Date: 10/25/20 09:21 pm Title: Spring Unto Summer
Not normally drawn to character drama but your writing is excellent and has successfully drawn out sentiment for Tim and Allison, sat and read the whole thing in one sitting.
Your scene setting paints a great picture of what's happening, and the character depth has me constantly guessing who will do what next, Clark is clearly a ticking time bomb of his father's making, but something is definitely iffy about Drew as well.
Only my opinion so I won't take any stars away, but unwilling change victims becoming someone they're not on the inside too, even slowly, strays uncomfortably close to identity death for me. Arthur/Allison doesn't strike me as an egg or unknowingly attracted to men, her falling in love with Tim proper wouldn't be a happy ending from my perspective, because its not something the original Arthur would have wanted (going by what's been revealed so far).
I'm an occult nerd so I greatly anticipate the 'how' and 'why' of the change should you choose to elaborate in future chapters. While myself and others on this site would welcome a visit from the butterfly, I strongly fear it for all the other Allisons it would leave in its wake.
Date: 10/14/20 05:50 am Title: Receding Tide
Oh jeez all these poor babies. Tim and Arthur/Allison, this is so rough. All because of an evil butterfly... I genuinely hope Arthur was into boys before, getting comp-hetted would suck. Still your amazing writing is what makes me feel all these things. I'm really afraid with how things are going to go
Date: 10/13/20 09:36 pm Title: Receding Tide
So satisfying to get another chapter, I've been checking for months! The emotional depth is intense. Allison seems clearly sweet on Tim, but struggling so much to square that with who she thinks she is. You breathe so much life into these characters. Hope there will be more soon.
Date: 10/13/20 12:27 am Title: Receding Tide
Wow, what an emotional chapter. I was really hoping that The Giant would be the one who saved Allison from Clark. It sounds like he could break someone in half without working up a sweat.
Clark has some real issues, mainly because of his asshole father. I wouldn't shed the smallest of tears if he just keeled over and died, or got run over by a cement truck. Clark, though, is only building up hate and rage for the people he thinks have done him wrong. Tim and Allison need to watch their backs. I wish Allison would take some self-defense classes, carry some pepper spray, hire The Giant as a bodyguard. I'm afraid Clark will hurt her so badly she will never recover, not that she is on the most solid ground on a good day.
Tim getting drunk seems rather uncharacteristic, given that his mom was killed by a drunk driver. Maybe that's just his way of coping with the loss.
It will be interesting to see what happens at the pond tonight. I want them to admit the feelings they have for each other, even if it doesn't get physical yet. Just let the alcohol remove the inhibitions that held them back in the car the other night. Yeah, I love happy endings, and I want Tim and Allison to wind up together as a real couple, no pretending.
Great job writing, you really know how to keep up the suspense and the drama. I can't wait for the next chapter. Thank you.
Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words. And I agree, Tim getting drunk is uncharacteristic. But I think it's worth looking at how exactly he was drinking. There's something important there.
Date: 10/10/20 02:03 pm Title: Spring Unto Summer
Yo man, this is some good stuff. I usually don't go for high school romantic dramas, but your writing style really pulled me in. I hope to see this updated soon, one of the best stories on this site imo.
Author's Response: A new chapter will be coming soon, please stay tuned
Date: 07/03/20 12:56 pm Title: False Spring, Early Winter
I LOVE this story! One of the best I've seen in a while, even on a purely technical basis. The quality of your writing really is superb, and the descriptions in particular are magnificent. Hope we see more soon!
Date: 06/04/20 04:25 am Title: False Spring, Early Winter
Darn it... what a horrible fate. Not only turned into essentially a trans guy, but being forced to like guys. Or maybe he liked guys all along. I don't know, they were just young kids. Some kids don't know their sexuality that young, some do. Could be bisexual or pansexual too, who knows.
Clark though.. he's gonna be trouble. That over privileged rotten cupcake is gonna be a huge problem.
Tim... please don't push Arthur into being some kind of girly girl, even if Arthur settles on being Allison, don't make him change... please...
Date: 06/04/20 04:12 am Title: Two Storms
Tim gets it, I think Alison might be happier as a lesbian. I'm shipping her with Rachel, but I get that it's not that simple. I fear this might change his/her sexuality, I really hope not. Also Arthur... trans people understand that better than you'd think. I feel that way towards my childhood that was stolen from me and I can never get it back. I know it's not EXACTLY the same... but like... everything he's going through... believe me I can be empathetic towards it.
Also, Allison's mom, GET THE FUDGE OVER IT! You don't have a 'girly girl' you have who you have. You don't get to live vicariously, you need to wake up, and accept your child for who your child is. God you are annoying
Date: 06/04/20 12:31 am Title: False Spring, Early Winter
In the day since I read this story I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind! This is really well written, and I can’t wait to see where it goes. The description of Arthur’s dysphoria, especially his chin and body in his dreams, is really well done. It’s the perfect example of what a FTM trans person feels. I hope Arthur is eventually able to return to his original body, or at least transition back to being a guy.
Date: 05/29/20 05:39 am Title: Two Storms
I hope that things get better for Allison. Your prose is beautiful, and your seem to have a gift for symbolism, foreshadowing and characterization. I like that all of the characters are nuanced and three-dimensional. I just hope the story has a happy ending.
Date: 05/23/20 06:03 am Title: Downriver Droplets
I'm SO glad you picked up this story again. It has lingered in my brain for these many months, there is something so poignant about Tim and Ally, I kept hoping you would continue. You are very gifted, to create characters that stay with the reader like that. Keep it coming, please
Author's Response: I'm glad that this story has stuck with you! This story has been a lot of fun to work on, even in the more difficult sections. Now that it's roughly halfway done, I look forward to see what you think of upcoming chapters!
Date: 05/10/20 09:03 am Title: Downriver Droplets
I hate that butterfly with all my soul. Arthur is literally CLAWING outward, trying to break free. But no, that stupid mystical creature that shouldn't even exist is ruining that poor boy's life. Forcing him into a relationship with his best friend. Forcing him to be a girl, when he doesn't want to be.
It's an evil malevolent force and I feel so bad for this poor child. Making the best of a bad and horrible and evil situation, and poor Arthur has to be sacrificed to do it. This is a tragedy, and I feel bad for Arthur, but I can tell without a doubt that he's going to die so that Allison might live and while I"m okay with that. I just ... feel sad for him
Author's Response: I think it's an interesting conversation as to the distinction between "Arthur" and "Allison." When writing, I tend to approach one as a metaphorical "mask" for the other. Internally, Arthur considers himself to be...well, Arthur, but puts on a facade of "Allison" as a mechanism. If "Arthur" dies, so does "Allison." As for the machinations of the transformation, without spoiling anything, I don't necessarily assign a morality to it, so it's up to interpretation. This is unlike a lot of other stories I've written (or started writing and not finished), in which there's a clear 'why' to the transformative element, or at least an aspect of personality which can be construed as an MO.
Date: 05/09/20 10:13 pm Title: A Frigid Breeze
Sure am glad you revived this story and kept going. So well written, even if low-key. Looking forward to the rest of it.
Author's Response: Glad to hear you're enjoying it. Not sure what you mean by "low-key", but I'll take it as a compliment.
Date: 05/09/20 09:47 pm Title: Downriver Droplets
Well, this was an unusual chapter. Still trying to figure out what I assume are dream sequences. Maybe Allison is also a werewolf who killed and ate Tim's parents? That would explain why they drifted apart.
Back in the real world, I'm excited that Tim and Allison are moving beyond friendship to couplehood. They deserve to be together. And I love happy endings.
But Clark is the newest antagonist. It seems like he is paranoid his little empire called 'high school' is crumbling and he needs to destroy Tim if he is to maintain control. I hope Tim and Allison can survive what is being cooked up to throw at them, and I don't mean ribs and coleslaw.
Great job with the multiple threads and sub-plots going on under the surface. Your writing is fantastic. I need more. I need my fix. Thank you.
Author's Response: They are dream sequences (lord, I love writing dream sequences. One of these days I'll do a story in entirely dream sequences), as for the meaning, the implication is that Allison has learned to lucid dream as a coping mechanism. That's why it interchanges between "Arthur" and "Allison", the hair is just facial hair, something that "Allison" can't grow, but imagines she may have been able to as "Arthur." As for the blood, it's a stylistic choice of mine. Allison's on perception of facial hair is likely something akin to feeling her father's unshaven faced when she was little. In a dream, feelings and sensations are magnified, so rather than just being course, it causes scratchmarks. As for the part inside the dream with both Tim and Allison, try to notice if something triggers Allison's perception of herself to change between "Arthur" and "Allison."
Date: 04/24/20 04:49 pm Title: Whispers in the Wind
This was such a great chapter. Allison's icy facade is melting as her and Tim get closer. I can sense that they were meant to be together, so I hope everything works out for them.
I like how Allison is able to refer to the time when she was still a boy. It shows she has realized she is not crazy like when she believed she had been born a girl because no other explanation worked for what she experienced.
I hope you take things slowly and delicately between Tim and Allison. Their relationship has got to be very fragile at this point.
Great job writing, I'm devouring each chapter before the ink has a chance to dry.
Date: 04/21/20 02:53 am Title: Echoes of Past Storms
Oh my God! I'm so sorry you got that virus but i'm so glad you've overcome it! Take your time as always for your story. You matter. Now for the story.
Yikes poor Alison things just keep getting worse and worse. Can't get a football team, can't do much of anything. Being pressured to be a girly girl, it's so sad how hard peer pressure tries to mold you and shape you into the stereotypes. I really hope she comes out okay. Stupid flower butterflies thing, poor kid didn't deserve it to go through such hell
Date: 04/20/20 10:23 pm Title: Echoes of Past Storms
So glad you're OK and survived the virus!
Thank you for continuing this story. I'm sure you've got bigger things to deal with right now.
I'm also glad that Allison showed up for lunch. I really want her and Tim to hook up, at least as friends, if not a couple. I think they were meant to be together.
I think you're really teasing us, dangling bits and pieces of the past in the story. Sounds like something really tragic happened to Tim's parents. Maybe Allison can help him work through the trauma while he helps her come out of her shell?
Overall great job and thanks again for writing. Elron.
Date: 03/06/19 05:01 am Title: Familiar Shores
I'm reading this story one word at a time. I want to savor it like the perfect steak - medium rare fillet with garlic butter and sauteed mushrooms. Mmmmmm.
I am such a hopeless romantic, I really want them to find a way to have the romantic relationship that was meant to be.
That was an interesting way for Arthur to deal with his change, to eventually believe he had always been a girl. Even better to use the name on paper to verify it was all real.
I hope you continue to fill in the missing pieces of their past lives. And then keep them together forever. Thanks.
Date: 03/03/19 01:43 am Title: Familiar Shores
You handled the reunion very well. One can't help but feel that Tim, in spite of his good intentions, really has no idea what Allison has been and is currently going through. Hopefully he becomes more understanding before he makes her problems worse.
Author's Response: They need to figure out how much they trust each other. That's something I wanted to capture in this story, reconnecting with friends is usually great, but there's always this intermediary period where you need to gauge if they're...still worth being friends with.
Date: 03/02/19 11:31 pm Title: Familiar Shores
Creepy magick flowers ruining lives and shaking things up. Maybe this wont be such a bad change, I'm secretely hoping they get together but I love shipping and I'm a romantic kinda girl at heart xD
Author's Response: Shipping is always a good time! And bonus points if anyone can figure out what variety of flowers those are supposed to be.
Date: 02/27/19 05:03 am Title: Spring Unto Summer
I'm curious why Ally doesn't seem to recognize her friend. His name didn't change, he would have aged in a standard and predictable way. Tim's shock I can understand - he barely saw Ally.
Author's Response: Well, puberty can change someone's appearance pretty drastically, and I think a big part of it is not EXPECTING to see him.
Date: 02/16/19 02:14 pm Title: The Turn of the Wind
This story is absolutely gorgeous. The writing does such a splendid job painting the scene. Even a mundane (albeit exciting) high school feels alive through the graceful prose.. now the grand question is what comes next.
Author's Response: Thank you for the kind words! I hope you continue to read and enjoy this story.
Date: 02/16/19 04:31 am Title: The Turn of the Wind
Wow. I love it. Ally is extremely believable as someone who had their sex changed suddenly in the middle of their childhood. My only complaint is that I have to wait for the next chapter. I implore you to continue writing soon!
Author's Response: I'm writing quickly as I can! The next chapter is actually complete, but it won't be posted until I finish the subsequent chapter (and do some edits.) Hopefully no more than a few days.
Date: 02/16/19 02:32 am Title: The Turn of the Wind
And light dawns on Marblehead.
This should be interesting.
Author's Response: I...am unfamiliar with that idiom. I assume it refers to a slow realization that should be obvious, if that's the case, remember that Tim only saw Ally for one day before she moved, and he didn't hear her last name until the actual detention. I hope you enjoy where the story goes!
Date: 02/15/19 11:31 pm Title: The Turn of the Wind
It's taken a while, but very well done. I think it will be very interesting to find out what has transpired.
Author's Response: Thanks! I know it took a bit to get to the actual reunion, but I really wanted to tell the story a specific way, which unfortunately required a bit of table setting. I hope it was worth the wait!
Date: 02/15/19 02:58 pm Title: The Turn of the Wind
Oh, wow, what a fantastic way for them to meet. The secret code was a brilliant way to verify identities. I also love the way you describe Tim's fragmented memories of Ally and the tree house. I'm surprised that they fell out of contact with each other, I hope that over the course of the story the missing pieces will be filled in.
This story is fantastic. Thank you.
Author's Response: Frankly the memory portions were what took the longest to write. I was trying to convey the sense of remembering little pieces as opposed to the whole, building up to the realization. Contact is hard for little kids! God knows I wish I kept in contact with some people from my younger days, although I suppose it was a bit harder that long ago. I will most certainly be filling in those pieces, thanks for reading!
Date: 02/07/19 12:26 pm Title: Spring Unto Summer
It's really interesting to read a story that's not told from the perspective of or with intimate knowledge of the thoughts and feelings of the transformee. I'm really excited to see where this goes. Keep writing!
Author's Response: That's one of the parts of this that I enjoy so much, it opens a lot of possibilities up I feel in the manner in which this story is told. Or, at the very least, it makes it fun to write.
Date: 02/05/19 09:16 am Title: Feeling the Air
I continue to be intrigued and curious about what could come next. I’m quasi certain no matter the route you end up taking for the reunion, whether it’ll be Ally having embraced their gender for one reason or another (and potentially Tim being jealous, if the double TF tag is any indication?), or them having become a closeted trans man, it’ll turn out incredibly interesting to read and watch unfold.
Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying it! The reunion is coming next chapter, I hope it lives up to your expectations.
Date: 01/31/19 06:20 pm Title: Summer Unto Fall
Just a follow up review because since reading this, I’ve just been thinking a lot about it and I really like this premise and am very excited. So ya, just another of the same thing cause it’s been on my mind so much.
Author's Response: I'll take it as a good sign that you've been thinking so much about it. The next chapter has been submitted and will be up soon, I hope you continue to enjoy it!
Date: 01/31/19 07:12 am Title: Summer Unto Fall
Wow, this is really building up to a hell of a reunion. Your foreshadowing is spot-on. I love how close they are coming together but never meeting. I hope there are a few more close encounters before the aliens show themselves haha.
Since there is such a time gap where Tim and Ally apparently lost contact, I hope you will fill in some gaps in their lives.
I am a hopeless romantic, so I am looking forward to them picking up where they left off. Thank you for the unique plot.
Author's Response: Indeed! The reunion so far in my drafting and outlines is coming along really well, I think ya'll will really like it. We most certainly will get information on what they've been doing since Ally moved away! I'm just trying hard to not make it an info dump and instead dole out the information naturally. Thanks for the kind words!
Date: 01/25/19 02:19 pm Title: Summer Unto Fall
I am incredibly invested and I just *can't wait* for the reunion, omg. Wonder how much Ally changed. Are they a closeted trans man? Or have they embraced their gender? Will they feel resentful to Tim? Just... Gaah. Please, give us the next chapter already :p !
Author's Response: It's coming soon! I'm glad you're enjoying it thus far and hope you like the direction it goes.
Date: 01/23/19 06:05 am Title: Spring Unto Summer
Hmm... I do prefer that just the person changes and not that reality changes. It's much less of a struggle when you already have everything served.
Author's Response: For me it depends on the aim of the story. Generally I'm in the same boat, but sometimes that doesn't mesh with what you're trying to tell.
Date: 01/23/19 03:20 am Title: Spring Unto Summer
Wow, what a setup for when the kids are older. I can't wait to see what happens as they age. It seems like Arthur and Ally are the only ones who knows what happened. I hope that someday they are given an explanation. And as a hopeless romantic, I want them to wind up together.
Thank you for writing this story.
Author's Response: Thank you for reading it!
Date: 01/22/19 11:37 pm Title: Spring Unto Summer
This is an awesome start to a new story. I look forward to seeing where you go with it.
I notice a few typos, mostly writing smallish numbers as digits that should be numeral words, capitalizing words unnnecessarily (like "candy" and "walkie talkie"), and mispunctuating dialogue. Nothing major enough to kick me out of the story, but slightly distracting.
Author's Response: Thanks for the great rating, glad you're liking it thus far. Sorry about the typos, the beta-reader who has been working with me on all my stories is going through some rough times and is no longer available to help. I'll try to be extra careful on my editing passes to compensate, but it's not my strong suit.