Date: 07/12/20 04:20 pm Title: Chapter 1
I agree, you have the makings of a great story here.
You asked for advice, so I'll give you some. Do you read your stories before you post them? I read through mine at least three times before posting, the last time is well after I write it as I get it from a new perspective.
Maybe have someone read it and edit it for you, i had someone do it for me when i was starting out, it helps.
I noticed you have the opposite problem I have, commas. I use too many and you use too few.
You seem to have a great imagination and I don't want to stunt that, just want to help.
Date: 06/30/20 04:05 am Title: Chapter 1
I hope that you going to expan how this virus works better. It seems to change you over night or in a few days? To me you had it go fast to get the person changed. Like Elora said slow down and development on the main character more. It doesn't mean if I was in his shoes I go and date people right away or you may not even be straight for that point. This could be a good storyline here.
Choles measurements you should hide from her at all. Same time as Elron said she will know soon as she looks at the tags.
Please try on your next few chapters how dose this virus work and the percentage of males can be infected.
Date: 06/26/20 12:37 pm Title: Chapter 3
Buddyman, I think you have the makings of a fun little story here. But you need to slow down a bit. Spend some time on character development. Spend more time explaining the virus and how it came to be. Why were Mark's roommates still dating men with this virus going around? Seems like all men would go into isolation until it was dashed to come out.
The agreement Mark made with Jen is confusing. It seems obvious that the first thing a guy would do after suddenly changing anatomy would be to take it for a test drive. That's certainly what I would do. So I don't see any reason to try to hide it.
I really liked the doctor's explanation for why Mark wound up so feminine with such a voluptuous body and sexual orientation. Very creative on your part.
Keeping Chloe's measurements a secret from her doesn't make sense - all the clothing has tags on it with the size. I would think if this happened to me and I had those measurements, I'd be bragging about them.
I don't want to discourage you from writing. Hell, I can barely write a coherent paragraph, let alone a whole story. Please keep writing whatever you want the way you want it to read. I look forward to reading more of your stories. Thank you.