Date: 07/06/13 05:14 pm Title: Prelude
Intriguing beginning. It will be interesting to see where this tale leads. A few suggestions on technicalities, however: a) the use of apostrophes to denote incomplete words - playin' - not -play'in- as an example, correct usage will show as a misspelling, b) have someone read the story to you aloud as you follow along with a hard copy and your vermillion pen - improper words will reveal themselves in a glaring light this way, ie: - wench- vs -wrench- -accent- vs -assent- - coarse - vs - course - etc. c) proofread twice more than you think is necessary, tense agreements, conjugation, and even perspective concordance between differing portions of the story can be revealed with this simple and underutilized tool.
Snarfles sees talent and imagination in your work, don't stop writing!