Date: 10/10/20 02:38 am Title: Chapter 8
The last sentence sums it up nicely. Gold just passed up the opportunity of a lifetime. And Ace was forced to leave with a bad case of Blue Balls.
I think now the rest of the girls are going to get very competitive. Those Blue Balls won't last long.
Great writing, even from memory. Better luck next time.
Date: 10/09/20 06:43 pm Title: Chapter 7: Ranton's (?) Interlude
OK, it took me half a chapter to figure out that you had changed from first-person Gold to first-person Ranton. I had to re-read the chapter a couple of times to figure out what was going on.
So how long is Ranton going to stay Rachel? And is she really going on leave or is she going to stick around to mess with the other girls now?
I was also wondering if they all got the same level of horniness with the gender change, or is it more proportional to say, their boob size? If that's the case, then Gold and Rachel are going to be in a state of constant heat. Can't wait to see how that plays out between the women. There could be some fierce competition coming up.
Great job with the storyline. Very imaginative.
Author's Response: Thank you for your reviews! I updated the chapter's intro in order to cause less confusion :)
Date: 10/09/20 01:53 am Title: Chapter 5
And another, and another....
Seems like they are all affected mentally to some degree. Some are further along than others. I know if I were in Gold's high heels I would just go for the big win over everyone else. Every woman for herself, so to speak. I think Ruby will be the next to fall, she seemed willing to follow Gold's lead to womanhood.
Great writing, I like the suspense and the eroticism.
Author's Response: Thanks! Hope you'll keep continue reading :)
Date: 10/05/20 04:02 am Title: Chapter 4
Seems pretty chaotic right now, but I think most of them will fall into line over time. Gold will probably be leading the pack. I know I would be. I can't wait until Gold's order arrives. I hope it comes with batteries. And spare batteries.
Any chance you could post a 'scoreboard' with each chapter to keep track of how each girl is doing?
And maybe a list with each girl's attributes - physical description, personality? Please?
Gold - Lusty, enormous boobs, bubble butt, blonde hair, sexy, horny.
Ruby - Redhead, athletic, slightly above average boobs, big round ass. Personality _____
Diamond - Petite, white hair, small boobs, slightly large ass, heavenly face, beautiful, feminine, bitchy.
Topaz - Average, medium boobs, medium butt, brunette, tan, wide hips, thick legs.
Obsidian - Flat, small butt, androgynous, un-sexy.
Great job with the story. I'm hooked.
Author's Response: Thank you for your reviews! You got all of them right. I'll post the scoreboard whenever it's necessary.
Date: 10/04/20 09:00 pm Title: Chapter 3
Nice chapter of self-exploration, but I'm confused on the point system. May have to go back and re-read the whole thing. I hope Kevin gives in and uses her new body for everything it's worth, screw those other chicks. They didn't reach for the golden bracelet. Kevin did and he should reap the benefits.
Date: 10/04/20 07:34 pm Title: Chapter 2
Buddyman, good follow up to chapter 1. The descriptions are helpful. I would have wanted to be in Kevin's position, but 99% of readers would have too. Now that we know what they look like, let's see how much their personalities line up with their new bodies. Athletic, sexy, whoreish, sultry, prude? You have a lot of material to work with here. Can't wait to see how this story shapes up. Thanks.
Date: 10/04/20 07:30 pm Title: Chapter 1
Hey, buddyman, great start to the story; although I'd agree with the other review that chapter 1 was a little rushed. I hope you are going to do a deeper dive into the background and personality of each character. That makes them seem more 'real' and three-dimensional. Don't forget to set up the scene and surroundings as well. It will pay off in terms of a more realistic story that is fun and compelling to read. I also liked the mechanism for the change, and the reward for the highest risk of taking the 1st bracelet. Not sure what I would have done, but I would have regretted not taking the first one seeing what the result was.
Again, great start. Thanks.
Date: 10/01/20 11:30 pm Title: Chapter 1
I was surprised to see one star when I opened this chapter because it was well-formatted, and well-written as well. Turns out that’s just the default when a story hasn’t been reviewed yet!
So I’m happy to drop a five-star on this one to get others to read it in hopes of you continuing the story. My only advice/critique would be to spend a little more time with the characters in the moment. The pacing was pretty quick, which could work for sure! But more likely will lend an amateurish feel to the finished product. So maybe slow down, get inside your character’s POV and head a little more. What are they feeling? Seeing? Hearing? Smelling? Do they taste bile after completing the change? Do we hear bones creak and crunch? Is there a strange, erotic smell that pervades her nostrils as the transformation takes place? How’s her sense of balance now that her center of gravity has shifted dramatically?
Those are just some ways you can slow it down a bit. Not necessarily just to help with pacing, but also to get inside your character’s head. Maybe spend some time with her imagining what all these other guys are going to look like based on the names of the rings? Etc.
I hope you continue this soon!
Author's Response: Thanks!