Date: 10/19/19 07:36 am Title: Toys
I really loved the entire cruel roommate idea and for forced parts, but then the story kinda felt rushed for all the good parts to come. Why the time jumps? Especially for the first forced sex part, that totally ruined the entire forplay for the story. Also why all the "I became bettter" parts and all, it felt like just becoming from forced to ordinary boring normal sissy plot. I would love to read more stories like this, especially with college based cocky asshole roommates or campus boys, maybe even some true surgery plot, with some rich cocky guy from college has some revenge on a boy he enjoys to bully. Still I enjoyed the story in general. Very well done. This site needs more darker stories.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the overall story. As for why it might feel rushed, I just hacked this story out in one day and uploaded it after a quick read-through. Basically, I have a pile of short story ideas and I just type one up as a breather between longer projects. I'm stringing together my short stories into an anthology, some of which will be quite dark, though I can't guarantee they'll push all the right buttons.
Date: 10/18/19 01:19 am Title: Toys
An excellent tale. I felt so bad for Kimmie, I was on the edge of my seat while reading it. I'm glad Colt got a small taste of his own medicine, though the mysterious stranger adds an intriguing element to the tale. Please continue the story. I, for one, would enjoy seeing out it ends.
Author's Response: Poor Kimmie's had a rough time. There's been enough demand for a follow-up, that I think I'd be negligent if I didn't give her a second act, and possibly a chance for revenge.
Date: 10/16/19 01:20 pm Title: Toys
A good story, though I feel that the if you stopped with Kimmie hitting send, would have been more satisfying and still ambiguous. We don't know who or even if anyone got her message or if there is anyway to reverse the damage that Colt did, but at least he's not in control anymore. Adding the stuff with the pale man just asks to many questions with no resolution in sight for any of them.
Author's Response: Thanks for the response and the critique! My goal here was to leave things open-ended but to have a segue into a future story in the same anthology with some of the same characters, where we *will* get resolution for what's happened to some of them. But your point is well-taken, and perhaps well-advised. When I write my follow-up, I hope you'll weigh in and let me know what you think.
Date: 10/15/19 01:02 am Title: Toys
So we get a look into the mind of a incel it seems. Why would someone give a monster like Colt this kinda power? Incels should be shoved into a meat grinder, never givien this kind of power. Colt needs to have his skin flayed from his body, dipped in vinegar and salt, have his skin partially cut off but enough so he can regrow some of it back, then the procedure done over and over again for the rest of his miserable life, say... 50 years should do it? Yep
Then kill the bastard before he gets any chance to say sorry. There is no sorry for what he did, he belongs in a woodchipper, feet first, on slow. A paralyzing agent induced so he wont be able to move, a good place would be to inject his spine. Then watch him slowly get shredded alive, video tape it, make sure he's wearing the shirt then command him to stay alive reform and do it over and over again for an eternity.
Men like him deserve to be wiped from existence but that's too good for him
Author's Response: I think it's fair to say that Colt failed spectacularly at whatever test his chancing upon the shirt was meant to measure. And I intend to give him some comeuppance, though my inclination is toward insidious psychological torture (and magic) such as the kind he foisted upon poor Ken/Kimmie rather than skin flaying and acid. That's just me. My current Patreon story (which I'll soon start posting chapters to here on a ~10 day delay) is the first part of a revenge story, wherein our heroine is traumatized and deeply wronged and then seeks out methodical revenge against the men who wronged her - villains perhaps not quite as wicked as Colt, but far more powerful and devious.
Date: 10/15/19 12:43 am Title: Toys
I have no idea what happened at the point where the words stopped. There was no end, and therefore no story. A story has a beginning, a middle, and AN END. Without those three things, it's not a story.
Author's Response: That was the end. I'm sorry you didn't like it.
Date: 10/14/19 04:35 pm Title: Toys
Yes this really is a dark story. Seems like Karma would have to bring in a dozen of her friends to help settle the score between Ken and Colt.
It would be nice to see an epilogue chapter to find out what the pale man did. After all, Kimmie could have anticipated the pale man's appearance and switched bodies with colt. Then Colt as Kimmie could have administered the antidote to Ken as Colt. Ken would be himself again. Just a thought.
Anyway, interesting story, and I will keep an eye out for a white halter top with 'Toy' on it.
Author's Response: I think I'll give Colt some sort of horrible comeuppance eventually. I'll probably incorporate this story into a smutty anthology, and some of the characters will return eventually.
Date: 10/14/19 12:52 pm Title: Toys
This one was really dark, but I was quite good. It unfortunately feels quite unresolved though. It seemed as though the Pale Man intended to betray Kimmie, but how? I'd love to see more of this one.
Author's Response: I like to leave things open-ended to give myself somewhere to pick up later. My intention for the Pale Man was that, despite Kimmies hope, he wasn't her savior so much as another, hopefully less-despicable captor. I'm mulling over what to do next.
Date: 10/14/19 02:22 am Title: Toys
Very interesting. Kind of want to see what happens with them now if you're willing to do a quick epilogue chapter. Thanks for the story.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm thinking of writing a short story anthology about curses and cursed items and having some of the characters turn up. I'm thinking I may make things a little better for poor Kimmie and give Colt some serious comeuppance, but I haven't decided yet.