Date: 10/19/19 06:54 pm Title: Glass Cannon
Ok. Wow. What a continually surprising and wonderful ride this story is. I love that I have absolutely no idea what is coming next with any of these characters. Thank you for sharing your storytelling gift with all of us.
Date: 10/19/19 05:20 pm Title: Glass Cannon
That was a very revealing chapter. You managed to put several important pieces of the puzzle in place. I need to make a list of all the wishes and the results as they are made or revealed.
Now my big question is, if Jazz can't be Susie's new mommy because she might be in Egypt, how can Jazz and Mary wake up together every morning? Telecommuting?
OK, just thought of a bonus question. If Mary is now Susie's new mommy, does that mean they now share DNA? I guess Mary could adopt Susie. But for that to happen wouldn't Mary and Martha have to be a married lesbian couple? Then Mary, Martha, and Jazz could wake up together - maybe. There I go, overthinking things again.
Anyway, great job writing. I can't wait for each chapter to come out. Thank you.
Date: 10/19/19 02:09 pm Title: Glass Cannon
Is it fate that the magic attracted to Mark/Mary or loneliness of Jasmine,either way very interesting twists you have written into the storyline. I must say this is the most interesting story I’ve read in a long time.
Author's Response: Thanks. I wasn't sure if the twists would be well received or too much for my fun little story.
Date: 10/18/19 03:29 pm Title: Music Box
Yes, we don't even know how many wishes Martha made, if any. It does seem Mar(k/y) still need training in dirty dancing and seducing a man. She was a bit awkward with Ken inside the bottle. Of course, Jazz may have a embarassing line of work for Mary to transition into from Mark's pmodrogramming. Lingere model?
Date: 10/17/19 12:47 pm Title: Music Box
Argh, it seems like every answer creates more questions regarding Mark's situation. Trying not to overthink things, but I am curious how all this will resolve itself.
- Fix himself? Is he stuck as a size changing Barbie doll forever? I thought Jazz was keeping him female just to save her magical energy.
- Mar(k/y) and Jazz might be legally married in some realm. Like Kentucky.
- Jazz and Mar(k/y) are gonna wake up together every morning. Might be tough if someone steals the lamp.
- Mary promised Susie she wouldn't leave her. If taken literally...........
- Jazz doesn't want a long term committed relationship. Or has that changed?
- and more!
Might need a team of lawyers to sort all of this out.
I kind of expected Mary to turn into one of those ballerinas on a spring inside a music box. You wind it up, open the lid and she spins while music plays (Tiny Dancer?). But your take on it was much more creative.
I thought Susie was going to wish that Mary would be her mommy, or that Mary would be her sister, friend, etc. But Susie is out of wishes, right?
I guess I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride, instead of constantly asking if we are there yet. Great job, and thank you for bringing back Danni the Pony.
Author's Response: Hi, thanks for all your reviews. Haven't been responding because I don't want to spoil the story for you, but there are a couple of things I can answer in this chapter. Fix himself? Mar(k/y)'s form will always be at the whim of both Susie and Jasmine unless Mar (k/y) makes a wish to alter Susie's wish. Control is what he's after. As for a long term committed relationship, Jazz is perfectly capable of lying to herself to try and avoid heartache. Susie is indeed out of wishes, but we still don't know how her first wish was worded or what all of Martha's wishes were.
Date: 10/15/19 02:38 pm Title: Surprise Package
Wow, what a Chapter. Lots happening. The idea of Mary hanging out nude is very...... Intriguing. I liked the trick Jazz pulled with the vibrator.
So now the rules. Every time I think I figure something out, things change. So Mary made her first wish. The word 'could' is important. Gives them an out if something comes up. 'Every morning' is a little harder. That would mean Mark could summon Jazz any time he has morning wood. But what happens at the end of the week and Mark makes his other 2 wishes? Does Jazz leave? What about their marriage - is it real? Is Mary permanent? Ugh, this is confusing. I suppose I can just wait and see how things develop. And bring back the pony!
You know I love everything about your writing and storytelling, so just keep it going. Thank you.
Date: 10/12/19 03:40 am Title: Helping the Neighbor
This story has quickly rocketed to one of my favorite stories on this site. The updates are fun and engaging and the fact that it's all fun and games is a large part of the appeal. It's refreshing to see that Mark even if he doesn't have control is having fun without being mind forced into it (which can be enjoyable time to time but not always). It helps that it's really well written and the relation between Jasmine and Mark/Mary has been legitimately invested.
Author's Response: Thanks for the compliments! I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I wanted something more fun and light-hearted for this story. Nothing too mean, but plenty of teasing and poking fun.
Date: 10/11/19 01:30 pm Title: Swimming Lessons
Wow, another amazing chapter. I loved Jazz using Marymaid as the figurehead on the ship. Stroke of genius. I also liked the way Jazz took care of Mary after her night of being locked in the Iron Ken. And the way Jazz used Ken the Impaler to keep Mary out of trouble inside the lamp.
Ok, now the negative:
I thought Jazz was going to turn Mary into a real mermaid, not just put a rubber tail on her. The seashells were a nice accessory.
When Mary became human size at the end, her wedding enhancements disappeared. I hope they will come back later.
Pictures! I wish there were pictures of Mary and Jazz. Maybe you could get some from Lyn?
Just keep doing what you're doing, I can't wait for the next 50 chapters.
Date: 10/10/19 04:09 pm Title: Honeymoon
I loved this chapter! I think one of her sisters wishes will be that she was born as Mary. I love the way you are shaping up the characters. I still think we need a rock Band lol. Keep up the storyline, it doesn’t matter how many chapters you write, because all your fans are enjoying it
Author's Response: Maybe they can play Rock Band. Might be fun watching Jasmine struggle with a plastic guitar controller.
Date: 10/10/19 11:03 am Title: Honeymoon
Well it looks like the night may never end for Mary after all. What a time for the Energizer Genie to run out of Magic gas.
So, how does this count as Mary's first time? Earlier in the week she was fucked by the same Ken doll as tonight.
With a Barbie doll being 11.5" tall, it would still have to be a good size toy ship to have all the amenities and room that it did.
The foreplay in bed seemed kind of brief. Almost as soon as Mary was bent over the bed Jazz was inside. Seemed odd given how much Mary is getting into the role as the bride - which I think is pretty cool. Your description of their erotic night was awesome. I do wish they had wound up spooning or cuddling instead of being contorted by Ken.
So now that they have had all that unprotected sex will Mary be changing the spare bedroom in the dollhouse into a nursery?
Wish I could give this more than 5 stars.
Author's Response: The difference between this time with Ken and last time, Mary didn't do all the work. Actually, she hardly had to do anything. As for the boat, it's bigger on the inside, because magic! And last, I was debating between cuddling and what I did do, because this sets up the next chapter better.
Date: 10/08/19 11:33 pm Title: Helping the Neighbor
Dundee, don't worry about the story dragging out. Write the story YOU want to tell. Tell it at the pace and with the details that make you happy you wrote it. Take all the time you need, remember quality over quantity (either way).
And yes, I'm biased, because I want to keep reading about Mary and Jazz for a VERY long time.
Maybe you could even pull together a little vignette(?) about Danni the Pony and how she adapts to her dual role in Amy's life.
Whatever you do, Dundee, don't ever stop writing!
Date: 10/07/19 03:58 pm Title: I Do...
Whoa, what a wedding. I have to wonder how serious the vows are, given the circumstances. Mary took it as a joke, but the joke may be on her when it is baby carrying time, and any time her "husband" wants her to do something. Maybe Jazz 'ordained' Lyn in order to make the ceremony legal?
I loved the wedding setup. You really put a lot of thought and detail into the scene. It was easy to picture the whole thing. Not sure if I would have sat on the side of the groom or bride.
I hope Mary gets to keep her new proportions. It would be funny to see her bragging that she has bigger boobs than Lyn now.
Does Mary remember rubbing the lamp? Could she make an accidental wish she could really come to regret? Can't wait for the next installment.
Date: 10/07/19 02:33 pm Title: I Do...
There are a few places where you use their instead of his or her when Mary refers to Jazz or Jazz to Mary. One example is, "care for their every need" . I think their should be replaced by his, her or Jasmine. I guess it depends on how Mary is thinking about it. If thinking of Jasmine as Ken use his, or as Jasmine use her, or a bit confused then use Jasmine's.
Overall I love the story.i wish more is published each time but that is just wanting to read it sooner. As for the length it is good but I have say I do give up reading stories where the author seems like they can't end it.
Author's Response: Well, Mary is trying to figure out the proper pronoun. Mary will probably slip up and eventually give up trying to wrap her head around it.
Date: 10/07/19 02:11 pm Title: I Do...
I assume the last line is a thought and not spoken. But can Jazz read Mary's mind and does thought wishes count as a wish?
I wonder when will Mary get to clean the inside of the lamp? It also seem like Lyn is staying for the night and possibly taking another day off from work.
Author's Response: Yeah, Lyn is taking more time off. Another thing Mary will pay back.
Date: 10/07/19 04:27 am Title: I Do...
I am greatly enjoying how this story continues to wonderfully surprise me. This rewrite has been an absolute joy to read. The addition of Lyn to the cast has also favorably opened up even more possibilities for the plotline. So, yes, I'm at least still reading and continue looking forward to each new chapter. Thank you for a great read.
Author's Response: Good to hear. I was worried people were falling off with how long this was getting.
Date: 10/07/19 04:18 am Title: I Do...
Long time reader first time reveiwer/commenter
I love the slower more romantic rework the story has taken, and I'm hoping the vows that Mary and Jazz exchanged are legitimate, especially since I recall Jazz mentioning making promises to a genie. I don't think that thinking the wish should count as making it because Mary hasn't actually expressed the wish to Jazz, and I don't recall Mary getting the lamp and rubbing it yet. Looking forward to where you take the story next.
Author's Response: Don't forget, Mary did clean the lamp up while playing maid.
Date: 10/05/19 07:09 pm Title: Clean and Unseen
A very interesting chapter. Seems like Mary could have stayed invisible and cleaning for a very long time. What about bathroom breaks, meals, sleep?
So now Mary's big wedding day has arrived. Good thing somebody cleaned the house. I wonder who will catch the bouquet? I hope there is cake.
Author's Response: Technically, not invisible, just unnoticeable to everyone in the house unless they specifically were looking for her. Bathroom? Better hold it or you're cleaning it. Meals? Might be able to grab a bite while cooking. Sleep? Sure, if you can sleep through work.
Date: 10/04/19 10:09 am Title: Maid to Order
Wow, I really feel sorry for Mary. She didn't do anything to cause the mess, if fact she was a baby in a crib while the house was being trashed. Susie should be cleaning so she learns some responsibility. Amy should have been made to help as well.
For all the trouble Mark has been through this week, getting into Jazz's panties at the end might not be worth it anymore. Might.
Author's Response: Mary didn't cause it, but she is responsible for the house and Susie. And Mary did help, or at least tried until she got hungry. Of course a 5 year old's help only goes so far. As for Jazz's panties, Mary might get into them sooner than later.
Date: 10/03/19 02:39 pm Title: Helping the Neighbor
Great chapter. Never figured out the pony until now.
Since Lyn liked Mary as a doll and still wants to go to the mall. I could see all of the going, but Mary in a stroller as a doll or back as a baby as Jaz seemed to like her that way. But most likely it will be a shopping trip for outfits.
Date: 10/03/19 04:42 am Title: Pony Problems
Oh, man, where do I begin?
Mary has smaller boobs than her sister? I thought Jazz Super Sized her. Bummer.
Nice to see Amy learned a little about responsible wishing.
So how did the house get trashed? The girls? Danni the pony?
Mary's sister is quite the torturer. Can't wait to see what she has in store for Mary.
I believe I was the one who predicted Danni was the pony in my previous review. Nailed it!
French maid is a little cliche, but I think you have the creativity to pull it off.
This story just keeps getting better and better, and it seems like you and I are on the same wavelength. Just keep doing what you're doing. Thanks for writing.
Date: 10/01/19 09:35 pm Title: Lamp Heist
This fast becoming one of my favorite storylines, I hope the sister gets involved with the household tooo. Like the other person said a little confusing with who was talking between the sisters. But other wise a great chapter. But not as good as magic mouth.
Date: 10/01/19 09:24 pm Title: Lamp Heist
Oh hell yes you pulled it off. Damn, this story just gets better and better. Depending who wins the Boob-pull this might just be the best chapter of all time. You are one very talented and creative writer. How could this be your first story? Don't ever stop writing.
Now, you gots some splainin to do, Lucy. Namely, where did the pony come from, and why is the house trashed? Did Amy wish up a pony in the living room? Is the pony really Amy's mom? I hope so. Haha. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Date: 10/01/19 05:38 pm Title: Lamp Heist
Great chapter. I hope Lyn gets a wish for her effort. In the last part when the view point switches to Lyn. There is one point where the pronouns are confusing.
"Actually, I'm still bigger, you just have a smaller frame for them to sit on. They feel huge though." I give them another squeeze and watch her wince.
"S-still. I thought Jasmine was having her fun with me."
"She might still be. So I'm right about the genie thing?"
"Yeah, ya are. Mind letting go of my boobs?"
It only needs a small addition to help the confusion like:
Mary winks and smiles, "S-still. I thought Jasmine was having her fun with me."
I can't wait to see what changes Lyn will make on Mary. Also, Amy's stuck up Mom is coming back. I wonder if she'll have a small change in attitude.
Author's Response: Thanks for the advice. I'll make an update to try and make things less confusing. As for Danni, maybe.
Date: 09/30/19 03:38 am Title: In Charge
Not my thing so much, but I'm glad you stuck to your original intentions and put this in the story instead of changing the plot based on reviews. That said, kind of disappointed you modified the bedtime chapter, even if I think it's better this way. That said, it's very easy to tell where I walked back in my story. Nonetheless I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this.
Author's Response: Truthfully, I'm glad I changed it. It's a slower ramp up rather than a sudden Spike and gives me somewhere to build to. Plus, not everything from that got thrown out. I can still bring back parts of the original a bit later.
Date: 09/29/19 03:14 pm Title: In Charge
okieohio, while breastfeeding would probably draw in the last few people on earth who aren't flowing this story, Amy isn't Mary's mom so it is unlikely that she would have the milkmakers running. However, since Jazz is Amy's bitch I was expecting her to be breastfeeding Mary, something that already happened a couple of chapters ago. Damn, Mark is a lucky guy!
Author's Response: I didn't want a 5 year old (mentally) getting involved in the breastfeeding process. Breakfast is only a few hours away though...
Date: 09/29/19 03:05 pm Title: In Charge
Wow, another great chapter.
The girls have been lucky - Amy's wishes so far could have been catastrophic. She could have wished Mary would go away and never come back, or worse. And the 5 year old impulsive adult still has one wish left. I hope nothing bad happens to Mark's sister.
So now a question about the rules of the lamp: Person 1 uses all 3 of their wishes. They give the lamp to person 2. They use all 3 of their wishes. If P2 gives the lamp back to P1 does P1 get more wishes, or is it 3 wishes and you're done? Asking for a friend.
Author's Response: 3 wishes total. You can't keep passing the lamp back and forth to get infinite wishes.
Date: 09/29/19 02:00 pm Title: In Charge
Nice chapter. I was half expecting Amy feeding Mary without a bottle. Maybe in the morning. It would make for part of a distraction if Jazz asks Amy if she wants to breast feed Mary just before 8 am. Of course Mary's sister can get involve with the wishes. Then what will Amy do when her mother shows up? Hmm.
Date: 09/26/19 04:02 am Title: Pool Party!
Great job with the kid's Chapter. Seemed very realistic.
So did Susie complete her wishes or did she forfeit her last wish by giving Amy the Lamp? Let's see, Amy isn't happy with her mom so potentially more wishes there. She isn't satisfied with anything of susie's, so maybe something there. Oddly, Mary has been mostly ignored by both girls. Must be something big coming up. Love the suspense.
Author's Response: Susie still has her last wish if she gets the lamp back.
Date: 09/25/19 05:06 am Title: Gymnastics Class
So this chapter there is a misspelling and twicethesentence ends. Once it just stops, another time there is an odd part of a sentence inserted. I believe it's from a rewrite possibly and some cut and paste. I believe what was written , dd was supposed to be do. Although a weird chapter with the odd sentences, I would like to see something else happen other than just being a toy. I have a feeling it will pick up soon.
Author's Response: Thanks for all the reviews. I'll look through this chapter again as soon as I have time and try to find the mistakes you mentioned. Hopefully I'll have them fixed soon.
Date: 09/22/19 02:46 pm Title: Mouth Magic
Kind of a short, but mutually satisfying Chapter. I was surprised that Jazz was more satisfying than Ken. Well, Jazz was alive, Ken was a rubber toy. At any rate, nice job with the sex scene.
I also noticed Mary is starting to use more possessive pronouns referring to 'my' dollhouse and 'my' makeup rather than a more generic 'this'. Is she selling into her new role in life, as a toy for Susie and Jazz? Will she even want to go back to being Mark? I'll bet she would take any form necessary to be with Jazz. I would.
By the way, this story is like Mary on Ken's magical penis. I can't get off of it.
Date: 09/21/19 09:24 am Title: Alone Time
I can't believe Mary is complaining about being stuck in Jazz's bra. That would be like a trip to heaven for, um, a friend.
As for what is happening with Ken, I really like the rewrite of the deleted chapter. Now it's not forced, and Mary can literally stop whenever she wants. However, I gotta think it is very uncomfortable having to lay on her giant boobs face down on a plastic Ken doll. I wonder if Ken has a bigger, more satisfied smile on his face now?
Finally, ignore any negative comments. 50 Shades of Grey hasn't got anything on 50 shades of Mary. Keep up the fantastic writing.
Date: 09/21/19 09:23 am Title: Dinner Time
Ok, quick recap:
Mark has been turned into a living Barbie doll for a week by a gorgeous, sexy, and flirtatious genie. Tonight he rode around in her cleavage while she cooked dinner. Then for his dinner she stuffed him into her bra and breastfed him while cleaning the kitchen.
Mark/Mary, you are my hero and this might just be the best chapter I have ever read on TGS!!
Not that the rest of the story hasn't been great, but this chapter was............... udderly delightful. Yeah, I said it.
Now, just one technical question: if Mary is the size and shape of Barbie would her mouth really fit over Jazz's nipple? Did she make her nipple smaller, Mary's mouth bigger, or shouldn't I care? I guess the answer is 'I don't care' as long as Mary gets another opportunity like that one.
Finally, I loved reading Jazz's POV. Please do that again, as long as you identify that it is now her narrating the story.
Date: 09/20/19 02:38 am Title: Helping the Neighbor
That sounds great! And there's no "not enough" it's your story and enough it when it's perfect to you :) I love it regardless! I woke up at 4:30 am to read this morning. Damn time zones lol, btw, I wasn't trying to put down the doll transformation at all, you're totally right. I hope it didn't feel that way. I also wanted to ask, do you have an email that's easier to talk on?
Date: 09/20/19 12:05 am Title: Gymnastics Class
Started out interesting, but the pace got repetitive and boring. Almost as bad as 50 shades of grey. On of the writers on this site a DR Miller, wrote a series of stories called 'Frankie' that were a good example of how to write a story. Nice pace, plausible context, good sentence structure of conversation between characters.
Author's Response: So, I don't know if I should take the Fifty Shades of Grey remark as an insult or not considering how many copies it's sold, and considering I haven't read it myself, but I'll assume it's bad. Maybe I can break up my conversations from the rest of the descriptions more, but there are many differences between that(those) story(ies) and my own including, but not limited to, PoV and setting. I do notice I overuse certain words (such as 'rather') and am trying to break that habit, but the first two days were intensionally designed to be similar to set a routine so I could break it on day three. I'm also breaking the story up into parts of the day though I could gloss over the cooking a bit... If that's the repetitive part you refer to, I have plans to change it. If they don't work out though, feel free to let me know so I can improve as a writer.
Date: 09/19/19 07:36 pm Title: Helping the Neighbor
Hey! I was wondering why you are taking the other transformations out completely? I hope this isn't annoying but I think it would fun if Mary got to be Suzie's age or younger. She would have a friend her age and I'm sure Jazz would have fun out of it lol. I'm just wondering, when if it just a few chapters. All I'm thinking is that the doll, while really fun, is just big and small with different outfits. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this story but I think the other stuff would be really fun with how all the characters are in this story. I've connected with them. What do you think? Thank you! :)
Author's Response: The reason I removed the planned extra transformations has to do with the both a review on here, and the feedback I got elsewhere. Clearly that was the wrong move based on the many reviews here that want the story to go back. As for just 'big and small' in different outfits, there's a lot of stuff that can become dangerous when you're small, and there's a lot of ways big Mary can be played with to both Jasmine and Susie. If that's not enough, I'm planning a sequel to include the missing transformations.
Date: 09/18/19 04:35 pm Title: Helping the Neighbor
I love how this story is turning out! It's so fun to follow along with! I hope it never ends lol
Author's Response: Unfortunately it will eventually end... Just not anytime soon. I do have plans for a sequel too.
Date: 09/18/19 12:52 pm Title: Ready? O! K!
Uh-oh, is the Energizer Genie running out of steam? Maybe she is secretly Borg and needs to get to her alcove to recharge?
Seems like a possible flaw in the carefully laid plans of a 5 year old girl lol. Mary better hope there is enough Jazz Juice left to restore her to Mark. On the other hand, Mary can live rent-free inside a pretty upscale dollhouse and still do her computer work. However, I would hold out for more cable channels and a Barbie elevator instead of the pretend stairs.
So now that Mary has said hello to Martha, how to explain her presence? Mark's girlfriend? Sister? I like your way of breaking up the chapters with little cliffhangers. Great job.
Date: 09/16/19 05:23 am Title: Monday Morning
So susie's wish was that her and Jazz could play with Mark. And it's permanent. But is it limited to Barbie dolls? If Susie decided she wanted a puppy to play with would Mark turn into one? What about a pony ride? Or a bicycle? And does Jazz have to be there for the transformation to occur?
Author's Response: That was the plan originally, but due to many people asking for this to stay a doll story, it won't be explored here. Sequels are possible though.
Date: 09/16/19 01:11 am Title: Helping the Neighbor
I love this story so far!!! the new changes were great!! i sincerely hope you write another story with the other original transformations as with your writing i'm sure they would be lovely!! thanks
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like the new changes! I'll work on my next one as soon as I finish up this story. I'm doing my best not to rush.
Date: 09/15/19 11:53 pm Title: Bedtime
"Well, I ate out one of my ex's in the bathroom at a party. But that's pretty tame compared to Ken here."
That sounds like a reference to what happened with Ken in the old storyline. Or is Mary talking about Ken's 'potential' later on?
Date: 09/15/19 11:47 pm Title: Monday Morning
Nice filler chapter on what it takes to be a woman, even a doll sized one. I never thought about how much all that wet hair weighs and loads down the neck. I guess Jazz isn't going to tell Mary the secret about putting the bra on backwards in order to fasten the clasp, then turning it around.
Can't wait to see what day 2 brings the girls.
Date: 09/15/19 08:54 pm Title: Monday Morning
Well written, I’m still loving the storyline, but I still miss the delete chapters!
Author's Response: I'm glad you're loving the story. Some of the deleted content will come back later so hopefully they won't be gone long.
Date: 09/15/19 06:44 pm Title: Helping the Neighbor
I'm really disappointed and sad about the loss of the other transformations :( . It was the reason I started reading but I'm still going to read, can't wait for more! :)
Author's Response: Sorry, but I do have another story planned after this one that will have those other transformations. Chapters there will be more self contained in it, but the other transformations will be more varied.
Date: 09/14/19 07:17 pm Title: Bedtime
Wow, so much going on in this chapter, especially between Mary and Jazz. Lots of innuendo, flirting, even love. I'm sure Mark is trying to come up with just the right wish to keep Jazz in his life. Who can blame him?
For everything Jazz is doing to get Mary into bed, it's hard to believe Jazz isn't looking for a relationship. And suggesting a 3-way with Ken is the cherry on top.
Great discussion on Mark's wishes, he needs to be careful.
Great rewrite all the way through. Love the new direction.
Author's Response: Thank you for your reviews. As for Jasmine's reasons, they will be explored later, but she's looking for short term flings. Plus she likes making Mark squirm.
Date: 09/14/19 06:37 pm Title: Dance Party
Good catch, Dundee, the sitter has to be able to take care of Susie above all else.
Jazz seems to be somewhat of a tease, staying she gets to play with Mary all night long.
I could see every guy on earth just completely losing it upon seeing Mary. She is so hot she could bring a guy out of a coma. Too bad she didn't invite Pizza Guy in for a dance, just to watch him squirm.
I could also see this chapter being played out a little differently. Have Jazz set up a doll-sized gym for a prom with all of Susie's dolls. Of course Ken and Mary would be together and win prom king and queen. Maybe Susie and Jazz could be doll size and participate. All harmless fun for a 5 year old.
Finally, I do think sex should be on the table, so to speak, as long as it is consensual, between adults, and Susie knows nothing about it. And height doesn't matter, or genders, or the number of participants. Jazz is right - she gets some playtime too.
Author's Response: Yeah, sex is on the table. I'm just going to make it less... Rapey. Don't expect Ken to magically come to life, without Jasmine's head on him.
Date: 09/14/19 06:20 pm Title: Hide and Seek.
Wow, what a shift in the storyline! And you've still managed to keep it coherent and exciting. I still think a wedding between Ken and Mary it totally appropriate, but maybe that's the culmination of the week's events, instead of the first night.
I also question the physical problems of the previous chapter 5. I think Mary would have passed out from exhaustion or Ken would have melted. Either way, I like the new direction much better. You've really left yourself a lot of directions for the story to go, I can't wait to see where you take us.
Author's Response: Yeah. I'm glad the rewrite has been well received. Wasn't sure people would be happy. As for the wedding, I figured maybe later in the week would be appropriate for it. Things will change on the wedding night too.
Date: 09/13/19 09:04 pm Title: Helping the Neighbor
I love this story! The rape was a little bit much but I've read worse lol. I can't wait for more! Mark seems so sweet, he is naturally an amazing mother figure
Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. I'm actually in the process of rewriting some things, the r*** may be removed or vastly altered. It didn't sit right with me when I wrote it.
Date: 09/12/19 11:40 pm Title: Hide and Seek.
Okay, I'm bailing at this point. This went from cute to creepy near the end of the chapter.
Author's Response: I'm sorry you feel this way, though I do thank you for the advice in formatting my story. Hopefully after I finish this story, the next one will be more to your liking.
Date: 09/11/19 10:18 pm Title: Helping the Neighbor
Fun read, love the barbie doll plot hope you stick with it as there are so many options for barbie themes. One readers may enjoy if you like this one is on Deviantart.
Author's Response: Good story. Gives me a few ideas of my own.
Date: 09/11/19 07:02 pm Title: Let's do lunch
Nothing wrong with the boxed mackin cheese. That's what I grew up on. Reminds me of simpler times.
It seems like Mark is overly accepting of his situation. Part of the Wish fulfillment?
Now Mary is locked in a box with a fox named Ken.
Both in wedding attire. Wonder if Ken will propose and Jazz will 'convince' Mary to accept.
Nice foreshadowing with Jazz warning him about undoing wishes, and the question about him having kids. Love the suspense.
Also, you have committed to seeing this story through to the end. And I expect at least as much as you have provided so far. No skipping a day. If this runs 100 chapters I'll be thrilled.
Your talent and your creativity have me hooked!
Date: 09/11/19 06:49 pm Title: Jasmine the Genie
Being turned into a living Barbie doll and going joy riding in an RC car controlled by 5 year old girl was already on my bucket list. Who knew!
You're doing a great job with the pacing and the details. It's easy to picture everything from Mary's perspective.
This meal will be a symphony of flavors, smells, and textures. Can't wait for the next course. And a little sorbet in between.
Date: 09/10/19 02:44 am Title: Jasmine the Genie
Liking where you're going with this; it's making me remember I still have to finish my last story. That being said, I'm a huge fan of doll stories and always appreciate when other people write them. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Glad you like it. Actually, your story is part of the reason I wrote this one. Guess things sometimes go full circle.
Date: 09/10/19 01:56 am Title: Helping the Neighbor
Pretty cool! And a little bit sexy as well, just how I like them. Do you know where are you going with the story or just writing as it goes?
Author's Response: I have a few points I plan on hitting. The first couple chapters have some hints on where I'm going. Sometimes I get a random idea and build off it, like the road trip segment.
Date: 09/10/19 01:23 am Title: Jasmine the Genie
That was a really cute chapter. But if the genie can conjure underwear to fit Mark without using up one of Susie's wishes, why is it made out of rubber instead of some normal fabric scaled down to his new size? I figure underwear and clothes manufactured for dolls would be scratchy and uncomfortable because the scale of the weave is designed for normal-sized people, but if Jazz is conjuring it, that's not an issue.
Author's Response: Rubber and flesh colored to give the appearance of a doll. No naughty bits to show that way for little Susie to see. As for not using one of Susie's wishes, Mark is also being played with by Jasmine, according to the wish. But yes, I'm sure the clothing will be very uncomfortable.
Date: 09/04/19 12:36 am Title: Home Tour
Another intriguing chapter, with much better formatting than last time. I noticed one issue:
Peeking in, Susie tries to stop me.
Unless Susie is the one who's peeking in, that's a dangling particple. The syntax says Susie is peeking in, but the context suggests you might have intended the narrator to be peeking in. You could change it to:
As I peek in, Susie tries to stop me.
Author's Response: Good catch, thanks for the suggestion.
Date: 08/30/19 01:18 pm Title: Helping the Neighbor
This looks like a promising start. It would be easier to read, though, if you consistently put a blank line between paragraphs, and perhaps broke up some of the longer paragraphs into shorter ones.
Author's Response: I do have lines between paragraphs, but I could break up the dialogue more. I'll keep that in mind for future chapters. Thanks!
Date: 08/30/19 01:26 am Title: Helping the Neighbor
Good start. You don't give Susie's age, but I'm guessing about 5.
At that age where they can be very conniving.
I'll take my steak medium rare, please.
Author's Response: Good guess. Left it out because Mark wouldn't be sure, being that he doesn't keep track of the neighbor's kid's birthday.