Date: 01/26/20 08:02 pm Title: Chapter 11: Pizza
Fun story, if a bit violent in parts, but nice fuzzy love, and sci-fi backdrop. I get the feeling that Penumbra was inspired by Venom, but clearly there are many differences. Hoping you explore further their increasing symbiosis, the love/sex story, Penumbra's origin story if there's more to learn. And if/when Max gains more control, can she also help fix up V further?
Date: 01/23/20 02:18 am Title: Chapter 9: Degrees
I sort of agree with Maxine here: that was excessive force. I mean, couldn't she report them to the police for assault instead?
I don't like the idea of killing people because they are complete assholes at some point in their life. Even in the context of capital punishment. Maybe that's just me, though.
Date: 01/12/20 04:55 am Title: Chapter 4: Second Date
I like to think Victoria just said "Aaa" in a straight monotone, having exhausted her emotional capacity when she thought she had invited a potentially dangerous stranger with dissociative identity disorder into her home.
You have a few typos, but not too many. I could help proofread if you want.
What's the grammatical gender of Penumbra, anyway? It seems to vary between feminine, neuter, and epicene.
Author's Response: Thank you for the offer of proofreading, but I'd hate to be a bother ^-^; Penumbra uses they/them pronouns, but is a very young entity and is figuring things out (as I was while writing, lmao) but will settle on consistent femme-leaning gender but singular they/them pronouns.
Date: 01/08/20 09:52 pm Title: Chapter 3: Victoria
This is unbelievably good. You have a very unique writing style, and it really works wonders with this story. The stream-of-consciousness sort of reminds me of QuietValerie's work, though it is definitely distinct.
I eagerly look forward to reading more.