Date: 09/30/18 09:35 pm Title: TG Questionnaire
Only problem I have with this, is how you use the old outdated myth of tightness meaning she's a virgin. Like... that's not how it works. There is no biological way to tell if someone is a virgin. All that stuff you heard was bullshit. Other than that what a creepy story of evil school deciding to change people against their will. Why? Money? Power? I'm curious as to the motive.
Date: 09/30/18 06:35 am Title: TG Questionnaire
not bad, but it aches to be continued, I think. As just another TG Questionnaire story there's nothing special about it, but this story has more background and more implied going forth than the rest do, and that's where you could capitalize in the future
Date: 09/29/18 09:24 pm Title: TG Questionnaire
I thought it was pretty straight forward and good. :)
There are a few things I wanted to point out, but I'd like to rate the story first! ;D
1 star by default. It's a story! How can it be lower than a 1? You put effort into this. :D
2 star for having me get into Brian's cleats and feel his hopelessness as he gradually shifted.
3 star for giving me a solid picture of Brianna now appears as. ;)
4 star getting me this immersed in the story that I would like to know what's going on! Why did this happen!? XD
Now a single point out at the Motivation for Change. Brian wasn't tricked. He figured it out before taking the survey. This was forced on him.
Secondly, I am going to assume the whole change to the school implies that all the families are now aware and impressed with the altered reality they have daughters rather than sons now. If you pick this back up, that would be a good point to emphasize on. Third, I understand that Brian was a quarterback. I may have missed the cue, but did he want this sort of thing to happen or at least yielding enough to allow the change? Reason I ask is because no one (16 year old or not) would stand around and take that without a bar of resistance if they didn't want it. ...So, did he want it to happen? O_o?
Again, quick and good read! :)