Date: 12/18/19 04:34 pm Title: Chapter 1
This was a great start! I loved reading it. For me, there was just enough narrative to go along with the erotic parts, but I think you could slow it down a tad if you wanted. Either way, I’m already invested and want to know what happens next, and I think that’s all you can ask for as a writer. Good stuff!
Date: 12/18/19 12:17 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is an excelling beginning to what is a very interesting story concept.
I suggest you slow it down a bit and add a bit more detail before going for the erotic parts. It has a little of everything... family, friendship, sex, passion, even incest, though that seems to be caused by an unexpectedly provided drug or even a magical curse of some sort. The mutual sex change added an additional twist that allows for an entirely separate storyline.
The brother and sister appear to be normal young adults and not prone to incestuous activities, though the sister was unusually willing to share her bed with her brother. But again, the drugged wine may well have caused that.
I am anxiously waiting to see what happens in the morning. Apparently, the first issue might be clothing.