Date: 04/04/20 05:11 am Title: Chapter 6
I liked the story, and personally wasn't expecting a lot in longevity, after all it was terror and that's kind of a hard tag.
However recently I stumbled upon a horrific story from the scp universe and it was so alike yours, had me freaking out Everytime the peace was peacefull and adding a ending so abrupt with such dark foreshadowing, without developing any plot wise universe, without answering questions about that might be universe or the plot, and with the memory of the scp story, you got me fearing for the worse. And I think that's the worse (best) kind of terror, if you continue it there's a lot of room for world development as well as a magical system or whatever it's called.
I do want to know if the work done on the laboratories was truly justified with an important purpose, instead of just ill-intent mad scientists
Date: 03/20/20 05:44 am Title: Chapter 6
wow!! fantastic! I'd love to see more if the urge ever strikes :) maybe ned going partial-corrupt in a crowded city or alison finally telling daniel the truth? a scientist shooting up to escape death with mixed results? exposition on WHY allie turned out the way she did? lewy coming back as an empathetic character? I really like daniel, I think he's a fun character and he reminds me of one of my characters. thanks for sharing this!!
Date: 03/18/20 11:35 am Title: Chapter 6
I liked this story quite interesting. You have indeed left room for expansion even a possible reboot. You have left the origin of the lab a mystery meaning there could be other sites/labs like this elsewhere. You have left the possibility that they could have been studying an already existent phenomena. Or it could end here.
I like it. You have the ability to do whatever you want from here. I'm Interested to see where you go.
Date: 03/18/20 09:10 am Title: Chapter 1
Enjoyed the story and the writing. I'm not a huge fan of bouncing around between different characters viewpoints and Alison's nightmare at the end left the story feeling unfinished. Any criticism here is just about my personal tastes and shouldn't detract from the quality of writing. Hope to see more from you.
Date: 03/15/20 09:51 am Title: Chapter 6
An excellent story, broken at the right points. All I can say is You did well and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future. Thank you for the entertainment.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! This story sat unshared on my computer for about two years so I'm glad people seem to enjoy it.
Date: 03/14/20 11:35 pm Title: Chapter 6
Wow that was intense, all those monsters being trapped down there. Also she's still having nightmares? Now I really want to know what happened. I understand it's finished but... wow I feel so empty. I know it's your story but I want more so badly...
Also when did Allison get the power of telekinesis. That part confused me a bit, I thought she was a healer? Was Ella the one who did it? I must have misread
Author's Response: Hmm, maybe I'll have to go back and edit that part. Ella was the one who did all the telekinetic stuff as Alison is a healer. Sorry if the writing was unclear. Also like I said in the chapter I've tried to expand it a couple of times, but I feel as if the main characters have gone through their arcs already. A different story in the same universe isn't out of the question though, I really want to expand on what happens with Ned, Ella, and Brock when they leave. That probably won't be for a while though, no promises.
Date: 03/14/20 10:08 pm Title: Chapter 6
A bit sad to consider all the lives the monsters ruined and the time their loved ones kept worrying :(
That said, this was a nice story, though it could have used a bit more character development.
I am quite interested in how they will settle into their new lives. Are they accepted? Do they show their abilities or hide them? Does Ned become a super villain? Plenty of possible paths and I really hope you choose one, someday :)
Author's Response: I'm excited about potentially writing more in this universe, but this story is complete. If I do, it will be with new characters with some appearances from the old ones. Right now I haven't actually written anything to that effect, but this is one of my favorites of my stories, so it's not out of the question. The character development is a little lacking I agree, but this is some of my older work. I've been trying to improve so hopefully my newer stories will have a bit better development.
Date: 03/14/20 09:56 pm Title: Chapter 6
I really like this story. It was very sweet. It was a little short for my taste, but it was altogether very good.
I think there were some emotional scenes that were unaddressed or glanced over, like Alison's former maleness or the moment they truly came to love each other, but that is often the case in early writings. Don't be afraid to really sink your teeth in and find that emotional paydirt in the future.
I would love to see this story continued as I love these characters to death.
Author's Response: This story probably won't be expanded, but I may do a different story in the same universe someday. This story is about two years old and I like to think I've gotten slightly better as an author in that time. The next thing I post will probably be a more recent story. Also, this was always intended to be a short story my next one will be longer but most of it still needs to be written. Anyhow, I'm glad you like the story!
Date: 03/13/20 08:45 am Title: Chapter 4
That weird nightmare hardly seems normal, and is our morse code friend as benevolent as they say theyre? What if THEY'RE the monster from the dream. Was it really just a cry for help? Then why kill her? Why smile creepily? Hmmm so much going on I'm having trouble following. Really liking this one. Poor Alison though I wonder who the others are, were they forced to change as much as she was? (not expecting answers, I'm speculating, sorry)
Author's Response: You're fine. I'm just a bit busy with uni. I'm glad you like it! As for your speculations, you'll just have to wait and see!
Date: 03/11/20 05:03 am Title: Chapter 1
This looks pretty cute. Loving the scene between Alison and Daniel. And oooh a mute protagonist, best of luck, that's a tough one. Unless you are that, then it'll be much easier I imagine. I have a character that basically is DiD in my story and well I have it so I can communicate it better
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I personally am not mute, but I was reading Hush by Clarity while writing this about a year ago. Great story and I highly recommend it. I decided that it fit the narrative pretty well and made way for some more interesting things in the later chapters. Also, I've been a big fan of mute characters for a while and wanted to try my hand at writing one.