Date: 02/02/20 01:14 am Title: Chapter 3
I like how the changes are happening, both physically and mentally, but... do they need to be siblings? The whole incest thing really takes me out of the story and ruins it for me. Especially since it looks like identity death is going to happen to both of them and they seem to be forgetting that they're brother and sister. Just saying, if the brother and sister were in their right state of minds, they most certainly would not approve of being in a romantic and sexual relationship with each other. So not only are the brother and sister becoming a couple, but the brother and sister are becoming a couple unwillingly. Also, they seem like good people, so this seems like a cruel punishment to do to two nice innocent people. I feel like with a bit of a rewrite, you could change them from brother and sister to a man and a woman who are just friends and the story would go on with very little difference.
At the very least, I hope this story ends with them turning back to normal, as Tom and Sarah, brother and sister.
Date: 01/30/20 08:19 pm Title: Chapter 3
Well, since you asked for a honest opinion, here I go! To be honest, I really like how the world is fleshed out but I really don’t like hypnotization and your work has some hypnotic elements (especially in this chapter) which are a big turn off for me. Right now the story seems to be heading straight to identity death on both sides, without even remembering their earlier life. I do have some hope tho because the MC seems to remember some bits and pieces. That are my thought rn, hopefully it will change... (also wasn’t really fluff in this chapter imo, just unnerving :( )
Date: 12/18/19 04:34 pm Title: Chapter 1
This was a great start! I loved reading it. For me, there was just enough narrative to go along with the erotic parts, but I think you could slow it down a tad if you wanted. Either way, I’m already invested and want to know what happens next, and I think that’s all you can ask for as a writer. Good stuff!
Date: 12/18/19 12:17 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is an excelling beginning to what is a very interesting story concept.
I suggest you slow it down a bit and add a bit more detail before going for the erotic parts. It has a little of everything... family, friendship, sex, passion, even incest, though that seems to be caused by an unexpectedly provided drug or even a magical curse of some sort. The mutual sex change added an additional twist that allows for an entirely separate storyline.
The brother and sister appear to be normal young adults and not prone to incestuous activities, though the sister was unusually willing to share her bed with her brother. But again, the drugged wine may well have caused that.
I am anxiously waiting to see what happens in the morning. Apparently, the first issue might be clothing.