Date: 08/19/20 01:31 pm Title: Four Months Later - Epilogue
Just gave up on the character building towards the end there!
Very well written. You pulled off the second person POV as well as I’ve ever seen — it usually ends in disaster. I enjoyed the story very much!
Thanks for sharing!
Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, was supposed to reflect a descent into idiocy/bimbo/sex addiction and the price Maya had to pay for visiting the old man. Probably should have slowed down and spread things out more. Learning experience for next time. Maybe some rewrites of Friday and Saturday in the future as well. I need to learn how to edit.
Date: 08/19/20 01:35 am Title: Four Months Later - Epilogue
Now that is an epilogue ending. I'm not always a fan of epilogue endings and it sometimes feels like it clips the falling action off, but in this case if felt appropriate. I'm glad that you revisited this piece and I cannot wait for your next one.
Author's Response: Thank you. I genuinely appreciate the tips and criticisms. I would love to get better at this, I really enjoyed writing it. Long time reader, etc. Will read your two stories this week! Per this review, maybe there should have been a 4 month later chapter and then the epilogue be the old guy. Or just no old guy. I debated it both ways, but I might write the miss vera story next and if so I wanted the epilogue.
Date: 08/18/20 12:01 pm Title: Four Months Later - Epilogue
I loved the story! Excellent storyline and great writing. But I feel cheated on this last chapter, I feel you own more to us readers than to say she turned herself into a bimbo too! How are they going to live, someone needs to work, cook, clean ! Taxes. But thank you for sharing.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. This is my first story and it could definitely use some cleanup. While I liked the ending leaving things up to the imagination, since several readers have mentioned the same thing I will probably write a new epilogue chapter that further explores Sunday and put it up as an alternative ending.
Date: 08/18/20 11:18 am Title: Four Months Later - Epilogue
I thoroughly enjoyed that story. I got vibes that it was influenced be Five Vials (one of my faves) but I could definitely be wrong.
The scene work was strong and engaging, and the characters were enjoyable. Overall I had a great time reading this story and will reread at a later date
I would offer a look at the ending though. It feels like it is just slapped on to resolve the issues and is never really explored. Your major climax comes at the point that you realize that Maya has gone too far and "ruined" her fantasy version of John by turning him not into her female lover, but a hypersexual bimbo. Then she joins John in bimbo oblivion...the end. There is more to bite onto there if you don't mind me saying so. It seemed like Maya had a domme streak going at the end there (with the whole "cum for me" bit), so maybe the double dose just enhances the sexual aspects that are already there. Or, if you want to go the route you did, at least an epilogue that shows more of their new relationship than morning sex.
I really really liked this story and I am not trying to put it or you down for the direction you took it in. I'm just offering suggestions.
Author's Response: See above reply, but I will probably write a new epilogue chapter that further explores Sunday and put it up as an alternative ending. Thank you for your ideas and suggestions, it's the only way I'll ever improve!
Date: 08/18/20 07:48 am Title: Four Months Later - Epilogue
Wow, that was one of the most erotic stories I have ever read. I'm glad they were able to reach a happy ending. Most encounters with the wizard do not end that well.
Your writing is excellent. Your descriptions of the scene and the characters are so vivid I feel like I am in the room with them. Thank you for writing such an erotic and sensual tale.
Author's Response: Thank you for your very kind words