Date: 02/10/20 07:31 pm Title: Chapter 47
Hmmm, i was sort of expecting the Supreme Witch to be Medusa, and that's why Brooke was not supposed to make eye contact with her. Interesting chapter, to say the least.
Good luck with your studies, I'm glad you have your priorities straight. You are a fantastic writer, no need to rush, just to please your fans. I can wait.
Date: 02/10/20 07:09 pm Title: Chapter 46
Good explanation of the Angie Doll. Thank you.
So it seems like Jessica has a goal of turning Lucy back into a man, but with the way things are going with her and Danny she might want to stay female. I hope that's the case, she seems happy now. And the sex is better.
Can you please explain your use of the word 'cupboard'? Around here that is a small cabinet filled with dishes or glasses or cleaning supplies. It is certainly not something big enough to hold 5 people, 2 of them heavily pregnant, having sex. Is your cupboard the same as our closet?
Author's Response: A closet is still called a closet. I've been a few places where there are some walk in spaces which are also considered a cupboard, usually in a gym setting where they keep equipment. I'm from the UK so don't know if its a thing elsewhere but there would be spaceml.
Date: 02/08/20 03:44 am Title: Chapter 1
Amanda’s right. The names were messed up in the last chapter. I was like ok Megan’s about to get hers.... wait wtf, whys Evelyn getting jacked up. Who tf is Evelyn. Why is she being punished for Megan’s mistake. Might want to fix this chapter.
Author's Response: Yeah, thought I had fixed that. I was using Evelyn originally until I looked back at an earlier chapter and realised it was a different name. I'll sort it out but I thought I'd gone through already.
Date: 02/08/20 12:52 am Title: Chapter 45
I think you got names screwed up a little here. Are Evelyn and Megan the same person? You put the name Lucy once when you meant Jenny.
All in all interresting
Author's Response: Yeah, I think I'm beginning to rush this a little. Think I'll start to slow down a bit. It was originally Evelyn then I looked to an older chapter and realised I meant Megan. Obviously at some point I stopped going through. Sorry for the confusion.
Date: 02/07/20 04:22 pm Title: Chapter 1
There’s a plot hole here I’m really curious if you’re going to address. The statue that Jessica went to get. Why didn’t jessica and Chen just take Lucy to it. Since she’s already cursed and can’t go through a sex change. She could of just wished herself stronger than anyone and took down Roman herself or wished Roman dead and everyone set free. This has been bugging me for a few chapters.
Author's Response: Huh, didn't think about that. Think I overlooked something there. I suppose since magic can't work on her directly she can't make a wish. The point is the statue was cursed and can't be used. I don't know kind of missed something there.
Date: 02/06/20 05:07 am Title: Chapter 43
Is the giant spaghettie monsters going to be real too? that'd be awesome. Loving the gods thing but you might want to correct that chen healed his hearing not his healing. Lucy and Danny are really hitting it off, that's good, but umm hmm. The poseidon thing, that was kinda weird, guess he's immune to lightning or something?
Author's Response: The gods are supposed to basically be powerful sorcerers who were heralded as gods because of their abilities.
Date: 02/06/20 02:35 am Title: Chapter 43
Wow, this story just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Norse gods, Greek gods, you're going to bring everyone in at some point. All to save Brook and kill Roman. And I'm good with that.
I'm so glad that Lucy and Danny are at last on good terms - even if they aren't a couple yet. I love happy endings, and those two seem like they are meant to be together. I hope it doesn't take months for them to become a couple again. That's a lot of togetherness to be missing out on.
Also, great job with the sex scene. I wasn't sure how Lucy would take having to beg for it. Might have seemed too degrading to her fragile ego. Good thing she was willing to play along.
Great job overall with the writing. You are keeping us all on the edge of our seats. Thank you.
Author's Response: Things are going to start taking off very soon. It is quite a lqrge scale finale so I won't be finished too soon but things will be a bit more focused from now on.
Date: 02/03/20 09:00 pm Title: Chapter 41
That's better, I'm guessing this is a day later? Anyway wow that Jenny woman, she's one of those "the ends justify the means" kinda people it seems. Well maybe when she is one of the ends she'll learn it sucks being one of the ones sacrificed
Date: 02/03/20 08:52 pm Title: Chapter 40
Interesting, so norse Gods are real. And come ON Danny you cant just drop a bomb like that and expect it to work. You rejected her, you called her horrible names, and everything you did you think you can make up just by saying I love you? You need to be so much better, you're suffering right now and you DESERVE it
Date: 02/01/20 10:06 pm Title: Chapter 39
I love this so much, Jessica finally did something to make me start to like her. She finally did something amazing. And YAY Gabriella! She's got it right, Danny better be ready to beg. I'm angry at him, but he has a chance for redemption, will he take it?
And awwww Jack with Jessica, seems Jack is really enjoying being with Jessica. I'm so happy for him, glad he could get away from his toxic family and find someone to give him his dream body
Author's Response: Glad you liked it. I've tried to make Danny a kind of average guy and I can imagine a very high amount of straight guys having this kind of reaction to finding out their girl friend used to be a man. You will start to see the first sight of an actual ending in the next few chapters but it should still be quite a while before we reach it.
Date: 02/01/20 06:44 pm Title: Chapter 39
Well, I suppose this is a better chapter 39 than the first one. Though I did want to see Steven and The Groper get what they had coming to them.
I'm glad Jessica and Gabriella were able to get through to Danny. I'm hoping for a happy ending for those two.
I do hope you don't cut the story short just to finish it and leave a lot of loose ends. Roman still needs to be put down permanently, Brooke and the rest of the baby factory need to be rescued. And Lucy could then adopt a small stray dog....
Still a lot to do. Thank you for taking the time to produce this masterpiece. I still can't believe this is your first story. Given your portrayal of Roman, I think Oboe is a pen name for Stephen King. It's that good.
Author's Response: Yeah, don't worry, I'm not cutting it short. It's just that I've been kind of aimless for a while and as of the next chapter I'm going to start heading towards an actual ending. That's not to say it will be ending soon, just that there will be one in sight. I'm simply trimming the fat and focusing on the story beats that are actually important to the final part and I decided her attempted r*** isn't important enough to Lucy's development or the story. I am hoping to become a writer and I've honestly just made this up as I've gone along with few corrections. That's why you'll find a lot of mistakes but the fact that someone finds it entertaining does mean a lot.
Date: 01/30/20 05:39 pm Title: Chapter 38
I’ve been keeping up with this story since you started writing it. I like it. I think Danny needs to make a comeback though. The tension is there and most people would respond the exact same way he did. But after calming down and really thinking about it, nothing about her is male in anyway. I think Jessica needs to get involved in helping get Danny back. Probably by letting him know it was never her choice to be a woman and she’s permanently stuck like that forever. I think that would be a good way to go with it. No matter what. I plan to continue reading. Keep it up.
Date: 01/27/20 03:18 pm Title: Chapter 38
I think it was honorable of Lucy to tell Danny the truth, even with the possibility he would leave her. Hopefully Danny will reconsider after he has had a chance to calm down. They really were happy together.
And it looks like Jack and Jessica are a couple now. Looks like you're 1 for 2 today :)
Date: 01/27/20 10:13 am Title: Chapter 38
Danny is an idiot, he said his only problem was not being able to father children. She can literally give him children. He's just a transphobic moron Lucy, forget about him. I know it's hard, believe me I know. eat some ice cream, cry in a shower for two days (done that before) but you gotta understand. there are plenty of men like that. At least he showed his true self now instead of after you were married or something
Also yeah I see your point, you do seem to lack a direction. Well that could always be fixed with some editing. You just need practice, that's all. Hell I started writing again after not writing for 18 years, and I'm still rusty as hell, it's like any skill. Just got to hone it, I wish you the best
Date: 01/27/20 10:08 am Title: Chapter 37
This was a terrible idea, some secrets you don't need to reveal even if you are married to someone. There are SOME things about your life even your soulmate doesn't need to know. And there is nothing wrong with that. Also plenty of cis het guys like Trans girls Danny. We get it you're only into cis women, no need ot make a big deal out of it. Hell my boyfriend is 100% straight never cared when I had a penis, nor when I don't
Date: 01/27/20 06:09 am Title: Chapter 1
It feels like this story just keeps jumping from storyline to storyline, without advancing up anything. Main character stuck in preggo hell with satan? Nope, shes out. Friend becomes a man? Naw, shes back to being a girl three chapters later.
Maybe this is an elaborate set up and will all come around later but it feels like we are wasting time.
Author's Response: It has been quite aimless I admit. A lot of the storylines didn't really develop as naturally as I thought they would. This really is the last storyline before I get to the endgame though.
Date: 01/26/20 02:26 pm Title: Chapter 36
FYI - Holly's boss addresses her as Lucy near the end of chapter 36: “Enough, Lucy” he said. Lucy gritted her teeth.
I know you're starting to wrap things up, but it would be SOOOO karmic to turn Steven into a woman and then hand her over to Roman as one of his baby - makers.
Author's Response: Yeah, its difficult to keep this straight in my head.
Date: 01/25/20 01:30 am Title: Chapter 36
Well of course, you'd need to speed things up a bit, I won't deny that. But you are a good writer, though you probably should have combined last chapter and this chapter maybe, though it was a good place to leave off. Oh well you know you're story better.
Good to know Joe is an idiot, he's perfectly okay with putting his waitresses in danger, he deserves to lose his business if he doesn't shape up
Also Lucy come ON gender that poor boy correctly. He's a trans man, he's valid as a he no matter what stage of transition he's on. Be better Lucy, still I cant wait for him to get his wish!
Date: 01/23/20 11:03 pm Title: Chapter 35
I apologize for my last review. I didn't mean to degrade your craft or anything. You write an excellent story, I just was thinking too hard about how hard it must be to keep the two straight and opened my mouth when I shouldn't have. I apologize.
Wow, this is such a cute chapter, I love how her shooting practice didn't fail her too much, I really hope he wont leave when he finds out the truth. I kept thinking he was a Roman spy but maybe he just really is a genuine goofball. I feel bad for Lucy, this part is always the hardest. When a guy I went on a date with found out, he stormed out of the park and never called me again... You really show her angst and anxiety well. Also keeping to her trauma, like you are a really good writer are you sure you're supposed to be on a site like this? You should be publishing, I mean sure there are a few mistakes here and there but you have so much emotion and your characters don't feel wooden at least to me.
Author's Response: No need to apologize. I'm open to criticism and I honestly do regret changing the first names. It's hard to keep it straight. I'm happy to hear you think I should be publishing because in all honesty, other than a quick read through my chapters are simply a first draft that I quickly revise. I don't put much attention into continuity either. If I was to write a book I would be putting a lot more thought into it but this is mainly just for fun. It started as a simple fantasy and then my love of writing took over which is why its become more of a drama and less of a fetish as times gone on. I do have an endgame in mind but I need a few things set up before I get to that point so there's several more chapters before I start the final story arc. So if the story has felt a bit aimless its because I've made it up as I've gone along and a few things didn't work as well as I hoped (There's honestly not much things to teach a person about being a man so I ran out of ideas for Jessica very quickly). I'm glad someones enjoyed it for this long as I've started to feel like I've let it drag on too long.
Date: 01/22/20 10:34 pm Title: Chapter 34
This is getting confusing, have you considered just switching all of the Lucy's into Holly from now on? You have Holly where you normally have Lucy, and sometimes Lucy where you need to have Holly. I cant imagine the strain it's putting on you. But anyway back to the story, oh Chen you'd be SURPRISED how many of us would believe that. Hell I believed in it at one time and sought it out, came up with nothing but I was willing to try ANYTHING.
Danny has me worried, I cant help but think he might be an agent of Roman (your fault really) with how much power the man has, I wouldn't be surprised if he already knows where they are. Though Steven, yikes that nepotism, putting some rando in charge and of course he's a sexist creep. I think I know how he 'lost his job'
Date: 01/21/20 09:42 pm Title: Chapter 33
Easy fix IMO, find a Trans man that wants a cis man's body. That way Jessica wont hurt anyone and she'll have her body back. Then Chen can get him a new identity just like he did with Holly, and said dude could even join the crew and become a new cast member! Maybe someone Lucy could find that understands her and helps her and they can go on dates and be all adorable together!!!
Note: I am not telling you what you do with the story, this is merely my prediction of what will happen
Date: 01/13/20 10:39 am Title: Chapter 26
Interesting that your story has moved to the Falkland Islands, as I am currently on a cruise ship bound for there.
Could you kindly devulge the location of the cave? I'd like to check it out for 'research' purposes.
Author's Response: Haha, kind of wish I based it on an actual cave just so I can check it out.
Date: 01/13/20 01:07 am Title: Chapter 32
Oh no... just when Lucy was finally starting to have some fun, ;of course HE interrupts. Ugh it's like Lucy is just going to never be happy, I feel so bad for her, stupid Roman I hope you have something WORSE than death happen to you. A monster like you deserves to be locked in a black hole constantly regenerating and being torn apart while you feel everything forever
Date: 01/12/20 03:58 am Title: Chapter 31
You've extended this story WAAY past what I expected in the early chapters, and I'm loving it. Please take your time, but don't leave us hanging with an eventual conclusion, hopefully a happier one than some of the darkness we've witnessed so far. -- I AM enjoying watching Lucy come to terms with her new reality, in a believable way.
Date: 01/12/20 02:40 am Title: Chapter 31
One nitpick, you had her call herself Lucy to Danny. I know you probably didn't mean it or maybe it was on purpose to show how stressed and upset she was. Though Danny didn't act any different, oh God please don't let him be Roman in disguise. Be careful Lucy... you probably should just start thinking of yourself as Holly at this point, it's too dangerous!
Author's Response: Yeah, that was an accident. It happens when you're calling your character one name and having her introduce herself as another.
Date: 01/09/20 11:56 pm Title: Chapter 30
He just had to be a bumbling oaf didn't he? Jessica or Jesse you're quite a moron aren't you? Yeah you're new to these feelings but for the love of God would YOU ever have liked someone saying that to you? Lucy is literally traumatized to all hell and you're trying to use her like some lovedoll. Goddang it I was rooting for you, you better clean up your act you jerk!!!!
Date: 01/07/20 01:15 am Title: Chapter 29
Oh my! Awwww they're so cute together. Shame it's all going away after Jesse turns back. Also yikes at that fight and Kyle, girlfriends are NOT your possessions jerkface. That's not how it works, it's a MUTUAL and CONSENSUAL relationship. You sort of own each other, but not like a possession, you're like just together and it's lovely and wonderful and NOT possessive lilke you jerk! Poor Emma...
Date: 01/05/20 06:01 am Title: Chapter 27
Jessica is literally the epitome of entitlement. After everything that's been done, she thinks SHE is the only one to care about them. She's a spoiled rotten child and this curse she's put on herself is her own fault. She's a brat and needed some discipline, here's hoping she doesn't screw everything up for everyone because of her arrogance
Author's Response: Glad your still enjoying the story. Obviously Jessica has her flaws and I've tried to explore her dealing with things differently. Jessica never really saw Roman, all she knows is what other people have told her and unlike Lucy, Jessica was actually friends with Brooke and Angie so leaving them with him is horrifying to her. Lucy is resentful of Angie and Jessica's mother so its of no importance to her what happens to them. She cares about Brooke because of what she chose to do but is also terrified of Roman and knows that Brooke trusted Chen to get her out so she see's no reason to be involved. Obviously Chen knows what Roman is capable of and is choosing to be cautious and play the long game.
Date: 01/05/20 05:54 am Title: Chapter 26
What a stupid girl you were Jessica. Even if you could find a way to transport it without touching it yourself, why do you think Roman wouldn't just kill you and take it for himself? Do you think he'd care about you trying to barter with him? Jeez that girl is an idiot, she was warned not to keep doing this, it was dangerous. And in the end it was her folly that has done this to her
Date: 01/03/20 04:26 am Title: Chapter 25
Poor Lucy, god knows what that monster is doing to Brooke, or Jessica's mother. Though her mother was completely irresponsible and a huge part in Lucy's horrific transformation, I dont' think she deserves whatever he's doing to her. I definitely don't htink Brooke deserves ANYTHING she wasn't a hundred percent innocent, this is true. But she's not the one who did it all, Angie is the one who made the choices, Brooke tried to help but gave herself up as a sacrifice to mend Angie's sins.
I hate that so much but I understand it's necessary because Roman is just stupid OP and cannot be stopped...
Date: 11/08/19 03:49 am Title: Chapter 1
Your a really amazing writer. Your stories flow amazingly and have great plot lines. The one thing I dont quite understand though is whats supposed to be the message. That there are some people out there in real life doing horrible shit? Like the Jeffery einsteins of the world and conspirators? All these guys are gonna die though and you have a semi immortal here eating babies lol. If there is one absolute truth to life it is that everything dies. Theres always a way to kill something and us humans are really good at killing shit. Let's be real here brooke almost got him and she had the bear minimum tools. For those who need some catharsis heres how I'd go about ending him.
1 weekend cells division.
From what I can tell you would first need to weeken the way he regenerates.
A. Chimera virus- giving him the world most deadly virus through his food may not kill him but would 100% tie up his cells and internal defense systems.
B. Radiation poisoning- what better way to slow one down then to destroy there very DNA. Unless he literally has shields in his cell membrane this shit will send millions of tiny bullets to wreck his DNA. There by tieing up his regenerative powers since they would either have to repair the blueprint or make something up.
2 slow down physically
If we have any hope of a direct confrontation we need to first slow down his athletic abilities
A. Toxins- ricin, Strychnine, Brodifacoum, Nerve Gas
And cyanide.- the goal with these is to lessen his physical ability to fight back to the different attacks we use.
3. Weapons- heres were the fun begins. The goal here is to completely destroy every cell. Only the deadliest weapons will work.
A. Incendiary weapons- Mark 77 bomb the successor of the napalm bombs. This thing has white phosphorus baked into it making it near impossible to put out once ignited. This stuff can easily burn through solid steel and easily would reduce him to dust.
B. fluoroantimonic acid- this shit does not play around. Having the ability to easily melt bone and skin with ease. This is the worlds strongest acid and has to be kept in highly and I mean highly specialized containers.
C. Nuclear/aomic weapons- maybe be not the most creative of weapons, it is highly effective. The internal temperatures of even the smaller atomic weapons have the ability to turn humans to dust instantly.
4 rules of engagement- if your gonna kill this fucker then you need a place to do it.
A. Jessica- she is the perfect Bait. This fucker would do anything to get his hands on her. So you have what he wants and you get to choose the field of battle as well.
B location location location- Siberia- I thought about this quite a bit and Siberia seems to make the most sense. Dense wilderness that is unknown to the attacker. Away from any large population centers. Large convoluted mountain to mount weapons and traps. Ability to use snow vehicles to gain movement edge.
C battlements- you want to set up equipment high up to have maximum capabilities. Unless you use mortar weapons, which should be hidden under trenches. Smoke grenades are gonna be necessary to cause increased confusion for the enemy. If available drones will give you a tactile air advantage as well as give you a significant tactical advantage over enemy movements.
5 bonus magical weapons that are in universe possible.
A. The higher up super secret witches coven talked about. Jessica may have a way in to get a hearing with them. I'm also guessing many are at this point in time tired of his shit. If all wont join you a splinter group might. This would give you an increased tactical advantages when it comes to knowing his magical capabilities.
B any other magical creators that could exist in this story, since I have no idea I'll leave this to the imagination.
Conclusion: I'm sorry if this is long and drawn out but this was very cathartic lol. Honestly nothing would give me more joy then seeing this fucker burn. Death always finds away and no one is immortal. I just dont see how anyone could go back to a normal life after seeing him. You can use these ideas if you like but this was mostly just to give people sole catharsis cause fuck thus left me uncomfortable for better or worse lol. Thank you for a great story though!
Author's Response: You are right that Brooke got very close despite having no abilities of her own. I haven't explained the weapon she was using yet but get close enough with that and he is beatable. She just didn't quite get there fast enough. I've made Roman super powerful yes but he is mortal.
Date: 11/07/19 09:53 pm Title: Chapter 24
First I want to tell you how much I enjoyed reading your story. Yes, it was certainly dark, but it was incredibly captivating. I loved every word of it. Even if it ran another 100 chapters I would read every one. You are very imaginative and talented. You created a new universe (The Oboeverse?). A person could write stories about any of the major characters from Revenge. Stories could take place in the past, present, or future. Endless possibilities.
I felt really bad for Holly. She went through so much. She has kind of grown on me in the last few weeks. I'd love to read more about her new life. How she handles lovers, sex, periods, marriage, and pregnancy. Even the day-to-day stuff. Maybe a reunion with her original family?
You have done a magnificent job of telling Holly's story. Your descriptions, your pacing, and dialogue was all spot-on. It never felt like it was dragging or rushed. I can't imagine the time and effort that went into creating Revenge.
I always say there are 3 things that make an OK story great. First is descriptions. The more you tell me about a scene, the more I feel a part of it. Second is suspense. Your end of chapter cliffhangers kept me waiting and wanting more. Third is passion. The more heart you put into it the more readers will get out of it. On all three points you were amazing. This story will go into my Favorites folder.
As for the nay-sayers, you can't please everyone. I look at it this way. You put untold hours into writing your story. You posted it on a website for free. Nobody spent a dime to read it, therefore no one has a right to criticize your efforts. It's not like you sold me a used car and the transmission went out the next day. You don't owe me anything. I hope my comments give you inspiration and honest criticism. That's all I can do. I don't expect you to change your story to suit me.
I appreciate your efforts and I hope that your muse will inspire you to write more, whether or not it is related to Revenge.
Good luck in all your future endeavors.
Author's Response: Mainly because I started this as an explicit story then suddenly turned down a dark path. i get why there are people who aren't happy but like you said nobodies paying for this and by the sounds of it peoples problems are simply with where the story has gone rather than in my writing style itself. So this has helped.
Date: 11/05/19 09:51 pm Title: Chapter 1
I’m going to say this, you wrote a great story. Did it end in rainbows and sunshine? No. But there was talk of a sequel coming, and the way you ended it originally, was fine. Even if no sequel came. Brooke sacrificed herself to atone for what she did to Luke,
This was your art. If your heart isn’t into continuing, don’t continue just to continue. Don’t Mass Effect it.
You wrote a great story, and I’m sure your next story will also be good. But just know, you don’t owe anyone anything. Only continue this if you want to and know of a good direct to take it, over wise, pause it until that happens, for as long as it takes (if that makes sense).
Whatever you decide, I’ll read either way.
Author's Response: I had a general direction. I just wasn't feeling up for it. Then I got horny again and couldn't sleep so I just decided to write another chapter and then I realized that I'd probably want to keep going. So now a chapter will more or less be written whenever i feel like doing it instead of constantly updating it. Its not because of a few negative reviews over the ending. I wouldn't have continued it if I didn't feel like it.
Date: 11/05/19 03:24 am Title: Chapter 1
Read the last ch(not the ones before, wasn't interested in how you torture Lucy), at this point for a satisfying ending Roman has to be taken out in the near future so Lucy can return to her family before she gets stuck in that new life there, even if it would be a turning point and her new life is good, it would never be satisfying since she had to abandon her family.
Date: 11/04/19 04:22 pm Title: Chapter 1
I'm sad. A disappointing ending for a very good story. I thought there were the premises for some excellent character development, but then... Angie remains the same, Roman remains the same. No more regrets, no more empathy, no human emotions (over sadness and fear). I understand that you could have been bored by this story for now, but you could have taken a break... I really hope that you'll write a sequel, because i had great expectations for this story. Thank you for your time and work
Date: 11/04/19 01:52 am Title: Chapter 23
Thank you for this story. It was not the typical fare, which is what made it so wonderfully good. Thank you for the dark story elements warning(s). Very dark indeed. Looking forward to seeing more from you whether it's more of this story, or anything new.
Date: 11/04/19 01:26 am Title: Chapter 1
Haven't read the new chapters since my last review, but from the reviews i read it seems like you didn't keep your promise.
"Author's Response: It will get better for Lucy I promise. This isn't one great big torture p***. At some point things will start heading up. But I am playing the long game with this story so it'll probably get worse before it gets better. I get just being here for a fap and the story isn't exactly light. It probably got darker than I was planning to be honest. But there is an Endgame that will be satisfying."
You said this after ch 11 where Roman wasn't there yet
Author's Response: Truth is this end of it was going to be the turning point. If I continued from mhre things would've gotten better but I just kind of grew bored of it. Sorry about that
Date: 11/03/19 08:25 pm Title: Chapter 23
This was a really good story all in all.
The last chapter was sad, with Lucy saying goodbye to her family, and was really well written.
Things don’t end on a happy note, but there was really no way they could, and would be a cop out of everything that happened.
Angie, Brooke, and Jessica were not good people. I know Brooke had a rough life, but she had a part in destroying another life. Even the witch could have said no. Really all were punished because of this. Karma is rough.
If a sequel gets written, I’ll be all for it. But don’t rush into it. As a stand along, this was really really good.
Date: 11/03/19 06:22 am Title: Chapter 23
Brooke never got a break in her entire life. She made mistakes but after being tortured since she was 8 years old, raped as a child...
This story... leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I knew you made Roman too powerful, I knew it was going to end badly. I didn't expect this however... there is no happiness to be had here, only death, destruction, rape and the loss of innocence.
Brooke didn't deserve that, she never deserved any of it. Roman is still at large, nothing was solved. It's like real life I guess, the bad guys always win...
Thanks for the story... but this ending is a bit much for me. I'll read the rest but.. .I might need some time to process this. I dont' do well when children are raped and nothing comes of it and their rapist roams free. It's a bit too much like my own life unfortunately...
Author's Response: Fair enough. I get if its a bit too real for you. I'll probably write some more lighthearted stuff in the future. Just so you know this isn't the end for her but it will be a while before I wrap that up.
Date: 11/03/19 04:27 am Title: Chapter 21
So they do have a rec room in hell. Roman needs to really get some updated games. I mean, who honestly plays badminton anymore? Is he stuck in the 60s? Maybe Lucy can challenge Roman to a winner take all game of mini golf.
I do hate to see Brooke sacrificing the rest of her life so Lucy can go free. But if she is always looking over her shoulder is she really free?
Great job storytelling. You make everything seem so real.
Date: 11/03/19 01:52 am Title: Chapter 23
I don't like this direction honestly, but that's because i like good endings, and this seems like a loose-loose really. Jessica's mother is still in captivity, roman is still gathering girls and torturing them among the other evil things he does, and now Brooke who wasn't really fully guilty is going to be subjected to some terrible stuff.
Author's Response: To each their own I guess. Yes I'm quite a morbid guy who tends to prefer miserable endings. I do intend to bring Roman back in at a later date and resolve things but for now that's all more or less wrapped up
Date: 11/02/19 01:26 pm Title: Chapter 1
No worries Mister Oboe, I figured you might have been a bit new or a typo, either is fine. If you need any more help with it I'm a experienced veteran, born a trans girl, went through puberty hell, went through second puberty, got numerous surgeries and bought the Teeshirt to go along with xD
You're fine, it was one small mix up, I'm actually glad you added at least one, so at least one person got her dream body. I feel bad for the other ones though. You've really done well to describe this tragedy. Though I do admit the whole "one baby per week" thing is a bit much to take in. Wouldn't one baby lasting a month be more in line with what he wants? Because pregnancies take a long time to complete, it doesn't seem like he'd be able to keep up with his aging with that but then again he does have quite the harem.
Meh either way I want him to suffer for all eternity for what he's done. And not in a way that leaves him with ANY power. I know ti's your story but I'm eager to see the end of this
Date: 11/02/19 06:02 am Title: Chapter 21
A well deserved fate for Angie, that's what you get dumbass xD
This is a heavy chapter, on one hand. Brooke has been through absolute hell. And I dont even know what to think. It's not so simple as "Brroke did the right thing." Brooke ran the entire time, she ran even when she was trying to save Lucy. However Chen was wrong, she couldn't have stopped Lewis transformation from becoming permanent, Jessica's dumbass mother decided she'd leave her potion unattended with the book open on JUST the right spell around the psycho girl who was like yeah rape him!
At least she's getting some recompense for that. Jessica's the only one of the group who hasn't received her just dues yet. We shall see.
And some people forget, Brooke's running away from Roman to begin with, cost A LOT of people their lives when she asked them to defend Lucy. So she is not spotless, she did not absolve her burden. She probably still hears their screams and wow the big reveal she's not sterile. I'm curious though... how would she never menstruate? I do hope you explain what this "ability" is because that was pretty thrown out of left field. We knew she could have magickal pregnancies IE: Two months. But that is nowhere near the same as never menstruating. Just what the hell is Brooke anyway?
Also, I DO Believe Chen was being insensitive by saying "I wish I could take your place." Buddy no you don't. Everything else he said though was right. He never blamed her or told her what to do, she already knew herself what she wanted to do and he just pointed it out.
Also about the Trans woman thing, an easy way to understand is that Trans is just a adjective, like red haired for instance. Trans woman is not a noun. So when you say Trans woman, you are describing a type of woman. Trans man a type of man. Understand? That's why Cisgender woman is still not a noun, Cisgender is an adjective.
I'm kinda curious what happened to the witch who screwed over Brooke's life? Just for money too, how pathetic can you be. Hope Roman drained her dry then turned her into a toilet.
Author's Response: She couldnt have stopped it being permanent. But Brooke was the one who suggested the punishment in the first place and she knew a lot more about the kind of person Angie was. I made it clear that she doesnt deserve it but she had her part to play and she blames herself for what happened. She feels its on her as the only one eho can save her. Chen was merely there to guide her through it. As for Roman techincally yes she was running. But tje point is Brooke actually involved herself. She decided to oppose Roman rather than distance herself. I will explain Brooke's weirdness soon enough. Do excuse my misunderstanding. Im just a guy with a lot of trans fantasies but I wouldnt describe myself as trans. I'm not very familiar with the community so I dont know much about all that.
Date: 11/02/19 05:11 am Title: Chapter 21
Why is Brooke giving herself over to that psycho? She knows who he is. Just because she goes back does not mean he'll release Lucy. And Brooke is absolutely right, she did the right thing already. She tried with all her might to save Lucy. She faced her demons for Lucy. She almost died for Lucy. How is none of that good enough to absolve her of the small part she had in Lucy's fate? This chapter is rather frustrating.
Date: 10/31/19 09:21 pm Title: Chapter 20
Holy cow, Oboe, you have a really twisted mind. You sure that's not just a pen name for Stephen King?
Damn, that was like watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and The Omen all rolled into one. It sure doesn't look like Roman has an Achilles Heel. Not even holy water, garlic, wooden stakes, silver bullets, or Kryptonite. Even if they could get to his dimension. Looks like Lucy is going to have to carefully figure out a way to bring down Roman by herself. But I doubt she can pull it off before her first pregnancy. Wow, things just seem to go from bad to worse for her. And Jessica's mom has been turned into a witchsicle?
Oboe, you are one evil genius.
So what else do the girls do besides pregnancy, eating, and Jazzercise? I'm assuming Sunday morning church services are out, but what about bingo? Scrapbooking? Do they even get Netflix?
Date: 10/31/19 09:06 pm Title: Chapter 20
Oh one more thing YAY Angie and her brother finally get the punishment one of them deservevs. That was beautifully written. I love body horror it's such a fun concept. However... still feel Angie got off light here. Oh boo hoo her monster of a brother is dead now, what about her? Seems like being a bitch shouldn't be too far off eh seņor Roman? Come on you know you want to hehe xD
Author's Response: Just fixed it. Sorry, I'm not overly familiar with transgender terms so it was just a general mix up.
Date: 10/31/19 09:03 pm Title: Chapter 20
Before I begin, I just want to say. I still love your work. I love horror but... not sexual assault horror, but it definitely works as a plot device here and I understand it's necessity. I have found very little if any errors so that is also another plus.
However... there is something you did here that made me lose my immersion. You broke your rule. Nadia said he was a Trans man, that transitioned magickally to a man. According to the rules of your universe, permanent transformation are unable to ever be altered. So how could he take a Trans man, who was born with a uterus, who was then given a magick dick, then use magick on said man to turn him back, which would still make his uterus nonmagickal as he was not born with a penis.
Unless of course you've been lying to us this entire time, and permanent transformations do not protect you from magick. I understand if it was necessary to lie to us however... I will say that's not a wise thing to do. it makes your readers not trust you. I know you wanted to show the horror of Roman to take someone who was like him and turn him into a breeding slave. But it doesn't follow the rules of your universe.
Unless it was a typo and you meant Nadia was a Trans WOMAN then it'd make sense. But I'm kinda hoping it was the latter. It doesn't make sense that someone who is hyper charged into a man would suddenly be able to be altered via magick when you've stated once someone is permanently changed they are unable to be affected by magick again. Which is a nice rule, if you follow it.
I don't mean any disrespect but I will admit... that part jarred me heavily. I apologize if this is harsh I don't want to mean I hate your writing or your bad or anything. I don't believe that in the slightest, I just... noticed that and it really made it hard to continue reading.
Imma give you the benefit of the doubt and give you a 5 star rating because the writing is still top notch and I STILL mean what I said. You could easily with practice, polish and editing write a novel and probably publish it (do note that is NOT easy)
Author's Response: Right, its supposed to be trans woman. I get confused as to which one is which. I'll fix it. It was just general confusion as to what terms mean what.
Date: 10/31/19 10:12 am Title: Chapter 19
Being stuck with Roman and the way the spell is going to work making Lucy love sex, she should tell him I willingly will be with him and ask him for a obedient handmaiden as a gift! Angie so she could get some revenge back on her.
Author's Response: The spell doesn't make her love sex. It more or less gives her the sexuality of a straight girl and because she's not used to the hormones she has a lot more difficulty controlling herself sexually than most girls.
Date: 10/31/19 03:26 am Title: Chapter 19
So far Roman doesn't seem to have any weaknesses. I hope there is a way to get to Lucy and rescue her. It sure would be nice to kill Roman and stop his evil existence, which is probably what it would take to save Lucy.
Great job with your writing. I felt like I was right there in the fire with Brooke.
Date: 10/30/19 10:32 am Title: Chapter 18
This story gets better and better! I love the sensibility of Lucy's new friends, specially Brooke. This element (the empathy, the remorse, the apology, etc...) is often neglected in this kind of stories. I like the fact that they try to reason with Angie: she isn't seen only like "the antagonist", but like a person too; a person with motivations that has the potential to understand her faults. I really, really hope that Lucy could find a way to turn back in the end. The world of magic is immense, after all... A surprise happy ending would be a really appreciated...surprise
Author's Response: Yeah, I was going for realism at least in terms of the characters if not the plot. Jessica was swept along by a bad crowd, Brooke felt powerless and wanted to regain control by torturing someone she believed deserved it. Angie has just never been told no and was brought up in an environment where everyone did what she wanted and people were treated like objects. Even Roman is supposed to have a relatable motive of cheating death even if his actions can't be agreed with.
Date: 10/29/19 11:20 pm Title: Chapter 18
I admit... I'm gonna have a hard time believing he's possible to be stopped with how many powers you've given him. Unless Jessica's mother has some hidden talent as well, I mean she is MUCH MUCH older than him. But you've made him near invincible here. He's practically a God. And oh I see Brooke had a hysterectomy or something. Yikes... every 2 months? Has that even been heard of? There's no way the fetus is fully developed by that time... that child would darn near be magickal.
I'm pretty afraid of the next chapter, please put up a warning for sexual assault if it does happen okay? As long as I can brace for it, I can deal wiht it. But when it just hits me outright... I really cannot handle that. I know that's a lot to ask but I really do enjoy your writing and I want to see this through to the end.
I'm still hoping Brooke can be saved. I believe she is capable of redemption. Though I admit... why is he still even bothering with Angie? She's literally useless to him. If it was some defect like "once he possesses something or someone he NEVER lets go," i could be believe it. But here with Brooke he clearly is capable of letting go so I still don't get why he keeps her around? As a thrall maybe? She's clearly worthless to him unless there's a secret about her we don't know yet.
Author's Response: I won't depict sexual assault at all in the story. At least not graphically, it might be skimmed over or implied. Yes the two months thing is an entirely magical thing and not something she can just naturally do.
Author's Response: I won't depict sexual assault at all in the story. At least not graphically, it might be skimmed over or implied. Yes the two months thing is an entirely magical thing and not something she can just naturally do.
Date: 10/29/19 10:06 pm Title: Chapter 18
Oh, man, I was hoping Lucy had enough courage and resolve to not give in to Rowan. Hopefully she can be rescued in time. Brooke too. Fantastic writing, felt like I was right there.
Author's Response: I mean, the idea of standing up to him might sound great. But keep in mind outside of her sex change this is the first encounter Lucy has had with magic and it seems like the guy is a literal god. She was an average guy before all this. Not some soldier just an everyday person facing off against a seemingly unstoppable force. Brooke however has seen some s*** which has really hardened her up and she knows Roman on a personal level. So she doesnt go down so easily
Date: 10/29/19 04:19 am Title: Chapter 17
That was intense. Poor Brooke... Poor Brandon... your mother deserved worse than that. The witch who did it even more so. I hope her death was painful and in agony.
Roman... the actual fudge is this? That's actually twisted enough to make sense, magick penis, magick vagina. But to then drain the blood of the babies?! YIKES! This dude is literally a baby eater... like SO MUCHC YIKES. And is pro rape too, how lovely. I don't care what his gender is, this man needs taking down YESTERDAY
Author's Response: Yeah, I started to think it was overkill with how dark and twisted that got. Even by my standards. But I wanted a more interesting motive then just some fetish and this was the best I could think of. I promise there won't be any actual depictions of baby sacrifice. There is a turning point so this won't just become some torture p***. Thanks for sticking with it though.
Date: 10/29/19 03:58 am Title: Chapter 17
Wow, a very complex chapter. Thanks for the backstory on Roman and the others. With only one week gained per baby he would need hundreds, if not thousands, of babies to take any meaningful time off his age. What an evil bastard. I can see where Angie gets it from. I hope Lucy drives a stake through Roman's heart, and Angie's too while she is at it.
I also hope that Lucy can come to terms with being turned into a woman. Assuming they can stop Roman she still has her whole life to make something of herself.
Author's Response: He's mainly trying to keep young at the moment rather than deducting any age. With 26 women as Angie said all giving birth to more than one baby at once with a full 40 week pregnancy he'd get just enough to keep his age the same
Date: 10/25/19 11:18 pm Title: Chapter 16
Really well described fight scene. I didn't think Lucy and the other girls would escape, but they proved to be more badass than Ethan and his goons. But I didn't expect Roman to walk away and give up. They do have Jessica's mom as a bargaining chip. Great action and suspense. Thanks.
Date: 10/25/19 05:58 pm Title: Chapter 16
Wow... what a climax this just keeps getting more and more intense. Not letting Lucy kill Angie was a mistake Brooke. You think you're saving her but instead you're just letting that monster free. At least permanently disable her.
It's fine, I'm gonna keep with it, if it gets too hard for me I'll bow out. But thank you for the warning and the light at the end of the tunnel.
Also wow was Brooke used to be Special forces or something? This was incredibly visual, you've got a real talent. This is your first story? You never wrote ever before? Even when you were younger? OMG I hope to see more because once you practice your craft more and the polish comes through like you might even be good enough to publish.
I guess some people really are born with natural talent. Even still practice makes perfect, I wish you the best!
Author's Response: Its really encouraging to hear that. I've written before just never for an audience. Just one or two attempts at novels and the odd short story which I eventually abandoned.
Date: 10/25/19 02:12 am Title: Chapter 15
Oboe, this story is so well written, I felt like I was in the car with Lucy and the other girls (and I wish I was). The dialogue is complete. The story reads like people talk. Roman must be really bad-ass if Brooke and Jessica won't tell Lucy anything about him.
Now we have to wonder if Ethan got to Colt before the girls did.
Lucy's uber-libido seems to have taken a back seat for now. It seems like it should have flared up around Roman's goons. It doesn't seem like Lucy should have that much self control.
I can't wait for the next part to be published.
Author's Response: She's scared. I've made her horny but not stupidly so. She believes she's in danger so yeah she's not exactly wet. I'm glad the dialogue is good though. That's one thing I've always felt I needed to work on
Date: 10/25/19 01:48 am Title: Chapter 15
I umm... I'm so lost... this is completely different from the tone before. Not necessarily a bad thing but oh no Lucy... Imma not lie you do your story the way you need to but I seriously want Roman and Angie to die int he most horrific way possible
I still am following this but... this is getting increasingly dark and scary. If the dude is this connected how will they escape? How will they stop him?
Author's Response: Yeah, the tone has shifted since I've started a certain story arc. So yeah its less about the struggles of being a girl and more holy s*** there's a guy coming to kidnap me. But, the dark stuff will come to an end in a few chapters time. Sorry if you're not into that. If you want you can wait until I start the next part. After Chapter 20 I'll make this a series and the next story will be a direct sequel which more or less deals with the aftermath. But it will be much more optimistic and lighthearted in tone.
Date: 10/23/19 09:23 am Title: Chapter 14
Definitely an unexpected tonal shift. It seemed like Brooke had the transformation spell done to her and they're covering up something that happened to Jessica? Interesting, but it does make everyone's previous actions more than a little weird. Still, I'm going to stick around to see where this dark twist takes you.
Date: 10/23/19 04:08 am Title: Chapter 14
This story continues to be great. I look forward to updates. That being said some things are not lining up.
Angie is evil, we knew that. These latest developments make it clear why she attacked Jessica after the ball. But if she was that he’ll bent on revenge why didn’t she go back to Roman instead of going to the witch. She went to Roman now for safety, but she had to of at least entertained the idea.
Also she tells the henchmen not to let Jessica die, and to give her the antidote in a couple of hours. The witch scans Angies mind and misses this. Obviously it wouldn’t have changed anything, but Angie should have at least been called out on that. Or really, the mind reading scene didn’t work as is.
Jessica and Brooke suspect Angie had the potion permanent, but there is no real evidence of that. Angie is crazy, she could just be getting revenge since Jessica stopped her last revenge.
Again, this is a great story, and look forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: OK, the mind reading scene could be a plot hole. I've made it intentionally vague what she was actually able to see but maybe there is something I need to fix there. I'll probably jjsust take it out altogether. It doesn't add anything. The other ones are not plot holes and will be explained. In a nutshell Roman is the nuclear option and she'd have to be desperate to go to him. Angie didn't think about the Witch's reaction at first and was acting emotionally. She never thought she'd even find out since Lewis doesn't even know where the witch lives and probably assumed Jessica would protect her from any fallout. Then they all turned against her so she was scared. ,Jessica isn't the one to say its permanent,. Brooke does because Roman is after her. It will be explained why that's significant. Not plot holes just unexplained details that will be explained later.
Date: 10/22/19 05:18 pm Title: Chapter 13
Oboe, I really like the way you presented the character and lair of Roman. Easy to picture him holding court as the Don of the Magic Mafia.
I think you could build other stories around him, including the back stories of Angie, Brook, and Jessica's mom. Your writing is great, I think you could make your own Magic Mafiaverse out of this.
Date: 10/22/19 05:09 pm Title: Chapter 1
I think i will give this story some time and return to it when it will get better for Lucy. I read the first 11 ch, skimmed through ch 12 but i already feel bad for her. I read that you are unsure if you wanted to turn Lucy back into a guy(personally i would like Lucy to turn back), maybe have 2 alternative endings, i know it's not gonna happen in the near future but since i won't follow how the story goes i'll say it now and not post review without reading. I will continue reading the reviews to know when its safe to return. Maybe consider changing the rating of the story to deviant, as i saw in the reviews i wasn't the only one to be bothered by the abuse. For me as long as the story focuses on lewds/porn i don't really have a problem with violence and such, i can disconnect from those characters but this is a story with sex in it in my opinion and not porn, so i couldn't disconnect from the disgust i feel towards Angie and from Lucy's suffering. This is not what i came here for, i'm not saying it's bad just not what i expected but it's an interesting story that's why i will return to it.
Untill then best of luck with writing. (I may post some other review as a reply but i plan on deleting those since they aren't really reviews and i don't want to flood this section.) Once i've caught up with it i will likely post another long review, or maybe few smaller ones as i go through with it, i don't know yet.
Author's Response: Well thanks for staying with it this far. In all honesty the next few chapters will get seriously dark. It wasn't planned that way but I have a morbid imagination so yes the story is going in that direction. I won't get graphic and anything dark will be stated rather than depicted in graphic detail. But I get if that's not what you're interested in. I can at least promise that the next few chapters will be as dark as it gets and that things will be fairly lighthearted in six or seven chapters so feel free to come back then. I'll probably just briefly summarize what happened in the notes later on. I might do some other light hearted stories as well since I can also write p***. I just also happen to want to be a writer so I do end up going all out on actual story plot and characters
Date: 10/22/19 04:41 am Title: Chapter 1
Oboe, this story is going great. You can tell by the number of reads and reviews. Relax and take all the time you need to make sure the story reads the way you want it to. Your fans will wait for you.
Quality over quantity!
Author's Response: Thanks, the story has gotten a bit more complex than just doing girly activities so its taking me a little longer to figure things out. Just a warning things are about to get pretty dark. Nothing graphic but there will be some horrific implications.
Author's Response: Thanks, the story has gotten a bit more complex than just doing girly activities so its taking me a little longer to figure things out. Just a warning things are about to get pretty dark. Nothing graphic but there will be some horrific implications.
Date: 10/21/19 12:16 pm Title: Chapter 1
Also how does she know where Lucy is? Didn't Lucy go off to be with friends whom Angie doesn't know? I feel a bit stranded here, I don't get how she found Lucy without even looking for her when she went off with her friend unless... oh God don't be that... Lucy will be crushed if her friends are traitors...
Author's Response: OK, I've just realized how many plot holes I've opened up. She has Lucy's phone number and Roman is head of some shady organisation it shouldn't be too difficult. I'll fix that too. I've got to slow down a little.
Date: 10/21/19 12:11 pm Title: Chapter 13
Oh... Brooke. So that's why Brooke wants to turn into a man, Roman did this to him... Oh my God... Angie what the hell is wrong with you? I wont lie... if this turns into torture porn I might not be able to stomach it. I want to stay but... this is heading in a very bad area.
Ugh that scene with Roman and the... slave... was a bit much but I suppose this is where you always intended the story to go? Ugh... Roman deserves to be erased from history, death is too good for him
Author's Response: There will be some very dark implications but I promise it won't go that far graphically. It won;t get much darker than this.
Date: 10/21/19 10:09 am Title: Chapter 13
This story just got a whole lot darker. Very good descriptions of Roman and the trip to his lair. Can't wait to see what comes next.
One possible plot point. Angie was searched and scrubbed and put in the white dress with no pockets. So how could she have a phone with her to show pictures of lucy to Roman? I can't imagine Roman's goons letting her keep it given all the security measures they went through.
Author's Response: Yeah, I'll fix that. Kind of forgot about that for a moment.
Date: 10/21/19 02:51 am Title: Chapter 12
Wow! What a ride. Great exposition, not too many typos. It was hard to watch Lucy being tormented, but dare I/we hope that the story's title is going to apply to Angie and not, in the end, to Lucy? Who seems to be increasingly accepting of her fate, in a believable way, even if she truly is stuck.
Date: 10/19/19 04:48 pm Title: Chapter 12
Wow, you managed to do a lot with a chapter that didn't really have a lot of yelling and fighting. You really presented a deep contrast between the life Lucy expects to have, if only for a few days, and what depths Angie will go to to destroy her. Never in a million years would I have imagined Angie contracting the Magic Mafia to put out a hit on Lucy. You just took a simple TG revenge spell to a whole new level. Great job!
Date: 10/19/19 06:06 am Title: Chapter 12
I don't care what Angie's past is, or what trauma's she went through. She still CHOSE to be a horrible human being. She still chose to screw over someone's life. I hope this backfires on her heavily and she ends up turned into a lizard!
Date: 10/18/19 08:08 pm Title: Chapter 12
Excellent! You are a very good writer! I like the characters and their evolution. Could I give an advice on the plot? Please, don't let Lewis "disappear" in his new reality, in this new identity, in "Lucy". It happens often in this kind of stories, and I find it sad. I feel like the protagonist is kind of dead... Lewis suffered very much, and probably will suffer even more. So I hope that in the end he will return to his body and his life, more mature and sensitive, and with some more real friends maybe... Thank you for your story and your time!
Author's Response: I had a debate over whether to reveal this but I suppose I may as well. I can promise one thing and that's that Lucy will never lose her actual identity. I generally hate that thing when the character forgets their past and their mind changes and they start believing that they're someone else. Lucy will always remember her old life. She will be different. More feminine, more sensitive and of course her attraction to men. But she'll always have her old hopes and dreams and her personality remains similar if not completely unchanged. Whether she'll ever be a man again I actually haven't decided so I don't even know. Thanks for the review and I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Date: 10/18/19 05:24 am Title: Chapter 11
OK. Angie is twisted, sick, bitter, and dangerous. It seems to be the same note. I’m not finding it interesting. I get it: she's The Villain. With the depth of the story’s other characters, it feels like something is missing though. In the same way we've learned Lewis was hurt deeply and had a significant behavioral change, I was/am looking forward to see the reveal behind Angie's merciless, cruel, vindictive, unceasing overreaction. Will there be a complexity that allows us to care about Angie, or is she just the vehicle of evil for this story?
Author's Response: I'll probably get into her at some point. This story will be going on for a while so I will eventually develop her. For,now I just need her to move the story along.
Date: 10/17/19 10:46 pm Title: Chapter 11
I hate what's happening to Lewis/Lucy, he was just an average guy, a bit of a player but that's all, he really doesn't deserve this. I started reading this just to fap, now i'm here constantly thinking about the story and hating it, it makes me feel bad. Stop making him suffer. Have the witch or Jessica or anyone stop Angie from making him suffer more. His life is already ruined since he literally disappeared, as Lucy she is a nobody, Lewis died and a female who has his memories appeared from nowhere and has nothing.
Author's Response: It will get better for Lucy I promise. This isn't one great big torture p***. At some point things will start heading up. But I am playing the long game with this story so it'll probably get worse before it gets better. I get just being here for a fap and the story isn't exactly light. It probably got darker than I was planning to be honest. But there is an Endgame that will be satisfying.
Date: 10/17/19 07:52 pm Title: Chapter 11
Wow, wow, wow. You choreographed that argument between Jessica, Brooke, and mom so realistically I thought something was going to come flying at me.
So it appears Brooke is hiding a big secret from her past. Maybe she doesn't want to be a guy, maybe she was a guy? That's why she suggested TG for Lewis?
And now Angie is elevating things with Lucy. The only place I can think of for Lucy to disappear to and suffer would be a women's prison. Set her up with fake evidence for Lewis' murder (he is gone after all) and Lucy gets life with women she is not attracted to and probably raped by every male guard in the place.
This story is so well thought out. So far beyond a simple revenge TG story. You write with the skill and experience of a best seller list author. Thank you.
Author's Response: Thanks again. I know I say this with pretty much every review but as someone who would like to write seriously someday it means a lot to hear. You've got a lot of interesting ideas as well. At this point I'm basically winging it because I've reached the end of my plans. So it helps to have some inspiration.
Date: 10/17/19 06:07 pm Title: Chapter 11
Hmm so something happened to brooke. And of course Angie has to do more things that make her even worse of a person. The witch though honestly bears a lot of the blame to. She actually thought it was a good idea to leave the book unattended while Angie did the spell KNOWING that Angie wanted to make it permanent?
She's as bad as the rest of them. When this is all over, they all deserve some kind of punishment for playing a role in screwing over Lucy's life.
Also we get some insight into why Lucy acted the way she did as a guy. It's not so simple now is it, it's complicated and messy.
I love this story because it's complicated and messy... but I'm a little worried for this chapter. Make her disappear? The fudge does that mean? Oh no... oh nooo!
Author's Response: It started as a bit of fun but I enjoy writing and when I get in that zone I go all out. I once tried to write a fantasy story and a few chapters in I'd come up with ideas for a marvel style literary universe. So yeah when I write I tend to get very ambitious. Yeah, the witch is one character I don't think I've put much thought into. I just needed someone to slap some sense into Brooke so she's ended up a bit of a plot device.
Date: 10/16/19 09:01 pm Title: Chapter 10
I really can't imagine needing any more reasons to hate Angie. Her evilness knows no bounds. Especially assaulting her friends like that. If I were Jessica I would go to mom the witch and have her put some really bad spells on Angie. Turn her into a real bitch in heat and let her deal with a few litters of puppies.
I hope Lucy, Brooke, and Jessica can resolve things between them. Lucy is going to need lots of help and support come Sunday. Now that Angie has no power over Lucy it should be a simple matter to kick her ass for what she did, and what is to be revealed.
Chapter seemed a little rushed, a few typos here and there. Maybe slow it down a bit to make sure the story reads the way you want it to. Overall great writing and great storyline.
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. I'll try and keep that in mind.
Date: 10/16/19 07:25 pm Title: Chapter 10
This chapter is... weird. Why would brooke defend this? That seems uncharacteristic. And of course Angie did this horrible thing. Brooke I had so much hope for you... what are you doing? How can you justify any of this? This isn't like your fantasies, this is going waaaay beyond what was going to happen or needed to happen. Angie is a literal monster.
Author's Response: I will go deeper into Brooke's character later on. Angie's a straight up monster, Jessica is a good girl who's spent too long in a bad crowd. Brooke is just generally self absorbed. She's supposed to be uncaring. She's not sadistic like Angie and doesn't take any pleasure in Lucy's suffering. But she's not sympathetic either.
Date: 10/16/19 07:18 pm Title: Chapter 9
And here we go the monster rears her ugly head again. Angie... I really hope you pay hard core for what you've done here. I am so mad at you, but the ballet and the pretty dress. It's really sad how much Lucy is being forced to change... the worst part is going to come once the week is over... I'm just watching now sad what's going to happen. Lucy is gonna be inconsolable once she finds out... I fear for her. I hope brooke and her REAL friends she's made will help her though this tough time. I love Brooke's look here, Brooke is awesome!
Date: 10/16/19 08:12 am Title: Chapter 9
Well, this chapter had a bit of everything from ballet to ball gowns to boobs to bad desires.
It sounds like Lucy picked up ballet pretty well for her first time. Too bad Angie had to ruin it by making her do it over and over again.
So was Lucy's reaction to the ball gown strictly because of the curse? Or is she getting into her own girl mode as time goes on? Seems like Lucy surprises Angie with her happiness over her appearance.
So then Angie fixes Lucy up with vibrating panties and a hunky guy and tells her no climaxing. I doubt she can get out the apartment door without the fireworks going off. Should be quite a dance.
Author's Response: Yeah, the curse from the start means she is feminine and loves girly things now. I've tried to still keep her as a normal person though so like any girl she has preferences and some girly things she doesn't enjoy hence her earlier reaction to the notebook and being salty about Angie going overkill with how much pink she has to wear.
Date: 10/16/19 03:24 am Title: Chapter 1
This story continues to be excellent.
I really hope Angie gets what’s coming to her. Earlier Lucy said three girls aren’t her friends. That’s true because all three are absolute monsters.
Angie is the obvious villain. Booke is a harasser and honestly is more of a predator than Lucy was as a guy. Lucy moved from girl to girl but it was consensual. This chapter we saw her kiss Lucy without consent, and has done that to the other girls as well. Who else has she sexually assaulted. Jessica knows that Angie is mentally abusing Lucy, but turns a blind eye to it. She could have stepped in during ballet but chose not to.
I would love to see all three punished. Kiera on the other hand makes for a great friend, and I hope to see their relationship extended.
Looking forward to the next part.
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. Appreciate it. Yes Angie is supposed to come off a drama queen who's never been dumped before and also a bit of a psychopath. With Brooke it was supposed to mean she had kissed people within the friendship group. Not that she would do it to anyone so she's not some sexual predator who goes round forcing everyone to kiss her. Of course that doesn't excuse her doing it to Lucy. I've tried to make them all f***** up to a certain degree and clearly I've suceeded. I've written her more as someone who just does whatever she wants. Not uncaring but just very self centered so she doesn't really think too much about how it would make Lucy feel. Jessica at this point. She does somewhat care for Lucy but she's 1. Trying to justify her actions and trying to maintain that Lucy still somewhat deserves this and 2. Dragged along by her friends and is too weak to really step up and put a stop to things. But yeah the idea with Keira was to have a character who knew about the change but wasn't involved in it so that Lucy would have a real friend to talk to about it. I was going to make Jessica that at first but it just didn't seem very realistic for her to bond with her tormentors.
Date: 10/14/19 11:29 pm Title: Chapter 8
This chapter was a bit harder to read. The paragraphs are smushed together in the beginning. Was that intentional?
Author's Response: I'll probably fix that. I normally do paragraphs whenever a character starts talking but nobody does for the beginning so I think I just absent mindedly forgot to break it up
Date: 10/14/19 02:40 pm Title: Chapter 8
Excellent introspective chapter. We learn more about Lucy, Brooke, and Keira. Brooke is pretty kinky.
I get mixed signals about Lucy's femininity. Sometimes it comes through, like with clothing and makeup. Her fantasies about Chris Evans. Sometimes it's not, like trying to lift the heavy weights at the gym.
If like to see her horniness ramped up. More frilly and sexy underbritches. Perky nipples. A sexy walk. Now that she has one orgasm under her [garter] belt, I would think she wants the real thing.
Author's Response: I'd say its more habit than anything else. The part of her that wants to be masculine and so keeps pursuing those activities even if they don't quite feel right. Of course she eventually grew frustrated. She wasn't enjoying the weights and found herself enjoying the treadmill a whole lot more. There are a few lingering masculine tendencies sure, but she's supposed to come off as mostly feminine but not a stereotypical traditional view of a woman so I've let her keep the odd masculine feeling. But even outside the clothes, she's much more submissive, sensitive, isn't very confrontational and is overall much quieter than her more cocky male self and she's more expressive in terms of her emotions.
Date: 10/12/19 08:50 pm Title: Chapter 1
Lilchelly, I think Jessica's mom should turn Brooke into a guy. Then 'Brock' should have a threesome with Lucy and Jessica.
Lucy should marry Jessica because they seem to be hitting it off on a deeper level.
Finally they should all take turns killing Angie. Slowly. With great pain. While we all cheer them on.
Date: 10/12/19 08:31 pm Title: Chapter 7
Another excellent chapter. Too bad Lucy didn't kiss Paul a second (3rd, 4th, nth) time. Obviously they both wanted it. Paul might talk down about the date to Angie for rejecting him. Although I think he is a puppy dog to Lucy. He would do or say anything for another chance with her.
Speaking of kissing, Lucy is also supposed to be kissing up to Brooke to get her on her side against Angie. Trashing Brooke's kill, marry, fuck choices and her favorite movie isn't earning Lucy any brownie points with Brooke.
If Lucy was 100% masculine and 0% feminine at the start, I'd say it's more like 80/20 at this point, after his confession to Jessica, and of course moving towards F.
Author's Response: I'm glad you continue to enjoy this story. This started out as just a bit of fun for me so I honestly didn't expect so many flattering reviews. Lucy is supposed to be a girly girl but even the girliest girls usually have the odd masculine thing they enjoy. I tried to make it so she was very feminine but not stereotypical. Just to clarify she still likes pink but just thinks Angie goes over the top with it. She was dressed in a pink onesie with pink make up and was having her nails painted pink while Brooke was going over the rainbow so she felt a bit jealous. She does now love Romance but finds the Notebook ridiculous for some reason. Maybe its cheesy or weird. I've never actually seen it so I don't know why I picked it. The intent is that she's girly but still her old self to an extent so she still likes violence and action in movies and loves playing sports too..
Date: 10/12/19 05:27 pm Title: Chapter 7
Angie you already ruined her life, adn you haven't even told her yet. Can you BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU BITCH? Let her enjoy things before she finds out the horrible truth of what you did. I love Brooke still, and that the other girls are protecting Lucy. Also... kill mark hamill?! The fudge is wrong with you? Angie is gross on multiple levels blech (nothing is wrong with your preference if anyone would do the same as her, I'm making a poor attempt at a joke sorry)
Anyway Lucy should Marry Brooke, Fuck Jessica, and Kill Angie hehehe
Date: 10/12/19 12:21 pm Title: Chapter 6
Oboe, I don't want you to take my reviews as criticism of your work. I just needed a couple of clarifications.
Your writing style, pacing, detail, and the storyline are all spot on. I can't believe this is your first published work. You have a real gift for writing and I hope you spend your life nurturing it. Good luck.
Author's Response: Definitely, encouraging for me. I've had an interest in going into writing so its nice to hear especially since I've never really had much confidence. Thanks for your reviews they mean a lot.
Date: 10/12/19 02:14 am Title: Chapter 6
OK, Hercules would not have been able to finish that list of chores in time for the date. So no way a guy dropped into the body of a girly-girl is gonna make it through half the list and still be able to give foot massages and practice her makeup techniques. Too bad she couldn't have gotten Paul to help her. He seems like a really nice guy.
OK, now Angie and the barf. It's bad enough she intentionally missed the bucket. It's another to barf on Lucy while she was trying to clean it up. I would have scooped up a big handful off the floor and shoved it in Angie's mouth and held it shut until Angie agreed to lift the curse or tell Lucy it was permanent. Then she has no more leverage.
Don't get me wrong, what Lewis did to her was bad, but when you break it down they were two consenting adults who dated several times, then had consensual sex. The next day he dumped her. Does he deserve punishment? Sure. But Angie wasn't scarred for life so neither should Lewis have to be.
Author's Response: Maybe I went a litttle far with the chores. I don't know I've never attempted a big list of chores in one day but suspension of disbelief. And yes at this point you're supposed to be hating Angie and rooting for Lucy. The whole revenge plot has long since gone out of hand. So yeah he doesn't deserve this at all.
Date: 10/12/19 02:03 am Title: Chapter 5
Seems like Lucy might just school the girls on the boy-girl mating ritual more than they can school him. I like that Lucy made a friend in Rebecca.
Now in the hair salon, Lucy went into heat just being around the male stylist. But in the bar tonight dancing with Paul and pretty much at his side the whole time she never thought about jumping his bones. What was different? More self-control?
I'm glad Angie got shitfaced and threw up the way she did. Serves her right.
Author's Response: The guy in the salon gorgeous. With Paul she specifically decided to go for an average looking guy that she didn't feel much attraction to. So you can trust we're going to see Lucy completely sexed up again.
Date: 10/12/19 01:55 am Title: Chapter 4
This was a very good dialogue chapter. It helped set up the mood and feelings of the characters. Jessica seems to want to be friends with Lucy and help her out during her punishment.
Now I thought that when Angie spiked the potion with human blood (making it permanent) she was the only one who knew about that. But tonight Jessica reminded Lucy it was only for a week, "she lied". So do the others know what Angie did?
Again, great writing. And the best part is that you say you're having fun. Your attitude really gives a lift to what might be an otherwise dark story.
Author's Response: She lied that Angie had the power to make the potion permanent which she doesn't. Because Angie doesn't have any power over the curse at all and as far as Jessica knows she turns back at the end of the week no matter what Angie does. If it said she lied at another point then I've probably made a mistake. Obviously, Angie tampered with the potion so the curse is permanent anyway.
Date: 10/10/19 07:43 pm Title: Chapter 5
OMG there is going to be hell to pay when the spell does not wear off in a week... Angie might be lucky and NOT have lucy literally kill her - but I wonder what the witch will say when she learns her spell has been perverted by one of the girls... Likely she will NOT be happy (or any other of the seven dwarfs)
Author's Response: I'm definitely excited to write what happens at the end of the week. Even I don't know what I'm going to do yet. Got some good ideas but I'm honestly having a lot of fun writing it. Thanks for reading.
Date: 10/10/19 06:26 pm Title: Chapter 5
Knowing what I know now, you're right... it's already permanent. Angie... you are a monster. I hope the rule of three exists in this world, and I hope you get turned into the bitch you are. A tiny little chihuahua would suit you forever. I head canon (at least until you reveal, don't spoil please) that Brooke is gonna become a guy permanent, and after Lucy deals with some bad guys thanks to the curse, Brooke is gonna be a sweet and wholesome guy for her and they're gonna get married and live happily ever after, at least as happily as she can after having her life ruined. Brooke will help her heal and hopefully help her learn to trust people again (because she's gonna have major trauma and trust issues after this)
Author's Response: I like your imagination. Honestly I don't even know where this is going at this point so anything could happen. I appreciate your reviews. I've never really written for an audience before so its nice knowing someone is consistently enjoying it to the point of shipping characters and fan theories.
Date: 10/09/19 06:57 pm Title: Chapter 4
I agree with Lucy here, this is... extreme. Angie is utterly maniacal. Yes Lucy was a dick, and a playboy. But to make it permanent? Thought the mother said he would turn back in a week no matter what. Why is she saying she can make it permanent? I'm so confused, is it to screw with him? Also someone needs to get Brooke her wish. I really want to see... I'm starting to think Brooke might actually be a him...
Author's Response: Yeah, basically the spell was supposed to last a week and Angie has no power over it. Although she already added something to the brew to make it permanent when the witch wasn't looking. The rest of the girls still think its only a week then she changes back. But Lucy thinks only Angie can change her back. Angie is pretending simply to keep her submissive to her.