Date: 09/22/20 04:49 am Title: Chapter 2: Work, Witches, and Wonder
So, what will Jenny find in Cecilia's room? Or what will find her?
So the kids love Jenny, Jenny loves her new body, the pay is good, she is the perfect babysitter. I think Jenny could have a long-term job with the Wisteria family. Who wouldn't jump at the chance?
I think your writing is superb. Your sense of timing has me on the edge of my seat wanting more. Great descriptions, pacing, drama, and sex. Thank you.
Date: 09/22/20 04:06 am Title: Chapter 1: Much Unexpectedness
I'm really enjoying your story, but the wrong homonyms take me out of it. I noticed weather instead of whether and wait instead of weight. You are just an editor doing a read through away from a really polished piece.
A different reviewer mentioned lilt vs lisp, but I think lilt was the correct word choice there, but either could work, although I don't see Jenny having a lisp.
Date: 09/16/20 08:33 pm Title: Chapter 1: Much Unexpectedness
Hey, don't perfect babysitter girls always have their boyfriends over after the kiddies go to bed? You know, to study, um, biology?
What if Jenny's previously non-existent boyfriend shows up after the kids go down at 6 pm for some Netflix and chill?
After all, mom did pull out all of the magical stops to make sure Jenny was the perfect babysitter. Who knows how far-reaching mom's powers extend?
Date: 09/15/20 09:39 pm Title: Chapter 1: Much Unexpectedness
Excellent start! I can't believe all those other sitters turned down the Wisterias. Oh well, their loss. The only thing that would have made this story better is if the youngest child needed to be breast fed.
I wonder if the Wisteria's busy lifestyle would lead to them bringing Jenny on full time as a live-in nanny or Au pair? Then she could quickly earn enough money to buy a much nicer car.
I really like how you threw in some foreshadowing to potential conflicts in Jenny the babysitter's new career. First, the horny college boy in the basement (let's face it - they are all horny. I was). Then there is the way dear old dad reacted to seeing Jenny for the first time. Brilliant writing! I can't wait for more.
This story reminds me of another great babysitting tale where a fully trained male sitter shows up for a new client. One who was expecting a girl because her baby didn't like bottles or formula. Mom the witch was going to make the sitter lactate to feed the kid. Oh, well, just one extra step involved........
Unfortunately, that story never got beyond the first feeding. I hope you (and Jenny) have better luck. Thank you.