Date: 06/09/20 06:49 am Title: Chapter 19 - Progeny
Nailed it. But please don't quit, I really enjoyed your style.
Author's Response: I'm not quitting, but I'm not sure if I'll get back to Lolo. But we'll see. Thank you so much for all your kind words and encouragement!
Date: 06/08/20 09:37 pm Title: An Introduction
I just wanted to clarify my statement about the sex scenes. I am by no means a stranger to sexual content in my own writing, and I very much appreciated the level of care and detail that went into crafting your scenes, but my problem wasn't so much in the amount of content so much as the effect it had on the pacing of the overall story. Especially when sexual escapades are back to back, or frequent in a book, I found myself feeling like I was reading the same passages over and over, causing certain sections to drag. The purpose is definitely noted, that they served to show her clouded decision making and her ramped up libido, but some of the scenes could have been relegated to a glance over moment and then afterglow pondering.
I'm always one to feel that sex and sexuality are part of human nature (with exception to nonsexual people) so those parts of characters should not be glanced over if there is something to say. However this book had a lot of explicit scenes, even for my tastes, and sometimes it felt less like conveying story or ideas and more like sex for sex sake.
I say if all with love and as constructive criticism.
Author's Response: Lady Yuki, thank you so much for going the extra mile and clarifying. I am not in the least offended, I appreciate the feedback and take it to heart. As I mentioned, this was my first story, and sometimes my determination not to shy away from certain content may have been less about being courageous and more about overwriting. Thanks, I'm glad you were able to enjoy it. My hope is to be a better writer, and I think editing myself better is going to be a big part of it. Also, the feeling of deja vu with the sex scenes, frankly, could also be due to a lack of skill.
Date: 06/08/20 03:47 pm Title: Chapter 19 - Progeny
I cannot express how much I loved this story. It was violent, smexy, heartwarming, heartbreaking, exciting, terrifying, and so much more. I will say, that it felt a little heavy handed with the sex scenes at a few points, mostly when they were back to back and multiple in a chapter. Other than that, I have no complaints.
I will have a MASSIVE complaint, however, if this book doesn't get a continuation after that freaking cliffhanger! I mean, my gods! How can you be so mean as to drop that anvil on our heads and then say you might not continue? Please don't leave us with that horrible moment hanging over this story forever.
Author's Response: Lady Yuki, that's so nice of you to say (other than the veiled threat, lol)! To know that my very first story ever had such an impact... I'm giddy. Thank you so much! I totally understand the reaction to the sex scenes that some people had, but let me explain my thinking (obviously, you're free to feel however you want about them, this is just background) - most of the back-to-back, multiple sex scene chapters were to illustrate that Lolo wasn't always making the best decisions, or was desperate for connection. You weren't always supposed to "approve". But I also felt like the movies, comics, and (obviously) the animated series mostly ignore the sexuality of the X-Men and I wanted to bring that in and I kinda decided to make it explicitly brought in. It's not how I plan to write most stories, but it was kinda a statement here. I debated leaving the story on a cliffhanger when I knew I might not go back to the characters for a while, but that's how the genre works. They always end on a cliffhanger. Also, that ending was part of the original idea before I even started writing. But I'm not saying never, I just have some other ideas and want to use my own characters.
Date: 06/08/20 02:57 am Title: An Introduction
Ich liebe die X-Men und finde Logan/Wolverin ist der geilste Charakter. Ich hoffe da kommt noch mehr von dir, da ich mir deine Story sehr gut als Verfilmung/Serie vorstellen kann.
Mach weiter so.
Author's Response: Danke. Ich weiß nicht, ob ich mit diesen Charakteren mehr schreiben werde, aber ich habe mehr Geschichten. For those who don’t speak German, LumosAngel is a big fan of Wolverine and hopes I’ll write more because this was easy to picture as a movie or a series of movies. I don’t know if I will revisit these characters although I might do an R rated version of the story. I have a lot of ideas and want to write something using my own characters. But we’ll see, I’m not always able to control which crazy ideas come into my head. Thanks LG Nici!
Date: 06/04/20 11:25 pm Title: Chapter 18 - Magneto's Finale (Part 2)
OH YOU TEASE! What a tumultuos story you're weaving.
Eagerly awaiting the crushing strange polyamory cliffhanger baby's father name epilogue!
Author's Response: Hahaha, Maria if you didn't expect another cliffhanger, then you just haven't been paying attention. And epilogue? Who said we're done here? But I'm so glad you're enjoying it and I do think you have a great description of the next chapter. Thanks!
Date: 05/29/20 08:45 pm Title: Chapter 17 - Restoration
Wow. Finally got caught up on this and I have to say I love it. I mean sometimes the Sex is a little over descriptive for my personal tastes, but the story and the emotion behind it is what I come for anyway :)
Can I give it more than 5 stars?
Author's Response: Hahaha, I wish you could, it'd make up for when I was underperforming for you and got a 4! But welcome back, I really thought I'd lost you back on Chapter 12, but Maria's been keeping me going. I'm so glad that the story is entertaining you and I really appreciate you reaching out to let me know. The sex, as I've said, was purposely written to be very explicit and not what I plan to do in most of my future stories, but this was my first story ever and I wanted to see if I could do it.
Date: 05/29/20 01:01 am Title: Chapter 17 - Restoration
I keep wondering how the pregnancy figures into this plot, unless I've completely misread the earlier clues. I think it might have something to do with why the procedure failed, though. Again. A little disappointed we didn't get more lolo, but it just leaves me anticipating the next chapter.
Magneto's plot has always seemed a bit of a sideshow to me even if it directly impacts everything that happens to Lolo. My eyes just sort of glaze over most of his parts before we get back to the relationship drama. This isn't a knock against you, mind. Just my preferences.
Author's Response: Well, the villain's plans and schemes are ultimately what drives any superhero story; it's the conflict that makes the hero go through what they do. But I agree that Lolo is pretty fascinating. I promise that everything gets covered in its turn, but yes, you did miss a couple of clues. Maybe next chapter? Or the one after that? You'll know more on Sunday when I post the next issue. Thanks so much for reaching out!
Date: 05/26/20 11:14 pm Title: Chapter 16 - Duplicity
Oh dear, I hope she comes out of this tangled web okay.
Author's Response: Maria, there are so many definitions of "okay"... But I still can't make any promises. I don't think she fully appreciates her talent for drama.
Date: 05/18/20 04:54 am Title: Chapter 14 - Havoc
Another excellent chapter! Felt like we could have used a little more of Scott's perspective during the uh meeting with Logan, but I'm glad Logan's truth is finally out there to be dealt with. Ngl, I kind of like the pairing. Minus all the trauma. It seems that is hopefully for next chapter though, assuming Logan is able to sort out Storm safely. Which she should be!
Author's Response: Thanks Maria! I think three things kept me from considering having more of Scott's perspective in Scott and Lolo's tryst. First, Lolo is a pretty active character in my head and she tends to take over the narrative. Next, we just had a pretty deep dive with Jean digging through Scott's memories, so I didn't want to overdo it. Finally, I was pretty focused on writing a scene where people believably did something I've always had trouble buying IRL - that two people had sex but it just kinda happened. Don't know if I could have done it well from both perspectives. But Storm is an extremely powerful mutant, so we'll have to see what awaits in the next issue!
Date: 05/15/20 04:40 am Title: Chapter 13 - Treachery
I'm really enjoying this rollercoaster so far. I was interested to see how you'd tackle Scott's role in this story and you did not disappoint. Felt a bit like two celestial bodies being drawn into a mutually reinforcing gravity well.
I wonder, is she pregnant with Don's child? And that's what she meant "I’m not the only one in here!"? No, then she wouldn't have been suprised by the cigars. Or is she pregnant with Scott's child? I can't imagine that vision he had was by accident, but we'll have to find out! It would fit with the whole mating drug thing. Not sure how to feel about the potential outcomes of that.
Author's Response: Thanks Maria, I am trying to keep it interesting. I love your phrase "two celestial bodies being drawn into a mutually reinforcing gravity well" because I think that captures it pretty well. I can clear up the "I'm not the only one in here!" exclamation. She meant that she has all of Jean's memories and emotions and they sometimes make it hard for her to sort out her own identity. Her memories of Scott are as a lover even though they never had been physically. To have the first time with him be something close to r*** (for both of them) nearly shatters her identity. And also knowing exactly how Jean would feel about Lolo and Scott being together makes it even harder. So even though Scott doesn't know she has Jean's memories, Lolo feels betrayed on Jean's behalf and terribly conflicted about this and about his previous rejection of her. Which is a lot for one line to convey. Thanks so much for reaching out and I hope you continue to find it entertaining.
Date: 05/08/20 04:43 pm Title: Chapter 12 - Reckoning (Part 1)
I think I might have stayed away from the X-23 references myself, but otherwise Great stuff. :)
Author's Response: Thanks, I hope you were ok with my technobabble about the healing factor and the adamantium. As for the X-23 references, I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist adding another inside joke. Plus it allows me to use X-23 pictures to represent Lolo without having an anachronistic X-23 logo pop up. But mostly it was just for fun. Thanks for commenting, I really appreciate it.
Date: 04/27/20 11:43 pm Title: Chapter 9 - Revelation
To be honest, when i started reading this story I wasn't expecting much - but DAMN you fooled me! The character development of Logan and Jean - the story and the emotions... WOW! I love the romance between Lolo and her boyfriend, and how caffienated Kitty Pride seems all the time - everything is just perfect. This is an amazing story and you deserve all the kudos. ALL the kudos. I can't wait to see how it ends...
Author's Response: Thank you so much! It's always nice when one can exceed expectations, lol. It's hard not to fan girl too much in this response because I love Birthrights and Valkyrie and loved Big Damn Heroes and The Call of the Void... and I fan girled anyway. But to your comment, I hope I can keep your interest and you continue to like where the story goes, it's a twisty one. I'm getting near the end as I write this (not gonna say how many chapters ahead) and it's a bittersweet feeling, as I'm sure you know. Thanks so much for reaching out; I don't do it nearly enough myself.
Date: 04/27/20 06:54 am Title: Chapter 9 - Revelation
I would have still given it a 5, but the overly graphic sex scenes are throwing off th pacing of the story a bit for me :)
Author's Response: Thanks for reaching out and letting me know. I'm sorry that anything is getting in the way of your enjoyment, but I am glad to see that you still think it's a worthwhile read. When I decided to write my first story and chose this"fever dream" of an idea, I decided to challenge myself to write it with all the action, romance, humor, violence, and sex that was in my original idea and try to make relatable characters that seemed real, even if they were superheroes. Some of what they do isn't supposed to be normal. But, I guess not everyone is going to feel like I performed at the same level with each of my challenges. In my defense, I do warn everyone in the tags and it IS a TG fantasy site... But I do hope you'll keep reading.
Date: 04/20/20 06:31 am Title: Chapter 7 - Choices
So far I'm only having one issue, how did his Adamantium bones reshape into ones that would fit a copy of Jeans body. I'm hoping you have some sort of a plan to explain that at some point.
Author's Response: So you want to make sure that the guy with retractable claws in his forearms, made from a metal that can't be cut or melted by any conventional means, could have his mutant healing factor (which allows him to heal from anything, even regrow limbs if they could be cut off) used against him so that he is essentially a duplicate of the girl who can read minds and use telekinesis to move huge objects, in a way that is believable? While that does make me giggle, I actually do get it. Thanks for sticking with the story. The end of this paragraph could be a slight spoiler for people, but I think I can phrase it so I don't give too much away. I promise that this very issue was part of the inspiration for the story. Remember, this isn't Hugh Jackman. It is a Logan who is slightly shorter than Jean and the amount of his skeleton that is bone and the amount that is adamantium is a little vague. But, if you can stick it out until Chapter 10 you'll see that it is a major plot point. Thanks soooo much for commenting, it really is great to know you're invested enough in the story to "talk back to it". I can't wait to hear what you think of my comic book technobabble when I explain what is happening.
Date: 04/15/20 11:13 pm Title: Chapter 5 – Scents
I'm completely hooked to the story. I really like what's going on, how everything's turning. I don't know what the future will hold, but I'll stick probably to the end. I was also kind of unsure if the setting would be too interlaced with the original material as you mentioned the comics and all that but I'm glad you definitely don't need too much knowledge to follow the plot as I only watched a few of the movies. I really like it so far.
Author's Response: Thanks, StHelen. I'm so glad. I didn't THINK anyone needed to be super-into the comics (I wasn't), but I thought it might help if you knew the characters so you knew what to expect and might catch the joke when I'm poking fun at one of their tendencies. But really, it was always about this story idea I had. It's not like any of the arcs in the comics, or the cartoon, or the movies; it just uses the characters. I hope you continue to stick with it; there's a lot of twists and turns to come (lots of sexy-time too).
Date: 04/14/20 04:00 am Title: Chapter 4 - New Player
I'm really impressed with the amount of attention to detail in this story.
Author's Response: Thank you! I do try from the titles, the images, to all the random little facts I need to look up, I want it to be as immersive and enjoyable as possible. I mean, it's superheroes, but I want it to be believable characters, dialog, and emotion. And familiar too, so personalities, speech patterns, etc. God, I've just made it sound like work! But I hope you enjoy it, im having a blast writing it. It's my first story ever!
Date: 04/13/20 06:09 am Title: Chapter 4 - New Player
I am honestly enjoying this more than I thought i would. Its well written, with enough details and coherent enough to love it. Still I imagine the scenes as if they were from the movies. Big fan.
Author's Response: Hahaha, what a hilarious way of putting it, I almost feel like apologizing for making it enjoyable. Thank you, really, it does mean a lot when someone takes the time to comment, especially to say they liked what I'm doing. It really keeps me going. And I have no problem with you doing your "casting" from the movies. That's what's great about stories, you can cast or recast it however you like. For me, Captain Andrews is cast as a certain OTHER Captain, even though that could never happen in the MCU. Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy it, and uhh... Sorry?
Date: 04/11/20 06:47 am Title: Chapter 4 - New Player
Loving every word.
Author's Response: Wow, I hope I got all the typos. Thanks, I'm really glad you're enjoying it. The next chapter is where I feel like I kinda hit my stride and found my voice. I'm almost done with the full story, so I'll probably post it a little faster than once/week.
Date: 04/04/20 07:12 pm Title: Chapter 3 - Duped
Very hot stuff and pretty on the mark when it comes to the characters. I’m looking forwards to seeing where you take this integration of Logan and Jean. How deep does it go, and how much of old Logan will survive the blending?
Author's Response: Thanks Faye Kistry! I figured if I'm going to be lazy and borrow someone else's characters, I better try to be true to them, or what's the point? Obviously, there will be some divergence as this transformation plays out, but I hope you still feel like it's the characters you know going through this. There's a lot of "sexy time" in the story and a little more realism than you normally see. I hope it continues to entertain. Thanks for the feedback.
Date: 04/04/20 05:49 pm Title: Chapter 3 - Duped
Loving this except for one niggling issue, is this the version of Wolverine where he no longer has the Adamantium? because otherwise the healing factor might have done some really painful things trying to reshape the body around the skeleton. :)
Author's Response: Yep, the adamantium is there and you'll see how the mutant healing factor is dealing with it over the next few chapters. I didn't forget or not understand, it was actually part of my original inspiration for the story. I do hope you like how I resolve it and will let me know one way or the other.
Date: 03/28/20 07:06 am Title: Chapter 2 - Betrayal
Loving it so far. eagerly awaiting the next chapter
Author's Response: Thanks for reaching out, I really appreciate it. I'm nearing the end, so I might publish a little more often once I complete it, but for now I think weekly. Starting with Chapter 3, I think the cover shots become truly awesome. This is my first story ever, so it took me a little while to find my voice and hit my stride. I think it really starts to take off around Chapter 5. I hope you stick around and continue to enjoy it.
Date: 03/21/20 06:56 am Title: Chapter 1 - Sin
Very interesting start, more to come soon I hope. will be tracking.
Author's Response: Thank you! I have 15 chapters written so far and I'm pretty close to the end. I started publishing on another TG site (BigCloset) back in August. I will probably publish weekly here, on Saturdays. I'm still finding grammar and spelling issues that make me cringe, so I do want to spend a little time getting the chapters right, even if it's the second time 'round. I hope you enjoy my little tale, there's many twists to come.