Date: 08/28/19 01:22 am Title: Ch. 15: A Month Later
I gotta say I liked the ending on this one. She got a say in who she was, she fixed Alex, and she is keeping Jenna under control.
As the story unfolded, I kept wondering what it would feel like to be in Jacquie's shoes (bra?) As the dial moved closer to 100%, what would that be like?
You really hit on a unique transformation method, one that affects the mind as much as the body. It would certainly be interesting to give that phone app a try.
Thanks for putting together a little longer and more developed story. It really worked for me.
Author's Response: Glad you liked this one! The longer story was difficult to finagle over the eight months that it took to write it, but it worked for me too. -Baq
Date: 08/22/19 02:09 am Title: Ch. 4: A Conversation with PJ
“Stop?” she asked. “Okay, I guess I’ll just leave, then.”
This is the kind of person who should be avoided at all cost. Regardless of whether they have magic powers or not. Nobody needs this kind of negativity in their lives. Just avoid eye contact and pretend she doesn't exist. She wants it that way, and so does everyone else.
Date: 08/22/19 02:04 am Title: Ch. 1: A Quick Glance
I think this girl is terribly unreasonable. She's carrying around eye-magnets and somehow expects them to not work properly?
Author's Response: I think “eye-magnets” might be the best description of breasts I’ve ever heard. Would love to hear your thoughts on my other stories! -Baq
Date: 08/19/19 12:18 pm Title: Ch. 5: Follow the Leader
This chapter has one of my favorite devices in TG fiction; when one character (or malicious force) controls the speech of the victim of transmogrification. Love it!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Please let me know your other thoughts!! :) -Baq
Date: 08/17/19 09:59 pm Title: Ch. 13: Taste of your own Medicine
Well, I can't say I'm surprised at what Jackie did to Jenna. The chapter title was a good indicator. But now we are left with what happens next? Will Jackie's increased libido make her jump Jenna's boner?
I also re-read the whole story again and think I have a better understanding of Jackie's identity and what happened to Jack. I really can't wait to see where you go with this. And of course I want this app for my phone.
Author's Response: We'll see... -Baq
Date: 03/06/19 05:06 am Title: Ch. 12: Up to 100%
I thought that once the app reached 100% Jacquie would forget she was ever a boy. That doesn't seem to be the case. She also seems to have retained enough 'maleness' to do something - whether it is to herself or to Jenna remains to be seen. I like the suspense.
Date: 03/01/19 05:43 am Title: Ch. 1: A Quick Glance
I don't like identity death stories and this is one of them, no matter how many times the villain says it isn't. This story just doesn't make sense. It's too long to be one of those short revenge tf stories.
Great start but then lost the plot after that.
Date: 02/07/19 06:12 am Title: Ch. 1: A Quick Glance
I do not want this to be my review, so I'm not going to legitimize this as such. Maybe this would be labelled as a rant? O_o? Dunno... feel free to ignore this if you wanna. XD
There is a lot of room for clarification (not improvement, since I think this is written well,) but on a subject matter that appears to be lost in this miscommunication.
But first, the tag "revenge" is up there. How is this motivated by revenge? o_O
From what I read, all he did was glance at her chest, and she was clearly pushing her chest out for him to notice. This really feels like he was tricked, so that's not revenge. If this was revenge, Jenna would've gone after the douche that dumped her, not venting her frustration out on an outsider. As for where Jack's "pervy" gaze strayed elsewhere: he was directed by Jenna to give each other an idea what more she could change about him. (Okay, just to note: I wouldn't need to be prompted to check out them assets in the gym. XD)
On another note: I have to disagree. This is identity death. And that I am not making out as an opinion.
Someone's head is being fucked with (and I believe it is in a bad way) by someone I definitely know (not think or believe) but know will get away with this crime. Reason why I know? Who's gonna stop her from manipulating how Jack thinks? Is there really someone else in the know? Unless Jenna changes her mind about the whole thing, this is going to progress until the end result is Jacquie is fully born and whoever Jack was is buried six feet under nonexistence.
I've got a couple points on that (dunno how good they are, but, yeah, I can try explaining. Wish me luck! o_o.) Before Jenna kept raising the percentage, he stated he was a man, that he wanted to remain a man, and identified as a man. But nope, she dug her fingers in that skull and tweaked the grey wet noodle in there until it turned pink and he blurted out: “Why would I want to turn into a man?” Even after that flub, he was still correcting what was said and protesting. On more about his identity, his name is being thrown out with the rest of the trash, like his efforts in shaping his body, all he had in his room, everything that was built up to the point of crossing Jenna's path.
...That's not really a good point, is it? Well, I could note that his family, job, life... just about everything that was "him" is now gone once he becomes "her." Unless the App can change all reality, then I'm going to point out that what is happening to him isn't far from reasonably good or in either of their best interests. Jenna is just beating up on a helpless victim here, and while he's down on the ground, the kicking continues until the struggling stops.
Maybe I should state my opinion on the motivation. (Again, this is an opinion because I don't fully know her intentions yet.) As for why she's doing this, I have to agree with what I've seen that Jenna is a nutjob. She's turning this Jack, now Jacquie, into a slutty new Gym Babe by first featuring her with a bad representation with at least PJ... which counters whatever lesson she was establishing in the first place about men being pigs. For example, if you hand a pig food, they are going to bite your delicious fingers off. That is clearly how rational Jenna is being right now.
So far from my point of view of Jenna's lesson: men are pigs, women are monsters.
Now, I know this is a good story (especially compared to a lot of other stories that feature much more abuse of power,) and I like how your pulling at the emotions here. I'm figuring you had an idea, and the concept here fit with getting it out of your system, which as a writer, I completely comprehend that temptation. XD
Once again, I don't want this to be my review. I think you should continue the story, and don't change anything about what had already been written (unless you want to.) Just as you wanted to get something out and share with others, I wanted (not needed) to share this with you. And I apologize for giving you this is subjective load of shit, I really don't like being an asshole, but, yeah... as I said in the beginning, there is a miscommunication here, and I'm hoping instead that there is just a missing piece of the puzzle here that can justify the insanity.
Date: 02/05/19 03:03 am Title: Ch. 1: A Quick Glance
This had such a strong start for me. I was loving the slow change and teasing being done to the protagonist. For me the conflict of being changed and learning to accept her new body is a big yes in a story, so the mental changes were a bit hard to swallow. But, I could see what you were aiming for, and kept reading.
However, my main issue is that the pace seemed to jump to 11. where only a few things happened in the first couple chapters, each chapter now has a couple of events in rapid sequence. This leads to each chapters' ending feeling poor and I have less of a desire to progress to the next one. I would have much rather seen longer sequences for each percentage; Hide the fact that there is no chance of her becoming male again a bit longer. If you're planning on introducing a different challenge to our protagonist than just losing his identity, than I'll await that twist when you reveal it.
Date: 01/25/19 05:50 pm Title: Ch. 9: Dead Battery
I was afraid of that. I'm not a big fan of identity death, as once that happens the story is essentially over. I think conflict is a big part of character development. Take away the conflict, and it's just two girls and rainbows, unicorns, and sex. I have no problem with Jacob turning into a girl, but let him keep his male memories so he knows what happened and why.
At this point Jacob/Jacquie is at 50% and I am looking forward to reading how he/she handles the internal and external conflicts of being half boy and half girl. I hope the phone stays dead for a while so we can enjoy the adventure.
And please keep up the excellent writing. I do love the descriptions and details. I could definitely see myself in Jacobs shoes for all the same reasons.
Since Jenna has done this before, could this be the start of a universe with Jenna the witch and her magic phone?
Author's Response: Think of it less as “identity death” and more as “becoming a new self.” Jacquie is, after all, the female version of Jack’s self. It’s not like a new person’s thoughts, feelings, or memories have taken over Jack’s brain, merely they’ve been changed to something new (as if he’s always been female). I’ll tell you that, according to my plan, the phone is dead for a while... keep the ideas coming, maybe we can collab on a future Jenna project?
Date: 01/25/19 12:49 pm Title: Ch. 9: Dead Battery
One thing I'm not clear on - if she takes him to 51%, or 80%, or 100% can she still return him to his male self? I can see where Jacquie would no longer want that, just like he doesn't want to be a girl now, but can it still be reversed after he learns his lesson?
I like the way tech glitches like dead phones play a part in the Magic. What if Jenna forgets the password, or updates the app and it doesn't work right? Haha
Author's Response: Once Jacquie reaches 100%, the thought of turning into a man would never cross her mind. So, essentially, as the female “Jacquie” was created when Jenna finished turning Jack into a female, the male “Jack” would be destroyed once the 100% is reached. That’s about as specific as I can get right now without giving too much more away, but please keep the feedback coming! Always good to hear from you all. -Baq
Date: 01/24/19 01:31 am Title: Ch. 1: A Quick Glance
Really hot, congratulations.
Still, I cant help but feel you can make a forced change story without making like some asshole is having the time of her life ruining a poor guy's life. But since your stories are short so I guess it doesnt really spoil that much.
Date: 01/23/19 08:49 pm Title: Ch. 1: A Quick Glance
I guess the best part was the way you described how he fought with himself to not stare at her boobs, but his prehistoric programing won out in the end. That describes me to a T. I would have been cursed long before now.
Of course I like the size of his new boobs. A bra full of cantelopes is a perfect visual description.
A cheerleader's bubble butt is the ideal shape for a rear end.
Finally, I like the way she controlled him. There is something about a transformed guy saying and doing things against their will that is a big turn-on. Like not being able to say your old name or gender. To do it using her cell phone is pretty high tech magic, but even witches have to keep up with the times :)
So please continue, as you can tell I'm just loving this story.
Author's Response: I would've been cursed a while ago too - probably (hopefully, if I *had* to choose womanly features to give myself) given the melons and bubble butt described in the chapter. I agree that the control aspect is a big turn-on, glad you're enjoying. I really love when readers give me feedback, so please, keep your thoughts coming! -Baq
Date: 01/22/19 10:02 pm Title: Ch. 3: Out in the Open
Great start to your story. I love the description of the changes, and how he is getting the best parts from each girl.
I do think a quick glance is a lot different than a stare, leer, or ogle; but I can understand how a girl might become very sensitive to any unwanted attention.
And he will do it again, it's male DNA programming, we can't help it.
So on with the lesson!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the description - what particularly did you enjoy? Always looking for feedback! -Baq