Date: 10/16/18 10:06 pm Title: Picking up the Pieces
and the game is afoot!... Now comes the question of wither cami tells everyone to stuff it.... and save themselves... or does she take the lead were apparently a strong leader is needed. Either way they don't deserve her; I vote she lets them all fend for themselves!
Date: 09/25/18 04:40 pm Title: Because We Don't Train Enough As It Is
This story is really well written. It's clearly a discount My Hero Academia but it takes it in stride and does it better. I really Camille's parts and wish that there was more of it. But reading Jaime's POV is fun as well.
Date: 09/17/18 10:15 am Title: There Are Giants In the Sky
Ah, it would have been awesome if Camile just up right and blew Kayla off the temple and kept her room mate awake to just wait for the time to end. Oh well, was still an awesome way to go. Loving the story. Definitely captured the fact that Camile is strong but has her weakness. It has made her so much more relatable
Date: 09/11/18 03:35 pm Title: Dinner and a Show... Or the Other Way Around
Jamie is too blind by rage to notice things around her, but, whoa that last part, either she'll become a super villian or develop new powers or something, this is getting quite exciting very fast @_@
Good work ^^
Date: 09/04/18 11:38 pm Title: A Really Bad Pun About Waking Up Hungover
The story is great so far. I like how the story is told from two perspectives causing one to know why something happens between camille and Jamie, and makes both characters very likeable and understandable. I cant wait to see more of this captivating story!
Date: 09/03/18 04:24 pm Title: A Really Bad Pun About Waking Up Hungover
To be fair Camille is just trying her best with what she got X3
But i see that she's going to get some heavy competition and probably a few new enemies o.o
After all, isn't that how supervillians are born? from feeling inferior or envying/hating other super heroes. Either way, good work with this, totally worth it =D
Date: 09/01/18 07:16 pm Title: Why Are There Dancing Sticks?
omg, while it was a pretty nice ending for this story it also made me whine a bit loud noticing it was the end and wouldn't be able to see what happened with Melissa and Camille until next update. Great work on the whole thing so far, it's interesting to see something like this ^^
Date: 08/13/18 02:36 pm Title: Oh Captain! My Captain Ultra!
Chapter titles are a little on the nose, but amusing enough - would have been nice to have a little wind up or cooldown talking about Captain Ultra since he was in the chapter title - like who is he? Why is he noteworthy or celebrity worthy? but oh well. The kiss was a little telegraphed, like, this chapter suddenly he's nicer and smarter and doing things right and being funny, at least from Jamie's perspective, so yeah... I'm okay with it though, curious how intense it'll get or where things will go.
How does writing this together work? Are each of you writing from each character's perspectives? Continuing after the other has left off, or...? Using a Skype or discord call to come up with actual words to write together? Have you storyboarded things to keep you both going in the same direction?
I'm starting to get mental pictures reminding me of Superman a little with Camille, like, she's really really powerful, but then there's like the one thing that happens and then she's useless - at least with this it's the excessive use or overexertion of her powers. Still, in a fight or whatever, if she made an attempted blow like that and missed or it was absorbed or whatever she's basically dead, which would be a shocking twist but appropriate ending considering how recklessly she seems to use her powers without considering the after effects. I guess that was Ultra's advice, cutting losses and all that.
Anyways, look forward to more
Author's Response: First off, thanks as always for you reviews! As far as how Susy and I write it, we both spend a good bit of time plotting it out and discussing the story in a chat with just the two of us. For the actual writing, I will 80-90% of the time write Jamie's POV and Susy will write Camille's about as much, but we do occasionally cross-over for whole POVs as well as smaller subsections. If one of us thinks the other has a better grip on a certain scene/character we usually let them write it. Then I go through and edit as much as I can, but neither of us are big grammar nerds which is why so many mistakes get through. But ya, overall it's a pretty even split of writing and creative input. Camille operating in that superman territory is intentional. While she's been competent with her power for a few years, Millennium University is a whole new level for her. Its a place designed to push her and all the students to their limits and train and challenge them to get stronger. Camille totally has a tendency to just put all her eggs in one basket, and that's something she'll learn to be better at. Captain Ultra will show up again and you'll be more and more filled in on him, but he's essentially just Captain America. Someone renowned for his successes that people really look up to. So... thanks for reviewing and sticking with us! We hope you continue to drop us little notes every so often as it makes me at least very happy!
Date: 08/06/18 02:52 pm Title: Do or do not... There is tryouts
Good! I appreciated the taking in the warmth in the air bits. The handwriting thing was something I hadn't considered, but an interesting way to I guess 'reflect' on Camille's new gender(?) circumstances. I do hope down the line we could get a flashback scene of the two getting their powers. Surprised our two main characters lost so easily all with such heavy hitters. Something I'm finding to be a difficulty is tracking who is who and who has what power - maybe some are only being recently introduced? but it's hard to know what's happening at times, there was one character mentioned who I had no idea about, Ben? What does he do exactly? Boost people's powers? Also IDEK who the fifth person was on blue(?) team (Marcus, Derek, Chase, Jaden)? Also, according to what's written, did Jaden change genders? Is that a thing I missed? Or maybe there are two Jadens? Cause the game plan was to take out Jaden, cause 'she' was calling the shots, but later 'he' (Jaden) screamed out to overheat Camille, even though perhaps s/he shouldn't have known that to be possible since we only witnessed it in the private training? Maybe it happened 'offscreen' in gym or something...
Maybe this is all my own inability to track things properly but I was feeling a bit lost at times, as described above. Really enjoyed the action, though! Choppy and interrupted at some points, but otherwise flowed nicely.
Gotta reiterate from my last review unfortunately - not as many grammar things, mostly it was words autocorrected to the wrong thing it seemed, as well as someone/something got their 'do' instead of 'due', simple stuff like that, as a grammar nerd I find distracting, I hope it's not for others.
Kind of just waiting for the moment Camille levels up and starts stealing potential energy 😜I know it wouldn't make sense, don't worry.
No stars this time cause everything I've said is adjustable and I really want this to be a 5 star story! Everyone should have the pleasure of this read 😊 Good luck!
Author's Response: Heyo! It's blue...
Date: 07/31/18 01:10 pm Title: Hoedown Showdown
Generally a good chapter, but I can across a lot of grammar or wording mistakes that drew my attention away from the story too often. Make sure to re-read through chapters, and each other's writing to catch mistakes.
Getting to hear about all the math is interesting, but the limits of Camille's power seems convoluted - for example, if she hits a wall or table with regular human strength, according to I believe one of Newton's laws, the object in question, for mathematical purposes is pushing back, thus can she conserve the energy she would have thus exhausted? Additionally, sunlight, or even just the warmth in the air around her should be absorbable, needing to eat a lot of food makes me think she's exerting the energy from herself rather than absorbing an equal amount of energy first.
Also, the way Camille has been acting doesn't consistently seem like that of someone who's recently changed genders. There was the locker room scene, which was good, but I'm talking mannerisms and language choices - she exclaims a lot of things; like with an exclamation mark, I mean, which gives me imagery of a chirpy, happy princess who has nothing to complain about, while Jamie seems to be the gritty, down to earth personality.
Those are just some thoughts. Up to you guys what to do with them. Please do keep going, I'm sure you have the potential to make this a fantastic story 😊
Author's Response: Susy here: Okay actually what you just said about Camille itís adressed in another chapter that is coming up soon. Itís actualky something pretty cool and I hope you like it when it comes out :3 (and itís actually something that she would develop to do, as in the future with her actual control of her power.) thanks for the grammar bit! We might have gotten way too caught up with the story that we looked over them. Regarding Camilleís sudden change of mannerism. I tried to push the idea that when she is explaining her power and how she pulled off what she did, as she loves the idea of explaining physics to somebody else a flip is switch. Meaning she would get overly excited and ignore what happened to her. Again, sorry if this sounds like a cheap explanation, youíll see more in upcoming chapters. Thanks for the review and I hope you continue reading our story!
Date: 07/28/18 10:10 pm Title: Move-In Day
The story is very interesting so far and I look forward to more, but it was a bit confusing to follow the story with it jumping between the POV of Camille and Jamie, perhaps you could annotate at the points of the POV shift so it is easier to understand.
Date: 07/22/18 10:58 pm Title: Good Morning Students
Ahhhhh cliffhanger! I want to hear more about Camille's power. And more about her and Melissa, because I'm hot trash for lesbian romances.
Also, slight thing- I noticed the Mexican workers at the restaurant referred to Camille as "chico"- I'm guessing that's deliberate, since they probably still think of her as Anthony?
Date: 07/17/18 02:41 am Title: Move-In Day
Really great first chapter. Would have been nice to get a quick glimpse at the kind of superpower resistant facilities there may be at the university, like fire extinguishers or power dampeners or whatever exists in your universe. Regardless, I'm also a huge fan of the superhero genre so this was quite enjoyable for me and I look forward to more 😊