Date: 01/21/19 09:49 pm Title: Story
I liked a lot of things about this story, but some things about the end don't make sense. Helmets that scan someone's brain to upload their mind are a known off-the-shelf technology, but no one has ever died after making a copy of their mind before? And the idea that ripping the helmet off partway through the copy (just after you say "showing a progress bar") would kill the body while allowing a full, undamaged copy of the person's mind to upload doesn't make sense either. It's close to being a great story, but there are a few things that need to be thought out more deeply or explained more clearly.
Another minor issue is that we don't learn much what Kana does for a living until about halfway through the story. Wondering for half the story whether Kana is independently weallthy or telecommuting in a clerical job or an independent freelancer is a distraction.
After she switches to female pronouns, there are some instances of "she" where I couldn't easily tell whether they referred to Kana or Ruruko.
This has the same formatting problems as the previous story I reviewed; line breaks where you need paragraph breaks and paragraph breaks where you need scene breaks.
Despite those problems, I enjoyed it a lot and look forward to more of your work. You do a good job depicting Ruruko's gradual humanization and Kana's gradual realization that she's trans, and portraying their romance.