Date: 09/24/20 10:18 pm Title: Jo
Why is this called EIGHT PEOPLE? I don't understand!
Author's Response: Because, this shares the views of eight people in the boy's life. Still, I'm considering to change the title, when I'll be uploading the next chapters. Thought of "Eight Shades of Jo". If you think of any other suitable title, kindly share me.
Date: 09/21/20 01:59 pm Title: Jo
Intriguing, waiting to see where this is going, have a feeling Lila has a hand in it.
The sentences seem a little broken, try using contractions. Reread the chapter before posting and if you trip over a sentence see why you tripped and find what you can do to make it run smoother.
I've had times when I read something I've written and said "wtf was that?" And had to totally rewrite a paragraph to make sense.
Author's Response: Thanks a lot :-) Really valuable points - the most important being that 'wtf' feel I get during rereads. I'll rectify them in the second chapter. And yes, Lila has much more space in the story than she appears. I hope, you'll be surprised to read through her perspective. I'm sure, I'll write it to keep the interests. Thanks again :-)
Date: 09/20/20 08:04 pm Title: Jo
This is a big improvement, I was easily able to read it to the end. I would love to see you keep your unique speech patterns in dialogue and clean up the English grammar in the exposition. However, I think that you should just keep writing the story and work on the grammar as it goes along, it has been my experience that that helps more to learning the structure than trying to go back and re-write the existing chapters over and over to get them right. This is quite readable and interesting as it is. Keep up the good work! I will be tracking it to see how it goes.
Author's Response: Hearty thanks, Holly! I was unsure how to approach it, but a friend of mine gave me the necessary points to improve upon. I'm glad, the edit became somewhat clean. Once again, your words are very constructive for the story. Sure, I'll improve the writing as naturally as possible. And, I hope, I will update the chapters more often. Thanks again :-)
Date: 09/20/20 09:02 am Title: Jo
Quite honestly, I had real troubles with this. I liked the concept, but English is obviously not your native tongue. Please find an editor that can help you with this, like I said, I like the concept, but the writing was so hard to understand that I couldn't manage to get myself to read this all the way to the end. I would volunteer, but I am already the editor for three other authors writing transgender fiction and between that, family and enjoying reading fiction on these sites, I have little time. And your story deserves to have someone who can devote some time to helping you communicate your ideas better. I hope I didn't offend. I'm not posting a rating, as I feel that this chapter is an unfinished product. You have a very unique style, I'm hoping you find someone who can clean it up and yet not lose the quirkiness of your style.
Author's Response: Sure, Holly! Yours are priceless words, for a beginner like me. I will definitely make a clean update of this chapter, probably with the help of a friend, very soon. Thanks a lot!