Date: 05/06/20 03:21 pm Title: Third Law of Motion
So I'm at Chapter 24 and I'm hanging on every word. The feeling of rushing onwards and onwards and just wanting to plunge into the next chapter is very intense. Now I'm just hanging in the air .... waiting for gravity to notice cartoon style. Yeah I enjoyed the chapter and the frantic nature of the chapter. Take Care :)
Date: 03/12/20 02:51 am Title: Babinetís Principle
Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers!!!!
gaaaaah I knew it, I knew it!!! I knew it had to be faculty, but no one fit besides Mr. Morrison, Mrs. Brekker, and Nurse Prim. Morrison was out because it would be to obvious and a cliche to make him it, Mrs. Brekker was out because we haven't seen much of her and for it to be real twist she would have to be a bit more involved throughout. Nurse Prim only fit the bit and I didn't want her to soooo bad. It started clicking with it had to be faculty because Hexecute had info about all the students. Her personality was at best spacey or sporadic enough to be off. Still endearing and cute, but too also just a bit too much to hit the heebie jeebies scale. She had motivation with her sister dying against Mel, (mentioned multiple times) and stated so when fighting in the prison yard that Mel was a murderer and Mel as far as we know has killed one person, by accident or otherwise. She was the only person who really had access to Markus to when his abilities started to go awry.
Also I knew someone important was going to die, you kept saying it, over and over in the beginning with the shadow of a thousand red flags. Mistakes happen, friends die, a few teachers were previous heroes who hung up the cape for those reasons. Oh Gabby, I feel like I could see these a million miles away, but can't blame her, she's a teenager and these lessons are going to scar deeply.
There's only a few sections I noticed that there seemed a slight disconnect in your writing overall it flowed very well and you've certainly put a lot of time and effort into this.
I'll say this, I laughed, cried, fretted, got angry, had near panic attacks, I hate you and I love you. Well done, I can't wait to read the end.
Date: 03/09/20 08:37 am Title: Lighting in a Bottle
Wow. Nice buildup, serious drama. I'm admit, I'm majorly disappointed to see Kayden take the fall. The powers, the Mom losing her job, the drama with Dad, losing the heroes and Mel, and now Kayden ... the bottom's really dropping out for Gabby now, isn't it.
And I only started to wonder about Nurse Prim when "Mom told her about the Dad." Seemed that something was amiss there. Nice reveal.
Date: 03/02/20 09:35 am Title: Babinetís Principle
Wow. The last 3 chapters were exciting as hell. Cruel, but exciting. The way you are dealing with your characters lifes makes me think that, maybe you should have written the ending of game of thrones^^
I still like this story a lot. There aren't a lot of stories were I feel my heart is beating fast from excitement after reading a chapter.
Keep them coming.
Date: 02/08/20 03:05 am Title: Viscosity
Love this story so much, I've been eagerly anticipating chapter 18 and it hasn't disappointed! I can't wait to see how this ends! (Though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't shaking with anxiety worrying about Garbriella's dad showing up in chapter 18)
Author's Response: Two new chapters! I think they'll give you a payoff of some sort!
Date: 12/15/19 06:20 am Title: Lighting in a Bottle
Very very interesting. Beyond the obvious direction of developing Gabrielle rebelling against some of the revolting restrictions placed on her, the musing about Garrison and Ben was very interesting. I'm sure I'm not the only reader who had suspected Garrison was involved with Hexecute. Good to see you developing in that direction.
(I also admit that, whenever I read Mr. Garrison in a school context, I get the South Park character's voice in my head. Really an odd contrast between the two, though.)
Author's Response: Fun fact: heís named Mr. Garrison almost solely for the lame joke ďMr. HairrisonĒ
Date: 10/17/19 03:36 am Title: Lighting in a Bottle
If you are gonna have Hexcute steal Gabby's powers you better make it so that she gets stuck as a girl if he removes them. I know that it is a tempting plotline for character development to see Gabby and how she will cope being stuck as a boy, but it is predictable and depressing. If Hexecute removes her powers it'd be better if she is stuck as a girl. Also I am glad to see Gabby finally standing up for herself. Doesn't she realize that unlike normal transfolk her and Cass' powers mean they could get the heck out of dodge (run away from home) and go to any country instead of dealing with this? Their powers mean that getting a job would be easier.
Date: 10/17/19 12:24 am Title: First Law of Motion
I actually dreaded reading this chapter. Not because I didn't want to but rather because I dreaded having to wait again for the next one.
I continue to love this story. For some reason, this story resonates with me more than any others I have read. Bravo and keep up the great work!
Please don't keep me waiting too long for the next chapter .
Date: 10/08/19 03:43 am Title: Lighting in a Bottle
You've done a great job world-building, and it's led to a very interesting story still developing. Obviously the Hexecute story has more to go, and I'm fascinated to see where you take it.
A thought - If Gabrielle is drawn to her opposite number in speed, does that mean she is now drawn to Hexecute?
Date: 09/03/19 05:32 pm Title: Observer Effect
Gah! This is good stuff, right here! It's like reading a comic book – just a little bit out there, a little bit dramatised, and just a silly-funny good time. You've seeded this story quite well, I almost feel like hexecute isn't even the worst we'll see in this story. I'm really looking forward to more!
Date: 08/22/19 07:52 am Title: Lighting in a Bottle
Stayed up until 1 am to finish reading this, I was absolutely instantly hooked. Clearly inspired by Sky High and Dreadnought, you have your own clear and exceptionally vivid voice that brings life to Gabrielle and the others.
Date: 08/18/19 08:19 pm Title: Increasing Imp-etus
"‘A simple mild mannered boy named Egbert who went to boarding school and spent his days enamored with the idea of being a girl, though he would never admit to what he called ‘a fetish’, woke up as a girl and loved it.’ There’s a lot more like that, coincidentally. I’ve read ones where portals cause the TG problem, where a crazy high schooler has access to a wishing well and a poor egg gets caught up in her machinations, there’s one where a character gets ‘stuck’,” she said with heavy emphasis on air quotations, “as a girl by nano technology and decides she likes being a girl better. Don’t even get me started on the proliferation of the idea of being a ‘cat-girl’. There is an unfortunate amount of comp-het in the other stories though…”"
Several of these stories I know by name, but I'm not familiar with the nano-technology one. Is there a specific one you're thinking of?
"one of her favorite comic books called ‘Bloodthirsty Cutie’. I was oddly enamored by the concept of it, a vampire that turns boys into girls after draining their blood."
Likewise, is this a reference to a real thing?
Date: 08/13/19 04:15 pm Title: Circuit Breaker
Gabby, gabby, gabby. You perfectly useless gay bean. Fawninf over kayden, fawning over verdant and starburst, just the gayest.
I like how this is moving along, its kinda funny how the recurring theme comes back about the organization being fairly agreeable? Like somewhat noble intentions?? And then just utterly careless execution of their goals. Rude heckers micght have gotten somewhere if they had compromised a bit and offered some leniancy on the whole secret identity thing. Whatever. Hexecute probably owns the association anyways. Its a conspiracy!
Buuut yeah. Everyone is adorable and dumb as shit except Kayden: who is adorable and... idk.
Marcus should have been kicked harder XD. Im honestly optimistic about how he handles the discovery of gabs' alterego?
Like he talkes tough shit and is a jackass but the eagerness kinda exposes a sort of lonliness and i hope he is driven by that in a good way?
Like Marcus, you dont want to be alone. This common ground with gabby is something you WANT. so like. Dont be a shit stain about her being an inverse, trans and whatever and when you find out she finds you repugnant and doesnt need you maybe just be better. Please. Im begging, Marcus.
Date: 07/13/19 03:48 pm Title: One Second
To save the day!.
OK, I am really loving this story. Ricochet is actually my favourite TG superhero out of all the superhero TG stories I am currently following. I am really loving the character and find the ongoing struggle between her 3 identities (Gavin, Gabrielle, and Ricochet) enthralling. Keep up the great work.
Date: 07/02/19 04:56 am Title: Increasing Imp-etus
This is one of the best stories I’ve found on this website or any other website like this. I find myself looking back at this piece of writing every day to see if another chapter has been given. I really hope you continue to write this.
Date: 06/22/19 02:39 am Title: Increasing Imp-etus
So, um, I think this is the first time a TG story has referenced somebody I used to know in real life.
Specifically, I went to college with Rachel who develops MMOs for "Biologi-Ware". We haven't talked in a couple of years, but we used to hang out in college and ran with the same group of friends. For a long time, I was super awkward around her because I was jealous of her and too scared to admit even to myself that I was trans, and for a while I even thought I had a crush on her, and it wasn't until years later that I realized I was aromantic and that what I thought was a crush was just jealousy. So I still feel pretty guilty about that.
But yeah, it's a real headtrip seeing someone I used to know mentioned by name alongside her job and a lightly fictionalized version of her employer.
Date: 06/22/19 02:33 am Title: Increasing Imp-etus
Well as expected we know where dear Gabs gets all her toxic information about trans people from. And god every time my anxiety thinks she's just going to come out to people she continues to make it worse for herself... Oh gBby. You're a wreck and I can't wait to see what happens next!!
Date: 06/21/19 11:57 pm Title: Increasing Imp-etus
it hurts to read at several parts, kinda like a good hurt but i'm largely just antsy watching things *finally* look like they are going nuclear only to have things saved by cis oblivious.
the interactions with Cass were nice. the pixie chores were random but a nice flavor that added to the narrative. the calorie bar delivery thing was a lot more obtrusive and it seemed much more likely that cass would just... offer some food... it felt like a slightly forced way to bring up shyft and bring about the cass/shyft meeting.
its a little silly that Gabs seems to have completely blocked out memories of starting out this story in their sister's clothes and dipping back in. i definitely expected that to at least come to mind even if they had to much restraint to just admit they like to wear feminine clothing before they even noticed their alter form.
without actually seeing what the characters look like its hard to imagine how different gabrielle and gavin look but it really seems like their mom just... isnt really making connections... because plot... and idk if she just needs time to stew but having a drunk girl with the same base hair color in the house call you mom makes no connection to her son showing up after drinking... like i think she might have *at least* assumed they drank together? or were classmates? and pushed harder on that than accepting the lie? she seems so pushy and distrusting otherwise on top of being over suspicious but just this once she trusted and didnt read into any suspicious reactions Gabs could have... its a lil much.
i know a lot of this is im so ready to just move along with the secret activity drama and i can see that you really needed to get the coming out drama going before that but it just... it doesn't read as much like good story telling to build like this anymore. i dont feel compelled by the knowledge that big wheels are turning and there is a grand complex plot going on because the tension is starting to feel forced.
im not the best writer, by far... but i feel like there is a trade off in arc planning between what is planned to happen and what would happen and while a lot of the things going on are set up to be plausible, they usually feel like only that... its plausible that shyft would drop everything to deliver food, its plausible a cis mom could be this oblivious, its plausible that Gabs could have their preconceptions slain and rapidly flip to seeking gender euphoria as a drug... but those dont seem like the most likely to me. Gabs seems generally laid bare on their motivations, they are afraid and they run, from everything. you've done a lot to lend a feeling of understanding about their character but idk.
i honestly dont feel like leaving this review... its not nice... its probably not even helpful... i cant even fathom what i want you to say in response. i want to be encouraging and i desperately want this story to go on but one chapter at a time really changes the feeling of this pace even if this is a normal or even speedy character development pace. and im not doing the best job of managing my perceptions of that in my impatience.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review, I have updated chapter 8 with two new bits of content to fix this issue regarding Gabrielle forgetting about stealing her sister's clothes and an issue with caloric intakes. I hope the chapter flows from previous chapters in a more fluid way with this change, but if there is anything else I am forgetting about please let me know.
Date: 06/05/19 04:27 pm Title: Spotlights and Receipts
Very nice; forcing change on a character who doesn't want to change - I guess it keeps the story moving.
Cool to see Gabby using her(?) powers at the concert. Would have been cool to have a quick scene of someone dropping their drink and her watching happen or catching it. Surprising in that concert environment we also didn't get a 'sensory overload' like in previous times of intense situations - perhaps she was relaxed enough for it not to be an issue?
Also, final note, why did Cass answer the phone at the end expecting to be talking to Gabby and not Gavin? What name did she save their contact under? Would have been cooler to have her answer "Hello? Gavin?" Then in the next chapter, the first response could be something like "actually it's Gabby... still." Idk, I just like the idea of that
Anyway, good work. Your chapter lengths are very intense, but do mostly cover one big event, so they still work quite okay. Keep it up! I look forward to more!
Date: 06/04/19 03:22 pm Title: Spotlights and Receipts
God, the first few examples where everyone is trans. I was actually laughing out loud. Cass is a delight. Still heavier handed than she promised to be but Gabby is a dumbass and it was mostly good for her i guess.
I... Worry about Gabby having these experiences pushed on them and being left with a load of "am i trans" doubts because it doesnt seem like there is much evidence she had a choice in this. At any point. Like she may eventually recontextualize the clothes she was wearing in the early chapters and some feelings she had growing up but an alarming amount of this is being pushed on her. I dont know how shes going to find this for herself. idk. I liken it to being on a quest to collect a pail of water and being pushed into the pool. Like great, mission success, but the journey seems important? Its good that Gabby is already thinking about that. Shes being silly but she seems to subconsciously value the importance of making this journey for herself. I just really hope you give her enough to feel that this is real and not just something she has been thrown into.
The scene at the end... Went about how i hoped it wouldnt go XD. Exactly as it reasonably should. I *hope* mom has enough to go on to know that its her daughter and i *double hope so fucking hard* that you are going to keep her hungover ass safe. Im honestly surprised they are alive with that much alcohol but i hope at least it metabolizes quickly...
Its a big oof. The drama is shaping up to be delectible and while i want everything to be okay right now immediately im... Interested in seeing how stuff falls apart. This story, more than most ive read, is set up well to be a house of cards that is going to go everywhere.
Date: 06/04/19 01:04 pm Title: Spotlights and Receipts
What I love about this story is the characters feel so incredibly human to me. Gabby trying and failing to hide her interest in women's clothes. The conversation about Cass's dad. Even the gut churning final interaction with her mom. It all feels so real and it makes me so happy to read a new chapter.
Also the lengths of these chapters are just the right size. Although, I'm always bummed when I finish one because dang it's just so good.
Date: 05/21/19 08:19 pm Title: Flashbang
Nice conversations throughout this. Cass went about how id expect, The nurse ALMOST got this whole drama out of the way, Kayden is a nice person. A good ally. Its nice that this is all getting talked through. That dam of trans feels Gabs is holding back is starting to get a bit over capacity :).
One criticism i have is that this is starting to have a lot of people to keep up with given how interactions are developing with Kayden and whatnot. With the new electric scream thing its kinda hitting me that its a good number of people that i hardly know that are each getting some dialogue + relevance to Gab's journey. Its good to set things in motion early to move in the background but the lightning thing feels like its adding too many intricacies to the subplot behind Gab's little world. Idk. Still good. Its beautiful to watch develop, i just get antsy seeing signs that you still want to go even wider before diving deeper.
Author's Response: Iím glad you like what iíve done so far! As for your criticism regarding too many characters being introduced, I promise they all have a part to play in the grander narrative. Iíll try and focus more time on each of them to give a better sense of who they are going forward so That it wonít be confusing in the future.
Date: 05/01/19 09:19 pm Title: Line of Sight
I can't believe they keep finding new ways to put off consequences. Its getting exceptionally uncomfortable and at some point its going to get pretty serious right? Like they may be kids but they cant do this for much longer and hope it doesnt blow back in their face... Oof. I feel impatient and petulant but i just want to be past this big looming mystery. Its taking so long and sure there is some plot developing in the background but its so stressful. It used to be an anticipation like a rollercoaster ride reaching the top but now its like the steps dissapearing in a staircase above a pit of spikes. Idk. This was a long chapter but i felt i couldnt appreciate a lot of it because im so upset and distracted by how reckless the main character is being. It doesnt feel right to spend this many weeks and months reading along and feeling this happen. Maybe if i saw every chapter at once it wouldn't be so excruciating...
Author's Response: Iím sorry that this plot thread has been so stressful for you! First I wanted to say thank you for sticking with me even through that discomfort, it means a lot. Secondly, the part you would like to happen is closer than it is farther away, but I canít give away more than that. I hope you continue to come back and read!
Date: 04/29/19 01:47 am Title: Line of Sight
Interesting chapter, got more info on speedster powers so now we know its more to do with increase interactions instead of on attraction of feelings. And since Gavin/Gabrielle has no attraction towards markus im guessing thier interactions with each other will be as enemy's or rivals.
Date: 04/13/19 01:34 am Title: Kinetic Potential
The early part with the phone (basically stuff after "I took my phone out and opened up a timer app.")
Since they did this after they left the house this conflicts with what happened later, ie the mom saying “By the way, you left your phone in the laundry room.”
Minor issue, good read so far.
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing this out! Iíll go about correcting asap!
Date: 04/12/19 05:12 am Title: Emergent Dynamics
I really hope that this 'Positive and Negative' business doesn't end with "Opposites Attracting" if you know what i mean. Especially with how douchey the "Positive" in this situation seems to be. I'm hoping first impressions are right and he just keeps being the douchebag bully.
Author's Response: Try not to worry, while I do have a lot of twists and turns planned, romance is not in the cards at the moment for these two.
Date: 04/11/19 03:17 pm Title: Hastened Momentum
This remains one of my favorite stories on the site. I'm waiting for everything to come crashing down for our hero with baited breath. And I enjoy the introduction of quirks, womthkng that really helps humanize these superheroic figures. Really well done.
Author's Response: It was very important to me to include this complication for the Alter status quo; every single one of them is dealing with something innately personal that canít just be fixed.
Date: 03/26/19 07:22 pm Title: Emergent Dynamics
I am in agony over how they are procrastinating revealing their alter form and even playing outside dangerously... Like they put so much thought into the consequences of their actions and still choose to make the situation messier and messier.
And then i think about how im putting off my own self improvement and it all hits nice and close to home...
Author's Response: I really wanted to showcase that even the best laid plans can be ruined by a fickle desire that won't seem to dissipate. I'm glad that's shining through!
Date: 03/23/19 09:10 am Title: Lighting in a Bottle
Reread it again just to see if I could have a fresh look at the story. It's very pleasing, how smoothly everything flows together. I'm excited for the next chapter!
Author's Response: Next update is almost finished! Thank you! 😊
Date: 03/12/19 07:07 pm Title: Kinetic Potential
Hey! This story was really super cool!! I liked it a lot! Reminds me of when I changed! It was really funny looking back on me trying to figure out why I wasn't upset by the change xP. Anyway! Thanks for a super cute story! Go Gabrielle! Thanks, Syl
Author's Response: Gavin: Wait, you had something like this happen to you too? Hold on hold on, Gabrielle was just a cover name. Iím a guy, guys donít get cute names like that. Right?
Date: 03/08/19 02:29 am Title: Kinetic Potential
Great start! Quality writing, exposition, dialogue. Lots of oddities and mysteries left to explore, like the pos/neg speedster relationship, and the unusual gender swap, and the school officials trying to figure out who it is (and broke the rules along the way). Hoping you don't let Gabrielle get too comfortable too fast with her new Alter gender, it would be fun to see him/her running (sorry) into various problems, situations, and unexpected complications.
Date: 03/07/19 01:56 pm Title: Kinetic Potential
Everything about this setup screams "fun" I love super hero school dramas. I love how you showed her discovering her powers. There was such a sense of heady excitement. I can't say enough about how excited I am for the next chapter.
Author's Response: Iím glad you like it all so far! Iíll try to keep the excitement coming!
Date: 03/07/19 07:42 am Title: Kinetic Potential
Oh wow... I'm not transgender myself, but I feel for Gavin/Gabrielle! I hope that she can come to terms with herself!
Author's Response: Gav has some trials in the future but I will say Iím unsatisfied with leaving characters ultimately worse off than they started.
Date: 03/07/19 05:09 am Title: Lighting in a Bottle
Your story is still cute :B
love all the restrictions you put on alter-forms, she's gonna break so much red tape
fuck the system
be trans do crime (to stop crime)
Author's Response: Thank you! I hope youíll like what I have planned!
Date: 03/01/19 07:20 pm Title: Lighting in a Bottle
Wow high school is hell. Looks like she'll be able to do something about mark-ass though.
Its certainly a fun start. The "trans is something that happens to other people" line was hilarious.
Author's Response: Thank you! One of my dear friends has used that phrase to describe her eggy days to me on more than one occasion so I figured it was a good opportunity to utilize it!
Date: 02/25/19 12:52 pm Title: Lighting in a Bottle
So... that was a great first chapter. I hope following ones hold up to its standard. I like the touch of foreshadowing with the whole explaining the speedsters bit, however, I totally thought we might better see the cost of one speedster not having the other balancing half - meaning I thought it would be several chapters in before Gavin got powers. I hope the new Gavin is the negative charged speedster, like, Markus' mean but the positive charge, then she's(?) the opposite - nice but negative.
It's interesting seeing the inspiration from the Flash.
Also, it's nice to read a story on here where the protagonist actually has one limited power rather than all the powers, or changing powers, or changing into all the powers.
Keen to see where this goes. Hope you keep at it!
Author's Response: You never know, thereís still a whole lot of story left! Iíll do my best to keep up the good work!
Date: 02/25/19 06:43 am Title: Lighting in a Bottle
I cannot say I wasn't somewhat concerned as I have Starting Superhero School on this site, thinking we'd have to compete for readers but no. You're going in an excellent and exciting direction with your story that completely differs from mine and I'm looking forward to how it proceeds. Also big oof about trying on girl family member's clothes on when home alone and almost being caught. Got an experience where I didn't get caught in them but mom knew I did something with them.
Author's Response: Iím glad youíre excited to read more! Also relieved Iím not the only one who did that as a kid!