Date: 08/03/20 06:52 pm Title: Chapter 1
This seems to be a really interesting story developing, but halfway through the first chapter my brain was so fried trying to figure out who was doing what to whom, that I just had to quit reading. I don’t want to seem harsh, but you really need to get someone to help you straighten out the narrative so it makes some sense. I’d really like to read this when it’s cleaned up. Please don’t let my comments discourage you from continuing. And please do keep on writing.
Author's Response: thanks, all review are well accepted, my big problem is that i'n not native English speaker, so I write down the story in Italian and after that i'll translate it