Date: 07/05/13 02:25 pm Title: Chapter 1
Interesting descent into transgender age regression. The use of a diary to place the focus into a first person accounting of events works. As a diary written by a 5th grader, the many grammatical, word use, and spelling errors can be dismissed. On the same vein however, Ashley quotes dialog far too often in her diary. Perhaps by shifting from diary entries to real time events, as needed, could provide better continuity; but this would necessitate a better job of editing.
Snarfles sees talent and imagination in your work. Remember to proofread more, perhaps have someone read it back to you for editing purposes prior to posting, and keep writing.