Date: 08/30/19 09:20 pm Title: Ch. 4: The Newest Secretary
I personally come for the stories. This wasn't a story, just a transformation, which isn't my tea. A good scene, yes, but not anywhere near a good story since it's just barely an intro.
Author's Response: I personally recommend you check out Laundry Night, Would You Rather, Gym Babe, and Fockey as they are more my story-type pieces on this site. Toss me a review over there too to let me know what you think! -Baq
Date: 08/27/19 11:32 pm Title: Ch. 4: The Newest Secretary
Baq, this was another great story. Well, almost. Your last sentence gives it away. "But I deserve this, don’t I?” We don't really know. It's not finished.
You are a great storyteller. You are very creative and talented. But a story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. You keep writing the middles (transformations) which is where I suspect your comfort zone lies.
I would like to know more about Justin and what led up to his fresh start. We know he treated the women badly - or did he? You threw a hook in there at the end that maybe his boss set him up to take the fall.
I'd also like to know more about what happens now to Bri. Will Rich harass her, assault her, even rape her? Will she ever get back to being Justin? And who gave him the fresh start?
I think you have the talent to write a great story around this transformation. So I would challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and give it a shot. I believe in you. Maybe you just need to believe in yourself.
Good luck, and please keep writing.
Author's Response: In cases such as this one, I think it's okay to leave the reader wanting more. After all, do we come to this site for the story or for the transformations? Given your opinions of my other stories, I'm content to leave this one short. -Baq
Date: 08/26/19 06:33 pm Title: Ch. 2: New Wardrobe
Wow, great start. A fresh idea. I can't wait to see where you go with this.
As always, your writing is very clean and readable. No points off for spelling or grammar :)
It's easy to picture what is going on in the story.
Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thank you!! -Baq