Date: 06/25/20 03:54 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Are you there magic? It's me, Lizzie
A fun read! I'm excited to read the rest. Lizzie's narration is incredibly bouncy and fun to read, kind of like how I think which is refreshing. It's simple as a premise and it's incredibly funny at times while not sacrificing the dramatic parts of it. Also I just really like the characters they seem really dorky and the professor is a legend. She reminds me of some of my teachers in how they handled my transition.
Date: 05/30/20 06:13 pm Title: Chapter 2 - From the Mixed-up Files of Professor Griss
The school name definitely causes a stupid giggle for me.
It's really strange reading your works because a lot of things feel wrong to me about the story telling and pacing. Like the way conversation gets paused right before someone can reply. That feeling of a question being asked, a flashback in between, and then the resumed conversation builds a lot of tension for me and legitimately causes me to pause and go back to see if I missed the answer paragraphs back. It rattles me. It puts me in the headspace of someone who seems to almost artificially think ten times faster. It reads like textbook ADHD (I haven't read the textbook so I'm just talking out of my ass here) but like... I have a mild issue with attention. The sort that doesn't get in my way all the time and can be solved by habit changes and stuff. Lizzie seems to have it BAD tho. Like. It feels like I've gone off meds I'm not even taking trying to hold onto her train of thought. It's messy as fuck and beautifully colorful. It brings such massive realness and personality to the dialogue.
So like... I want to criticise and pick at ways to make it better because at face value a lot of things scream at me like "no! Don't do that! It's too confusing!" But those same exact things are what makes the style of this story so unique and beautiful. It makes your story so completely above any criticism I could make of it because it undermines my entire sense of the rights and wrongs of my amateur writing knowledge.
This is a really cool main character and a really neat setting. I am extremely eager to see how it unfolds.
Date: 05/30/20 05:59 pm Title: Chapter 1 - Are you there magic? It's me, Lizzie
The cliche of describing one's self at the start was... Not my favorite. But it looks like you had fun with it and it did the job so I feel like that's a nitpick born more of my pretentiousness than any real criticism.
The impression that I got from this chapter is that the hook worked. I'm terribly engrossed and will continue reading for sure. The style is hard to follow for me because I feel like my mind is crammed into the head of a very very very frank and troubled young lady and while I relate to where she came from more than most characters I've read on this site, something about the way she talks about it makes me feel a little bad for relating to her. But again, that's just my personal issues mumbo jumbo.
I think I only stumbled over one spelling error and the writing gripped me enough that I didn't find myself pushed away at any point. It's hard to explain but I feel a little rattled? Like I've been dropped in a jar and it's been shaken a bit? Because the flashbacks are very jarring. It's her stream of consciousness and it feels like my own muted idiosyncrasies dialed up to 11. It's a unique experience for me to read this because in a lot of ways it exhibits qualities I think some people attribute to bad fanfiction but it's really just real and colorful story telling. It doesn't make it the most accessible or universally relateable but it instills a profound experience.
I'm especially interested in seeing how Lizzie settles out over the course of the story, whether she bounces off the walls and runs down every tangent forever or whether she wrangles her anxiety and let's a little calm blanket her train of thought.