Date: 09/23/19 11:03 am Title: Chateau 1
I think because of the perspective and the fact that this seems modeled off of some kind of anime, the story is very rough. It's kinda hard for me to figure out what's going on, as it has no basis in any kind of logic as far as i can tell... every event feels random and out of place.
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. While I borrow some element from anime, I mostly base this story on old adventure games and games back then were very confusing to begin with, especially dungeon-crawlers. The character died many horrible death to some of the most random things and I practically had to draw a map myself to play it. Here is an example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-uJqHR5tt0 (please watch it in a well-lit room or a public place with people around)
Date: 02/22/19 07:08 pm Title: Chateau 1
The writing is great, and the story seems decent, but the 2nd person format personally puts me off.
1st person: allows the reader to assume the protagonist PoV
2nd person: has the story read as if it is about the author or something
3rd person: creates a world where the reader view everything from the sidelines(like a movie)
Author's Response: Playing horror adventure games did that to me too. Nonetheless, by writing in 2nd person, I can introduce all sort of things without having to run the character's thought on each and everything. 1st person limits your perspective on the protagonist and 3rd person emphasizes too much of everything that it can get overwhelming at times. I like something else that offers more choices... like a buffet where you go in hoping you'll find something you enjoy while ignoring the rest.