Date: 02/13/19 08:36 pm Title: Chapter 4
Need me a spring like that.
Pacing might be the biggest struggle here because it felt like a very long time was spent searching the ship and then a moderate amount of time escaping but when it came to waking up on the beach the spring wasnt long off and the beginning of the transformation is exceedingly rapid. It feels like this story kicked up the speed blindingly fast. I feel like in general the parts getting the most time are not the most interesting to me? Like it felt like there was a lot of time spent looking at faces in a crowd as the lifeboats filled up but after the crash i would be much more interested in a long complicated journey to escape the ship together than a complicated journey to find the roomate.
Im sorry i'm being so critical. I think it was nice how you set up the conflict with them being tied to the bed and unable to escape the ship. That would probably be something i would have liked to see set up a little earlier where maybe mark's date is introduced before they sneak off for their fun.
The series of events set up is well planned, im just having hiccups with the importance you place on some things as opposed to others.
Author's Response: These are fair critiques, to be honest. I'll try to keep them in mind in the future. The true fun is about to begin, though, so I hope you'll stick around.
Date: 02/13/19 08:20 pm Title: Chapter 3
Ah yes. The feeling when you meet someone and find out they arent gay. I relate mrs. Receptionist. I relate.
I like this so far, my main critique is that i would probably enjoy reading the first two chapters more if i didnt know from the description that the cruise was going to sink. Something less specific about a normal cruise having a magical twist would have made the crash far more interesting imo.
Not that the character development and exposition isnt important here but since its heavily implied the two main characters are going to be alone after this i dont understand why so much time is spent before the crash acting like the cruise is going to go fine and meeting new people.
Date: 01/09/19 02:38 pm Title: Chapter 1
Obviously, you have never taken a cruise. They are decks not stories or floors. Getting on a cruise ship is a long process. It's very similar to getting on an airplane; you don't just walk on. In accordance with international law, all boarding passengers must go through a safety orientation before the ship sets sail. I know it's not the main point of the story, but realism helps.
Author's Response: I have not! I'll keep that in mind, though - and thank you for pointing it out.