Date: 03/30/19 11:29 pm Title: Sydney's Story
I would have ended it with jet helping them to school. Also potentially a more concrete definition of their gender at the end. What do they identify as? Great as a background story for a side character in a bigger universe if that could happen.
Date: 03/27/19 04:41 pm Title: Sydney's Story
This story is pretty okay, for a first one. I'm not a super big fan of the chromosome reasoning for the super powers honestly. Was pretty fun to see the Magician get rekt by this kid with no powers though. Too bad there wasn't a way to harnass those powers to help out trans people, or that this couldn't have happened to any of the trans super heroes in the area.
Date: 03/24/19 04:30 pm Title: Sydney's Story
That was a fun, clever story with an interesting world and main character. I did note one minor issue, though; long hair and nails are cultural, not genetic. There is no reason that a super--power that turns men into women as an accidental side effect of stealing their powers would make hair and nails grow, like a spell in a magical setting that was deliberately designed to make a man into a conventionally attractive woman by the local culture's standards. Other than that, it flowed pretty well with nothing to throw me out of the story.
Date: 03/17/19 10:44 am Title: Sydney's Story
I really liked this story! I hope you write more. I enjoyed the characters and personaities. The Magician’s powers felt weird since he wasn’t really magician themed? I liked the idea of him though. I guess I was expecting someone more insane? The entire story fit right in with a classic comic book style except him really. Then it got more towards realism with regards to his dialogue. But beyond that, I liked how it really felt like I was reading a comic book with your writing style and Sydney’s internal monologue. I didn’t see any “plot holes” like in other reviews but the points it brings up make sense. I hope you write more!
Author's Response: Thanks for the response! The Magician, if you wanted to know, was named that for his ability to make superheroes 'disappear.' Of course, they were actually just turned into women, but the people in the story didn't really figure that out. And for his character, I wanted to make someone slightly more 'real' or 'logical,' if that makes any sense? I just did it for a change of pace to the comics I usually read, instead of some supervillain who is more evil-bad-guy than an actual human. Again, thanks for the response, and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day!
Date: 03/17/19 10:25 am Title: Sydney's Story
A nice first story, though there seem to be a few holes in the plot. For instance, I'm left wondering why Sydney wasn't questioned by the police, especially since the news reported him (now her) unconscious in the bank with The Magician - and why Sydney's Mom apparently didn't visit the hospital before picking her up.
But, despite that, the story was enjoyable and I hope to see more from you. And, as has already been suggested, you could come back sometime and flesh this story out some more.
Thanks for posting!
Author's Response: Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it. I will admit, the plot hole with the police questioning is one I... glossed over (sorry). I somewhat assumed that Sydney would admit everything. That information on what happened would eventually lead to the news and the city knowing what happened to all of the superheroes, but I guess the police blindly believing Sydney is a plot hole within itself. Maybe DNA sampling? Sydney still has all his/her X Chromosomes, so that could be something. But that part isn't really fleshed out, so thank you for pointing that out. Sydney's mom not visiting is one that would be easier to explain if I put some dates in. The majority of the story takes place on a Tuesday. Sydney wakes up in the hospital Wednesday morning, and asks for her phone and bag. The bag is found and returned on a Friday. Sydney explains the situation to her mom, gets released, and then the whole weekend things starts. After a week or two is when she is invited to work with the other heroes. Apologies for the eRRORs, and thank you for the feedback! Have a wonderful rest of your day!
Date: 03/17/19 04:31 am Title: Sydney's Story
Pretty decent story, I usually read longer stories but the way the characters and setting was written was enjoying to read. The explanation about where every 9 in 10 hero or villain are men due to genetics had me interested since I love getting into details like that on the world in the stories im reading.
Dont know if you will ever expand upon the story by using this a prologue chapter and continue onwards from where the Protagonist left off. Or do a revision of this and make this longer to put more chapters in by having the MC transformation earlier in the plot.
Date: 03/17/19 04:06 am Title: Sydney's Story
Definitely enjoyable! Some good turns of phrase and a relatively fleshed world for your characters to play in. My personal preference is always for more smut of course, but this is great, especially for a first try!