Date: 11/19/18 02:01 pm Title: Chapter 9
This is a very good story. Obviously, English is not your first language. If you would like some editing help, I would be glad to do it. Change all the 'he's' to 'his'. There are a number of other things that could be fixed, but there's not enough room here to discuss it.
Author's Response: Thank you! And no it's not, i know my grammar is pretty terrible but I'm trying to learn, really appreciate the tip! As for editing help i will consider it, but i would rather try to learn to fix things myself even if that will probably take a while. Glad you like the story:)
Date: 11/19/18 04:36 am Title: Chapter 9
This is a pretty cute story.
My only criticism is that the reveal that Ellie is secretly transitioning was a little sudden, especially since in the first chapter, she only gave off eggy vibes. It's a pretty minor nitpick, though, and I'm still enjoying the story.
Author's Response: Makes me really happy to hear that :) And I really appreciate the criticism! I have to agree with you, It all happend a lot faster than I originally imagined. But then again I never planned it out, and the story seems to have a mind of It's own. Thanks a lot for the review:)
Date: 11/15/18 01:06 am Title: Chapter 5
Hi Elly - I really, really like this story... Elliot seems really well developed and I like her boyfriend and his non-standard mom's - that's awesome. Does Elliot have a dad in the situation, or is it just her and her mom? It sounds like she's a single working parent, from what you wrote.
That scene with the 5 thugs was chilling and emotional, and hit very very close to home - I felt a lot of emotion pent up in that writing, and it was really well done - but it brought me back to a bad place - which might have actually made the scene more poignant because of it.
I love this story, and I would heartily recommend it to anyone. I'm sure you know there are some spelling and grammar mistakes - which to me is no big deal as long as the story is good - and yours is great. BUT... if you want help on the spelling or grammar, there are lots of people on the TG Storytime Discord chat who would probably be very willing to help you out.
That being said, I am in love with Ellie's story and can't wait to see more. Thanks for writing an amazing tale so far!
Author's Response: Aww, thank you:) That makes me very happy. I really appreciate the feedback! At first it was supposed to be a story based on myself but as i progressed i have divereted quite a bit. To be honest i have no idea where this story is headed. And as for the parent situation there was supposed to be a father figure. I had written a detailed explanation of all the family members in the beginning. But as the story progressed i never managed to fit them in, though i guess its still early. I deleted all that since it didnt seem to be relevant and decided to just see what happens. It is the first real story i have ever written in any format, always wanted to write but never seemed to have the talent. Forever stuck on the first page. Hopefully this story will help me improve and progress my writing talents, and as for grammar and spelling i know i'm pretty much clueless. I may ask for help or try to learn in time but for now i will just keep writing. I figure its the only way to truly get good at this. Thank you again, hugs:)