Date: 09/30/19 03:31 pm Title: Chapter 1
Hope they figure out how to explain how/why they used the research hardware without permission. I think the results would be worth telling the Company about it. Surely they must have had a stated goal for the program. Just the ALS “cure” alone would be outstanding. The unscheduled genetic changes might not be a desired benefit (in this case) but the fact they could do that is probably still worth further study.
Then again, it’s possible that the lab “partner” has already been doing his own separate research...
Keep up the “boring details”. That’s the best part.
Date: 09/28/19 04:16 am Title: Chapter 3
This is getting good.
I wasn’t sure where it was going at first but the research project could have been given a little more detail before moving directly into the human test, even though making the researcher afflicted with ALS did create a fairly reasonable sense of urgency. Indeed, even though the guy seems to be irritated and maybe even a bit embarrassed by his new gender, he should eventually become pragmatic enough to appreciate that his improved health and reprieve from his deadly prognosis alone might make his need to live the rest of his days as a female. I think I’m egining to see that happening already.
I prefer a slow, well detailed description of the events, augmented with plenty of realistic personal banter between the principle characters, with lots of personal commentary or thinking “out loud” as the subject experiences these new experiences, like when the researcher removes his now ill fitting male boxer short underwear and discovers he has covered the crotch with vaginal discharge... his vaginal discharge. He even compares it with that of his wife’s. That was a good move.
Don’t give in to the tendency to rush it. Your doing fine. Let him and his wife play a bit but keep it as realistic as possible without going overboard. Leave a little to the imagination but let the transformed individual provide lots of detail by letting us hear his thoughts as he experiences them.
Balance the eroticism with enough technology and. Science to entice the reader and make him want more.