Date: 08/14/19 02:10 pm Title: Chapter 17: Short Flowery Sundress
I'm really enjoying this so far. Elsie and Madeline's interactions are really cute and most of the major characters are complex and well-developed.
I have a few comments and questions:
1. She's running ten minutes late for her first day of school, and worried she'll be late. Then she stops to shop for clothes, which can't take less than twenty minutes and probably longer, but still gets there on time?
2. I'm assuming calling courses "papers" is a New Zealand thing, which makes sense in Elsie's narration and dialogue, but you sometimes do it in dialogue from other characters as well, such as the professor for the Victorian Fashion course. Even if the professor is from New Zealand (and Elsie doesn't commnent on her accent), she would have learned to use American academic terminology when talking to mostly American students by now.
3. There are not many typos, but you occasionally have proper names and brand names in lower case, like "maddy" or "fox news". If you'd like me to proofread future chapters, let me know via one of the Discord servers we're both on, or a PM via this site.
I look forward to seeing where this goes, what's going on with Brook, and how long it will take our adorably oblivious Elsie to figure out Ms. Monahan's superhero identity.
Author's Response: Thank you!! Dunno about number one, I'm not the best at time consistency and stuff in my stories Dx. Yeah I didn't know about that and so I just ran with it. When I go back and do an edit I'll change it. Thank you for pointing it out :D. Yeah there's actually no editing at all in most of my writing. It gets written and then it gets thrown out into the wild lmao. I just try to catch mistakes as I make them. Someone proof reading would be amazing if you're interested!
Date: 08/08/19 11:23 am Title: Chapter 17: Short Flowery Sundress
Yay thanks for the chapter. Augh, I really really hope Brook is ok. Again Brook and Maddy are just such sweet hearts. Awe Maddy, her job is so stereotypically cute for her. I will say thay its really sad that Elsie isnt with Brook is because of how intimidated of Brook she is. Sigh, there's almost too much cuteness and adorableness in this story.
Date: 07/03/19 04:15 am Title: Chapter 16: Dinosaur Pajamas
Thank you Val for being amazing at what you do for us. I wish I could help you somehow as I know the pain of transitioning. It requires lot of financial as well as moral support. But I really wish you achieve your goals and become the person you deserve to be. Thank you so much for your hardwork and dedication. Hugs
Author's Response: *hugs* Thank you so much. It's tough yeah. I lost most of my immediate family after I came out, so I don't really have an IRL support network. It sucks.
Date: 06/29/19 08:53 pm Title: Chapter 4: Tight Denim
You have an excellent talent as a story writer. Made it through the first eight chapters today. Will pick up where I left off tomorrow. Just a whole lot of fun.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really enjoy it, and try to put as much emotion as I possibly can into my writing.
Date: 06/29/19 06:03 pm Title: Chapter 16: Dinosaur Pajamas
Caught that lesbian hint from Ms Monahan when she said “Not too different to my own experiences" after Elise told her story to her, dont know if she has a GF but if not then I hope she finds that lucky someone.
Nice and adorable moments between Elsie and Maddy shared in the bed, it was a very good explosion of cuteness wrap together with adorableness to produce mouth watering results.
Date: 06/29/19 05:26 pm Title: Chapter 16: Dinosaur Pajamas
Hehehe, she didnt catch the little "I recieved a text message from your phone" bit. If that's true then just how many people could there possibly be who could get into her phone? Oh Brook is such a freaking sweetheart, they all are absolute sweetheart's, and they all deserve to be happy. Sometimes I catch myself wanting to pick who is my favorite character and I have to chastise myself since they are all my favorite characters. Thanks for the chapter.
Date: 06/29/19 04:41 pm Title: Chapter 16: Dinosaur Pajamas
How big is that lesbian flag Ms. Monahan has though. Like, HOW big. Also gosh good sweet adorable chapter, I love that Maddy's response to Elsie being trans is just "okay cool thanks for telling me that but you're still just a girl I'm really fucking gay for sooooooo..."
Date: 06/16/19 03:22 pm Title: Chapter 14: Dress Shirt
Honestly, the situation seems eminently salvageable, assuming Elsie can get away with openly supporting homosexuality. She didn't actually reveal anything, since "None of us choose this stuff" applies to everyone.
Because of the way the sentence with "Ugh, I had a boyfriend who played games" was structured, I actually thought Leon was gay for a second. Which was hilarious.
Date: 06/16/19 12:56 pm Title: Chapter 15: Helmet of Bronze
oooohhhh gosh who is really Elsie. Vale...... you are a foxdamn tease in all the term of it and omg flirty maddy is so adorable!! im happy her parent got scared because they deserve it!! Also what are the true power of elsie is it space related or physic related like probably gravity?.....also the ice women, most probably know who she is at this point and that just make you more of a adorable tease but now I need the chapter 16...there too much information and new question, I need answer or this goddess made chapter gonna make me daydream all posibility! exellent chapter Vale :3
Date: 06/16/19 10:27 am Title: Chapter 15: Helmet of Bronze
OMG this chapter was so fun to read, first we had the family drama where Elise left her awful family behind. On the way to maddy's the bus she so happen to be on get practically destroyed, killing everyone but her. And on top of all that she gets caught up in a fight between heroes and villains.
What got me really interested was the mention of Elise being the "key" and something or someone is coming for her. And her powers, HOLY CRAP, is she strong. It looks like she literally stop the equivalent of a nuclear meltdown, and to think her punk cousin leon thought he was going to stand in her way.
Date: 06/16/19 06:21 am Title: Chapter 15: Helmet of Bronze
Well that was hella empowering after the last chapter. I love how many emotional ups and downs I've been having with this story. Now on to the Kammiverse plots and intrigue and my continued obsession with Brook.
Date: 06/15/19 04:24 pm Title: Chapter 1: Loose Shirt
Poor Elsie...I hope her parents either figure it out soon or are disposed of properly - seeing her so emotionally distraught is tough... (but compelling!)
Author's Response: She will find a parent who actually cares dw :)
Date: 06/15/19 02:47 pm Title: Chapter 14: Dress Shirt
Holy fox! Why can't her cousin just shut up just why saying something without letting her explain? Now I will be teasingly worried for her Vale ;-; Elsie don't have a lot of option right now other then Maddy or Brook to help her for some day. I almost have the same type of family then her with prejudice so this chapter got really on my heart, and her parent are goddamn scary.... You suceeded to grant us her feeling and the tension she feel in the situation and arround her family, awesome chapter overflowing with cuteness and meaning like always,
Thank a lot Vale for this chapter
Date: 06/15/19 02:22 pm Title: Chapter 13: Flowy Robes
Gosh, Vale please stop the cuteness of those two just please I'm dying... Medic!!
No seriously the cuteness and warm feeling it give me is too much for me to say in word it is just a pure bliss and gosh I wish I could have seen both of their antics they just look like the most lovely and silly couple you could have created I loooove them so much!! !
Author's Response: Thank you!! I'm glad you enjoy it, because writing it is a blast!
Date: 06/15/19 02:14 pm Title: Chapter 14: Dress Shirt
Forest fires are a part of the life cycle of nature, when the forest must clean out the old that choke it's future. The soot left over enrich the life that grows anew. Elsie is only in the process of removing the holdovers holding her back. Love everything that you do :)
Author's Response: Yup! Exactly! Burn out the old choking brush.
Date: 06/15/19 02:14 pm Title: Chapter 14: Dress Shirt
Gosh Elsie family is such a toxic environment to live in, I hope brook or maddy comes along and give them a heavy dose of karma. Hopefully everything starts looking up for Elsie soon
Author's Response: Yeahhhh pretty f****** toxic
Date: 06/15/19 02:13 pm Title: Chapter 14: Dress Shirt
SHIT SHIT FUCK SHIT FUCK ABORT RUN ABORT GOD DAMMIT FUCK THE COUSINS FUCK THE PARENTS FUCK THE CHURCH THIS IS SUCH A BAD SITUATION FUCK VALE YOU GAVE ME AN ANXIETY SPIKE YOU WRITE TOO WELL AND MAKE ME TOO INVESTED IN YOUR CHARACTERS I LOVE IT BUT ALSO FUCK ELSIE PROTECT NEED TO PROTECT
Author's Response: Hah, sorrryyyyyyyyyyyy. Needed to happen some time
Date: 06/12/19 01:52 am Title: Chapter 13: Flowy Robes
Fool! Brook is best girl, I won't hear anything against this fact. Other than shipping this is a damn fine story, I'm looking forward to reading more. I just hope that Brook gets a happy ending, she already got rejected by Coby and it sounds like Elsie isn't romantically or emotionally interested in her. Elsie will have proven herself a real bitch if she plays around with Brook's heart
Date: 06/09/19 02:54 am Title: Chapter 13: Flowy Robes
Kammiverse! Lesbo-love! (We can hope.) SO nicely done, thank you for this story and please keep going for a long time. Indeed, "it might be fun." Plus I hope to see Elsie get the better of, or away from, her stereotypical horrific parents; come to peace with irreversible transition if that's what's happening; find love; and perhaps figure out ways to use her powers heroically.
Date: 06/07/19 12:36 pm Title: Chapter 13: Flowy Robes
Oh my gosh Maddy us such a freaking flirt! I absolutely love seeing her out of her shell. Agh, these two are way too adorable together. Man poor Elsie has some seriously amazing women in her life between Brook, Maddy, and even her teacher I think.
Hmm, I kinda hope this will stay a sort of slice of life story, not that it has too of course. It's just that it'd be interesting to see how a emerged lives a regular life in the world.
Date: 06/04/19 05:41 pm Title: Chapter 11: Big Fluffy Jumper
Read someone else previous comments and I have to say I absolutely love Brook. She's a unique character who is open to her own desires. If she does happen to be Elsei's first its obvious she would be incredibly loving and tender as she has already shown to be a very sweet girl. Plus she was willing to help Elsie grow closer to Maddy in spite of her own feelings. Also she has only really shown her sexual nature to Elsie so far, sure she's a bit of a voyeure but she hasnt done anything overly explicit either Her actions show she's confident and that she doesnt mind showing off a little bit. But in absolutley no way is she a 'slut'.
Author's Response: You are awesome. Brook is so cool I'm glad I get to write her.
Date: 06/04/19 11:19 am Title: Chapter 1: Loose Shirt
Fair enough. Maybe I need to revisit some chapters, since I can't remember all of those characters (Oscar?). Of course, the other issue is that it can difficult to be sure whether a character is transgender if their actions thus far would be unaffected either way.
You forgot about Oliver (cis, presumably) and Johanna (trans). Either way, this wasn't a criticism.
Date: 06/04/19 05:02 am Title: Chapter 12: Scuffed Jeans
Hey I love this story so far but please please please don't let Elsie's "first time" be with Brook she deserves better than some slut that goes after literally everybody
Author's Response: Excuse me but in this house we don't s*** shame. Elsie is perfectly within her rights to explore her sexuality however she wants to.
Date: 06/04/19 04:17 am Title: Chapter 11: Big Fluffy Jumper
That's so cute and lovely chapter just like you. You are so adorable and so is Elsie and Maddy. Thank you so much for your hardwork and sharing this beautiful story . I will be reading more
Author's Response: THANK YOU SANRO. YOu're a cutie too!!!!
Date: 06/04/19 03:19 am Title: Chapter 1: Loose Shirt
You're correct. That was a typo, I meant to say named EMERGED characters, hence the bit about the transgender community and Laithe. I was also counting stories besides yours, which WILDLY inflate the proportions.
Also, I can be fairly confident that Flicker and Seraph are cis, based on the Twitter exchange. Are you just not counting them because their legal names haven't been revealed?
Is Caser trans? I didn't think the term applied to people who identified as non-binary. That's why I phrased it as "not cis" rather than "trans".
Author's Response: They are stories about trans people, posted on a site for stories about trans people, based in a universe where people gain powers based on the subconscious needs and desires. Even then, the number of trans to cis emerged in my stories is in favour of the cis. Vaughn, Kelly, Seraph, Flicker, Bastion, Unbowed, Oscar, Nel, and three more who haven't been revealed to be Emerged, vs the five trans ppl mentioned earlier. I'm probably missing out one or two I've forgotten about. I'm not sure about the other stories, but within my own work, the cis outnumber the trans by quite a lot. That isn't even taking into account queer magnetism.
Date: 06/04/19 02:42 am Title: Chapter 1: Loose Shirt
Right, sorry, they're switching back and forth at this point and they're physically male in the house, so that's how I was thinking of it. So I was thinking of them as 'he' while at home with their parents and 'she' while out in the world with her friends. Dang slippery pronouns.
Author's Response: No problem :)! Pronouns are hard to get a handle on at the start
Date: 06/04/19 02:00 am Title: Chapter 12: Scuffed Jeans
You know, it is weird to consider how few named characters in the Kammiverse are cisgender. I mean, I guess a fair number are unspecified, but even if you assume all of them are cis, they are still a minority. We know from Laithe that the vast majority of the transgender community didn't emerge in the first Emergence, but it still seems wildly disproportionate.
Is that going to be a plot point, or is it just writing what you want?
Author's Response: I think you might be confused. Here are the named cis characters in my Kammiverse stories: Jocelyn, Kelly, Vaughn, Barb, Unbowed/Al, Maddy, Brook, Elsie's mum and dad, Diana, Oscar, Eric. There are at least five more cis characters slated to appear in this story alone as well. Meanwhile, there is a grand total of 5 trans characters in my stories: Kalia, Laithe, Caser, Elsie and briefly Tinker Tailor. That is twelve to five. Cis outnumbers trans.
Date: 06/03/19 05:03 pm Title: Chapter 12: Scuffed Jeans
I'm just worried this kid is going to forget to lock his bedroom door one night and someone will barge in.
Author's Response: Yo wtf. Itís she. Sheee. Literally says it as the last sentence of the chapter ffs
Date: 06/03/19 09:33 am Title: Chapter 11: Big Fluffy Jumper
Alright, first of all as someone interested in art I will say you completely got their class personality writted which I really appreciated a lot. And I quite trailed to know what Elsie gonna do about her parent and who she is gonna choose between brook and maddie, that teasing is completely driving me insane like probably all the story of the kammiverse universe and your ability of you and the others to make think affect me in more emotional way then any others story, it is really rare to start reading something and immediately start liking all the character that you have made as alive as real person, so you have my thanks Valerie to make a smile come across my face after your chapter and sip off my hatred more and more toward Elsie parent that remind me of my own.
Date: 06/02/19 12:34 pm Title: Chapter 11: Big Fluffy Jumper
In a rude and cruel world, these lesbiabs are a shining beacon of cute that brightens my day. It's so exciting that Elsie is getting in touch with her desires. Now if only she'd realize that Maddy is gay as hell
Date: 05/28/19 03:48 pm Title: Chapter 9: Lacy Bralette
I love this one. I like that it is less heros and villains and more just a normal person getting use to a new normal. And on top of that she is a closeted transwoman, this story just keeps tugging on my heart.
That being said I really want Elise and Brook together. It's obvious that they both like each other. I think Elise is just scared because she felt wrong when Brook confessed to her when she was still a guy.
Date: 05/28/19 03:34 pm Title: Chapter 9: Lacy Bralette
Thank you for the chapter. Still got me trying to figure how Elsie powers, the way It was told was that Elsie is like a blank canvas that can do crazy tricks and moves, so when her powers take hold it guide's her through the motions, afterwards she can kinda turn it off but her body goes through the motions but not as well when she has it on.
When you think about if she combines this with learning martial art she could become quite deadly in combat.
Again thanks for the great chapter and keep up the hard work.
Date: 05/27/19 01:40 am Title: Chapter 8: Flowing White Blouse
This chapter is a roller coaster of emotions. I kept getting so upset at her other classmates. And especially the professor. Ugh that guy is such a tool. But it ends with such hope. At least in the school setting we finally see Elsie comfy in her own skin and that makes me so giddy.
Date: 05/26/19 02:35 pm Title: Chapter 8: Flowing White Blouse
I love how sweet Brook is, she's got such a good heart. It sucks how big a dick that professor was, seriously he did that just to be cruel. But yay for Elsie finally taking what she wants and deserves. Itll be interesting to see how Brook and Maddy get along, which I hope is really well. They are both such incredible women and incredible good for Elsie, maybe even good for each other. But regardless this chapter and last chapter were awesome and Laithe making an appearance was icing on the cake. Though she obviously knows her little fox girl far too well
Date: 05/25/19 01:39 pm Title: Chapter 7: Skater Lesbian Shoes
It's starting. The slow and subtle changes of her perception of herself. Being drawn to women's clothes. To styles. Poor confused girl.... I'm glad she has people she can talk to and try to work this out with. I love the professor and I'm so excited to see what happens!
Date: 05/23/19 05:33 pm Title: Chapter 6: Comfy Comforter
Oh wow the feeling of separation from family hits somewhat close to home. Poor girl needs to get out of there quickly. Such a toxic environment can only hurt Elsie. Hehehe the ending was sweet and Maddy seems lkke such an awesome woman and a sweetheart. Oh, I do like that her body and desires are making themselves more and more assimilating into her. She wont be able to hide things for much longer though
Date: 05/22/19 07:09 pm Title: Chapter 6: Comfy Comforter
Thank you for this chapter, I feel bad that Elsie parent's are like that, it hurts when the people who gave birth to you treat you as something less then a person.
Also seems like the assimilation of the Elsie form over the coby form may have not been as far fetched as I thought it was.
I loved the references to the games in this chapter, had a nerdgasm when they were mentioned.
Date: 05/22/19 02:48 pm Title: Chapter 5: Boring Jeans
Ok I shall hold you to your promise :P. Hmm, maybe whomever it is that's the unknown person will end up taking her male form. But she and Maddy are so so cute together. What if her, Brook, and Elise all end up together. Not as in a harem for Elise but an actual loving... triangle? Or polyrelationship. I just feel bad for Brook and its obvious how much she cares for and desires Elise and if all three of them can share that love that would be incredible. But I am excited to see how Elise may hopefully, become more permanent than Coby. Also sorry for my last message that I ended up deleting and replacing with this one, it came off as being really harsh and negative which wasn't my intention. It's obvious how much work and love you pour into your stories and again Im really sorry for coming off much harsher than I had wanted to.
Author's Response: You'll get a taste of what's to come for her "coby" form as soon as joe validates chapter 6 :)
Date: 05/22/19 03:33 am Title: Chapter 4: Tight Denim
No no no no please don't let this change between thing be long lasting. Maybe a couple or few times as she get used to her body but please dont let it be a constant thing.
Author's Response: I think you'll be happy with what starts happening :)
Date: 05/22/19 03:08 am Title: Chapter 5: Boring Jeans
Hmmm there is definitely a possible link between portals and the emergence, maybe those with teleportation play a key role in everything.
Also my theory on her powers may be incorrect in some areas, she definitely feels some sort of of power take hold, but strictly in a self-preservation way, where her only control was swapping back to her old coby form.
Also the the buger king moment was hilarious and cute, just all sorts of mixed messages being sent between them.
Date: 05/22/19 02:44 am Title: Chapter 4: Tight Denim
Very adorable chapter, I loved the phone chat Elsie and maddy had during breakfast.
Got me thinking on what her powers are, because of the glowing aspect it makes me thinks it energy related, she may switch between the coby and Elsie form right night but its possible for her to lose the coby form later on if its based on a type of assimilation method where her new form needs to gather more energy to become permanent.
Im also interested in the power ranking that the OMR had, like what levels they are comparing it to and what levels characters like kalia fall into.
Date: 05/21/19 08:20 pm Title: Chapter 3: Tank Top Pajamas
For anyone else that have read pellian rise and kammi kettu, you are in for a treat. There are only three chapters so far but it already blows you away with the cute character interactions with each and the wholesome feelings it provides.
Date: 05/21/19 07:06 pm Title: Chapter 2: Braless
THESE TWO DISASTER GIRLS!!!! Every time I read and reread over the exchange it leaves me giddy. I start giggling when they're chatting and talking about how the other is so cute. Like. DAMN. Immediately you reach for the heart with these two cutie-patooties.
Date: 05/21/19 07:05 pm Title: Chapter 1: Loose Shirt
It begins!! Dramatically starting with the third Emergence, we've got such a nice treat with some new faces. I love Coby's relationship to Brook. It feels like they have such a strong history already, even early in the story. And woops! A fast change, but the good stuff is yet to come. HEHEHEH.