Date: 12/04/19 03:00 am Title: Epilogue
Guest, I last visited this story months ago and failed to finish it. But now I have! Redemption!
Excellent story, thanks for writing it and sharing. I really do enjoy a good love story. To quote my daughter - "So wholesome, so pure."
PS - You didn't describe her wedding dress in detail. I forgive you, but next time, we need to hear about the dress.
Date: 06/18/19 07:54 pm Title: Epilogue
This story is just. This is one of the most relatable, most authentic transgender stories I've ever read in my entire life. There are so many moments where I felt just like Ellie, and I just love it. I could say so many things, but, to save space, let me just say one thing: Thank you for writing this.
Date: 09/21/18 01:53 am Title: A Simple Favor
Thanks for posting this. I really enjoyed the 'discovering the love that was right there in your best friend' theme, and the tension of 'will the find out who I am?'. I know some people are saying it moved two fast, but if you had added more detail rest assured some people would have said it dragged on. For me, the question is did I enjoy it, and the answer is definitely yes. I really enjoyed it so thank you, two big thumbs up !!
Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm actually one of the people who thinks that it moved a little too fast, haha, but that's something I'm hoping to improve on in my next story.
Date: 09/19/18 09:03 am Title: A Simple Favor
One of the best stories I've read on here. I'm so glad you kept it so focused, it was a wonderful romance. Keep up the great work
Author's Response: Thanks so much, Maria! That's very flattering. I'm working on something else right now, so hopefully there will be more to read in the near future.
Date: 09/16/18 06:57 pm Title: See the New You
I truly loved your description of the Doctor's intended work and the changes subsequently happened. Many times when people describe this (or don't) they just gloss over it, and don't go into the subtle work. You portrayed the Surgeon as a real artist, which I love :) Such an amazing story you wrote!
Author's Response: Thanks so much. I'm already working on my next one!
Date: 09/13/18 05:23 am Title: Epilogue
I'm glad you added the epilogue. It helps to tie up loose ends.
I wonder if Ellie ever went back to the nanite doctor for a tune up or some enhancements once she decided to remain female?
Oh well, great story and I look forward to reading more stories from you. Thanks for writing.
Author's Response: I don't think that Ellie is the sort to become addicted to beauty.
Date: 09/13/18 05:22 am Title: Epilogue
You set it up perfect! All you needed to do was use the wedding photographer so that Ellie could look into the camera for the title drop. For shame!
This is a nice epilogue, checks all the boxes for closure and happy endings. It's nice that Ethan HAS flaws because that makes him more interesting but it's kinda wierd to bring up that he isn't perfect and not elaborate how. Like I don't know, remarking how in a relationship overcoming his communication difficulties took work or that when they began living together she had to get used to his mannerisms like being a picky eater, bossy cook, or having control issues with silly things like where the TV remote is left or something idk. It would be cool to color in that bit of his personality since it was mentioned.
Its interesting that Ellie's family is not The Worst... Like my limited view of Mormon culture always implied that they would be forced to be estranged by higher powers even if they wanted to accept Ellie... Though honestly the Mormon church has always looked like a looming dark presence too powerful for it's own good. Maybe that semblance of power and control is exhaggerated. Idk.
Also I'm imagining this vice free bachelor party that doesn't even have caffinated sodas. I bet they sat around playing Catan or something... (That's exactly what I did for my friends bachelor party but we had alcahol so nya!)
Anyways. Nice conclusion, good closure. Looking forward to what you put up next!
Date: 09/12/18 05:45 am Title: Failure
Wow, this was a fantastic story. I'll bet most readers wished such medical technology actually existed.
It did seem like the story was rushed during the last few chapters, but that could also be me not wanting it to end. I guess knowing what happens I would have preferred Ellie not be found out until after the wedding, to give her and Ethan more time to pretend to be a couple as they realize their love for each other is no act. Plus I wanted Ellie to catch the bouquet!
At any rate, I would like to know what happened to the rest of the wedding, but more importantly, what happens with Ethan and Ellie. And what becomes of Melanie? She really turned to to be a great person, despite being Jake's ex-girlfriend.
In summary, I think the best stories have detail, conflict, and suspense. You've done an awesome job with all 3 of those. You should be proud of the story you created. Thank you.
Author's Response: Thank you for the feedback and the praise. I agree that the story probably has room for expansion in a lot of areas and some of the subplots could definitely have been given more time. I'm working to improve as a writer so that I don't make that mistake next time.
Date: 09/12/18 03:02 am Title: Failure
Such a sweet ending to a great ride!
If the parents of Jake's students reject Eleanor, it will be their kids' loss - for some of them, Eleanor might be just the mentor they need.
Looking forward to the epilogue, if only to see if Melanie made it out of there alive!
Date: 09/11/18 11:53 pm Title: Failure
good. shit. goooooooood fucking shit.
im in love with Ethan. it is so fucking sexy how he is looking out for Ellie in this chapter and goddamn i am jealous of that. this interaction- which kinda feels... like their first real interaction in the book... since chapter 1.......- is really good. its adorable how dense he is about thinking he was taking advantage of ellie despite letting her make all the advances. so cute.
its nice that they have their years of friendship to back this up and honestly the only thing i want out of the epilogue is more melanie XD. if for no other reason than to parade this couple that is RAPIDLY turning sickly sweet lovey dovey. god they're cute.
as far as Actual Critique goes, Ellie's train of thought about going back is really well thought out and the focus on the new perspective while also keeping to real concerns like livelihood works really well to show how shes grown so much in what? 5 days of being a girl? a month of leading up to it? you fucking SCARED me with the chapter title but the content did not disappoint in the slightest.
Date: 09/11/18 07:39 pm Title: Confronting Fears
(sorry the first time i posted this my spelling errors were just a bit too egregious. Gotta proof it a bit)
God. Just fucking kill me this is fantastic. FANTASTIC.
The intervention, Ellie's thoughts! Perfect! Flawless! Make this required reading or something IDK this is so important.
The angst delivered perfectly. Fuck Liam but fuck the wedding too. it's nice to derail from that.
Excellent twist. I'm glad the violence didn't get out of hand but oh my god the communication is so goooooood. I'm about to ugly cry at work this is excellent.
So. Yeah ... I guess I'm up to date now. I'm a Big Fan. I appreciate the review replies, I guess I'm blowing up you inbox a bit after all....
God Ellie is just so relateable. Like I've been cruising with this questioning thing for about 5 years now and kinda settled on "it would be nice but I can't" which is fine with me because I'm not so trans that being a guy is just unbearable ya know?
As much as I'd like to be a girl I've come to terms with it not being a sick fetish and also come to terms with not hating my current lot just because a few aspects of womanhood look so fucking fun.
Idk. I feel compelled to reassure you after my waterworks and manic reveiws that I'm not in so delicate of a mental state that your story is compromising my identity or anything. It just feels really good to see a character get oportunities I'd give anything for and I just really like seeing Ellie thrive. It makes me happy.
Anyways. Looking forward to more. This is just.... Such a good thing you have going here. I'm so excited to see it all come together.
Author's Response: I have an inbox?! Also, you're making me question the moral appropriateness of publishing the next chapter... I'll try to hold off until you're done with work, though.
Date: 09/11/18 07:17 pm Title: Out on the Town
Yaaaaassss shopping trip day!
YAAAAAAAASSSSS ETHANS THOUGHTS OH MY GOD YESSSS!
Absolutely masterful. This expertly explains Ethan's behavior and is So.fucking.satisfying to read. God he's such a good guy I'm gonna cry. Like one thick skilled dummy but what a guy. Love him.
Ellie is still laying it on a bit thick but it makes sense, she's living her best life and I'm proud of her for getting out there, absolutely delightful.
Honestly... I'm laughing a bit at the prices... Like you know better than I do but that sounds very affordable for clothes. $68 dress? No brainier XD but I know I don't have the same financial situation as Ellie so that fits well. I would have liked to see Ethan step in to pick up some of the bill (and maybe see Ellie let him, gender roles be damned).
But I'm also in the camp that gifts are a valid and healthy expression of affection and I live for that.
The talk about death at the end was a major buzzkill but a necessary one I think, Ethan was predictably and adorably dense but god Melanie is just a treasure. I love every one of you characters (except Liam. Fuck Liam. Liam can eat shit. (You write him will I just hate him))
I'm fucking loving your story still and I can't wait for you to possibly rip my heart out with delicious angst soon. Or not. I'll be happy either way honestly. This is proving to be a delightful reading experience.
Author's Response: I buy most of my clothes for between $3 and $10 at the thrift store haha. To me, spending more than $20 on an item of clothing is bonkers, but that probably has a lot to do with the area that I live in as well as my on thriftyness.
Date: 09/11/18 06:57 pm Title: Self-Discovery
Delightful. I love the breakfast antics and Melanie is still a delight. I do still maintain that the "oh my god" response on Ellie's part was much too much. But I just live for denial and slowburn toward traumatic aha moments I suppose.
The revelation that Ethan doesn't really do anything but hang out with Jake is absolutely precious. Fantastic detail that really backs up their friendship even though ethan is still a bit cold for my tastes. Like yeah, I get that your bud looks like a girl and is acclimating waaaay too well (which is fine, the acclimating well is really a delight to see happen) but geeze bro. It's still your friend in there.
Oh well. I'm digging the plot point about Ellie really using the fake relationship status to get her physical contact fix and explore her feelings. Like realistically that is cruel to Ethan and ellie should have been communicating how she feels and the implications of that yesterday but boys are idiots and this idiotic plan for satisfaction is perfectly in line with that. A+ story telling even if I'm tortured by it.
The vibrator... Is weird. Yes, it should have made the bucket list, yes I think Ellie should have one, but I would have liked to see Melanie poke, prod, and push Ellie to get one herself instead of the dubious concept of sharing a sex toy with a friend. I see a missed opportunity for Melanie and Ellie to really enjoy a day on the town doing hair, getting better fucking underwear (yes I'm still upset about the cheap undies) and dragging Ellie into a toy shop for her own vibrator... But those are just my thoughts.
In case it's not obvious I'm still heavily enjoying this story and I think you are doing a very good job despite my rudely stated creative disagreements XD
Author's Response: I think the next chapter will bring a lot of things home for you :)
Date: 09/11/18 06:39 pm Title: Bucket List
Bless Melanie she is my favorite human ever right now.
This chapter was a delightful feels trip but I really enjoyed how Melanie pushed. That said I reaaallly don't like the "I love Ethan" revelation. So far Ethan hasn't shown too much personality aside from his background as the best friend which is fine I guess.
Melanie getting Ellie to come up with the bucket list was stellar, that connection was delightful and played very smoothly. Melanie teasing and talking about having a fling with Ethan was also great but I think Melanie and Ellie both should have been pumping the brakes on that line of thought about the time that ellie began really considering her motivations to not want Melanie to hook up with Ethan. Ethan doesn't want a relationship? Solid, Ellie has no reason to think to deep that he may have lied about it. Ellie doesn't think Melanie and Ethan are a good match? A bit thoughtless but her hearts in the right place.
I personally think the conversation should have dropped with "what if someone catches you with Ethan" or "I don't want to see Ethan's feelings played with for a little fling". There's a whole week ahead for Ellie to realise what she wants and if she hadn't really put in the thought before the procedure this is exceptionally fast. Like breakneck speed Revelations going on here.
All that mean stuff said, I really enjoy how your characters interact. It's still %90 believeable too. The second silent "no, those thoughts aren't normal" reaction to Ellie having thought about what being a girl is like is.... Hard for me to place... Because as a reader on this site I am already firmly in the questioning camp and frankly it's hard to believe that isn't a universal experience. Maybe it's not. Idk. It sure seems like it could be but I can aknowledge that I put a lot more thought into that "what if" than the average person. For now I'll take your word that normal people don't wonder about that XD but I maintain my belief that questioning is normal and doesn't make me a basket case for the sake of my own health XD
Author's Response: >So far Ethan hasn't shown too much personality aside from his background as the best friend which is fine I guess. That's fair. Ethan definitely could've been more developed. Creating more sophisticated characters is definitely something that I want to improve in my writing. >I personally think the conversation should have dropped with "what if someone catches you with Ethan" or "I don't want to see Ethan's feelings played with for a little fling". These are much better excuses that I just didn't think of. >it's hard to believe that isn't a universal experience For the sake of disclosure, I went through the whole questioning experience and came out pretty solidly trans. It may be that cis people have these same thoughts in the way that Ellie is having them. Being someone who's never had a cis experience, I wouldn't know for sure, but I also very sincerely doubt that it's a normal cis thing. >but I maintain my belief that questioning is normal and doesn't make me a basket case for the sake of my own health XD Stay safe!
Date: 09/11/18 06:20 pm Title: Old and New
I'm fucking CACKLING at the made up "how we met" story on top of the forced "dear" this "dear" that. God. Incredible. I'm also very pleased with how you are handling Melanie, I should have put more trust in you XD.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you got some humor out of the improvised sketch between Ethan and Ellie.
Date: 09/11/18 06:09 pm Title: Road Trip
As a narrative choice, the car ride is excellent. However my criticism is since Ethan is supposedly loaded I have a hard time believing the concept of a flight didn't come up. Also a tiny nitpick, but I also would expect Ethan's car to be keyless unless he has a thing for classics XD.
The ex being at the cabin (I've only read the reveal) is interesting... Im really concerned about this turning into a "my ex was a soulless bitch" but I'm Super hoping that Elanor comes to find that their ex is a human being and the things that made them want to date her in the first place could also be things that would make them good friends now, even if previously the relationship was miss handled or Ill advised.
Author's Response: The thought of having them fly actually never occurred to me. I know from experience that the drive from Boise, Idaho the Pacific coast can be fun with the right people, so I hoped to give Ellie and Ethan that experience. Also, I wouldn't say that Ethan is loaded. Maybe just better off than other people his age.
Date: 09/11/18 06:05 pm Title: Confronting Fears
Wow, Liam's quite the little detective. Maybe I have to rethink my theory that he's also suppressing some gender dysphoria. Or maybe not.
Author's Response: Unfortunately, this story can only focus on one egg at a time. Whether or not Liam has had some eggy thoughts in the past, I can't say. It's not something I've really thought about.
Date: 09/11/18 05:55 pm Title: Waking Up
My internal monologue for this entire chapter: don't buy thrift store undies!
My final thoughts! Get some nicer fukken undies!!!
Lol. Nice fun shopping trip, I enjoyed the character interactions and the "ride" so to speak of watching it play out.
Date: 09/11/18 05:38 pm Title: A Simple Favor
But in all seriousness I'm bout to spam you with a few reviews as I catch up to present day. I'm digging the opening and characters. I won't lie the money thing is a bit TOO convenient but what can you do? Not a terribly obtrusive way to fund the plotpoint.
Author's Response: The money is definitely convenient. I was looking for a way for this super-advanced gender transition to be something that was possible in theory for Ellie, if not something that she would have immediately at her fingertips under normal circumstances. I love me some title drops. Next time I'll have the protagonist stare directly into the camera and say it.
Date: 09/11/18 05:36 pm Title: A Simple Favor
For what it's worth, contrary to 930310's claims, I referred to Ellie as an "egg" in two separate reviews, one of which I wrote immediately after reading chapter 2. An egg is a trans person who hasn't realized they're trans yet, and Ellie exhibited some very eggy behavior in chapter 2. Chapter 6 also prompted me to make a reference to Ellie's egg cracking.
(Also, if your answers to the therapist's questions would be the same as Ellie's, but you don't think you're trans... you're probably an egg.)
Author's Response: Yup. Ellie is (was) about as eggy as they come.
Date: 09/11/18 05:22 pm Title: A Simple Favor
Not a single review mentions picking up on these hints. Most of them just appear to ship Jake and Ellie.
The only thing that I can find when looking through the story is Jake's lack of dating and fairly celibate lifestyle. The fact that he is quick to accept the deal and that he then struggles with his sexuality and gender identity really doesn't mean anything since everyone will be affected in some way by a change in dominant sex hormones.
Date: 09/11/18 05:33 am Title: Confronting Fears
:( why I'm afraid to go threw the process. My family isn't any help either. This is pretty much how my family is. I never brought women around so they made fun of me for years and still do it. Told my mom when I was younger and all she ever says to me is "I'm sorry I'm such a horrible mother" even if the subject doesn't even involve anything about her. 😢 so I just live in depression
Author's Response: The story isn't over yet.
Date: 09/10/18 08:05 pm Title: A Simple Favor
A refreshing, though not too believeable, take on adapting quickly. You mentioned that you were trans, for almost every single person being LGBT there are long periods of struggle with yourself and your surroundings.
I wouldn't agree with Melanie's assessment however since nothing Jake's done up until transforming has hinted on this, for all she knows he could just be living it out.
Author's Response: I think there have been hints placed throughout the story about Ellie's long history with gender dysphoria. Other readers have clearly picked up on them, so I'm not really sure what to say to this criticism.
Date: 09/10/18 01:26 pm Title: A Simple Favor
I love her quick acceptance with a lot of what's happening. It's nice and kinda refreshing
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it. As a trans woman myself, I've always had a hard time relating to characters who seem to spend a lot of time fighting their change. I have a much easier time writing characters who get right down to business.
Date: 09/10/18 01:11 am Title: Waking Up
Should have dragged her to the mall
Author's Response: No way. Thrift stores are so much more affordable. Plus, everything is sorted by clothing type and color, rather than stupidly clumping brands together so I have run halfway across the store just to compare two blouses.
Date: 09/09/18 04:18 pm Title: A Simple Favor
Do you think Dr Gray would really give Jake/Eleanor such a hard time? If the process is really that quick and painless (if expensive), s/he wouldn't be the first "gender tourist" he ever met.
Author's Response: Whether or not Dr. Gray would give her a hard time is besides the point. What matters more are Ellie's fears about how she might be treated, both by Dr. Gray or by others.
Date: 09/09/18 04:56 am Title: A Simple Favor
I can't really see how it would be so easy for Mel to accept her former boyfriend just gender morphing for something as trivial as this. She was very quick to realize that it was him, even though there are very likely other people in the world with marks like the ones he had.
Author's Response: I think it's clear from this chapter alone that Melanie sees beyond the smokescreen of Ellie's alleged motivations. Like the audience, she does not actually believe that Ellie changed her sex solely to save Ethan from being caught in a lie. I admit that using the freckles as the features by which Melanie identified Ellie was a bit cheap, but the focus of the story is not Melanie doing detective work. Furthermore, Melanie was already curious about where she might have seen Ellie after she felt like Ellie was someone who she recognized.
Date: 09/06/18 02:06 am Title: A Simple Favor
This has all the makings of a classic TG story! Keep up the good work, lovin' it!
Author's Response: Oh no, I've been found out. I should confess that this is very much inspired by your story, "A Winter Trip's Twist." So thank you for that and I apologize for any bits that are too obviously lifted from your story.