Date: 08/06/20 05:23 pm Title: Chapter 4
I'm really enjoying this story. It reminds me a lot of Spectra's Mind over on Overflowingbra. I'm always a sucker for a male/female swap story with good mental changes. I tried going to your patreon to check it out, but the link you shared isn't right. It seems like it's on patreon.com/gingerwrites.
Author's Response: Oh my God, youíre right! Iím so sorry. Iím so used to typing out ďgingerwritesstoriesĒ. I havenít checked out that story before, so Iím gonna make an effort to read it soon! Thanks so much for the feedback! It made my day. ^-^ Stay safe and Iíll see you on the next chapter! -ginger
Date: 08/05/20 08:10 am Title: Chapter 4
Absolutely loved this chapter. Definitely worth the wait! I’m really impressed with your pacing. This chapter did not feel like it was 5,000 words, and that’s really difficult to pull off. It feels like it’s going quick enough where things are happening and the plot is unfolding, but we’re also given enough time to breathe in each moment. I also love where you’re taking these characters and how you’re using the board game “trope.” Really well executed, and I’m excited to see where the story goes next!
Date: 08/05/20 03:10 am Title: Chapter 4
Well worth the wait. Very excited to see where this story goes. It's better you don't rush this one, as it's better to have a good story than a quick story. My attempts at writing are generally pretty quick because it's when an idea hits me, and the story doesn't quite end up where I want it to in the end. Anyhow, looking forward to future chapters; keep up the good work!
Date: 07/25/20 08:16 pm Title: Chapter 3
This is getting hard to read. There are things that really should be explained instead of just experienced. The most obvious is the Flow. Is it like the Force? From what I can gather only women can make use of it, therefore only women can perform magic.
- Our male protagonist does not seem to have a name. Too many pronouns make it hard to tell who is talking, or who is being talked about. Please use his name occasionally to keep the focus.
- The relationship between the two people is not well defined. Are they classmates, friends, lovers, relatives? Do they have a past relationship? She seems to be dating another guy, also unnamed. It would be helpful to flesh this out a little. Some background, some context, to help us understand why the two of them are there to play the game.
- The guy seems to know a lot about the Flow, and magic in general, for the gender that can't actually use magic.
- There are a lot of tangents and sidetracks that don't add much to the story. You've got one long paragraph on the history of shit-eating grins. I'd rather see more story devoted to moving the pieces and the ensuing magical changes.
- Changing him was technically illegal. How will they each cope with that aspect?
I'm not trying to give you a hard time, Hell, I can barely write a cohesive paragraph. I just hope you can make some adjustments and fill in the blanks on some of the details. Good luck, and please keep writing.
Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for leaving a review. I'm not going to defend myself much here other than to say most of the things you have issue with are done on purpose. My goal in writing GWtF was only ever to have fun writing in a different style. I've written some 40k+ words of my other story on here, and this one was a change of pace for me. It's done in the first person, which I've never written in before. The characters are pointedly nameless, as the original inspiration came from people I actually know. I like to picture these people as I write, but I don't want to give them names. It's stylistic. Names are also unimportant in this story. There is a male character and a female character, both with an undetermined background. I'm not going to go into their backgrounds in this story, nor am I going to do much more worldbuilding than what's already implied. On the worldbuilding-- it's done entirely through implication. I don't plan to flesh it out very much at all, save for what's necessary to understand certain themes and motivations. The guy knows plenty about the Flow. He lives in a world where use of the Flow is common. And, more than that, it's his obsession with the Flow that continues to motivate him throughout the rest of the game. I can't defend my tangents. I just like them. I wanted to play off of The Princess Bride's "Top-5 kisses" monologue, so I did. Many on this site and others have taken note of the long breaks between my writing. I take breaks because I write what I want, how I want, when I want. It's the same way for me what I write as for when I write. I'm writing because I enjoy it, and the things I write make me happy. I like writing this piece because it's easy. There's no characters outside of the two. No world outside of the conversation. No repercussions outside of the room. And that serves me. I agree that this world could do better with some worldbuilding, but I'm not writing about the world in this story. I'm, hopefully effectively, writing a single person's experience playing a mysterious, magical, sexy boardgame with a friend. And don't sell yourself short! This has been some of the best criticism I've ever gotten on this site. I hope it's not too frustrating that most of the things you have issue with are both intentional and likely to continue. Things are obscure because, 1) I'm making them up on the spot and 2) I'm trying to build a world that can be figured out by the reader over time and through rereads. I hope you keep reading and keep leaving good feedback like this! -ginger
Date: 06/30/20 09:08 pm Title: Chapter 3
I like this story and I'm waiting for the next chapters.
Author's Response: Hello!! :) Iím so glad youíre enjoying the story! Iím working on updating this story soon. Iíve recently begun work on another project outside of the realm of TGStoryTime and itís taking up most of my time. Itís good for my mental health because Iím able to share this new project with people I know and get feedback from them, which is something Iím not able to do with my stories on this website. All of this is to say that more chapters will be coming! But I donít know how soon. Maybe a few days, maybe two to three weeks. But hopefully not that long. In the meantime, thank you for reading! Stay safe! -ginger
Date: 06/23/20 03:18 pm Title: Chapter 1
I love your writing style. I smile every time I see that your story has updated. It truly is very engaging.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!! :) I smile every time someone reaches out like you just did. It really helps me. If you get the time, and can think of anything specific, would you mind reaching out to my email at email@example.com to let me know what exactly you liked/disliked? Hope you stay well!
Date: 06/15/20 07:02 pm Title: Chapter 1
Great world and characters! I especially love how it's all explained in bits and pieces as they play the game. A very engaging read.
Author's Response: Thank you! Revealing elements of the world through the story was something I really wanted to do. I thought it would be more difficult to do in the first person, (since you're reading from the POV of a character who already knows these things), but it actually seems to be going well so far!
Date: 06/07/20 05:44 am Title: Chapter 2
I love your writing style. I also love how you're sending support to bail fund networks. I'm excited to see what happens next.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! It's a cause that's important to me. I'm also excited to see what happens next, lol. This one's a really fun one to write!
Date: 06/05/20 01:56 am Title: Chapter 2
This story kind of reminds me of a similar story on this site, 'Game of desires' . If you need ideas for some transformations I'd recommend checking it out.
Author's Response: Thank you! :) I've read it several times and it's one of my favorites!
Date: 06/04/20 11:46 pm Title: Chapter 2
I love your storyline. Looks like a lot of fun to play. I’m looking forward to the next chapters of both of your stories. Did you look up the comic I advised you to read?
Author's Response: I did! It was a fun story and it gave me an idea or two. Thank you!
Date: 06/01/20 12:32 am Title: Chapter 1
These are always fun. Classic trope. I am looking forward to where you will take it with your talented writing style
Author's Response: I appreciate your comment! Iím new to writing in the first personó not to mention writing without using any character names. Iíd love to hear your continued thoughts as the story continues!
Date: 05/31/20 11:06 am Title: Chapter 1
Awesome! I can’t wait to see what you write next. This reminds me of a comic on TGComics called the date game written by Infinity Sign, you should look at it.
Author's Response: I have not checked it out but youíve intrigued me! Thanks for the response!
Date: 05/31/20 07:23 am Title: Chapter 1
This was great! For it being your first time writing in first person, I think you do a fantastic job with making the narrator feel like a real person. We don't get names for either characters though. Is that intentional? I also love concepts like this, so I'm really looking forward (and hoping) that you continue with this project!
Author's Response: Thank you! Iím glad itís coming across well, and I know Iíll get even better with time. A lack of names was intentional. It wasnít at first, but after a few paragraphs and a few bad starts to the story I decided to keep it anonymous. I think it can help the reader to put anyone in there instead of a person I name. Itís experimental, but so far the responses have been great. Thanks again and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!
Date: 05/31/20 05:13 am Title: Chapter 1
This is a great start to the story. The only thing I was wondering about was if there was any rules on movement. Do they just move one space at a time? If so it seems like they know what color they'll land on with each move. Or perhaps the colors shift as they play?
Either way, I'm excited for chapter 2.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! You're #1!!!!! I didn't explain the rules on movement, but they move one square per turn. I DID mention that the colors on the board change every few seconds, however. I think I'll probably jump in and make those rules more clear. The issue with boardgame-based transformation stories is that the rules often get in the way of understanding the story clearly-- which is my problem to deal with as the author. That's why I tried to make the simplest game possible. At the beginning of your turn, you draw a white card. The WHITE card has a question on it. If you answer wrong, your opponent grabs a black card and chooses one of four color-based cards, (each color refers to a type of change that has not yet been revealed in chapter 1), and you take the effect and don't move. If you answer correctly, you move forward one space. If you land on a colored square, you draw a card and can apply that effect to either you or another player.