Date: 04/25/19 01:40 am Title: Part 1
This story is really good. I love the pacing and it never for once felt rushed. Good job
Hope you can develop this story into a second part. Like how Kylie explores her womanhood, and how she affects the people around her now that she's a woman.
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. Some stories it is hard to keep the pacing right, I think this one work out as well.
Date: 04/16/19 06:26 pm Title: Part 3
avalatis, I have added this story to my list of favorites. I think you have amazing writing skills. Your descriptions of the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of the characters was insightful and detailed. Like you were writing from experience!
I realize you could have made this a much longer story and explored the ongoing relationship between Jared and Kylie. Did they marry, have kids, etc? Did they ever hear from the demon again (double-or-nothing, perhaps?). But you kept it focused on the 'game' itself.
I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Thank you, Elron.
Author's Response: Elron, thank you for the feedback. Yes my stories typically can cover a lot more ground. I don't have a lot of time to write, so usually I focus on what interests me most about the story. In these cases it's usually the transformation, changes in personalty/perspective, and sexual tension. I'm happy you enjoyed this tale.
Date: 04/16/19 03:49 am Title: Part 1
To answer your question, The slice I particularly enjoyed was from when you switched the gendered pronouns in the first chapter up to and including the massage in the second chapter. Loved how she enjoyed teasing. Loved your use of adjectives in her narration that revealed her subconscious interest in him. The enjoyment I get from your story reminds me of the enjoyment I get from Passport Control by xshigoto, particularly Day 2a and 2b. All the best!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'll keep that in mind for future writing.
Date: 04/15/19 03:49 pm Title: Part 1
It's really nice to see your writing again. It's always nice to have a simple and straightforward story that I can just sink my teeth into and enjoy. The epilogue element probably could have been played up a bit more, but looking back I definitely see where the intentions were.
Now the only thing I'm left with is the hope that maybe this return will me that Trainer might finally get a sequel so we can finally see Nati and Kevin truly happy.
Author's Response: Yeah I can see how I could have put some more hints at his motivations early on in the story. I'll have to think of a concept of how to do a Trainer 2 story. Bringing Nati back and over coming the Wizard's evil society. We saw how a mind could be broken down, how do you build it back up again?
Date: 04/14/19 04:28 pm Title: Part 1
Great story. Definitely a slice of it that was just the kind of story I wanted to read. It's been a while since I read a good story by a writer which I hadn't yet discovered. Hope you write more stuff, I'll be on the lookout.
Author's Response: Thank you. Appreciate the review and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Which slice is the part you were most interested in?
Date: 04/14/19 04:46 am Title: Part 1
I really enjoyed this story. Nice detailed mental battle. Straightforward plot without a lot of fluff. Sexy. I found the tension to be palpable. I'm looking forward to more.
Author's Response: Thanks. I try not to overload the story with too much exposition.