Date: 12/23/19 09:55 am Title: Epilogue
A wonderful end. I will pose a question of, could you have started with the Mad god, slightly tweaked, and then done a more descriptive and less expository bit for Pepper and Cherry? I am uncertain which would be objectively better, but considering the options is often quite valuable for going forward.
Another point of consideration is the moment where Cherry attempts to enter the portal the last time. It leaves the reader reliant on your description's accuracy and clarity, and I can't imagine that it is the best solution to that moment.
Even with these questions, though, you should be satisfied that you have on the whole quite succeeded.
Author's Response: there's definitely ways I could've wrapped up the ending more elegantly, but I'm just happy I did give the story an ending in the first place. I like completed projects more than ones that end up on permanent hiatus when they're so close to the finish line.
Date: 12/21/19 04:26 am Title: Ascending Cascade
Whoa! I think we are ALL going to need more explanations (grin). But I trust you'll deliver them. You are expanding and rounding out this story quite nicely. Thanks for the enjoyable read.
Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words!
Date: 12/17/19 09:26 am Title: Another Perspective - Ashen
I am quite enjoying this story. You have created a situation unlike anything I can remember, and your three heroines are quite nicely caught up in the action.
Your descriptions of magic are definitely light. Perhaps it is instinctive, but Cherry's desperate and/or unguided actions could be felt more thoroughly through the narration?
Pepper's development has felt very natural. You have certainly succeeded in pacing their gradient of selves.
Author's Response: Hmm! Thanks for the kindly words. I'll keep the magic feedback in mind for future stories I think, it's a bit too late for this one :p
Date: 11/15/19 04:38 am Title: Magical Shift
Well, it's nice to see Cherry can control her from, going in and out of the plushie. However, her 'Midas' magic touch might be a problem. So how much more womanly can Pepper get?
Author's Response: Next chapter will more or less be even more exposition dump, hopefully you’ll find the answer to your questions~
Date: 11/11/19 09:37 pm Title: Strange new me
So this looks like a step up for Cherry, but a setback for Pepper. I hope they can convince Ashen to let them continue to work on restoring the other people the Warlock changed. Plus, I don't think Cherry could do much on her own to unlock the mystery of her powers. C'mon, ash. Give them a break. Pepper is not Lucius.
Date: 11/10/19 08:20 pm Title: Strange new me
Okay so she's living magick... I still have no idea what that makes her. And well yeah Pepper this is kinda what was going to happen. I imagine the next scene will be her explaining she's trying to undo all that stuff, so let her do that until they arrest her
Date: 11/08/19 08:55 pm Title: Familiar Unfamiliar
What in the world... paw? Was she a cat before? Was she turned into a cat or animal or something and just transfered herself to the plushie? This is... really interesting. I'm curious what they are seeing now, is Cherry a gaseous form, or an energy being. Hell maybe she's related to a celestial xD
Author's Response: Being an author is knowing your story so well that you end up not even realizing that, yes, to the reader, this will be a twist.
Date: 11/03/19 11:21 pm Title: Another Perspective - Pepper
Wow so the warlock got his biology rewritten entirely, his brainwashed so thoroughly nothing much is left. Cherry's magick is quite horrifying, no wonder you had the death tag listed. This is 1000% identity death. The warlock was a very bad person, but still it is what it is
Sorry about the previous post, wasn't at all how I wanted to come across so I deleted it and rewrote it because being tired and hungry is not a good time to try to write coherent thought x.x
Author's Response: The death tag was for the soldiers in chapter 1. I wouldn’t quite call Pepper’s situation an identity death though, and in fact she’d probably take offense to it being called that. But it does skirt near enough it that I won’t blame you for deciding to label it like that anyway. As a little exercise, take note more of the aspect of the warlock that stayed the same than the ones that changed. It’s mostly still the same person underneath, only with newfound empathy and a new gender. I’m gonna go into more details in a future chapter, but this is less that her point of view was replaced and more that a layer of growth was added on top.
Date: 10/26/19 01:33 pm Title: Someone I'm happy to be
Wow, that's some heavy philosiphizing. "I must already be a woman because only a woman would want to be a woman as badly as I do." I'm glad Pepper is comfortable with who she has become. I assume the rest of the physical changes can't be too far away. I can't wait to see how she turns out.
Author's Response: I don't remember *how* exactly this line came to me while I was writing, but it was a very important one for me to write down into the story.
Date: 10/16/19 09:28 pm Title: Like a lever was pulled
Nice to see Mr Wizard and Cherry working together.
It would seem that Miss Knight would not be fooled by the warlock's feminine appearance, since she has her own magical abilities. Plus she knows the warlock is magical and would have logically altered his appearance to throw off the soldiers.
I do hope they are able to restore the soldiers, including Cherry, and that the warlock and her can work together to develop her abilities.
Your writing is very creative and professional.
Author's Response: Hm, I guess that's something I forgot to establish? When it comes to human magic, self-polymorphing is much more difficult, even nearly unachievable without rigorous training or special circumstances, compared to transforming others (which still does take training or natural abilities, but is different enough to be separate). Unless the knight had a reason to suspect an accomplice or knowledge in alchemy, there's no reason for her to expect the warlock to have changed appearance as a disguise - and add to that that the warlock's usual motus operandi is much less subtle solutions plus him seeking solitude, as well as a few things that'll show up in future chapters, that all adds up to having few reasons to expect this suave, cheery woman to be the same person as the spindly, menacing warlock.
Date: 10/11/19 05:18 pm Title: Compare and contrast
Well, it certainly seems that Miss Wizard is getting in touch with her feminine side. The way she washed, mended, and hugged Cherry was very nurturing.
You left the story on quite a cliffhanger. Another group has come to attack the warlock. How will he defend himself this time?
Date: 09/29/19 10:40 pm Title: Striking a deal
How else was the Warlock supposed to word "Let's go catch some humans turned animals and find some corpses!"
Author's Response: Well he had a variety of ways at his disposal, but tact isn’t exactly his forte.
Date: 09/13/19 04:51 am Title: Together alone together
Awww, I'm picturing Gandalf lying down with a stuffed koala bear in his arms. Who knew evil warlocks had a sensitive side that could be brought out by a stuffed animal's misunderstood magic. Very curious where this story goes from here.
Author's Response: The closer comparison would be Saruman, hehe :p
Date: 09/13/19 02:34 am Title: Sent on a doomed quest
Hey I'm enjoying the story so far, I'm just wondering if you intend to ever update Mer-maid? It's one of my favorite unfinished stories on the site.
Author's Response: Not at the present, no. I kind of wrote myself into a corner and I'm not interested in finishing it anymore. Heck, I should've left it as a one-shot and never wrote a second chapter, honestly.
Date: 09/12/19 10:00 pm Title: Together alone together
Interesting and entertaining story. Do wish that there was more to each chapter as you end right when things get interesting. Chapters are just...short. Other then that enjoyable read.
Author's Response: Aye, chapters are bite sized and that's not necessarily what people are after - but it's just how this specific story ended up coming out. Sorry!
Date: 09/11/19 09:34 pm Title: Sent on a doomed quest
Too bad Cherry wasn't thinking about Godzilla when the magic hit her.
Very innovative start to the story.
I originally thought the story was taking place in the past, in a far-off place like Middle Earth. Then little clues gave it away that it is a more contemporary setting - pencils and paper for note taking, for example.
Keep up the great writing!
Author's Response: It *is* set in a medieval fantatic world - just one where bits and bobs of technology have advanced further than in actual medieval times due to the existence of magic.
Date: 09/05/19 09:49 pm Title: Sent on a doomed quest
It's been a while since I beta-read your draft, and I don't remember exactly what happened in the first three chapters and what happened later, but I want to say that I enjoyed this a lot. The characters are well-developed, the plot is intriguing, and the way the issues are dealt with is satisfying.