Date: 04/21/19 04:42 am Title: Chapter 21
This story rather feels like a fever dream given written form. It's definitely going places, but I have no idea what those places may be - and the path it's taking is as incomprehensible as the final destination. A work of literary genius it is not, but it's certainly a fun ride.
I like tacos too, and I dislike overly sensitive fools that feel the need to enforce their severe moral structure to every encounter in their life.
Date: 04/16/19 05:32 am Title: Chapter 17
...I was about to comment about the unique geography of the world you're building (I think it's really cool!), but...Audrissa...honey...are you ok? A lot of us have been where you are right now, and if reaching out will help any, feel free, alright?
Date: 04/10/19 12:11 pm Title: Chapter 1
What started off as an easily-ignored one-off punishment story has blossomed into a story worth reading as chapters are added. The initial world building and setup of characters took a little bit to sink in, as it was (and still is) being spoon fed in a pace I am not used to.
My only advice is that each chapter feels... separated from the chapters before and after it. As if you're not putting as much consideration for the cohesiveness of the story as a whole. We get a lot of "we'll explain about this more later" moments, and the following chapter will have changed subjects. While we are learning of the characters and their world, it's coming off as haphazard.
Final Question. if Jasmine is under protection of the Contract of Eaves and "... not to be touched, apart from by those who entered into the contract with her", Why was Annabelle allowed to slap and kick her? I understand that punishment is a running theme in the story right now, but up until this, every hit had some meaning behind it. For Annabelle to do what she did, and essentially be let off scott-free leaves me confused.
Author's Response: The Contract of Eaves directly conflicts with multiple Fae laws dictating that slaves can be punished by their betters, even if those betters are not their direct owners. The only thing it 100% protects against is a slave being stolen or appropriated for any reason. In other words, yes, Angela could probably pursue legal action against Annabelle but it would never stick because there is a higher law that supersedes it.
Date: 04/10/19 10:52 am Title: Chapter 10
I really admire how unique this story is. The protagonist in particular is unlike anything I can really think of. I think it would have been better to start the story in 2008, so you could set the rest in 2019 without having to predict the future when it doesn't affect the story, but I suppose that would have foreshadowed the twist.
Date: 04/10/19 06:05 am Title: Chapter 10
I love Meredith and I love how this story has evolved from what could have been a simple karmic punishment one shot into the story it is now.
I think the only thing that still bothers me is the feeling that there is a subtle disparaging overtone toward submission in general rather than just the true submissive nature that is described in the story. Jasmine hasn't ever gotten an assurance from Angela or Meredith that having a submissive personality or nature isn't a bad thing so long as you know when to assert and/or protect yourself and those you care about.
Just a thought.
Date: 04/09/19 07:01 pm Title: Chapter 9
This story... Causes me discomfort. I dont think that takes value from it as a piece but lately the more i read the more i feel like ive seen what i want to see of Jasmine's character development and that the road ahead is so painful... I dont know.
I feel like pain and suffering gives value to life. Authenticity. But at certain points i feel like the breaks that can be caused might not heal the way they should or could. Cuts heal but amputations dont.
And what im seeing here is a story that first and foremost is about a naive girl having a lot put on her at once. I dont know much about fae culture but this nonbinary sealey-ness thing seems like the big destiny for jasmine but as a character all she wants is stability and comfort.
It doesn't feel good to watch her get some semblance of stability only to have it ripped away repeatedly for the sake of personal growth she doesnt want to undertake and thus far doesnt really have a reason to.
Being shamed and kicked down isnt fun and it sucks to feel like less but what is that really going to inspire in her? Self worth? No. If its so important for jasmine to grow a backbone i feel very sure theres no way that angela can help with that as a mother figure or protector.
And seeing it that way makes most of the characters in Jasmine's life seem like abusers. They make demands and think they are offering tools but every assumption of what they think will help jasmine assumes she has a shred of intitiative.
I know what its like to lack initiative. I spent a lot of my life there being given powerful tools to pull myself up and being pushed through the motions to get success and The Only Thing that has gotten me moving is the realization that i wasnt living. A dispassionate doctor telling me my health is in trouble, a boss at my job telling me i cant keep missing work, gentle but firm warning signs to let me fear for my own life.
Jasmine isnt afraid for her life. Not nearly enough at least. She shows a familiar indifference toward existing with a singleminded goal to have value in someone else's eye.
If shes going to have a meaningful character development it looks increasingly likely that you are going to break her hard. Shes going to lose something. And if you dont... I dont know.
Right now, in my life, i can use a kick in the pants to remind myself im not a doormat and my value can come from somewhere inside me but i cant use a narrative of someone making the exact choices i would make and suffering repeatedly as she stagnates and waits for pain to wake her up.
I said i see myself in this and i hate it and that still rings true. It hurts this chapter more than before and at some point no amount of comfort will justify suffering for my pitiful pain tollertance.
I can't wait around for angela to drop jasmine out of the nest and let her fly or fall. I can't abide watching her frustrated efforts to help remain ineffective on Jasmine.
I want to appreciate the story you are making but i think the fact is you are writing a girl in a fae story and i only came here to read a trans girl in a wish fullfillment and that part of the character arc is sailed.
Its a sort of cruelty how this is such a thorough way to set up jasmine's character. Any other up-bringing would have instilled a fear of death at least but a lonely trans girl at the beginning of self discovery gives you a perfect storm of dependence, and naivety.
You have your characters set up to live a very interesting life to become very interesting people, i just dont think i can handle the journey to get there and if the journey isnt as devastatingly dangerous and painful as it looks... Then i dont see why Jasmine shouldnt just be comfortable and content as property forever.
Date: 04/09/19 03:10 pm Title: Chapter 9
That took a very dark turn at the end there. I mean I knew what kind of contract Jasmine entered into, but I figured other Fae would regard her the same way Angela did. Such powerful contempt based solely on status says quite a bit about Fae society.
Date: 04/08/19 11:03 pm Title: Chapter 8
Hi. Im subby as fuck, im in this story, and i hate it. Just picked up and caught up so im gonna give my feelings on this in one blathering mess.
I like where this story started. Im not at "harrassing women to domme me" but i am a weak girl and i crave that attention.
Would i clean someone's house for 11 years until my body fell apart? Yes. Would i make out with someones feet after? Also yes. Would i stay with them, codependent and placated FOREVER because they claimed me as their responsibility? Yes.
That's beside the point. She has the capacity to talk about her feelings and needs, she proved that by asking to stay a girl, but she has stalled out as the scope of the story has grown. The fae stuff is neato, the destined for greatness is the dream. But once we went from 6 fucking months of netflix to blood contract i feel like the relevance of the first chapters disappeared.
First and foremost im subby and project onto the MC hard. I have abandonment issues and the commitment/loving family dynamic is addicting, however there comes a point where i want to see the MC be better than me or pushed to grow past me. In her situation i absolutely would be happy being the daughter for a long, long time. Thats not interesting. I was hooked at the beginning because i saw someone i related to hard be pushed to grow and be more than they are but now what? Back to "you better grow up" and "you better be assertive"?
Idk. I think ive gotten too agressive here and thats not fair. I know you have plans but i guess im trying to express how in all this time character development has stagnated in favor of world building and scope expansion. This story hasnt been about begging angela since chapter 1, maybe 2. And thats fine, but whats the end game? When does this story arc complete? Because if it is when our beloved MC is self sufficient and independent that is so far off... If its when they decide they are comfortable it looks like they already made it. What would make them want more? Why ever grow past what they are? I sure as fuck wouldnt.
Anyways. All that raging aside. Its adorable. Im jealous of the MC and up until the 6mo time skip to blood ritual i was right there with you internalizing the message of "respect yourself" and "you have value" but i dont see that in recent stuff. I miss that.
Author's Response: Truthfully, I'm working on another version of this where that six months is a lot more fleshed out than what I did here. They didn't do much during that time, you have to remember that they don't age, and there wasn't that much development. She's still basically the same person that she was when she was changed into a little girl - all they did was watch some television. As for how long this goes...this arc is roughly fifty chapters, and there will be another.