Reviews For Fortuna's Comet
You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: Mtfmagic Signed Report
Date: 03/09/20 01:14 am Title: Chapter 1: Just A Normal Boy

I hope there's more coming. Good story!

Reviewer: Elron Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/12/20 05:15 pm Title: Chapter 1: Just A Normal Boy

I re-read the story with the changes you made. Everything makes more sense now. Great job. Can't wait to see what the comet brings.

Reviewer: Elron Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/12/20 02:59 am Title: Chapter 2: The Greatest Sport

OK, looks like the main character's name is Miles (for now, at least).
Good description of the soccer game. Felt like I was in the stands.

Reviewer: Elron Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/12/20 02:53 am Title: Chapter 1: Just A Normal Boy

Good start to the story.

There are a couple of problems. First, the main character says that he and Miles take the third car to school. So his name isn't Miles. Then at school, Alex refers to him as Miles.
Also, there are two different descriptions of the cafeteria and the start of the lunch period.

Author's Response: Ah, that explains where the missing paragraph went, it got switched around somehow in editing. Thanks for pointing it out!

Reviewer: Foundling_Fae Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/11/20 09:40 am Title: Chapter 2: The Greatest Sport

This is a very good amount of buildup. Enough to get a feel for the situation, not to long to get antsy for the action.
I think you had part of the first chapter get cut? The jump from math class to lunch is very disjoint, anyhow.
The wish itself is a very nicely constructive one... Too often the wish stories go with less sensible ideas that are very obviously going to be twisted, but this one is actually a wish a normal person would make, and in particular, your character would make.
I will watch this with great interest. :)

Author's Response: Thank you for the heads up! I went ahead and fixed it :).

Reviewer: AlexaTiresias Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/11/20 05:08 am Title: Chapter 1: Just A Normal Boy

So far so good. As with most wish granting devices, this seems like it could be easily exploited. For example, convince as many people as possible to wish that the comet moved 150x faster; now way more people can get their wish granted. That is putting aside the more obvious ones like: wish for more wishes, or wish for more comets, or wish for the ability to grant your own wishes, or wish for a candle of invocation, become pun-pun, and ascend to godhood.

You must login (register) to review.
TG Storytime uses the eFiction engine and Vanilla discussions. Design by J6P.