Date: 06/11/20 05:43 pm Title: Chapter 1
Just wanted to further explain what I was getting at in my review for the author.
It's important for me to say that I, in no way, want you to alter your writing, especially toward only giving exposition. My question was more to myself, I guess, on that I would infer the answer as I continued reading. I don't know of specific, exacting, terminology for this, so I honestly didn't really expect an answer.
Basically, I just would like you to write it how you feel it should be, and I'll just go along for the ride. I'll be sure to keep letting you know how I feel about the story, but I doubt plan on trying to get you to change how you're writing it. I'm sorry if I came across like that. Stories have to be enjoyable to write, and they become unenjoyable when you feel you have to write a certain way.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I'll be sure to drop a review on there next chapter, so have a great day!
Date: 06/11/20 03:28 pm Title: Chapter 3
Nooooooo. Why did the chapter have to ender there, its so good. Great job! I hope the next one comes out soon. The only part I am struggling with is that the dad has left but then it seemed like he was okay with his daughter manifesting powers. Just curious that is how I understood it.
Author's Response: Yeah, that should be confusing. Not to get into many details, but the father left within weeks of Joey manifesting. Early on in the story, Joey mentioned how much hell those first months were just trying to function. The only connection Joey made, the only change between the happy family life before hand, and his father leaving, was his manifesting. The feelings and perceptions of children don't necessarily reflect the reality of their parents divorce. As to his sister's feelings on that at the time...I'll let you figure out the rest.
Date: 06/10/20 05:10 pm Title: Chapter 3
Hello, I don't normally review stories, but I felt like I really should in this case. The story so far is really nicely done and I really enjoy the concept of it all.
My main question is how slow of a pacing does this story look to be? I'll be reading this as it goes, so I just want to know if I should be strapping in for the long haul or not. Slow pacing isn't always a bad thing, but I have had a couple of stories that seemed to draw things out way more than I felt was necessary and I sadly lost interest in them.
So far I'm really enjoying everything, and I can guarantee that I'm going to stick with the story for as long as you post chapters. I stuck out with the stories that I've lost interest in for quite a long time, so you can trust that I'll do so here.
Anyway, good luck in everything, and I look forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: This pretty much started as free writing, but to answer your question, the pace is set as necessary. I try to cover the sequence of events, while including information I think is necessary to give context to the events and characters. I'm sure I could speed the pace up if I gave nothing but exposition, but that's not good storytelling. I have to actually spend time building conflict and context to make sure the more dramatic or action filled events make sense. Not really sure what you're asking here.
Date: 06/07/20 02:48 pm Title: Chapter 2
Very strong start, it got me immediately hooked.
Just a small thing that made the story somewhat hard to follow is some mix-ups with character names, especially in the action packed parts of the story. You introduced Candice with a last name, then she had a different last name suddenly and there was a mix-up between the PE teachers.
Author's Response: Sorry, free writing while drunk. I'm fixing everything, but stopping and starting can cause some inconsistencies. I'm cleaning those up now, along with the prose. Glad you're enjoying it otherwise.