Date: 03/17/20 04:36 am Title: Chapter 16 - Daddy's Little Princess
It seems our little one is enjoying her new life. It never should have been forced on her, but at least it's going well. Maybe this is what she should have been all along. Though I wonder what is going to happen later. The ominous "if you don't do this you will die" hangs overhead...
Date: 03/09/20 11:35 pm Title: Chapter 17 - Sleepover
Wow, Emilee has the best parties!
Everything is so perfect for her. Hope it lasts.
I suppose I'm a bit jealous. If I had to go through a do-over, I'm sure there are a lot worse ways to go.
Enjoy your second chance, Emilee.
Author's Response: She has some hurdles to manage in the future. It is a pretty nice do-over though.
Date: 02/29/20 02:54 am Title: Chapter 16 - Daddy's Little Princess
Wow, ok, so I'm reading this and thinking how so much of this chapter reminds me of the story I'm writing right now, Wit-Seced, when what do you go and write? Witness Security which happens to be the first name I picked out for my story about two and a half years ago when I started writing it.
The thoughts and feelings of Emilee are just like the ones I was just writing in my own story!
I absolutely loved this chapter and this story. I could feel the same feelings that Emilee, and maybe even you, were feeling as you were writing it.
I will definitely now be facing it and you. It fills me with so much emotion.
Author's Response: I am glad you were able to connect with the story on that level. Thanks you for sharing that. I think every writer wants to know the they have connected with someone. So, I am thrilled that it made a connection with you. I started reading your story. I like where you are going.
Date: 02/29/20 02:12 am Title: Chapter 16 - Daddy's Little Princess
There is an old episode of the Twilight Zone where a gangster dies and goes to what he assumes is heaven. Lives in a mansion. Finest food, clothing, and accommodations. Wins every poker hand. Every billiards game. Anything he wants he is immediately given - money, jewels, cars. He becomes bored, and eventually miserable with so much winning. He demands to leave heaven and be taken to "the other place". His guide begins to laugh maniacally and tells him, "this IS the other place".
Emilee almost seems to be going through the same punishment - a perfect life. I could see her on the biggest guilt trip in history for what she was doing to her "mother". But she was there of her own free will and deserves some guilt too. I hope you explore mom's feelings through all of this perfect life.
Great writing, as always. Thank you.
Author's Response: I remember that episode well. I am a Twilight Zone fan. Interesting comparison. Interesting idea about Mom's feelings. Since this story is told in first person from Emilee's POV, getting into Mom's head may be difficult. I've done a little something in the latest chapter that teases around the edge of it though. Thanks for the insight. I expect that things will not always be so perfect. Magic often has a price.
Date: 02/22/20 06:47 pm Title: Chapter 15 - Shoes
Wow, that was an effective and reasonable punishment. Great job, mom.
It's got to be awkward for Emily going to eat with her 'father'. What to talk about? "Oh, I used to be an older man who tied up your wife and fucked her. Now I'm your young daughter. Please spank me, daddy."
Er, maybe stick to golf.
Author's Response: LMAO. Yeah. Small talk is hard.
Date: 02/22/20 11:00 am Title: Chapter 15 - Shoes
Awwww! Also AHHHH HOMEWORK! You really are trying to bring me back in school as a little girl again aren't you xD But this was sooo cute. And she had a great time and her mother isn't being abusive anymore. She still has a lot to make up for tbh. I'm not letting her off the hook yet. Also her brothers are very sweet as is her father. Why the hell was she cheating on this man?
Author's Response: Good question. I touched on it briefly in chapter 1 but I added a bit more color on chapter 16 to try to explain it. I guess like many relationships Deborah and Christopher痴 is complicated.
Date: 02/17/20 09:16 am Title: Chapter 14 - Back to School
Bacvk in school, jeez I felt like I was back in school, we didn't have uniforms but you totally described it perfectly. Also I hope that pervert principal gets hit in the face by a frying pan
Author's Response: I知 glad the description rang true. That was what I was aiming for.
Date: 02/16/20 06:06 pm Title: Chapter 13 - Gifts
Waaaaaaait so it'll KILL her, that's horrible! What if someone takes it from her? Like what is keeping someone from stealing it, yeah it won't change them but like... giving her something that literally is a ticking time bomb is DANGEROUS. Yes I get it she's an egg and she used to be an adult, but you've like made her mind more kidlike over and over again. this is too much responsibility for such a young girl to have YIKES!
Author's Response: Yeah that ruby is a dangerous thing. We will have to see how things work out.
Date: 02/16/20 03:01 pm Title: Chapter 14 - Back to School
Very well written Chapter. It reads just like I would expect from a 47 year old guy now trapped in an 11 year old girl's body. I really loved all the 'jail' terms Emilee had for her detention. You even got 'warden' in there.
Well, so much for the rainbows and unicorns of Emilee's birthday. Today she becomes a convicted felon. I wonder if the Magic compelled Emilee to break the rules and lie, or was it all her free will? Is this an indicator of a rebellious life ahead, or will Emilee learn that crime doesn't pay? I can't wait to find out. And I do hope it is the latter. My own sister was quite the handful and our whole family suffered for it. Emilee has an opportunity that some people would kill for, I hope she doesn't screw it up for herself.
Again, your writing is amazing. The detail, the pacing; even the grammar and spelling are spot-on. Great job. Thank you.
Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words. I知 trying to be very disciplined about the writing. I知 really quite enjoying it. I知 glad I知 capturing the thought process of what this situation might be like for a man to undergo this change. I知 happy it痴 coming through. I think chapter 15 will give you a good indication of where Emilee痴 head is at about her situation and how to cope with it.
Date: 02/08/20 03:24 pm Title: Chapter 13 - Gifts
This is a good story and well written. I would like to see what happens if the bank is robbed or burnt down with the crystal being lost. The worry on the three characters would manifest in interesting ways.
Author's Response: Thanks! There are definitely some twists ahead.
Date: 02/07/20 07:33 pm Title: Chapter 13 - Gifts
Sure seems like Emilee is getting a good deal from the Witch. Money, family, lots of love. Almost too good to be true. I guess we'll find out.
Author's Response: Yes, things do seem to be coming up roses for young Emilee, don稚 they? Indeed we will find out how things turn out. Thanks for the kind words about the writing.
Date: 02/02/20 10:07 am Title: Chapter 12 - Blood Relations
Wait what was the laste thing to know? Oooh cliffhanger, also she seems okay but it's hard for me to judge that thanks to the spell. It's impossible to tell if it this 1000% brainwashing or if Clarissa is telling the truth. And Clarissa is Rroma huh? Interesting
Date: 01/31/20 06:00 pm Title: Chapter 10 - Chicken, Friends, and Privileges
"I hope it isn’t an endless battle of wills as I go through adolescence."
This sentence is misspelled. It should read "I hope it isn’t an endless battle of wills as I go through an endless battle of wills."
Then teenage years and suddenly everyone gets along quite nicely... muhahaha.
Author's Response: You made me laugh. Too true. Glad you are enjoying the story. Thanks for the review.
Date: 01/31/20 05:02 pm Title: Chapter 6 - The New Pecking Order
Ch. 6 - "I’m determined you’ll be a well-disciplined young lady."
Looking forward to it. I'm still a bit leery of the fact that "she" is physically only 11 years old.
Nevertheless, I'm enjoying the story a lot. I like the grown-man-turned-into-a-schoolgirl genre as long as "she" is treated in a caring and age-appropriate manner and not overtly sexualized.
Also (pet peeve), when used as a proper name, "Mom" and "Mommy" should be capitalized.
Great story so far, looking forward to reading the rest of it, you've got real talent.
Author's Response: I am glad you are enjoying the story and appreciate the compliment. You are spot-on on the Mom and Mommy capitalizations. I will carry that forward. When I finish writing the story I am planning to go back and clean up typos and grammar, so will sort the preceding chapters then. I agree with you on Emilee's age. I am trying to be conscious to make sure she is not over sexualized. She will age later and we will see what happens then. Thanks for the review.
Date: 01/31/20 10:37 am Title: Chapter 12 - Blood Relations
Well she will remember or forget,what about her mother? excellent storyline
Author's Response: Great question. At this point I am still leaving it until I write Emilee's story further. As of chapter 12, I still don't know. Good point about Mom. I had not considered that. Will have to give it a think.
Date: 01/26/20 04:43 am Title: Chapter 10 - Chicken, Friends, and Privileges
Keep treating her like this, and when she becomes an adult, ,she's gonna say F%*& you and you'll never see her again. Abusive parents always lose their kids eventually, either to CPS, or to their own folly
Author's Response: Thanks for all the great comments. Stay tuned to see how things turn out for Emilee. I know it looks grim right now, but I知 becoming quite attached to her as I tell her story and I think you will like where she eventually lands.
Date: 01/26/20 04:30 am Title: Chapter 6 - The New Pecking Order
Gasp, shock, the witch is evil. Also yikes at how she's acting. And not soothing the bottom after wards? She's turned into a monster. You cant do spanking treatment like that with no aftercare. It's literally just cruelty. She's turned into some kind of demon, is Clarissa the one behind it, or has she secretly been this abusive all along. I mean she even used the phrase "I only do this because I love you." Like every abuser in history has done
Date: 01/26/20 04:25 am Title: Chapter 5 - A New Outfit
Oh no... this is not good. Though with that sexuality change tag, it could come later as tags are pretty much only meant for the first chapter anyway. Also wow, she's being kinda mean. She must have had a lot of pent of rage from when he did this to her
Date: 01/26/20 04:21 am Title: Chapter 4 - Washed, Primped, and Painted
Well I don't see a sexuality change tag, so I think youl'l be a lesbian emilee. Also yikes at that comment of hers about not giving the kid a choice. That's kinda mean, I wonder if we'll see more of that kind of cruelty, I kinda hope not
Date: 01/26/20 04:20 am Title: Chapter 3 - Switch
Well, Emilee it is, what a cute name. I guess her friend was a little upset at his fantasies. Personally I like being dominated like that by my man, but like I can see why she would get annoyed from it. This is a bit much for a lesson however, considering it's forever till she could find another wizard or something
Date: 01/26/20 04:16 am Title: Chapter 2 - Beyond the limits
Oh, well then. She's kinda intent on doing this, or rather having already done it and planned it out. I guess she wanted another kid reaaaally badly but didn't want to go through pregnancy again. Welp, our MC is screwed
Date: 01/26/20 03:56 am Title: Chapter 10 - Chicken, Friends, and Privileges
I'm loving this story. I think the sorceress found out from the hair sample that he deep down wanted to be a girl, he just hadn't wanted to reveal it yet or maybe didn't even know it yet. After two years she will decide to keep the memories so she knows how good she has it. Keep writing.
Author's Response: Thank you. I知 glad you like it. I am indeed still writing. I expect to have another chapter uploaded this week. I have most of the rest of the story mapped out as well.
Date: 01/25/20 06:38 pm Title: Chapter 9 - Ruby Business
I hope after a chapter or two more some sinister gal or guy with magically power gets hold of the ruby. Then after some time they can affect poor Emilee and her Mom.
Author's Response: Interesting plot element. I had not considered that twist yet, at least not consciously. As you can see I am spending some time on the ruby, so I intend to use it later. I知 just not entirely decided on how, beyond the obvious role it plays as I have laid out in the story thus far. Thanks for the idea though. I shall have to noodle on it.
Date: 01/25/20 06:14 pm Title: Chapter 9 - Ruby Business
Seems pretty controlling and vindictive for a woman who was a willing participant in their sexual activities.
I hope she gives her new daughter a very good new life for taking his old one against his will.
Despite all that, very good storytelling. The pace is good, and the descriptions paint a very realistic picture. Can't wait to read more.
Author's Response: Yes, I agree that Deborah is currently pretty full of her new found power. I expect that will soften a bit. I have the next few chapters outlined and I think I have a path forward. The story is developing as I go. I appreciate your observation. I知 glad the descriptions are realistic for you. I知 taking my time with them. Thanks for the thoughtful review.