distant Future
Type of Change: Identity Theft, Slow/Gradual Change
Warnings: Death
Series: None
Published: 11/29/17
Updated: 11/29/17
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstar
Date: 12/07/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 The Fall

Looks like a good start to a story, but it was a bit short. Needs at least to be three times as big for each part. It sounds interesting though

The maker of a transformative catsuit shares her stories.
Rated: Explicit 65 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 372438 Words: 73903 Chapters: 97 Table of Contents
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 12/16/17 Title: Chapter 1: The Heartbreaker

Looks like an introduction to a story--The protag could be reading an ad and is intrigued, or someone he knows might be reading it and decide to prank him----The first part of the story should be included in this first entry---Hey, you have up to 15000 words. That way we can see your actual writing style--and not just the above narrative----THEN people will want to see more.

Author's Response: Once you see the Heartbreaker story develop (once I publish, say, the second segment), I hope you'll see why I wrote it this way. This first chapter applies to every segment and it's used to introduce the storyteller.

A true account of my first time out in public dressed in a sexy outfit.
Rated: Kid-Friendly 3 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 4498 Words: 5140 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Featured Items: High Heels, Long Nails, Pantyhose
Locale: College
Motivation for Change: Willing or Voluntary
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Type: Includes Images
Story Theme: Beauty/Fashion, Everyday Living
Series: None
Published: 12/26/17
Updated: 12/27/17
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 12/30/17 Title: Chapter 1: Matty's Sexy Debut

A pretty good story. It would be interesting to see what else you can come up with. I Illustrate MY stories too and even have a "Heading" image. I use various techniques from my OWN ART which takes forever, to snipping stills from "Second life" of my own "character avatars" to photo shopping elements of both together.

Author's Response: My stories were previously on Fictionmania. I have a few dozen that range from G to XXX and from absolutely true to partially true to pure fiction. The formatting here is different, so I have to edit the code for each one to work here. All my pictures are of me, or at a minimum use my face in composite images. Sadly I don't have any pictures from younger than the age of 31, so at times I have to edit the pictures to fit the story. Some stories are from my 30s and older and all of those pictures are completely unedited. I also try to explain in each story which pictures have been edited and which have not... I am always honest. :)

Adjusting to, and accepting the results of a horrific accident is a process that takes years, involving a decision, struggles, self doubt, gradual acceptance, some sex, some romance, and a unicorn. (I'm lying about the unicorn.)
Rated: Explicit 69 Reviews starstarstarstarstar Completed Story Reads: 138699 Words: 26175 Chapters: 25 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult, Teenager
Locale: Family Household, Hospital or Clinic
Body Modification: Sexual Reassignment Surgery
Motivation for Change: Accident
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Men
Story Theme: Coming of Age, Everyday Living, Romance
Type of Change: Hormonal
Series: None
Published: 12/29/17
Updated: 04/18/18
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 12/29/17 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Brian

Not bad. Chapters need to be a bit longer though and more detail added to his Juliet role---getting ready, his feelings, ect. Less narrative, more dialogue. Good concept, good setting.

Author's Response: Thanks. Since the Juliet role is merely background, I didn't go into much detail. You'll find that later. About the chapters. My chapters are usually determined by two things: the events that occur and how much writing time I have right then. Sometimes on one of the many re-writes, I do juggle them, however.

This story is about a young boy who witnessed a bank robbery and killing of a police officer
Rated: Adult 3 Reviews starstarstar Completed Story Reads: 13933 Words: 3654 Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Categories: Realistic Crossdressing and TV
Characters: Male to Female, Child (0-12 yrs), Male to Female, Teen (13-19 yrs)
Turned Into: Daughter
Featured Items: Bikinis, Breast Forms, Lingerie, Undies
Locale: Family Household, High School
Body Modification: Ears Pierced
Motivation for Change: Forced
Sexual Orientation: Does Not Change
Story Theme: Everyday Living
Type of Change: Changed by Clothing, Hormonal
Warnings: Death
Series: None
Published: 01/03/18
Updated: 01/03/18
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 01/04/18 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

A bit short, and a bit 'simple" but well written. Take a look at my own story "The Witness" a similar theme but with lots more details and "side adventure" plots. I like the age range (11-15) for boys in this situation as they make the best "realistic" women and their voices haven't changed. I have a preference (personal) that they be disguised as older girls, so their appearance can be further camouflaged by make up.---But to each his own. Keep writing.-----

A recent recruit to police service is kidnapped and made unconscious, waking up as a cyborg android – a female android – to be forced to work for a shady firm as anti-police expert. But an oath has been sworn and on best opportunity and with best knowledge of this outfit, this android absconds back to police service.

This story as a comic: https://www.deviantart.com/ab-norway/art/Not-Quite-Human-Anymore-Front-Cover-827073933
Rated: Adult 3 Reviews starstarstarhalf-star Completed Story Reads: 5478 Words: 8095 Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Categories: Sci-Fi Gender Change
Characters: Male to Female, Adult (27-62 yrs), Male to Female, Young Adult (20-26 yrs)
Turned Into: Adult, Robot, Secretary
Featured Items: Latex or Rubber Clothing
Locale: Office
Body Modification: Castrated/Neutered, Vaginal Alteration
Motivation for Change: Forced, Tricked, Undercover
Personality: From Submissive to Dominant, Loses Identity
Sexual Orientation: Becomes Only Attracted to Women, Does Not Change
Story Theme: Captive, Everyday Living, Romance
Type of Change: Mechanical Device, Stuck
Series: None
Published: 01/05/18
Updated: 01/05/18
Reviewer: Marina Twelve Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 01/05/18 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I do not like the "unconventional" style of writing, but the story itself is so good, the faults with the style can be overlooked.

It reads like a "Treatment" that screenwriters use to tell the story of their screenplay to a potential producer.---It's "good" in that respect too. Its also too short, and would be about the right length if a proper writing style were used. ---I recommend reading some good short stories, by commercial authors you like and then follow their style and punctuation. STORY is YOUR strong point. Perhaps you might want to try your hand at Screenwriting too.
I personally don't like your Technology, in my opinion, not as "advanced" as I would have liked, but that is my personal opinion and I do not rate on my opinions. ;)
Keep up the good work

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