Date: 05/21/19 11:13 pm Title: Prologue: Loyalty To A Fault
I like your writing style and depth of characters. Although from one chapter to another, you kind of “bounce” to the next. So it seems there’s a bit of space missing between each chapter which kind of confused me. Im stuck between feeling like this is either inspired by “a bridge to terabithia” or “John carter”. I would like some clarification as I’m very interested in this story and I’m following it. 1. Joseph brings an enchanted lunchbox by eve to school. Does the magic transfer through worlds? 2. When he goes from his world to another, is his physical body still on this plane of existence as well? 3. I’m hoping this one will get filled in with more of the story but Fay was an actual being on his plane of existence. Are these parallel universes? 4. Are you going to have some sort of flashback or memory as to how Joseph came to know about eve and the other world? You don’t have to answer these questions on here. But I’d definitely like to hear from you as to wether or not they will be answered in the story. Overall good job so far 👏
Author's Response: I'm pleased you like my writing style. It's honestly my biggest issue with my stuff some days. Whether that's just me being overly critical of myself at times or something else I'm unsure. Random tangent aside though, the chapter bouncing you're referring to. That's intended, but it wasn't my goal to confuse you. My view for doing it this way is certain things I felt were unnecessary to go over at a specific time. Chapter 4 to 5 for instance, I started them right in Sheol in an effort to gloss over the journey to Sheol's entrance, because at that time I felt it was unneeded. Should it have landed in the middle of the chapter it would've been done differently. I'm using the end of chapters as a sort of transition scene. The main story should (at least in my current vision for it) almost entirely lack the feeling of having space between chapters. As for it being inspired by something? The other world was lightly inspired in someway by a plethora of different books, games, movies and mythology of various types. As for parts of the narrative being inspired by a bridge to Terabithia or "John Carter"? Based on the vague memories I have of a bridge to terabithia (it's been quite a while) I can see the similarities, but no, not intentionally. And I'm unfamiliar with John Carter, so that'd also be a no. Sorry to disappoint if you were hoping for something there :/ Now for your questions: 1. Yes, the magic does transfer between worlds, but only enchantments function the same. Spells do work, but they have a much steeper price and are generally impractical/impossible to use for long periods of time due to it. The reason for this may be explained. I'm not sure if I'll find a way to squeeze it in without it being a non-sequitur. 2. Should be answered in the story. 3. This will be answered in the story. 4. Joseph learning about Eve was explained in chapter 3 via dialogue to his friends. It was thrown out as a sort of side note, so I can see how it was missed. Although, we will be getting some more implication to the exact words that were used at the very least. As for him learning of the other world, yes that will definitely be shown/heavily implied. And I'm glad you enjoy it so far. I can't say when chapter 9 will come out, but it's being worked on. It will be the last chapter in the prologue though.
Date: 02/27/19 05:34 am Title: Prologue: Regret
Awwwwww this is honestly such a sad chapter. I really hope things work out in the long term between Eve and Erin. Eve seem to really live Erin and I hope Erin realizes that love before its too late.
Wow the feels in this chapter are super strong. Her mom is a horrendous person but dang if we dont want our mother.
So from what Ive gathered is these others are literally the gods of another world in the process of creating it and she's essentially one of them, albeit from a different world. But that would be so cool if she's a goddess and Eve is as well. Ooohhh I hope things turn out ok for them.
Author's Response: We got a bit to go in the prologue yet, so we'll find out in due time. And I won't say if you're wrong or right on your goddess theory we'll just have to see.
Date: 02/16/19 02:20 am Title: Prologue: Loyalty To A Fault
Well to be honest any story that has: 'Does not change' in it and is a mtf story peeks my interest. However, when its well written story that has clearly been thought out with more going on behind the scenes even from the first couple chapters than I'm definitely willing to have a look and see where it goes.
Author's Response: Fair enough, everyone has a preference. When it comes to stories for me personally, basically anything that's MtF and isn't set in space I'm willing to check out. As for the behind the scenes hints, it's a thing I always try to do in hopes it gathers some more interest.
Date: 02/15/19 04:16 pm Title: Prologue: Fourth
hmmm, seems really interesting so far. Cant wait to learn more about Eve and Erin. Well there is very clearly a dark background to the story and it seems Erin definitely has some mental blocks they havent dealt with quite yet.
Author's Response: I'm happy I've caught your interest, and even happier that you've managed to feel some of the darker background to the story this early in. I hope I can keep it up even after the prologue ends.