Date: 11/19/19 12:45 am Title: Part 8 - Final Time
I wonder why some stories do not get enough traction in this site, I dont remember why I had chosen to ignore this one until now (maybe I thought it was about furries?). Anyways, the story is well written and its clear the passion that went through when writting it. Congratulations on completing it!
My number one complaint, though, is that it never feels Storm has any relevance in the story. Up until the end, she barely contributes to the fights (other than getting her ass kicked), and even in the final chapter it just felt this wasnt her story, that she was just another passanger.
Oh and I guess the Hunter storyline ended up abruptly. Did he really shoot a star? That whole chapter felt like just cutting undesirable loose ends. Maybe the story ended up having too many threads. Would love to hear your thoughts.
Author's Response: You're not wrong about that chapter getting rid of a lot of the loose ends. It was roughly around that point when the story went on a long hiatus. There was definitely an issue with too many plot lines happening at once, and a lot of characters that I wasn't sure what to do with. As for Storm's Character Agency, I agree it wasn't great, and noticed some of the problems you did when doing the rewrite. Trying to do every character justice became difficult, and Hunter suffered the most out of that with his abrupt ending. Overall, it was another bad case of me having a fun idea to start with a story with, but then having no plan on how to end it.
Date: 11/02/19 03:08 am Title: Part 3 - Magical Bonds
“Yesterday we were observers, today we were messengers, tomorrow we will be enforcers, and the day after, executioners.”
Golly. Sounds ominous. G'night. Have to be at a parade tomorrow. Nats won the World Series, and I must show up to pay respects.
Date: 11/02/19 01:34 am Title: Part 2 - Becoming A Heroine
“Just what is she really up to?” The plot thickens and the mystery deepens... I like it.
I find this story a bit cartoony in it's simplicity. But I think that's part of its charm. It's like reading an anime story (obviously) so it's going to be like that.
I'm having lots of fun! And I had a really bad, terrible, no-good, very bad day. So this helps me a lot.
Date: 10/09/19 10:08 pm Title: Part 6 - The Day The Clocks Resumed
I don't know what the rating system is, but I give it high marks!
This is an amazing concept and fun to read story.
Prepare to have your hopes crushed, but never abandoned.
I for one am still reading.
Date: 10/08/19 08:37 pm Title: Part 6 - The Day The Clocks Resumed
now that we saw a whole lot of new content, that wasn't in the original story, some more feedback of mine. The story ist intriguing and very well layed out. It's nice to read, but it sometimes feels a bit rushed, with one action scene following the other. I think I would have liked more character developement of the MC thorough the story. He isn't reflecting his changes whatsoever. Or maybe it's just the form of narrator putting me of.
But all in all, a very nice story and I can't wait for the final resulotion: Why was storm picked and who was that mysterious lady who started it all?
Cheers and kudos.