Reviews For Temporal Relations
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Reviewer: storylovinggamer Signed starstarstar Report
Date: 12/18/18 04:56 pm Title: Chapter 1

I sat on this a bit before reviewing, but quite honestly, i just didn't enjoy this one. It didn't feel like it accomplished anything and it didn't offer any emotion... Then again, i suppose that's sometimes the nature of a story written by more than one person.

Author's Response: >.>


Okay! I think I let enough time fly by for me to leave a response here. :)

Thank you for reading and giving the story a shot, but most of all, being honest! :D

I'm glad that you took the time to think this one out before letting us know what you thought about it. I will say there were some conflicts of interest in writing this story, like on where it was going and how it should end, but we made it! XD

Once I get out of a personal funk, I'll be working on improving how organic I create my characters and what surrounds them. Hopefully that would make for a better environment for readers to enjoy the story. ;)

Reviewer: Penned Signed Report
Date: 12/14/18 10:45 pm Title: Chapter 1

I feel there were some missed opportunities here, and an ethical conundrum where Danielle wasn't informed that she could be turned back. Perhaps having Danielle be in severe opposition to the politics of the child they were supposed to produce, or showing some anger at having her life hijacked because somebody from the future wanted them pregnant. The whole thing seemed to lack any pathos, or emotional depth. So, not a bad story, just felt like it could have been a lot more with a bit more effort.

Author's Response: (This is Trismegistus Shandy responding. MrSimple responded to the earlier reviews.) I agree, the story could have been better if it had gone into more depth with Danielle's characterization, or more thoroughly explored the time travel physics as an earlier reviewer suggested. Or, on the other hand, if it had been a lot shorter, just getting in, presenting the core idea, and getting out before the reader starts getting tired of it. I feel like the collaboration method we've been using in #the-campfire channel is better suited to short stories like "Caught in the Filter" or "Customer Service" than to longer stories. I could have tried to address those issues in the edits, but I felt like I was already shifting the balance of the collaboration too much toward myself just by cutting the dead-end subplots and rewriting the over-long scenes more concisely, and adding considerable amounts of new material of my own might not be fair to my co-authors in a way. Alternate scenes from the viewpoints of Britt and Danielle might have been a good idea, and if I were writing the story on my own, or working with another author using a different collaboration method, I probably would have gone that way. We haven't tried multiple viewpoints yet with the campfire stories, though, and I'm a little dubious that it would work particularly well with a round-robin technique -- at least the technique we've been using where each writer adds 1-3 paragraphs on their turn, rather than a whole scene.

Reviewer: Amanda Lynn Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 12/12/18 03:37 am Title: Chapter 1

Nice story, I really liked it a lot.

Author's Response: Thank you and I'm glad, also believe everyone else is glad too, that you enjoyed the story. :D

We are in the works for another story, but it's definitely not related to this story... at least, I don't think so. Maybe it is in the same universe? O_o? We'll see! XD

Reviewer: Elron Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 12/12/18 03:35 am Title: Chapter 3

Excellent story. I like time travel stories, but the paradoxes can be mind - boggling. I think you took care of that with your River analogy.
Thank you all for writing, and I look forward to reading your next group effort.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review glad to see it being positvely recieved. I think it's fair to say it was at least as much fun to write as it is to read.

Reviewer: BreeAnne Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 12/11/18 11:24 pm Title: Chapter 3

That was wonderful! Thank you

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment. I really do appreciate it! :D

This sort of thing makes me smile. :)

Reviewer: BreeAnne Signed starstarstarstar Report
Date: 12/11/18 09:52 pm Title: Chapter 1

Great start! Never saw this coming, can't wait for more!

Author's Response: Yep! It was a great start, wasn't it? The concept idea certainly caught my attention, but I think I was more interested in participating in a group activity when we got to writing. XD

I'm glad to have seen your interest, and I am certain the others were as well. :)

Reviewer: Day Dreamer Signed starstarstarstarstar Report
Date: 12/09/18 01:13 am Title: Chapter 2

It's about time (grin) that someone posted the first review here. This is, of course, very well written, and a novel twist on time-travel TG. Waiting to discover who (if it matters) "got to" be swapped into Danielle, if it wasn't Tyler. (And if not, how that dangling relationship was resolved.)

A common issue in time travel stories is, what keeps the opposition from coming back again, just a bit (or a lot) earlier, and trying again? Hoping you'll resolve that. (The Terminator series, albeit with an ultimately irrevocably tangled timeline, posited that time travel was so difficult to arrange that it couldn't be done often or casually.)

Author's Response: <.<


Okay! First off, thank you for reading and being our first person to review our story! Hopefully I won't get scolded for responding to you. XD

I also would like to thank you for complimenting how well this has been written. Paradox had some neat twists, Spindizzy held up great ideas how the characters should be reacting to their situations, and Trismegistus Shandy spent awhile tweaking everything to flow just right. ;)

As for Tyler, not really sure whatever happened to him. My guess was that there was more said to him than "bad clams" to drive him away. o_O

That time traveling conundrum is a big issue and I think the next chapter will explain everything... at least, I think so? O_o?

We'll see! Thanks again for your feedback! :D

...And sorry if I took one of the other three author's chance to respond. Please forgive me! o_o

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