Date: 01/08/13 09:23 pm Title: Chapter 2
For a first story this isn't bad at all. You handled the background competently and built up to the transformation scene with commendable restraint. The wings were a really nice touch.
Technical matters: your work will be easier to read if you leave spaces between paragraphs - and a change of speaker requires a new line.
Nice start. Keep it up.
Author's Response: Thanks for the tips and the feedback! I'm hoping to be done with then next chapter by next week.