Date: 03/09/20 08:27 pm Title: Same Day, In and Out
Excellent start! If I would change anything, it wouldn't actually be about the story, but the formatting: the space between paragraphs is quite big, at least with how short most of your paragraphs are. Maybe try shrinking the vertical space (if that's at all possible with the HTML formatting) or making a bit longer paragraphs? The latter would help emphasize those times you really want to have a short, concise line (like "Call failed") and help them stand out
Anyway, very promising first chapter and I look forward to more ^_^ also, the synopsis was very good, I was hooked even before reading a single word of the story.