Date: 07/07/17 06:36 pm Title: Chapter 6
Being rushed with a story is never a good idea. You cintinuously swiyched or mixed up names and sometimes you grammar (conjugation) is quite besides the usual use of the language. That does not make for an entirely pleasant read.
Than I do have to agree with Snarfles, as a transitioned woman I am well aware of size and form and find imagining Ellie rather painful. All that distracts from an otherwise quite good story idea.
Keep practising and ask for proofreading/advice from other writers who are willing to help.
Date: 04/28/14 12:27 am Title: Chapter 1
Great story but there does seem to be quite a bit of mistakes in it. Maybe I missed it but why was Jeff "Jessica" at first but suddenly it was "Ellie". After the first paragraph or so when the character's name has changed you don't need to keep identifying the character as "Jeff As Ellie". Unless the original body/persona reasserts itself in some way, just stick with only the new name.
It's a good story but as others have said, it needs some proofreading and to be made more clear and consistent.
Date: 07/10/13 01:20 am Title: Chapter 1
Probably one of the best ways to proofread your work, would be to have someone else read it to you as you follow along with a hard copy and a pen to make notes for changes you need to make. Too often people rely on a spell-checker program to correct their mistakes, but a program won't point out when you use the wrong word.
You may also want to investigate proper paragraph structure, how dialogue should be presented, and look into common errors such as: "As the car pulled to the curb, Jeff got out of the car...." Perhaps he waited until the car had stopped? It would be interesting to see someone exit a car while shutting it's door.
While this is indeed a fiction/ fantasy site, keep in mind that it is the authors responsibility to provide the reader with the means to suspend disbelief. FF cups add 12" to a woman's measurement, so a 34FF is actually 46" around, more than twice her waist, and 38" thighs would make her hips at least ( (left thigh + right thigh) *1.24)= 94 inches...a big butt indeed. At 5'8" tall there's no way she could pull off 130lbs. **check bust size charts here: http://www.natureday.com/size_breast.html.
Oh, just one more thing... pain may reside someplace in your body, but when it lessens? its subsiding.
Snarfles does see some talent in your writing, work on the technicalities and you could become awesome.