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Reviewer: Foundling_Fae Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 02/05/20 09:43 am Title: The story. Whole of it. Thatís it. I donít have enough control over my brain to separate stuff I write into chapters

You are not incompetent! Lots of authors have problems with writers blocks. And the two works you've posted are perfectly functional stories. This is great. Don't consider the failings so much. Weigh them against the successes of your writing. Don't settle for mediocrity, but also acknowledge your qualities as well.

For example, I would say that the weakest feature of this story is a vagueness around the changes they do make in their lives. At the same time, it doesn't need to be more explicit about it. You have a good foundation to show their growth over the years. Maybe a scene of them embracing and strained by some shared emotion right before the last scene? To help show their relationship throughout the time period just a touch more completely?

I can't find actual fault, though, despite that suggestion. This is a wonderful addition to this library of stories.

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