Date: 05/14/20 02:37 pm Title: The Party
I'm glad that the main character is still trying to find a way to get back to normal. I don't want him to be stuck as a little girl, lose his memories of his actual life and having to grow up all over again. I want him to get back to being a 30 something guy he's supposed to be. And I don't want that the witch to win.
Author's Response: Thanks again for the review.
Date: 05/14/20 02:29 pm Title: The Party
I disagree with Sherlykaru. The witch is being evil.
"...otherwise why give him/her such a good life, with a seemingly rich mother."
Whether or not this is a "good life" is in the eye of the beholder. By that I mean, being magically put into the life of a 7 year old girl growing up into a woman may seem like a good life to some, but to others, it would be a living nightmare, being trapped in both being the wrong gender and being stuck as a little kid with no control over their life and having to grow up all over again. The main character in this story clearly did not want to be a little girl and was perfectly fine with his life.
The main character definitely did not consent to being turned into a 7 year old girl. The witch forced that on the main character. The witch ignored his right to free will. In fact, the main character will be unable to express his free will because since he's now stuck as a little girl, he'll have no agency in life and his girlfriend now mother will now be in charge of, make decisions and control "Sophie's" life until "she" grows back up and turns 18. On top of that, the spell that changed the main character into a little girl also forces him to act, feel and think like a little girl as well as slowly starting to lose memories of his actual life and gain memories of a little girl (like how he gained memories of "Sophie's" friend, Jessica).
Speaking of taking away people's right to free will, the witch also forced the girlfriend to become a mother of a 7 year old without asking her if she wanted to be or was ready to be a mother. If she wanted to be a mother, she would had kids with the main character already. From the looks of it, the girlfriend seems to be a single mother. The witch forced her to become a single mother without her consent. Not only is she now forced to be a mother, she has to be a mother on her own. She has to balance career and parenting and will probably have to struggle to make ends meet (nothing in this story suggest that girlfriend is now a "seemingly rich mother"). And the witch took away her memories of the man she loves. So not only was the main character wronged and screwed over, so was his girlfriend.
I wonder, does the main character's old life exist anymore? If not, that means that the witch took away the main character's parents' son. The witch took away their adult son by turning him into a 7 year old girl and made it so they never had a kid. If they only had one kid, that means that the witch made them a childless married couple, who are, based on the age of their 30 something son, means they are to old to have any more kids. And speaking of the girlfriend being a single mother, who is the father of "Sophie"? What happen to him? And where is he?
So this witch is definitely evil. She forcibly changed the main character into a little girl, took away the main character to have any agency/control in his life, forced the girlfriend to become a single mother, which isn't easy and a real struggle, took away the girlfriend's memories of the man she loves and seemingly erased the main character's existence which not only affects the main character and his girlfriend, but also the main character's friends and family who have now lost a loved one. All that because the main character accidentally bumped into the witch, which the main character was even polite and apologized for. Heck, even if the main character was a dick about it, this would still be too cruel of a punishment and would far exceed the crime. So there's no justification for what the witch is doing. The witch is overreacting to a simple mistake. The witch is being cruel and awful. The witch is evil.
Author's Response: Well said, thanks for the review. As for the couple of questions that have appeared here, I hope to have them answered shortly, certainly in the next few chapters, and I hope you enjoy the journey to get there. I don't want to give any hints here as to the state of the family, but you will see soon enough. I agree, the mother might be more frugal than rich, to answer an unasked question that may crop up from this, she does have a job, and her employer allows her the benefit of taking all her annual leave together, to care for her child, during the schools break, some of it unpaid. I'll let you know those details as they don't really come up in the story.
Date: 05/14/20 04:13 am Title: The Witch
On my comment of three other people. I juxtaposed those 3 from a similar story of a man bring turned into his lover's daughter by a witch the lover employed. As for the age I was thinkimg both people was around twenty. But the witch is evil. She might even make the now young girl disabled for the sheer evil fun of doing do.
Author's Response: Ok, I think I understand your thoughts now. I think I mention they are early thirties, even if I didnít, they are, well the mother stayed early thirties. I've almost finished writing this and will confirm nothing like that will happen.
Date: 05/12/20 05:41 am Title: My Birthday
It's really cute and love the story though I just feel that the witch isn't exactly evil as I seen people comment, sure she's a bit deviant or mischievous but I think she's mostly bored and looking for some fun, otherwise why give him/her such a good life, with a seemingly rich mother.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review :). Some people interpret things differently, I suppose it depends on your view of the language used in the story. I did for a while agree that she was just a deviant and bored.
Date: 05/08/20 02:03 pm Title: My Birthday
Cute 🍪🍪🍪 but what with that witch. She must have cursed a lot of people because even if he had apologize immediatly she still curse him and stalk
Author's Response: I like to think the witch is bored, and quite evil. Thanks for the review.
Date: 05/07/20 01:40 am Title: New Rules
Yeah chores are part of every day life kid. though.
Well this reality change is pretty intense. Still though no motive for WHY she did it. I know that's okay to do, a lot of reality changes have no reason why. Just super evil witches who abuse their power and apparently there is no consequences or organization of mages to stop such things, sadness
Author's Response: In my mind there is no authority above the witch, meaning she is free to do what she wants, maybe if our girl is able to find another witch there could be consequences.
Date: 05/07/20 01:39 am Title: My Birthday
Well, at least she's starting to have fun, and getting lots of wonderful gifts but still yeah. I really am curious, before he gets completely erased, (we all know it's coming) what his past was? Did he like turn down the grand daughter of this lady or something?
Author's Response: Yes, the mind is going more and more each day. I think I have the past down in the coming chapters, I hope you like what I have.
Date: 05/06/20 03:39 pm Title: My Birthday
My problem with the story is the witch is not just effecting the guy. She is effecting 4 other people too. She has changed the adpiration if the guy's girlfriend, married her off and had her give birth 3 times. Probably has to have aged her to have all the children: therefore taking years away from her life. The witch is EVIL.
Author's Response: I suppose you're correct, but that is surely the same for all reality change stories, more than just the protagonist gets affected. I don't quite understand where you think the 3 births come into things. About the aging, the guy was in his thirties, it's fair to say the girlfriend is of a similar age, and a lot of people have children of that age by their thirties. Yes, the witch is evil.
Date: 05/01/20 02:18 pm Title: The Uniform
Tgis story is filled with rude adults that treat everybody younger than them like second class citizens. Not even Japan, now for its deference towards the eldery, excpets younger people to be treated like servants. Only in the middle ages where you could be executed for touching the royal personage were people this pompous and arrogant.
Author's Response: Thanks for the comment, it gets better trust me :)
Date: 04/29/20 03:45 am Title: New Routine
Anyway, I know I have been very critical, so let me give you some positive feedback. I really like how you describe the physical and mental changes, as well as the reality changing around the guy. It does feel like you're changing along with him, which can help a reader get invested in a transformation story more.
Author's Response: Thanks, I was worried about the amount of detail I was putting in as to whether is was to much or too little.
Date: 04/29/20 03:44 am Title: New Routine
"...as for the past of the protagonist, I have started to explore his back story a little in future chapters. I hope it doesn't seem like I'm putting that in for the sake of it being there, or based on comments people have made."
While I'm glad that the guy's past will be explored and maybe possibly give an explanation as to why this witch has turned him into a 6, almost 7 year old girl, I do have an issue though. What if something in the guy's past reveals him to be a bad person and that's why he being punished by being turned into a little girl. I've been reading this story, hoping that he can stop this witch and get himself back to normal. If he actually is a bad person, then I'm going to feel bad for rooting for this guy to stopping the witch and getting back to normal. That's why I was saying to establish his past either early on in the story or subtly throughout the story. This way, the reader will know if they are rooting for a good person to get back to their normal self or enjoy seeing a bad person getting their comeuppance and be punished.
And I agree with Lilchelly. Why does witch keep rubbing it the guy's face about being stuck as a almost 7 year old girl? It does seem unnecessarily cruel and kind of sadistic. The witch seems to have obsessive interest in this guy's transformation. An interest which seems a bit much for just some guy who bumped into her in a store. So I'm guessing there's more reasons for her to have an interest in changing him and constantly showing back up to watch him deal with life and growing up as a little girl then just "he bumped into me". Does it have anything to do with something we will find out about the guy's past?
Author's Response: Yeah, I have been putting a lot of thought into it, I agree with this and your previous comments that I should have established the back story earlier on. But itís all a learning experience, although I have been thinking of another story for the witch once this one is finished, to maybe give some background into her. All will be revealed in the story, so keep reading to find out.
Date: 04/29/20 02:51 am Title: New Routine
I still don't get why she just has to keep rubbing it in. Seems unnecessarily cruel IMO. Despite that, spongebob movie huh? Cute, I was expecting Frozen, Tangled, or Moana, but that was a nice change of pace. The bath scene was really sweet, what a loving mommy. Though I don't honestly see what point there is in continuing to threaten the kid. I guess we'll see what happens if there's another chapter. I'm just still unsure about this witch. She just seems kinda sadistic IMO
Author's Response: I don't think the witch is intentionally rubbing things in, she exerted a lot of energy to perform the spell, and like to keep an eye on things. As for the film, I was considering something like that, but wanted it to be something new or current, the mum believes her daughter has seen a lot of these other films before donít forget. Yeah, might have been a little over the top.
Date: 04/28/20 02:01 am Title: Final Adjustments
Ooh I wonder what the next chapter will reveal. And wow what an adorable child, with an adorable room. Her parents must really love her and were willing to spend so much on their little angel. It seems a meeting with the witch is in order. I'm really really excited for that!
Author's Response: She has become the baby of the family... I reckon she will be spoilt by them all :)
Date: 04/25/20 04:20 am Title: Girly Daze
Well at least she's quite adorable. I loved the nail painting, and the braiding, that's so cuteeee! Also, I'm sorry for my previous comments, I wasn't trying to upset you or say your writing is bad or anything. I just get VERY emotionally invested in stories, maybe the witch wasn't evil and the girl was a girl all along, I don't know. All I know is how ADORABLE this story is. You write cute and sweet well IMO
I keep expecting something horrible to happen, but then again I'm a horror writer so probably why xD Like the witch turning him into a kid and then eating him or something for power or to deage... okay maybe I'm just doing the horror thing too much, sorry.
This is a sweet saccharine tale and there is NOTHING wrong with that IMO
Author's Response: Thanks, I was aiming for cute :). As for your previous comments, nothing to apologise for. You asked questions and I tried to answer them without giving too much away, pointless spoiling the story. I wasn't upset by anyoneís comments, everybody is entitled to their opinion, and the feedback has been great and will hopefully make my next story even better. I'm glad you are getting attached to my characters. So far nothing bad has happened to our little girl, maybe there is a hidden secret that even he didn't know about, which is why this is easy for him to play the role. I think I may develop the witch further, use her again in another story, I haven't decided yet. Overall, I'm just glad people seem to be enjoying things, I wasn't sure about even posting when I first started to write this story, the whole 'is it really good enough'.
Date: 04/22/20 03:16 am Title: The Witch
I don't often comment on stories, but there's certain aspects to this one that I really enjoy.
It vaguely reminds me of some other stories like Lyp's Your New School or The Katy Nightmare by Mikkelm. Not sure if you're familiar with those, but I'd think you'd like them both on Fictionmania. They're among my favorites.
I see some feed back here that's both constructive and some that's negative.
As it's your first story, I'd take some of that with a grain of salt. In this community, you'll often find folks that are against the idea of changes for middling to no reason whatsoever. And those that are against the complete change of a mind and consider it in the negative of "identity death".
There's absolutely nothing wrong with having an antagonist that is a catalyst for a change who does it without (much of) a reason. In fact, a good lot of use prefer it.
I do hope you keep up with this, as I see a lot of potential in your writing. It's your story. Have fun with it.
Author's Response: Thank you, I have read both those stories, and I really enjoyed them both. I may have taken a little inspiration from them, I still await Mikkelm to write part 5 even now. As for the feedback not, everybody will be pleased with a piece of writing, but for me I enjoy what Iíve written. I will continue it, I do have a few chapters in the bank waiting to be released and will continue with that shortly, to which I hope you continue to enjoy them.
Date: 04/20/20 02:23 pm Title: More Changes
Here are some responses I have to some your responses to other reviews:
"I'm not fully sure if the personality get over written..."
That's something that needed to be figured out before writing this story. Not while writing this story.
"...my thoughts on it were the witch wants to help him out to adjust to his new life,. That's not totally evil. She could have just let him get on with things."
Ok, why would the witch, who's cruelly taking away this guy's life and personal freedom (both of which the guy doesn't want) all of sudden want to show "kindness" and help him adjust to his new life. She was cruel to him and now wants to help him? Why? Plus, the guy seems to be slowly adjusting to his new life just fine without the witch, even though he shouldn't have to have a new life and should just get to keep his current life as an adult man (since nothing in the story so far suggests that the guy is a bad person deserving of punishment). Also, just because she wants to show some "kindness" and help him adjust to his new life doesn't take away the fact that she's taking away this guy's life and putting him in a life of a little girl, which the guy doesn't want. She's still "totally evil".
"Our witch is interested in watching the regression into girlhood. She doesn't need to interfere any further..."
Ok, is she helping the guy adjust to his new life or not? This is what I mean by making sure to figure out your characters and their motivation before writing a story. Is the witch a kind person, granting this guy's deepest wish? Is the witch an vengeful person who was wronged by this guy or acting on behalf of someone who was wronged by this guy and is punishing the guy for whatever he did bad? Or is the witch just some crazy old lady who is overreacting to this guy accidentally bumping into her, which he apologized for?
"and she is probably getting a lot of enjoyment out of this."
Getting enjoyment out of taking away someone's life and forcing them into a life they don't want? Whether the person was a good person or a bad person, that's not something you're should be "getting enjoyment out of". That makes the witch still "totally evil".
"I'll leave his past up to the reader to decide..."
No. It's not meant for the reader to figure out who the guy is and what happened in his past. That's something you're supposed to establish before you write this story. Before writing a story, you need to figure out who the character is, including aspects of his past that would be considered relevant to the story you're writing. You can't just leave it to the reader to just guess at who this guy is and try to figure out why he's turning into a little girl, other than a witch cursed him. Which then leads to questions about why the witch has cursed him.
"...I assume the witch did her research."
You assume the witch did her research? That's something that you, the author, should know, not assume, before writing this story. And should establish in the story too. Also, the witch had to do research on this guy? Does that mean she's never met him before and knew nothing about him? That means that either possibly someone sent this witch after this guy or just goes around looking for people to curse and finds out their past to figure out whether or not to curse them. If it's the second one, then I would like to know what the witch found out in her "research" into this guy. Including his past, which again, should not be up to the reader to decide.
Author's Response: Firstly thanks for your feedback, some of the comments I have made here I was trying to be ambiguous, as to not give too much of the story away, which is why they are a little contradictory, as for the past of the protagonist, I have started to explore his back story a little in future chapters. I hope it doesn't seem like I'm putting that in for the sake of it being there, or based on comments people have made. Yes, I'm new to writing, and maybe a little more prep work before a story would be great and I will bare that in mind in the future.
Date: 04/20/20 01:19 pm Title: More Changes
"There's nothing to say he was a nice person before all this happened to him..."
He's done nothing in this story to suggest he's ever been a bad person deserving of this punishment. So far in this story, he's only been a nice person.
"...one can assume, what if the witch knew some secret about him."
The reader shouldn't have to "assume" anything to understand the story. If the witch does know something about him, then that should have been established in the beginning of this story. Or it should have been hinted at little by little as the story goes on. If this "secret" had been hinted at little by little through out the story, then when the "secret" would have been revealed, it could have felt like a satisfying payoff to something being subtly set up through out the story. If you introduce a "secret" about the guy that witch knows now, it'll just feel like a poorly rushed explanation to justify the witch's action.
Before writing a story, a writer need to figure out who your characters and what their motivations are. Questions you needed to ask before writing this story are:
1) Who is this guy? Is he a good person who had the misfortune of coming across this witch who overreacts and curses him to slowly physically and mentally into a little girl? Or did he do something bad and this witch showed up to give him his punishment of turning him into little girl, physically and mentally?
2) Who is this witch? Was she wronged by this guy and that's why she's punishing this guy? Or was someone else wronged by this guy and she's helping getting their revenge for him/her/them? Or is she just some crazy old lady, overreacting to this guy, who seemingly had done nothing wrong, bumping into her accidentally, something the guy apologized for?
There are many other questions you needed to have figured out before writing this story, but those two are just a start.
Date: 04/19/20 08:33 pm Title: More Changes
Yeah my bad, must have missed it. Either way though, this is kinda a tragedy, the kid sounds adorable. I feel bad for the initial victim though. Sometimes tragedy has to happen before good things can I guess.
I don't know what was going on before this, all we saw was what looked like an accidental bump. Maybe there is more too this. Maybe he's abusive, or a serial killer, or a racist or something?
Author's Response: I wanted to make him a little bit girly, more than a little bit ;), hopefully you will be happy how the new life turns out. I'll leave his past up to the reader to decide, I assume the witch did her research.
Date: 04/19/20 01:09 am Title: The Dress
Well... oh dear. Well that's so cute and pretty but uhh I feel kinda bad? But uhh.. wow she's adorable!!!!
The witch just constantly being there though, why? She already did it, or does she have to stay near to keep the changes going? Or is she just sadistic and just likes to torture the poor kid?
Author's Response: Our witch is interested in watching the regression into girlhood. She doesn't need to interfere any further, and she is probably getting a lot of enjoyment out of this. As a side note I did register loses identity as a theme, going back to a previous comment.
Date: 04/18/20 06:31 am Title: The Realisation
Well that's unfortunate. If they are in on it they are good actors. I don't think they are though. The witch is just evil, I guess now it's time to make the best out of a terrible situation. Maybe she'll keep some of him left in her, hopefully, maybe...
I didn't see a identity death tag, so I'm hopeful
Author's Response: I'm not fully sure if the personality get over written, my thoughts on it were the witch wants to help him out to adjust to his new life,. That's not totally evil. She could have just let him get on with things.
Date: 04/18/20 02:22 am Title: The Realisation
"...but is it not better for him to accept the inevitable?"
No, I disagree. I hope he fights this and finds a way to stop this witch and get back to normal. I don't want this evil witch to win. I hate seeing cruel evil people win. And I hate seeing bad things happen to good people.
Author's Response: So far he hasn't been able to find the witch, only if he could find her could he stop it. There's nothing to say he was a nice person before all this happened to him, one can assume, what if the witch knew some secret about him.
Date: 04/17/20 05:27 pm Title: Shopping continues
And also, I mean I know this story is really bad but... BUILD-A-BEAR OMG I LOVE THAT PLACE! You can make SUUUUCH cute stuff there, doesn't even have to be a teddy or a bear, you can make a kitty or a bunny, or ALL KINDS OF THINGS! And even give them SUUUUCH cute clothes too! They even have boy clothes too if your stuffie is a boy stuffie!
Author's Response: Yeah, I think the child part of his mind is stronger, well during the transformation, maybe to help him adapt though, although I wonder how much of his personality will remain. Oh and what child can't resist Build-A-Bear :).
Date: 04/17/20 05:26 pm Title: Shopping continues
Oh the witch was DEFINITELY lying. It's like really mean, I hope the poor kid ends up happy at least. An at least still some of his old self in him. Geez at the rate this is going, it's like he's going to find out the witch was his girlfriend's mother, and his girlfriend had always wanted a child and that she did this on purpose. Probably because he wouldn't marry her or something? I don't know, this is JUST speculation. Sorry if I really did guess right, I have NO way of telling, I'm not like I don't know hacking or anything? Would that even work? I don't know. Anyway that's just my speculation, I'm interested to see what the real truth is
Author's Response: Yes, I'll admit now that was a big fat lie, the witch just wanted to see him transform! Like pants really, really on fire, in fact pants completely burnt away! We will have to see what the witch has instore for them both, I wonder if he will get any answers from her? As for you hacking skills, I hope youíre not hacking me.
Date: 04/17/20 12:31 pm Title: Shopping continues
The witch said that the changes would come faster the more he resists, but it seems like the changes are still coming fast, even when he doesn't resist. I feel like the witch was lying to him.
Really hate this witch. Cursing this guy over the such a minor thing that he even apologized for when it happened. -_-
Author's Response: I do agree, the crime certainly doesn't fit the punishment. But she likes to play games our witch. I think she tricked him into accepting the change, but is it not better for him to accept the inevitable?
Date: 04/16/20 10:14 pm Title: Birthday Presents
Uh oh, it's getting worse. Is it based on how much he fights I wonder, or did she lie and it's how much submits, because it seems like it's rapidly happening as he's submitting. I smell a lying rat IMO
Author's Response: A cunning ploy perhaps. The witch is a sneeky one. Well that was my thoughts.
Date: 04/14/20 02:09 am Title: Curiosity Killed the Cat
Wow, she really is sadistic. I'm still trying to figure out what age he gonna end up. I'm guessing grade school with the descriptions. Hopefully he learns to adjust just fine, sadly the witch is evil but yeah...
Author's Response: All will be revealed soon, I hope I've made a good sense of suspense. Yes I figured she would be somewhat evil, more fun that way :)
Date: 04/09/20 06:33 pm Title: The Trip Home
Marvellous stuff! I love gradual shift in his perception and reality, I hope you carry this on.
Author's Response: I promise I have a fair bit saved up and with being stuck at home currently, more will be coming. Thank you
Date: 04/09/20 06:15 pm Title: The Trip Home
Well then, oh God that hurt to read. "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about!" Children cant help crying, it's a natural reaction. My abusive uncle used to scream this at his kids all the time too.
I mean spankings, I guess they can be okay, but like... crying? Jeez is this guy's girlfriend a terrible mother too? Like I get it's hard being a single mother (or is she going to be single I wonder) to a child, but like. Come on girl, you can be better.
I still am so confused as to what's going to happen, I think he did shrink some so I'm pretty sure this is more than just a "everyone will see you as a child" spell.
And wow, she's bored, yikes xD
Author's Response: I was thinking maybe this was how she had original been brought up. With a stern hand, I think she will learn a thing or two as their series goes on. Thanks.
Date: 04/09/20 06:10 pm Title: The Trip Home
Not to panic you but this part
"We left the shop shortly thereafter, as we approached the car my girlfriend started digging around in her purse for something possibly the car keys, I wondered as I don’t remember giving them to her.
“What you looking for babe?” I questioned.
“The car keys!” she stated.
“I have them here, I drove us here don’t forget.” I replied.
“Oh yes of course you did, how silly of me.” I proceeded to open the boot and loaded the bags of shopping we had managed to get, then got into the drivers’ seat. We headed home in complete silence, which was unusual as we usual would talk when we are driving anywhere. The only sound in the car on this trip was the car radio playing some forgetful pop song."
The very beginning... it is impossible to tell who had the keys and who hadn't, who was talking, and who wasn't
Author's Response: OK, I'll bare that in mind. There maybe a couple other parts similar to this where it's gets a bit confusing. I'll look into clearing this bit up aswell. Thanks for the feedback.
Date: 04/09/20 11:06 am Title: The Uniform
Well then, that's gotta be hitting the poor kid hard. Jeez that's rough, she really doesnt believe in the punishment fitting the crime. Like... this is so overboard for an accidental bump
Author's Response: I think the witch has also been bored with the lockdown, so this is probably a little bit of fun for her aswell.
Date: 04/08/20 12:50 am Title: The Uniform
An intriguing start! It reminds me of an old story from TGStories.com called "Back to School" by Debbie L, though in that story the man was changed instantaneously after accidentally running into an old woman and became the best friend of his HS freshman daughter.
I can't wait to see where your story goes from here, and if there is more behind the change than has been mentioned thus far. In the other story I mentioned above, the man's mother-in-law was behind the change, though it was never explained exactly why she had it done and who else was in on it.
Thanks for posting!
Author's Response: Thank you for your amazing comment. I've not ready to aforementioned story, but does sound a similar premise. You have given me an interesting thought, though maybe for another story though.